She nodded a tiny bit into his chest, but it was enough to give him the answer he wanted.
He held her tucked against him like that, and they walked quickly out of the building and back to the parking lot.
His body shivered too, but it was from his blood heating and pounding into his heart.
She was here, with him, and he was holding her. She didn’t hate him.
“Heaven,” he murmured.
He got the car door opened and helped her inside, then set his backpack down behind his seat. Once he was in the driver’s seat, he started the car up for heat, but then he had a better idea.
He drove until they were far away from school.
“Where’re we going?” she finally asked, wiping tears off her drenched cheeks.
“We’re gonna go where we belong,” he said. “And I brought you some breakfast, just in case you haven’t eaten this morning or this whole weekend like me. It’s in my backpack.”
With the one hand he wished was holding hers, he gripped his backpack in the foot-well behind his seat. He unzipped it and pulled out the plastic shopping bag filled with enough breakfast to feed half the basketball team. He liked those guys, but they ate entirely too much. Mari always told him that. They were pigs for no other reason than they didn’t think about the fact that someday their metabolisms would slow down.
How lucky was he that she helped him to know great things like that so he could watch out and have a better future?
His hand held tight, and he landed it in her lap.
“Thanks, but I’m not hungry,” she said, setting it down by her feet.
“Mari . . .” he said in a parental tone. “Eat. It’s not a request.”
She picked up the bag, put it back on her lap and started pulling things out. The first thing she did was gulp down the water bottle. It was apparent she was slightly dehydrated.
“I love you, and I missed you. I was worried all night, each night you were gone. It was a nightmare being without you in that bed. Do you still like me at all?” he asked, blinking and glancing over at her as his eyes welled up.
“You can’t ask me that—not now,” she said. She gnawed on the piece of toast he’d brought her.
“Yes, I can. We’re getting married,” he answered.
“Was my abusing you Friday and slaughtering what’s left of your ego too subtle a cue for you? We’re not together anymore—we’re not anything—not even friends,” she said. The bag was shoved off her lap. “Let me out.”
“No! We’re not through. Nothing’s changed for me. I still love you—you’re everything to me.” His tears freely striped his cheeks.
“How can you? You’re not obligated to do anything for me. We need to be apart.” She gripped the handle on the door.
He pulled up in front of his house. It was empty now. His dad had considered working from home today, but he said he had to go in to the office—too much going on with it being right before Christmas.
Adam turned the car off, grabbed her hand and said, “We’re gonna talk. You’ll be warm, you’ll be fed, and you’re gonna tell me everything that’s in your heart. You owe me that much.”
She nodded with her head down. He leaned over and kissed her cheek.
“Thank you,” he said.
“Don’t you dare thank me for anything ever again.” Her throat sounded filled with rocks. He needed to get her more water.
He got out and ran around to her side, but she was out of the car on her own before he could stop her.
His hand gripped hers, and he shut her door with his foot.
He walked at a brisk pace until they were inside. His grip on her only relaxed after he grabbed her something else to eat and drink and then had her up in his room.
“Sit down. You eat, and I’ll talk. Then we take turns. I’ll eat, and you’ll talk,” he said.
She sat down and peeled the orange he’d brought her.
He smiled at her as she chewed. The food would make her feel better, and so would he.
“I already told you I love you—and I do. I want to tell you what happened to me Friday, and why I blew up.”
She shook her head. “No nee—”
“Quiet. I’m talking—you’ll listen,” he said, giving her the meanie eye.
She swallowed down her bite and was silent as she put another orange slice in her mouth.
“What bothers me most is you still feel like you’re a monster. You’re not, Mari.”
She scrunched her eyes closed. Her face contorted as she gripped her stomach and balled herself up.
“It hurt to hear those things you said to me, not because I didn’t like you because of them, but because those choices hurt you. And I don’t like it when you’re in pain. Forget about those things. When you touch me in sexual ways, I don’t want you to think it’s dirty, or that it’s like what you did with other boys. None of them matter to me anymore. You were a kid. Don’t answer me with words—shake or nod—do you think I’m a bad person because when I was twelve I shoved my mom into a shattered piano I’d destroyed?”
She shook her head no.
“Do you think I’m bad because I try to have sex with you all the time?” His voice was thick with emotions.
Same reaction from her.
“Do you think I’m bad because I’ve continued to physically hurt people and smash stuff when I have an episode?”
“No, Adam, I d—”
“Shut. Up,” he hissed. His jaw clamped shut. “I’m not done. It’s my turn still.”
She inhaled and kept quiet.
“When I beat up Rory and almost choked him to death, were you thinking I was damned to hell?” he continued.
She swallowed her food and shook her head again.
“Okay, then.” He stood tall with his legs spread shoulder-width and nodded. “You know why I freaked out. I was taking all your hurt, and I hurled it out of me. I’m fine now. I didn’t get in trouble. My dad paid for their inconvenience and the few glasses I broke, but there was no real damage. My family and I are banned from that restaurant, but they didn’t even file a police report. So, I don’t want you to worry about that damage from three days ago to me or anybody else. Now, your turn. Tell me where you went, what you did, and mostly how you feel about me.”
