He loved her.
He wanted her, and he needed her, and he admired her, and he liked her. But most of all—he loved her. How could he ever have been uncertain? Maybe because he’d never felt something quite so wonderful, and so frightening, at the same time. Love was exactly the way Toni had described. Only the first moment he’d held Toni in his arms could compare—that utter joy and total terror that made your heart beat so fast you thought you might die right then and there.
“I love you, babe,” he murmured against her lips.
“Don’t call me ‘babe,’” she said, and pulled her mouth from his.
Lost in the novelty of his feelings and the familiarity of her, he took the movement and made it magic, kissing her jaw, her neck, her ear, her eyelids. His lips came away damp, tasting of salt, and he opened his eyes to stare down at her, bemused.
She leaned against the wall, her face sheet-white and her lips passion-red. Tears streaked her cheeks and broke his heart.
He lifted his hand and traced a track with his thumb. “What’s the matter?” he whispered. “I love you.”
She opened her eyes, and hers were so sad that his own eyes stung. “I love you, too, but it doesn’t change anything.”
“What are you talking about? Love changes everything. I’ve never loved anyone like this before.”
“I have, and it didn’t matter. Love wasn’t enough.”
“My love will be enough. Marry me, Evie. It won’t be like before, I promise.” He hesitated, wondering if he would embarrass her by giving voice to the suspicion he’d had for a while now. “Are all these jobs because you need money?”
She stiffened. “None of your business.”
“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, babe.” She kicked him in the shins. “Sorry— Evie. You’ve taken care of yourself and the kids all alone. Let me in. Let me help. If you marry me, you’ll never have to work again.”
She made a sound of exasperation deep in her throat. “You don’t understand. I want to work. I love my job. Why don’t you quit your job?”
“Me?” He gave a short laugh. “Why? I’ve been looking forward to this job half my life.”
“Me, too. And I’m so close to what I’ve always wanted, I can taste it on my tongue every morning and every night.”
“But you won’t need to work. I’ve got tons of money.”
“It’s not about money. It’s about me. Once upon a time I was alone with three kids and no way to take care of us. I dragged myself and them out of that mess by the skin of my teeth. But I did it.”
“And if you marry me you’ll never have to worry about going through that again.”
“But I will. I’ll always worry about that. I need to be what I made myself. What I’ve dreamed of being. And if you make me into something I was once, and hated, I’ll hate you for it. Just like you’ll hate me if I take away your dream.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I can’t marry you. I can’t have any more kids. I just can’t. I have nightmares about when the twins were babies. I still wake up sweating and shaking, thinking they’ve been crying for hours while I was passed out from sleep deprivation. Honestly, I can’t bear it again.”
“You make it sound like torture.”
“It was. I remember once when Ray managed to get home and found me crying along with the two of them. He asked me if I loved them, and you know what I said?”
He shook his head.
“I said no.” She gave a choked sob. “Right then I did not love them. I don’t know why everyone always thinks a mother automatically loves her children as soon as they’re born. I’m not saying they don’t grow on you, but when you’re all alone, and the world caves in, and you’ve got too many kids—love is the farthest thing from your mind.”
“The world isn’t going to cave in on you, Evie. I’ll be there.”
“I’ve heard that before, and words are cheap.”
“You’re saying you love me, but you don’t trust me. You don’t believe I’ve changed. You don’t think I’m going to stick around when times get tough?”
“I’m not saying anything except no, I won’t marry you.” She slipped into her room, but before the door shut he heard her whisper, “Even though I love you.”
Joe stood there with his forehead against her door and pondered knocking it down. But what more could he tell her? He thought he heard another door click shut nearby, but when he listened more carefully all he heard was silence. Even the loud television had been turned down to a dull roar.
So he went to his room, and when Toni asked what was wrong, Joe didn’t answer, because he didn’t know how to respond. Then he took a shower and let the hot water pound on his head until it ran cold. But he still couldn’t figure out how falling in love had become a bad thing.
Hoyt snored on the bed. Danny slowly shut the door. Without a word, he and his brother held hands and sat in the pretend closet across from the sink. It was pretend because there wasn’t any door—only a hanger bar and some hangers attached so you couldn’t steal ‘em or somethin’.
Danny had never figured out why anyone would steal hangers. Mom always said the things multiplied in the closet dark. Maybe that was why they had to put a lock on ‘em here. There was no closet dark without a closet door, so the hangers didn’t make babies.
Danny sighed. Makin’ babies seemed to be a big problem lately.
“Did you hear what Mom said?” Benji whispered, though Danny doubted Hoyt would wake up just from them talkin’, since he hadn’t even turned over while the pillow fight was goin’ on. Mom would have a kitten if she found out Hoyt had been sleeping all afternoon while Benji and Danny watched cable television.
Danny nodded. “I heard.”
He had heard, and he was real confused. Mom always seemed to love them. She fed them, and hugged them, and punished them when they were bad—which she said was because she loved them so much, though Danny had doubts about the “getting grounded for your own good” rule. And she never, ever did anything terrible to them like he heard about on the news.
