“Try me,” he counters me; all the time something new.
“Best thing you can do is run turn and go forget about me.”
“NO!” he spits out, scaring me.
“Yes, I won’t taint you or your life with this, with me.” Rolling over onto my stomach, I lay my face on my arms tears falling. I don’t even know why.
Ghost
Scrubbing my hands over my face, I watch her heave as the tears fall from her body, silently. I don’t know why she thinks that I would be deterred from her because of what? Her life there in that block? Shit I’ve been there, done that. I was saved, and I will save her if it kills me. I won’t let her turn me away.
Rolling onto my side, I just lay there, watching her slowly stretching my fingers out closer to her body, to her hands. I can feel the heat mixed with the chill from her seeping across the grass. I can see the tips of her fingers under her arm. Stretching out, I take her fingers in mine, linking them together and just hold them.
She tenses but doesn’t pull away, I let out a sigh of relief. Her warmth is so welcomed to a heart as cold as mine. I lap her up, the silence, the heat... in this moment, I won’t let anything take it away. I’ll kill them for what they have done to her mind and body, and I'll build her back up piece by piece, whether she likes it or not. I'm not going anywhere.
After what seems like an eternity she finally speaks, “Why are you still here?”
I pull her hand further out and roll her onto her side so I can look into her eyes. “You, you’re why I'm still here. This...” Touching her cheek, I run my fingers down her face all the way to her heart where I hold my palm over it, “and this.” Well what do you know, she holds her breath and shuts her eyes. “Please don’t fear me, I won’t hurt you, don’t shut me out.”
“Why do you want me, you don’t know me?”
“You’re fucking stunning and you intrigue my senses. You have a pull on me from the first time I ever saw you. You sit in my senses like a firefly kisses the flames, and the fact that my dick stands to attention whenever you’re around, I'm like a fucking horny dog.” I see the smile form on her sweet lips.
“Well you going in there fighting like your Ail is no way to know me or help, you don’t know what you have done!”
“Tell me, I have all day.” Razing my brow down at her.
“I don’t, I can’t.” Her voice is sharp her eyes won’t meet mine.
“Yes you can and you will I’ll wait” I leave no room in my tone for an answer but yet she still answers.
“Well time is not something I have” This time her eyes meet mine and I see the truth in her words dance over her iris.
“We all have time, Timberly, some more than others.”
I P=pull her into me so she can’t escape, I roll onto my back with her in the crook of my arm, wrapping my fingers round her shoulders and placing my other arm behind my head. I watch the clouds and people pass us by, this is nice, this is life. “This makes me feel normal, you know.” I say to her to break through the silence and fear. Maybe I should tell her about me, my life, my truth, then maybe she will see that hers can’t scare a demon like me.
Chapter Nine
Timberly
“I swear you don’t want to know the nightmare in my head or the monsters under my bed,” I say like I have all this courage.
“Try me, baby, they can’t be as bad as mine.” His voice, a small soul floating on the air, is so calming.
Speaking out as if he is not even there my eyes never leave the sky. I wish that the heavens would just open up and make it rain so I could just wash away. This pain and hurt along with all the dirt and anger. I wish my tears could wash out all the filth in my body and the ache in my heart. It won’t, it doesn’t it just stays feasting growing bigger with each passing day. More hate, more filth until one day I'll snap, and I'll jump in front of that train. I will remove myself from their paws, their stares, their anger, all the hurtful words, and beatings. I will fill the sky with all my tears and I will make the heavens rain down all the hate my soul has for them forever. God will keep careful watch of my soul as I fly free in the arms of the angels. Closing my eyes, I let it leave my body and breathe, like really breathe, for the first time in forever. I don’t know what it is, this foreign feeling and emotion that washes through me, maybe it’s him.
Ghost
Anger boils in my body like the flames of hate licking up a building. I want to pull her in and suck her pain from her sweet body. Clenching my fists and gritting my teeth, I look over to her. Bringing myself up onto my elbow, I lean over to kiss the tip of her nose. “Poppet, we will make them pay with you here on this Earth. I will surrender my soul to the Devil to wreak havoc on their lives. You tell me when and what to do, I’ll do it, for am not what I look to be. I'm an unhinged lunatic and a psychopath who feeds on the blood of others. I'm a king in my world and, sweetheart, I'm going to make you my queen.”
