“Her mother saw her less than I did.”
“Toni mentioned that.”
His head went up. “She did? Does she talk to you a lot?” He sounded hopeful and resentful at the same time.
“She talks, but not about anything serious. Baseball, the twins, school.”
“But she told you her mother left her to be raised by nannies?”
“Yes, she did.”
“So how could Toni be afraid of needing someone if Karen was never around, anyway?”
“Just because Karen wasn’t around doesn’t mean Toni didn’t need her, then lose her. Karen was still her mother.”
He sighed. “And no matter what I do, I can never be her mother.”
“No one can.”
Joe shifted his hip on the table so he faced her. “Not even you?”
Evie narrowed her gaze on Joe’s face. He wasn’t looking at her again. “Is that what you think? That I’m trying to be her mother? I’m just trying to be her coach and maybe her friend. She seems to need one.”
“I know.” He eyed her, and she saw the truth a second before he admitted it. “I’m jealous. It’s embarrassing, but I am. I want her to be my little girl.”
“She isn’t a little girl.”
“I wish she were.”
“Wish away. She’s a young woman. Overprotecting her will only make her rebel.”
“Did you?”
Evie finished her wine in one huge gulp, hoping the jolt would give her the courage to remember her youth—when she was only a little older than Toni and a whole lot dumber.
“My dad was a cop, and he knew all the bad things that could happen to kids, even in small-town Iowa. Because of that he hovered. When I was seventeen we moved to Newsome because he became the police chief. I was scared and shy and lonely. Ray—my husband—was the cutest guy in school.”
Joe groaned. “That sounds too familiar.”
“Don’t I know it. But Ray was different from Adam.” God, please let that be true, she said to herself in a quick, familiar little prayer. “He was irresponsible, a party guy. He liked fast cars, cheap beer and easy money.”
“And you?”
“Of course.”
“So, what happened?”
“My dad always kept tabs on me wherever I went. Checked out my friends. He made my decisions and got me out of any jam that came my way.”
“And what about your mother?”
“Dad was the boss. He was so protective, she pretty much let me be. She was of the old school, where you didn’t talk about unpleasant or embarrassing things—in public or in private. She didn’t make decisions, either. That was Dad’s job.” Evie just shook her head, still amazed that her parents were married and happy. But times had changed, and were still changing.
“I understand. That’s how things were at my house, too.”
Evie smiled, recalling some of his outdated, chauvinistic ideas. They had infuriated her, but seeing Joe in the kitchen and at the grocery store, and hearing about his attempts to do the best for his daughter, made Evie think that perhaps Joe wasn’t as “Ward Cleaver” as he professed to be.
“When we moved to Newsome, my dad was busy with his new job. I wanted to be an adult, but I didn’t know what that meant. I had no idea how to make a choice. So I made a bad one with Ray. Pregnancy was not a jam Daddy could get me out of.”
“He could have gotten you out of the pregnancy.”
Again she shook her head, disavowing such an option now as she had then. “But he couldn’t get me out of love with Ray. Ray was the only one who could do that.”
“And did he?”
“Oh, yeah. He might have been handsome, and fun, and charming, but he was a great, big, selfish jerk. I figured that out before Adam was born. But it was too late. I tried my best, but Ray never did grow up.”
“What about you?”
“I grew up at eighteen.”
“So what do we do about your son and my daughter?”
“Maybe we should talk to the two of them. Tell them about the mistakes we’ve made.”
“Think it’ll help?”
“Can’t hurt.”
“You sure about that?”
“It might hurt us, but them…?” She shrugged. “I think they need to know how one bad choice can mess up an entire future.”
He was quiet for a long moment, swirling, swirling, swirling that wine again. “If you could go back, knowing all that you know now, would you do things differently? If you did, you wouldn’t have Adam.”
She’d thought about that many times, and she’d made her peace with her past as best as she could. “My kids are worth a lot of pain and agony, which is lucky, since pain and agony for me seems to be their main goal in life most days. I try to believe everything works out for the best. Or, at least, that there’s a reason for everything, even if we can’t see it.”