She set aside the orange and the dish it was in.
“I can’t do this . . . I hurt too many people without trying—by simply being me.” Her arms were lax at her sides with her palms up, hands a little curled like she wanted him to put his hands in hers.
He flew across the room, knelt at the edge of the bed and put his hands there for her.
She interlaced their fingers and sighed several times in a row, her chest rising in a big way, then subsiding.
“Does it matter what I say?” She looked at him through her lashes. “I can see it in your eyes. You wanna be stuck with me no matter what, don’t you?”
“I do.” He nodded and smiled.
“No more tears?”
“Only if you say you love me too, and we’re still marrying,” he answered.
“I do love you, Adam. I could never stop. You’re everything.” A few tears leaked out.
“Okay, then. No more tears. We’re marrying, and I know everything about your past, so no more of you not liking yourself. That’s your dad, not you. He hates himself, so he sits in his chair and slowly kills himself. My dad and I talked about it a lot last night, and how we can’t help him, but we won’t give up on you. We can help you, and I know you want us to.”
She nodded and swallowed hard, her emotions surfacing again, forcing her lips to tremble. “You’re right.”
“Kiss me.”
She pulled him by his hands up onto the bed. He crawled over her with their hands still stuck together.
He leaned his head down and kissed her. She wrapped her legs around him, making him fall on top of her.
She giggled, but kept kissing.
He pushed their hands up onto the bed next to her h
ead.
When he pulled away, he said, “Don’t ever leave me again. You can’t do that. We belong together, and you’re mine. If you leave, that’s breaking rules. Mine. Do you hear me?”
“No, you’re mine,” she said and kissed the tip of his nose.
“If I can’t break sex rules, then you can’t break leaving rules. Deal?”
“Deal.” She smiled and wiggled under him.
He sank down into her, nuzzled his lips into her neck and they lay intertwined, speaking soft words of adoration and love. When she fell asleep, he got up, locked the door and stripped down to nothing but his underwear.
He placed a blanket over them and spooned her from behind. He lifted the back of her shirt up so their skin was touching.
“My soft”—he gave a kiss to her shoulder—“warm”—a companion kiss to the temple—“Mari.” He hummed, then whispered as he kissed her neck, “I adore you. No more bad dreams. You have safety, because I’ve got you.”
“Adam . . . The baby,” she mumbled in her sleep.
“Only us . . . No death, sweetie,” he said a little louder and closed his eyes.
Adam woke later to find his dad unlocking and entering his room with his hair disheveled and his whole face tight and hard.
“What’s going on?” his dad asked. “The school called me, saying you were both missing.”
Mari remained quiet and still. Good. She probably needed the sleep.
“I found her at school and took her home,” Adam replied with a soft, measured tone.
“I can see that. I thought you were going to stay away,” his dad reminded him.
“I can’t. And that was your plan, not mine.” Adam’s arm tightened around her waist.
“And you’re naked in bed together? You think I’m okay with this?” His dad gnashed his teeth together.
“I’ve got underwear on, and she’s fully clothed. No genitals are exposed. Nothing happened. I kissed her, but that’s it. She’s staying, Dad. Everything’s back to normal,” Adam told him. He inhaled her scent and it calmed him, making the small numbers drift away.
“Normal?” His dad took a few more steps deeper into the room.
“Yeah. We’re marrying. We love each other. I know everything about her now, and I don’t care what she did. She’s my future wife and lover. I won’t live without her.” Adam kissed her shoulder.
His dad frowned. “Why do I even try to argue with you?” He waved his hand down and said, “Fine. Do what you want, but if you have a breakdown at school and they take you away, I won’t stop them. I can only do so much for you, and when you’re making deliberate choices to sabotage your future, what do you expect me to—”
“I don’t expect anything except for you to be happy for me. I won’t have any more episodes. That was the absolute last one. I swear to you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” his dad mumbled. “Just use protection when you finally do have sex. Promise me that. I’m not ready to be a grandpa, and with your condition—”
“I will.”
“I’ll go call the school and tell them you’re both ill.” His dad turned and dragged himself out the door, making sure to close it on his way out.
“Why do you keep me?” Mari whispered.
“I knew you were awake for all that,” he said, smiling.
“Why? Tell me how it’s worth it to you,” she said above her previous quiet tone.
“Because I’m worth it to you, too. There’s no why when there’s love. It’s not allowed. Now hush, turn around and touch me.” He helped her flip over.
“You’re so warm,” she said and glued her cheek to his chest as she fiddled with his chest hairs.
“All because of you.”
They cuddled, kissed and both finally climbed out of bed, went downstairs and thanked his dad for calling them in sick at school. When his dad told them they were welcome, they left him and got something to eat.
Mari smiled and laughed with Adam as they munched their snack, and he knew things were fine.
Definitely back to normal.
* * *
It was so easy to fall back into his life that she adored so much.
They joked and laughed. Adam made popcorn, and they watched movies all afternoon. He’d throw pieces at her, and she’d catch them in her mouth. She didn’t bother to tell him she used to catch stuff in her mouth Vic would throw at her after she’d blow a smoke ring.