“She didn’t want us.” Benji’s voice trembled, and Danny held his brother’s hand tighter. Sometimes Benji was a baby, even though Danny had come out last—whatever that meant. “Do you think if she didn’t have us, she might marry Joe?”
That was what Danny had been thinking, so he didn’t bother to answer. Mostly he and Benji thought the same thoughts. People said it was because they were twins, but Danny just thought it was because they were seven. He had a lot of the same thoughts as his friends, too, but no one ever got all excited about it.
“Maybe,” Danny allowed.
“What should we do?”
Danny knew what they had to do. “If we were gone, Mom wouldn’t mind having a baby for Joe. Then she’d be happy, and Joe would be happy, and Adam could go to any college he wants ‘cause Joe’s rich.”
“But I love Joe. I want him to be our daddy.”
“Me, too, stupid. But I love Mom more.”
“Even if she doesn’t love us?”
“Even if.”
Benji sighed. “Me, too.”
“Mom always says if you love someone, you have to sack-the-face for them.”
“Huh?”
“That means givin’ up somethin’ important so they can be happy.”
“Like givin’ up Mom for Joe, and givin’ up Joe for Mom?”
“Yeah, like that.”
“So what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to go live somewhere else so Mom can have Joe.”
“All right. Wh-where we gonna go?” Sniff, sniff.
Benji was on the verge of bawling. Danny had to think fast—and it had to be somethin’ good. “To Disney World.”
That perked Benji right up. “Really?”
“Sure. The place is huge. And it’s full of kids.”
“When we leavin’?”
“Tomorrow. During the game. They’ll never even notice we left.”
*
Chapter Eighteen
The day of the big game dawned bright, clear and hot. Evie made sure all the kids had hats, sunscreen and full water bottles. Their game would be from eleven to one—peak sun time. She didn’t plan to send any of her kids home to Oak Grove after a hospital stay for heat exhaustion. When these kids were with her, she treated them as she would her own. Up to and including punishments for pillow fights.
Unfortunately, she had been unable to get anyone to squeal on whoever had started the revolt. She had a feeling her culprits were Adam and Toni, who didn’t seem to be speaking to each other. She only hoped that whatever had got them in a snit didn’t affect their game, but ordering them to make nice wouldn’t work, so she left well enough alone.
She’d tossed and turned all night long, her blessed stay in a solitary room becoming a curse, just as she’d feared. Joe’s kiss had made her think of their night together, and their talk had made her contemplate all she was giving up by turning him away.
But that wasn’t the only reason she couldn’t sleep. She felt bad that she’d said the twins’ babyhood was a nightmare. Now that she could look back on those years with the eyes of a calmer, saner woman, she was able to recall wonderful times, when before she’d only been able to remember the pain.
Sometimes when one or the other, and not both for a change, woke up in the middle of the night, she could remember sitting in a rocker by the window, watching the moon and the stars, holding a child to her breast and feeling the love wash over her in waves of warmth. Babies trusted you completely. When they fell asleep in your arms with their breath soft upon you, they took hold of your soul, and you became lost to them forever.
By the time dawn lit the sky, Evie had fallen into a fitful sleep filled with dreams of a little girl in a pink sleeper—warm, sweet smelling, compact and trusting, just as Joe had said.
Luckily, once Evie arrived at the ballpark the game captured her attention. The Big League World Series was a big deal in Cedar City. The hotels were filled, the restaurants busy, the stands at the park packed and the concessions doing brisk business. Because of this, the games had a festival atmosphere that was hard to ignore. Not just for her, but for the kids.
While her team warmed up, Evie went over the rules with the twins. “You stay on the bench, out of the way. Do not go near the on-deck circle. If you get your brains bashed in, I will kill you. Are we clear?”
“Yep,” said Danny.
“Uh-huh,” said Benji.
“One soda and one candy is your limit. Here’s some money. If you need anything else, ask Hoyt.”
They looked sad for some reason, and she couldn’t figure out why. Usually they bounced all over the place, so excited for Adam that they could barely stand still. But today they sat on the bench and eyed each other expectantly. Now that she thought about it, they’d been whispering together all morning. Not an uncommon occurrence, considering who she was talking about, but she’d also had enough experience with them to know that whispering followed by uncommon silence meant they were up to something.
“Anything you guys want to share with me?”
“Nope.” Danny answered too quickly, and he grabbed Benji’s hand as if to keep him quiet.
Evie frowned.
“We just love you, Mom.”
“That’s nice to know.”
“And we’ll always love you, forever and ever and ever. No matter where we go, no matter what we do.”
Uh-oh, Evie thought. “You guys in trouble?” she asked.
Identical expressions of innocence turned toward her, and they shook their heads, wide blue eyes hiding … something. But what?
“Hey, Coach, need your starting lineup,” called the announcer.
Evie glanced that way and raised a hand in acknowledgment. She’d have to get to the bottom of things with the twins after the game.
“Remember what I said.” She raised a finger in warning before kissing the top of one nodding red head, then the other.
The game passed like a whirlwind. Evie and Joe shook hands. She tried not to glance at him, but she couldn’t help herself. His tight lips and unhappy expression scored her heart.