His eyes widened. “You believe that?”
“I have to. Otherwise life’s just too darn hard.”
*
Chapter Thirteen
“What do you think your mom wanted to talk about with Joe?” Toni asked.
Adam shrugged and started walking toward the back of the house. “Who knows with them.”
True enough. Still, Toni was kind of worried, despite Mrs. Vaughn’s assurances that she had done nothing wrong. Though Toni had been living with Joe long enough to stop feeling guilty about every little thing, she still expected Adam’s mom to find fault with her somehow, just as her mother always had. No matter how hard Toni tried to do the right thing, nothing had ever been right enough for her mom.
But with Mrs. Vaughn, nothing was ever wrong enough. Heck, Toni figured if she walked in ten runs and lost a game, her coach would just pat her on the back and say, “You did your best.”
Since Adam had told Toni what was at stake for his mom in this bet with Joe—then made Toni swear not to say a word, since Mrs. Vaughn would have a cow if anyone knew she needed the money—Toni didn’t understand how her coach could be so relaxed, or how she could continue to tell the team at every practice and every game that “their best” was all she was after. Toni wished she could relax about life-altering episodes the way Mrs. Vaughn did.
Toni wasn’t relaxed; she was confused. Her mom always said winning was what was important. If you weren’t a winner, you were a loser. And Joe—well, winning had been his business. But in this town, with this coach, sometimes Toni forgot about winning altogether.
To be honest, Joe didn’t seem to care much, either. In fact, since they’d moved to Oak Grove, he was pretty laid-back. She wondered if he always had been and the tension she’d sensed in him when he’d visited her had actually been between Joe and her mom and not because of his disappointment in having only a daughter and not a son.
He made no move to hire someone to watch her, or even to hire someone to do all the house stuff her mom always called “the sadistic, oppressive assignments of the male aristocracy,” whatever that meant. It hadn’t been complimentary; that much Toni knew. And when her mom had hired nannies and housekeepers with the same mumbling and grumbling, Toni soon understood where taking care of her rated in the scheme of life. So she tried to be as little of a problem as she could, so as not to be sent packing if she screwed up—as most of the nannies and housekeepers eventually were.
But Joe seemed to like doing those “oppressive” chores. And he seemed to like her—everything about her. Even when she got snippy he looked like he’d done something wrong, not her. Toni just didn’t understand life, or men, at all.
There were a lot of confusing thoughts racing through Toni’s mind these days, with Adam Vaughn at the top of the list. She kept waiting for him to find fault with something she did—like worrying that no one liked her and agonizing over every tiny mistake. Then he would stop being her… whatever it was that he was.
Friend? Boyfriend? Toni hoped the latter, but was terrified it was the former. She lay awake nights imagining that Adam pitied her fo
r being new and lonely, hearing his laughter when he told his friends that his mother had made him be the new geek girl’s friend so Toni would stay on the team.
One thing Toni knew for certain: sweet sixteen and never been kissed was embarrassing. She wanted Adam to be the boy who kissed her first, yet she had no idea how to get him to do that.
Thus far he’d done nothing but hold her hand, which was so sweet she wanted to cry, but she also wanted to cry because he didn’t seem interested in anything more than that. And she was terrified to kiss him for fear he did see her as just another one of the guys. If he wanted her to be his girlfriend, wouldn’t he have tried something by now?
The uncertainty was driving her crazy. She couldn’t ask Adam, because if he knew how much she loved him and he didn’t feel the same, she’d lose the little bit of him she had. She couldn’t ask Joe—ha, that would be the day she’d ask Wildman for advice on love. And the only woman she’d ever trusted was Adam’s mother. Jeez, was this a mess or what?
It suddenly occurred to Toni that Adam had not really answered her question about his mom and Joe. To tell the truth, he never talked much about Joe at all, or to him, if he could help it.