She snuggled into him on the couch.
“I really wanna smoke again,” she confessed after a few minutes of silence.
“You had one yesterday. I can smell it on you,” he said.
“Sorry . . . I just needed some kind of relief,” she said with a lazy sigh. “I don’t have any on me, though. I bummed one from a guy on the street.”
“Just shower before dinner so my dad doesn’t smell it,” he told her.
His dad exited his office right then. “I’m gonna go get your brother and sister since they don’t have a ride home.”
“Okay—see ya.” Adam nuzzled his nose into Mari’s hair.
“Sorry about this, Dustin,” Mari said. “I didn’t mean to cause any hassle.”
His dad turned and scowled. “It’s fine, and I think Adam would like it if you called me Dad.” He sucked in a gust of air. “And I would, too.”
She waited for him to grimace, but he didn’t. In fact, his dad seemed rather relaxed.
Really? They were to this point? How had they gotten here? Mari’s face went cold. “Uh . . . S-sure.”
“Try it. Say, ‘Goodbye, Dad, see you soon,’” Adam said with an encouraging smile.
She swallowed, but there was not a drop of moisture in her mouth. It felt filled with popcorn. “I . . . Uh . . . Yeah, I’ll see you at dinner . . . Dad,” she said, and her insides, instead of turning to ice, kind of warmed at the sound of calling him that. She smiled.
Whoa. It actually felt kind of natural to say that.
How was that possible?
“Good. Yes, I’ll see you both soon,” her . . . uh, her new-sorta-dad said.
Why were they so good to her? She’d done nothing to deserve it.
Well, all except Samara. She wasn’t so great to Mari.
“Samara is gonna take a dump down my throat,” Mari said after they were alone in the living room.
“That’s gross.” Adam chuckled. “And unlikely. You wouldn’t stay still for something like that. And think of the balance it would take for her to aim correctly.”
Mari burst out laughing.
He laughed, too. “But it’s true!”
She waved at him to stop making her laugh so hysterically.
When she calmed, he added, “Sam won’t even fart in front of me. Stay with me the entire time, and she won’t be able to do anything you don’t like. We can control her anal plans.”
She smiled. “Good plan, except the only anal plans you should have should all involve me.” She winked.
He winked back and grabbed her.
“Kiss me, silly man.”
He did.
She squealed, and he let go of her.
He frowned when she got up and left him.
“Going somewhere?” He pouted.
“To get us a drink. All this anal talk has made me thirsty.” She chuckled and left the room.
She rejoined him a minute later with a glass of ice water for both of them.
He chugged it in no time. She could tell he was thirsty by the way he kept clearing his throat when he laughed.
After she drank hers, she stayed soldered into his side until twenty minutes later when Zach and Samara came rushing through the front door.
Samara’s face completely dropped, and she kept silent. She glared at Mari for a moment, then left the room, sluggish and shoulders rounded forward.
“Mari!” Zach said, smiling. “I knew you were smart and you’d work it out with this clown.” He laughed and took a seat on the couch with them.
“Clowns live in the circus,” Adam
said.
“Yeah, and that’s what this house is like, so it’s perfect for Mari to stay with us.” Zach hugged Mari real quick.
“Does this mean we’re still friends?” she asked Zach.
“Adam, you realize I’m not interested in her, and she’s so in love with you, she went after Rory and kicked his ass. He’s a big guy,” Zach said.
“I do, but when you two are around me, I don’t wanna be ignored. Include me in your music talks, and I want to wrestle and push and play too. Sound fair?” Adam waited, staring at his brother.
“I’m down with that. Mari?” Zach asked.
“Of course.” She beamed at Adam. It was easy when he was so cute and his eyes sparkled with utter graciousness.
“Good. We’re a good family.” Adam got up, put on another movie and said, “Sam will make us dinner, and everything’ll be perfect!”
“I wish,” Mari muttered.
Zach grabbed what was left of the bowl of popcorn and ate the rest in a flash.
“I’m starving. I’m gonna tell Sam to make it early tonight,” Adam said.
He left the room but told Zach to behave while he was gone.
Mari covered her mouth and stifled a giggle.
“Everything really all right?” Zach asked her when it was only the two of them in the room.
“Great,” she replied. The answer settled into her core, and it really did feel good. For once, she felt right in her bones.
“Okay. I’m here for both of you—honestly. I’m cool with all the stuff you’ve done. You had a crappy family life. I get it. My family has no idea the drugs I did after Mom left. I never told them, but I know you’ll understand.” Zach offered a kind smile.
“I do get it, more than anybody. And I appreciate all your support. You’re a terrific brother to him, and I can’t wait to have you as my brother-in-law, too.” She extended her hand to shake.
He pulled her into a tight hug and rocked her roughly side to side.
She laughed.
“Don’t tell them I’m screwing my girlfriend, Lorraine, either, or I’ll . . . Well, I don’t know what I’ll do, but you need me on your side.” He let go and pretended to scowl as he looked her in the eye.
Harkham's Choice (Harkham's Series Book 2) Page 10