Tears leave her eyes as I feel one slip from my own. I haven’t cried since I set fire to my home all those years ago. Swatting it away, I pull her into me and we just lay there allowing the day to pass us by. Me trying to keep her here close to me and her trying to fight with her inner hurt to allow me in and allow her body to stay conscious. I feel it in her building up. “Poppet, you just relax, stop. Listen to my heart, it beats for you, you’re mine now whether you like it or not.” Leaning over, I lick her collarbone. “Anyway, I licked it so it’s mine now and it’s you.”
A little bubble of laughter leaves her lips and it feeds the hunger growing in me for her. I want her so bad. I want to save her with my cock. I want her to know that if she feeds me her fear, I will keep her alive. She will be my queen and I'll rip anyone’s hearts out through their fucking throats that stand in my way.
She heals the itch I have in my veins. I haven’t thought about sweet lady love at all today, until now when the anger rises in me. I want to get high and go on a rampage fill both thirsts, one for blood and one for her. I love the way she dances in my blood, in my senses, calming my demon and feeding him with her fake love. Timberly could be my out to stay clean. I need her, and her tears to save me. Her fear will keep me clean, for that, I'm sure. Closing my eyes, I pull her tighter as her hand wraps around my torso. I breathe her in kissing her head. “I won’t make any sudden moves as long as you try to see me, I'm not as good as you think.”
“I’ll take you anyway, Ghost, for you will be shocked when you see how dark my soul is.”
“Darkness doesn’t scare me, poppet.” She starts to draw lines over my hand with her fingers, moving to my stomach. I even wonder if she knows she is doing it, the touch sends me to a new high.
Timberly
Watching my fingers trace over his skin calms me in a weird way. I haven’t held my breath or seen the dizzy dots that summon the dark since we’ve been here. His stomach is rock hard, I can feel it under the cotton of his shirt. I'm surprised he’s not cold, laying here in this damp grass with just a cotton shirt and that leather jacket. Surely they can’t be warm, they look cold and heavy, but they do smell nice. When he moves I get a whoosh of aroma, his, mixed with the leather. I really want to just be me with him. I have forgotten who she is though, did I really even know her? The real her? Maybe Ghost can help me uncover me, the real me.
I think he may have fallen asleep, so I take the chance to move in closer to him putting my head on his hard strong chest listen to his heartbeat it sets me free that sound lets me think it is possible to fly. The day is warming up into the most stunning early fall day, I love the feeling of the sun kissing my skin, I never do this just lay down and really soak in the world around me, it’s truly beautiful it doesn’t care if you are dirty, used, abused, it just seems to take you any which way.
I like to watch the people walk by laughing, looking over towards Ghost and I. It makes me smile, happy knowing that they see us, see me. For the first time ever I'm being noticed. It may just be that it’s because I'm with Ghost, I wonder wh
y he is named that. Would it be rude for me to ask him? I wonder if I could, I wonder what he would think when he wakes and sees me laying on his chest like this. Will he mind? Shit I feel the anxiety rising up in me. I'm working myself up to an attack by being foolish. I know it, I know I am.
“You know, I can hear you overthinking, aye poppet, your thoughts are loud.” I stiffen on the spot holding my breath. He runs his hand over the small of my back, his touch so soft and safe I feel safe when I'm with him, I try to not fight the touch off, I try to soak it in, allow it. “To answer your question, yes, this is ok, you laying on me, no I don’t mind, please don’t freak out and pass out again, just breathe poppet all is good right now.” I let my shoulders drop and the breath I'm holding out as I relax into him and his embrace. “There you go, baby.”
We melt together and enjoy idle chit chat. I'm actually chatting and it’s ok, if I don’t have to make too much eye contact, I can do this. I breath out free and I feel so alive.
“You calm me you know.”
“Ditto poppet ditto.”