Had he noticed the way Joe looked at his mom? Toni certainly had. It was embarrassing. Joe’d never looked at her mom that way. Not once. Maybe that had been the problem.
Toni put aside thoughts of her mother and father as young lovers as just too weird, and concentrated on her problem: Adam Vaughn.
He sat on the back-porch swing. The gentle sway of the seat only revealed how quiet he was, his face more pensive than usual, and this on a boy who seemed deep in thought most of the time. His seriousness was one of the things that drew Toni to him. Adam made her think of lost boys, brooding poets and tragic heroes from romantic novels. She wanted to hold him, to heal him, to save him. But from what?
“Adam?”
He glanced up. She hovered at the top step, unsure if she should join him on that narrow swing or sit along the railing to her right. He smiled and stopped the swing so she could get on. She did, and he let the swing go once more. They swayed, the movement peaceful in the fading light. Toni resisted the urge to lay her head on his shoulder and cuddle against his side.
“Those girls tonight…” Toni let her voice trail off.
“What about them?”
“What do you think your mom said?”
He grinned. “I’m sure she let them have it.”
“Why?”
“My mom doesn’t like mean kids, and they were being little snots, she’d say. One thing Mom’s always taught us is empathy.”
“Empathy?” Adam used a lot of big words in regular conversation. Toni figured that came with having a teacher for a mother. But Adam never made her feel dumb if she didn’t know what he meant. He just explained without missing a beat.
“Walk a mile in the other guy’s shoes. Do unto others. Even the twin rats try to be nice to everyone except each other.”
Adam laid his arm across the back of the seat. Toni tensed. Was that an invitation? Or merely a stretch?
She inched closer. Their hips bumped. His hand cupped her shoulder and he hugged her. Her heart triple-flipped and a warm feeling spread through her stomach. With a sigh, Toni let her head fall onto Adam’s shoulder.
His cheek rested on her hair. She didn’t think she’d ever been so happy, or so scared, in her life.
“Those girls seem to hate me, and I’ve never even met them.”
“They’re mean. Forget them. If they try that again, I’ll make sure they regret it.”
“Why?”
He raised his head, and she tilted hers to see his face. Sometimes, like now, he looked so handsome that her eyes hurt.
“Don’t you know?”
She was unable to speak, afraid she’d blubber or stutter. So she shook her head.
“You’re my girl, Toni. I’m not going to let anyone make you sad. Is that okay with you?” She nodded.
He laughed. “Can I kiss you?”
In answer, she raised her lips. Adam Vaughn had been well worth waiting for.
Twin shadows wavered on the porch, drawing Evie’s attention to the window set within the door. Adam and Toni swung on the swing, their backs to the house, as they watched the sun go down. Her son put his arm around Toni, and she laid her head on his shoulder.
Evie didn’t realize she herself had moved, but suddenly she stood at the back door, her nose nearly pressed to the glass. Her son and Joe’s daughter lifted their heads, gazed into each other’s eyes and kissed.
Evie’s eyes burned with tears. She keenly remembered her first kiss. The technique had not mattered—only the feelings. They’d been so strong, so new, so incredible. No kiss had been that good since. Though one—recently—had come pretty close.
Joe’s breath whooshed past her ear, hot and sharp. “What in hell does he think he’s doing?”
“What do you think?”
He growled and reached for the doorknob.
Evie grabbed his wrist and held on tight. “Don’t,” she said.
The way he leaned across her body brought his face close to hers. “Don’t what?” he whispered, and their breaths mingled.
They were closer than their kids. All that she’d been imagining returned in a rush of feelings that were new, yet familiar. She couldn’t seem to stop staring into his eyes.
“Don’t interrupt them. It’s their first kiss. Can’t you feel the magic?”
“Yeah. But is it us, or is it them?”
Good question. Evie shifted, and her breast brushed his arm. Joe straightened, and his bare chest slid along her shoulder. His gaze lowered to her mouth, skimmed back up her face. A spark of heat melted his ice-blue eyes.
