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Carina gasped. Her body perked up, ready to play with all that naked male perfection before her, but she snapped her mind back in place. She studied him with a clinical air that screamed her a liar. “No thanks. When you’re ready to talk, let me know. ”
He laughed, low and wicked. “My sweet Carina. Who would’ve thought you like to play hardball? But you do. Another reason you’re perfect for me, and my other half. I needed a woman who wouldn’t break, who’d challenge me on all levels, especially in the bedroom. ” He pressed her against the wall and nipped at her earlobe. His hot breath rushed in her ear. “A woman whose soul is pure and who knows how to laugh. A woman who gets me. ” His hands rested against her bodice and he played with the strappy part of her camisole. A pull here. A tug there. Carina bit back the moan of want and stiffened her resolve. If she won this round without giving in, she could walk out the door with her pride.
“I’m going to show you the only way I know how that you’re the only woman I want. You’ve built too many barriers, baby. It’s like stepping through a minefield, and I know it’s all my fault. But your body can’t lie to me. And you’ll know mine can’t, either. ”
He ripped the tank and tore it down the middle.
Her breasts spilled free and he caught them with his palms, rubbing the tight crests as his lips devoured her mouth. One quick snap and her shorts and panties were off, leaving her naked in front of him. The rough play spiked her arousal so bad a trickle of wetness slid down her thigh, but she rallied and bit down on his lower lip.
He pulled away. His blue eyes darkened to a stormy gray and he deliberately twisted her nipples so a tiny bolt of pain zapped through her. Carina couldn’t stop the moan falling from her lips. “Not going to make it easy, are you?” he murmured. “That’s okay. I like a challenge. ”
He turned her around and caged her with his thighs. His chest pressed to her back, and he nudged his erection against her cleft. “Bastard. ”
“Legs wider, please. ”
“Screw you. ”
He kicked her legs apart with his foot until she was open wide and vulnerable. Her cheeks flushed as she scented her own arousal. His fingers glided downward over the curve of her backside, squeezing the tender flesh. She wiggled away but he only laughed. “Does this turn you on?”
“Hell, no. ”
“Liar. ” His fingers dove deep and she arched. She fisted her hands and panted for control. Her cheek lay flat against the cool wall and the sheer helplessness of her position only racketed her need for more. The man claimed her heart and soul, but how had he gotten so deep into her fantasies? He played and teased until she writhed like a wild thing, ready to do anything for release. His lips nipped and licked the sensitive area of her nape and down her spine, and he rocked against her in a rhythm that drove her mad.
“I want, I need—”
“I know, sweetheart. Truth time. Tell me you belong to me. Have always belonged to me. ”
“No. ”
He swirled the tight bud between her legs and her knees gave out. Max held her up with one arm but never stopped the merciless circles that kept her right on the edge. “Tell me. ”
A sob caught in her throat. So close . . . the orgasm shimmered before her in all its glory until her nerves shredded and her brain fried. Her hips pressed back in torment. “I hate you, Maximus Gray. I hate you. ”
His lips slid over her damp cheek. “I love you, Carina. Do you hear me? I love you. ” He paused and lifted her up on her toes. “Now come for me. ”
He sunk his fingers deep in her channel and rubbed hard. She cried out as waves of pleasure rocked through her and tore her to pieces. He lifted her, placed her on the bed, and fit himself with a condom. Then plunged.
Mine.
Carina dug her heels into his back and gave him everything. He buried himself so deep inside there was nothing left but him. No gentleness marred the ferocity of his strokes. He drove her right back to the edge and shoved her over again.
His warmth and strength surrounded her. She floated and dimly noted his own release. Carina never let go of him as darkness finally crashed and she didn’t have to think anymore.
• • •
Max stroked back her sweat-dampened hair and lay his cheek against hers. His hand cupped her breast, and one thigh tangled in between her legs. The scent of her clung to his skin. He wondered why it had taken him so long to realize he loved her. He understood why he had avoided love in the past. Yes, he had been afraid to make a commitment due to his father, afraid he had some of his genes, afraid he’d hurt another woman like his mother had been hurt all those years ago. But the primary reason was simple.
Fear.
His heart no longer belonged to him. Was this how Carina had felt all those years? The torture and fear and joy of wanting to be in another’s presence? He’d give his life for her, but it still wasn’t his choice to make. She lay next to him, her body his, but her mind still far, far away.
“What are you thinking about?” he whispered.