"I couldn’t imagine you needing to be calmed.”
“Oh sweet girl, we all fight silent battles and wars within ourselves.”
“Can I help?”
“You are by doing this more than you know.” I'm startled by him standing up. “Here come on.” Proffering his hand out, I take it shakily. The fire instantly hits me shooting through my core. He’s smiling as I look up at him.
“You feel that also?” I ask him nervously.
“Sure do poppet, it’s the start of a wild ride.” Shaking my head, I look at him dumbfounded by his comment. He couldn’t want me? “Don’t doubt it, poppet, I'm sorry, I’m rough and I’m as dark as it gets but I want you,” he says to me with a look of fire in his eyes.
“What?” I can feel my cheeks burning red.
“I desire you. I’ll have you and you will be my queen.” Leaning over, he looks at me. “Jump on,” he says like I'm not a hot mess.
“What?” I'm shocked, he wants me to what?
“Geeze poppet, you’re hard work, jump on my back!” I am uneasy as I feel the shakes starting to form. He disarms me and being reliant on him scares me he wants to piggy back me that means my legs coiled around his waist and my arms snaked around his shoulders. “Don’t think about it, just get on.”
Ghost bends down in front of me one knee on the grass and the other bent my hands finds his shoulders and before I can flee I just lean into him wrapping my arms and legs around him and hold on like my life depends on it. I flinch slightly as the pain in my thighs from last night’s attack, “It's ok, poppet.” We head off away from the public part of the park, taking what I think is the shortcut to work, but I realize that I don’t wanna go. I'm liking this with him.
“Where are we going?”
“To eat. I don’t know about you but I'm fucking starving and need to eat.”
“Yes right of course you do.” Shit it must take a mountain of food to feed his body.
“You hungry, poppet?” shrugging my shoulders
“No, not really I'm not allowed to eat, I have to earn it and even if I was, I have no means to buy food,” I say looking around at the people walking by smiling at us and me.
“WHAT!” his voice snaps out harsh and angry.
Oh shit, I said that aloud, didn’t I, shit. “Umm I mean that no I don’t eat much” My voice weak nowhere near as strong as it needs to be. I just hope he doesn’t see through the lie and question me further.
“Sure you did,” he snaps, tension pooling around us as his breathing picks up. I can feel the deep heaves of breath he is taking. The way his chest rises and falls, taking my body with it. I feel his anger, it scares me.
“Please, will you put me down? I’d like to walk now.” As much as I liked that, I need to get some space... the anger, it’s all too much for me to bear. He slowly places me down on the side walk. My hands slide down his back I step out from his space as he turns his green eyes ins tense with black flecks peppered though them bore into mine. Heat rises in my core and my inside turn to jelly. I walk a little shakely till he pulls my hand back. Spinning me, he pushes me up against the wall in the alley. I’m gasping and I see the dots instantly,
“Timberly, what’s up with you?” he says his voice soft with just a small clip of anger lacing it.
“N-nothing,” I stammer out.
Ghost
“I know there is and you’ll tell me!” I bite out at her scared body. Shit I'm snapping at her. I don’t want to snap at her. Tears begin to pool in her eyes. “FUCK, GHOST!” I snap out as Timberly wobbles like jelly in front of me. I just manage to catch her as she goes down. Great, just fucken great, I’ve done it again. As I’m carrying her to my shop, I see Red and before she can walk into the diner I whistle out to her to grab her attention. Her face pales as she sees Timberly’s frame small and limp in my arms. I watch her cross the road as she approaches I breath out.
“My keys are in my front pocket, unlock the door!”
She pushes a shaky hand into my pocket, pulling out the keys and unlocks the door. Her concerned eyes meet mine as I walk into my shop. I place her out to it body on the couch, before turning around. I surge myself at the wall, punching my hand into it until it cracks out around my fist, again and again, both fists screaming out.
“Son, will you calm down!” Red yells out.
“It’s not son, it’s Ghost!" I grit out through my teeth. Stalking off to the bathroom, I need to get high. Fuck the ‘let’s get clean’ shit. Opening the cabinet, I pull out the small sliver box that holds my drugs, needle, spoon, mirror and razor.