Then he was kissing her, and she was kissing him. He tasted better than the wine, the tingle of his lips on hers more arousing than champagne.
The scent of the room—Merlot, basil and steam—would forever mean Joe in her heated night dreams. Her palms slid across his beautiful, bare skin, slick and wet, arousing not only because of his breadth and strength but because of his aching vulnerability to her touch. Muscles vibrated beneath her fingers, as if responding to her call, begging for more and for more. She soothed them, smoothed them, wooed them to flex and release against her hands.
His mouth left hers to trail along her jaw. She ran her thumbs beneath the waistband of his pants, and the muscles of his stomach leaped in response. He moaned into the hollow of her neck, then suckled upon her thundering pulse.
How had she ended up pressed to the length of his body? Had she moved into his embrace, or had he drawn her there? She touched him all over, with fluttering fingers that couldn’t seem to touch fast or often enough. His large hand snaked around her waist, palm to the curve of her hip, fingertips along the line of her spine; her breath hitched, then released.
This was getting out of control, but from the moment she’d seen him standing at the stove in nothing but jeans, the desire to feel his body against hers had pounded in her belly to the beat of her heart.
As if in answer to her unspoken thought, his thumbs stroked her stomach, slipped beneath the waistband of her shorts, stroked lower, along the elastic of her panties. He swallowed her moan with his mouth, used his tongue in ways she’d only read about.
This was insanity, and it had to stop.
She pulled her mouth from his and stepped back so their bodies no longer pressed together like glue and paper. Her hands were still plastered to his chest. His fingers still circled her waist. The harshness of their breathing filled the room.
Evie stared at him. Joe stared at her. He didn’t seem to know what to say, either.
The porch door rattled, and they jumped apart as if they’d been caught in a despicable act.
Well, they had almost been caught, but the act had been nowhere near despicable.
“Mom, I’m going to take Toni to the DQ, then I’ll swing back for you.”
“I’ll come now.”
Joe coughed. Evie blushed, then shot him a lethal look. If he hadn’t been too far away, she’d have kicked him in the shins.
“Why don’t you stay for dinner,” he invited. “Then I’ll take you home.”
Very bad idea, she thought. “I’m not hungry,” she said.
Her stomach rumbled loudly in the silence that followed her words. Joe raised his eyebrow, then crossed his arms across his scrumptious chest.
Evie glanced at Adam, to find her son scowling at Joe like an outraged father. Toni hovered in the background with a hopeful expression on her face as her gaze darted from Adam, to Joe, to Evie, to Adam again.
“We’ll get some ice cream and go home to meet the rat boys,” said Adam.
Evie flushed. She’d forgotten the twins were being dropped off at nine. She’d forgotten a lot of things while Joe’s mouth was on hers.
“Fine.” Evie waved her hand at them both. “Go.” Desert the sinking ship.
They did so without a backward glance, leaving Evie alone with her doom.
The kids were gone, and they were alone. Joe wasn’t sure how he felt about either one.
Joe’s body still throbbed. Thank goodness his pants were of the loose variety or he’d be embarrassed. As it was, Adam Vaughn’s glare showed the kid was not so dumb. He knew Joe had the hots for his mom, and he liked it even less than Joe liked the kid kissing his baby.
“You think they saw us?”
Joe glanced at Evie, who still leaned on the counter as though she would fall if she stepped away. He stifled a grin, knowing she would not be happy to recognize his pride in having kissed her senseless. Heck, he’d been as gone as she was. Why was it that no one made him feel the way she did?
“I don’t think they saw.”
“But they could guess.”
He shrugged. “We’re adults.”
“Yes, we are. So we should be able to resist this… this…” She threw up her hands in frustration. “What is this?”
Joe picked up his shirt from where he’d draped it over a chair earlier and shrugged his arms into the garment, leaving the front hanging free. The heat in the kitchen was too high for him to button up. He opened the back door, and an evening breeze swept the room, eliciting a sigh of relief from them both.
Out of Her League Page 14