Her kids were nervous, but once into the game they settled down. Better than she did, anyway. They played like the champions they were.
Because this game was between two teams of equal stature, the score went neck and neck, with first one team ahead and then the other. The talents of the kids were so evenly matched that the game would come down to a mistake, or a gift, or a coach’s decision. Neither Evie nor Joe had time for anything but notes on their clipboards and consultations with their assistants or players, as they used everything they knew to coach the kids they’d spent the entire summer teaching. This game was what teamwork was all about.
Evie had stressed throughout the season that her bet with Coach Scalotta was a fun thing, and not really as serious as everyone made out. More a publicity stunt than anything else. She did not want her team worrying that her future rested on their performance in a single game.
Maybe it did, but that wasn’t their problem or what was important here. What was important was that her team had a good experience, played their best and remembered this game forever as one of the many good things about this particular summer.
Of course, when the ninth inning arrived and Evie’s team was down by one run, with Adam on second, two outs, and Toni coming up to bat, Evie got so nervous she felt ill.
This was it. The whole summer, and her future, lay in Toni’s hands—and Evie suddenly wanted to call the whole thing off.
Toni came over for last-second instructions, took one look at Evie’s face and hugged her. “Hey, Coach, relax. This is supposed to be fun.”
Then Toni winked and walked off whistling. Evie’s nervousness evaporated on the summer breeze as joy filled her heart. She had never been happier with a kid she’d coached. Toni had gotten the essence of Little League—have fun out there. The world slipped back into place for Evie, and all was right once more.
The crack of the bat on the ball, the cheer of the crowd and the voice of the announcer—“Going, going, gone! A home run for Toni Scalotta!”—were anticlimactic to Evie.
Her season had been complete—and a rousing success—before Toni even stepped up to the plate.
She turned around to hug the twins—but they had disappeared.
Adam waited just beyond home plate and swept Toni into his arms. They kissed amid the whir of cameras. That picture would be front page center tomorrow, Joe figured. It wasn’t every day the catcher and the pitcher kissed full on the lips after winning the World Series.
Joe should be annoyed, but right now all he could do was grin. This was probably the most fun day of his life, and he’d lost the game. Winning wasn’t everything, or the only thing. It was pretty much nothing—unless it made someone you loved as happy as Toni looked right now.
He had planned on giving a pep talk to his team, though now that they’d lost there wasn’t much to be peppy about, but after a quick look at their long faces he decided that they wanted to be alone. So he sent them to the bus with one of the parents and went toward his little girl.
Joe chuckled. His daughter had just hit a home run to win the World Series. Now, that was something you didn’t hear every day. Too bad, too, because it sounded dam good.
Toni saw him approaching and disentangled herself from her boyfriend, and her fans, to launch herself into his arms—something she would never have done a few months back. They’d come a long way. They still had a way to go, of course, but Joe believed that they would get there—together.
He swung her around and hugged her tight. “Did you see it, Dad?”
“Couldn’t miss it, honey. That was a classic.” Joe released her from the circle of his arms. Speaking of happy people… He glanced around, but couldn’t find the woman who should be just as happy over this win. “Where’s your coach? I need to shake her hand.”
Ton
i frowned and turned toward the dugout. Joe followed her gaze. Evie should have been in the midst of the party. Instead, she and Hoyt were deep in a serious conversation. As Joe watched, she put her hand to her forehead and swayed.
Joe swore and shoved aside everyone in his way until he reached Evie’s side. He took her elbow and pulled her around to face him. The fear in her green eyes and the paleness of her face set his heart thumping too hard.
“What’s the matter, babe?”
“Do not call me ‘babe,’” she said absently. “The twins are gone.”
“Gone? Where?”
Joe glanced at Hoyt, who shrugged. “They were sittin’ there as pretty as ye please. Then the game was done and they were gone.”
“They’re in the bathroom or on the playground.”
“They aren’t,” Evie said. “I checked everywhere. The popcorn man saw them leave the park.”
Panic first fluttered, then burned, in Joe’s belly. He changed his grip on Evie’s elbow from a clasp to a caress. She folded into his arms with a soft, helpless cry that scared him even worse than her words. Evie was never helpless. But then again, her kids had never disappeared before.
He held her tight and brushed his hand over her hair. “Shh,” he murmured. “We’ll find them.”
“How?” She took a deep breath that threatened to become a sob. “They’re so little, and the world’s so big, and mean, and crazy.” She tilted her head and her eyes glittered with tears. “Joe, I’m scared. Those kids are my whole life.”
Adam cleared his throat. He and Toni stood, hand in hand. Adam stared at his mom as if he’d just seen her for the first time. He gave himself a little shake and asked, “What’s going on?”
“Your brothers have disappeared,” he said.
The initial joy on the kid’s face turned to shock. He let go of Toni and went to his mom, but she only moaned and burrowed deeper into Joe’s chest.
Adam frowned, glanced at Toni, then at Joe. He looked terrified, and Joe couldn’t blame him. His brothers were missing and his usually rock-solid mother couldn’t seem to function. But Joe had no time to coddle the kid. He had to find the twins.
“Where do you think they’d go?” Joe asked.
Out of Her League Page 20