Sitting down on the toilet, I pull the bag out, not even bothering to line the powder. I need to feel her swimming in my veins not dancing in my brain. Pulling the spoon out, I sprinkle a little out into the spoon. Running the tap, I pull some of the water from it into the syringe before squirting a small amount into the spoon. I turn it around and mix the powder and water together with the plunger end, happy when it’s all mixed. I begin to heat up the junk in the spoon, burning it down to the sweet liquid that will wrap me in its sweet embrace. My mouth is salivating as I tie the rubber around my arm. Tapping, I bring up a vein before I pull the needle from my mouth. I push the cool tip into my vein, pushing in a little bit then pulling out a little – my blood mixing with lady love – before I jab the whole lot into my body.
My eyes flick back in my head, my lids fall down as she fills me, taking me on her ride of a drug filled orgasmic explosion, spiraling up and up higher till I whirl down all heat and ecstasy. Euphoria fills me as all my senses are heightened. Biting down on my lip, I fucking love the feeling she gives me, it puts me in a trance-like state of ‘I don’t fucking care.’ I love it.
Looking at my glazed over eyes as I leave the bathroom, I pull my hoodie over my head, ashamed as shit for caving and knowing I can’t stay in here any longer, not with her taking up all the air in this small space. I can’t use her to stay clean, I'm a danger to her health. It was good to great even, looking at her sitting up head in hands sobs leaving her body. My fists clench as I click my jaw biting down deep the bile rises in my throat. I did that I am the cause to her tears and it fucking hurts knowing that my hot head has caused so much pain to her already aching body.
Red catches my eyes, shaking her head in a warning to not come near. I wasn’t anyway. Reaching into the drawer of the counter and pulling out the bag that holds the phone I got her and the gloves and hat – she always looks so cold and I can text her – a smile forms as I think of the fun I could have with that phone. “This is for you, take it, leave it, I don’t care but I'm off. I can’t stay here knowing that I hurt you so much, stay as long as you need.” Looking over my shoulder as I pull the door, the sight of her body shaking hits my core. “I just wanted to help you, show you that you are more than this vessel of nerves, Timberly, that is all. I failed and I'm over it, I don’t have time to fix something that won’t let me, you’re n
ot the only one that has been abused and thrust into a life they didn’t ask for. We are the same, you and I, you just need to see me... really see me, the way I see you.” The click of the lock mixed with her sobs grates on my nerves.
What I just did was cold, yes, but fuck, how many times do you need to pass out and run from me? As fucked up as I am I still want to try and fix her on the chance that she may just be the healing for my dark psychotic soul. Who was I fooling, I can’t lie to myself anymore. I’ll always be this person that can’t give to anyone something that I just haven’t got; LOVE, COMPASSION, EMOTIONS... the only lady that has ever fully loved me and wanted me, needed me was lady love. Her and the needle of sweet dreams, that and the club girls, that’s what I need. My dick sucked while I down a glass of Jager.
I need to drown out the last look her eyes gave me, fear, she had fear in her sweet irises. All I wanted was to give myself to her to keep her safe but just like always, my temper, the anger, overtakes me, scaring the nice ones off. I'm not cut for this type, it’s the club girls all the way. Ride and die on the dick of a Reaper, they would.
Pulling my bike into the compound, I park up next to all my brothers’ bikes. As I glance around, I notice there are a few new ones here. What the fuck, am I missing something? Surely not, I haven’t been MIA for that long. I feel the sense of home even through my drug-laced veins walking into the club that smells of sex, smoke, spilled piss and the reek of cheap perfume that the girls wear, mixed with the smell of leather and oil.
Taking my seat on the couch in the far corner of the club up on the platform that’s just for us boys, I pull my cap out from my jacket pulling it down over my eyes. Leaning back in the chair, I motion to a club girl to bring me my Jager and her hot ass lips to my dick. 81 walks over with Tigg, Cage and West right behind him, “Sup brother where you been?”
Heal Me (Reapers Reign, #3) Page 9