She lifted his hand and pressed her lips against his palm. “How much you mean to me. All those times you walked through the door with Michael, I wondered what it would be like to be loved by you. To make love with you. I watched woman after woman parade in front of me and prayed for my turn. Now it’s here, and I’m too afraid to take it. ”
He rolled her over to face him. Chocolate brown eyes filled with a sadness and vulnerability that tore his heart. “I love you. This isn’t about doing the right thing, or not becoming like my father. I want a life with you and I won’t settle for any other woman. ”
She didn’t move. Didn’t react to his words. Her dark curly hair fell over her shoulders and revealed the slope of a stubborn chin, full cheeks, and long nose. She was strong and beautiful and perfect. Panic roared through his blood and dimmed his ears. “Carina, please listen to me. I never thought I could be good enough for you. My age, our family, everything I believed myself to be. Now I see I could spend every day of my life making you happy you married me. Making myself worthy of you. ”
“I want that, too, Max. But I—”
“What?” Her silence rattled his nerves and hope for a happily-ever-after. What more could he give her? What more could she want? He studied her face and looked deep into her eyes.
Then he knew.
“You don’t believe me. ”
She flinched. “I want to believe you. I think you even mean it this time. But I’ll always wait for the drop. I’m afraid I’ll wonder all the time why you chose me. I look at you and my heart swells up and I don’t know what to do with all my emotions. It still feels like I’m sixteen and hoping to please you, or get a smile. ”
Coldness seeped through his skin. In a way, this wasn’t even about him. This was about her own personal hang-ups and how she never felt good enough. Could he live like this? Always reassuring her or worried she’d disappear because of her insecurities? Dio, what a complete mess. How did she not see how special she was? How he didn’t deserve her? “We are no longer children, Carina. Isn’t it time you truly realize that, and how others see you?” The truth slammed him, and he sat up. “You are right, though. I need you to meet me halfway. I need a woman who believes in my love for her, who will stand by my side and won’t be afraid something will take me away. I need someone strong and brave. ” His set his jaw and made his decision. “You are all that, my love. And more. But until you believe it, we don’t have a chance. ”
“I know. ” Her voice broke. With one graceful motion, she rose from the bed and stood naked before him. Resolution glimmered from dark eyes, along with a sliver of sadness that pierced his heart. “That’s why I can’t be with you right now. I need to know I’m enough on my own before I can take this chance again. I’m so sorry, Max. But I’m leaving you. ”
She left him alone in his bedroom, staring at the closed door behind her. Left him wondering if he’d ever be whole again. Left him wond
ering what would happen next.
Chapter Fifteen
Alexa supported baby Ethan in one arm while she settled into the canary yellow futon. Her gaze swept the high studio apartment with remembered fondness. “I can’t believe how fast time goes by,” she commented. Her massive belly pulled at her maternity T-shirt that declared BOOKCRAZY BABY MAMA. “You have no idea how much wine was drunk in this apartment. ”
Maggie rocked Luke as she nursed him. Her sister-in-law gave a snort. “Or how many of Alexa’s dates ended badly. Wine was definitely needed. ”
The girls laughed and Carina adjusted the canvas she was working on. “Well, I’ve got a good head start. My Friday nights consist of chick-flick movies and a bottle of red. ”
“You don’t have to stay away from our Friday night dinners, Carina,” Alexa said. “Max is barely civil anyway. Ever since you left him, Michael says he stomps around the office causing havoc, and is becoming like Miss Havisham in his big old mansion. ”
Carina shook her head. “No, it’s good for me. I’ve gotten so much work done. ” She stared at the painting in front of her—the last of the series—and shoved back tears. “I miss him, though. ”
Maggie sighed. “I know, honey. But I think you did the right thing. You’ve been jonesing over Max your whole life, and it was always about what you could do for him. Marriage is a two-way street. You need to be strong on your own before you can be strong with someone else. ”
Alexa looked at her friend in amazement. “Damn, that was deep. ”
Maggie grinned. “Thanks. Been practicing sensitivity for motherhood. ”
“Well, I told you I’m looking for a full-time partner for BookCrazy,” Alexa said. “You’d be perfect, and I won’t have to worry about Maggie filling in and chasing away my customers. I’ve already been in touch with a lawyer. We can draw up the contracts as soon as you decide. ”
Excitement curled in her belly. For the first time, she’d discovered a talent that made her money and made her happy. Now, with the final painting in the collection, she was ready to take another big leap. She’d placed a call to Sawyer, and a consultant was coming to look at her work. She’d been warned the advisor was brutal, and if there wasn’t a chance at a sale, he’d tell her straight up. Carina was thrilled—she wanted honesty and knew if her art wasn’t up to par, she’d work harder the next time. Finally, her life began to shift and take focus.
Except for missing her husband.
A piece inside of her seemed to be permanently broken without him. Since the day she left, he hadn’t contacted her. Ten days dragged on until it seemed she’d go mad if she couldn’t see his face. He haunted her dreams at night and during the day. She managed to pour most of her angst into her work and hoped the gritty feel of her portraits translated to the regular onlooker. It was funny how heartbreak turned into great art.
Carina brought herself back to the present. “I’d love to be part owner of BookCrazy,” she said. “Thank you for trusting me, Alexa. ”
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