by Penny Jordan
Already she was terrified by the knowledge of how much she yearned for him. It would be far too dangerous to allow herself to get any further involved with him.
She would probably not be called upon to make any such choice, she reminded herself wryly. After all, Dominic had left without saying anything about getting in touch with her. No, if she was sensible she would look upon last night as something which should have happened eight years ago; something infinitely precious to her, but also something that could never be repeated.
Despite her firm resolve several times during the morning she found her hands growing still over their tasks, her mind drifting back to the previous evening, her body languid with remembered pleasure, until reality intruded and she shuddered back to reality.
It was pointless and self-deluding to allow herself to be deceived by some romantic fantasy. Last night Dominic had been a man held in thrall to the grip of very strong emotions, and man-like he had exorcised those emotions by the most physical means possible. No doubt today he was feeling as annoyed with himself for giving in to his desire for her as he had previously been at experiencing that desire. People did not change overnight; it might even be that Dominic resented learning the truth about her.
It was to stop herself thinking about her feelings for him that Kate kept herself so busy trying to second-guess Dominic’s emotions and thoughts, she thought wryly as she finally abandoned her half-hearted attempt to work. For once not even the prospect of starting on a new commission had the power to thrill her. A tiny shiver of sensation rippled over her skin. No, it seemed that Dominic alone now had that power. Angry with herself, she forced back the thought. It was pointless to build crazy dreams on what her intellect told her were the most flimsy of foundations. It would be reckless folly indeed to invite even more pain by allowing herself to believe that she meant something to Dominic as a person.
Round and round her thoughts chased one another, exhausting her mentally, but leaving her physically strained and on edge.
When she heard a car coming up the drive her first thought was that it must be Dominic, and she flew to the window, fighting down a crashing sense of disappointment when she recognised Vera getting out of her husband’s car.
Forcing a smile to her lips, she opened the door to her.
‘Hi… I hope I’m not interrupting your work, but I’m at a bit of a loose end. Ian and Dominic have gone to the City for some business discussions, so I thought I’d come round and see you.’ She gazed appreciatively around the hall. ‘This is really lovely, Kate, you must be very sad at the thought of parting with it.’
‘In some ways, yes,’ Kate agreed. ‘But it was Ricky’s family home and…’
‘Of course, how tactless of me!’ Vera looked mortified. ‘Of course, you can’t enjoy living somewhere that reminds you—’
‘No…no…it isn’t like that at all,’ Kate assured her. ‘As a matter of fact, I always think of it as being Ricky’s grandfather’s house. I used to come over here a lot with my father when he was alive. It is lovely, but I just can’t afford to keep it in the style to which it’s become accustomed,’ she joked ruefully.
She was aching to ask Vera when Dominic was coming back, but even as she tried to think of a casual enough way to frame her question her tongue seemed to stick to the roof of her mouth. What a ridiculous way for a woman of twenty-seven to behave, she chastised herself, especially when she had just spent all morning reminding herself that there was no future for her with Dominic…no basis between them for any sort of continuing relationship at all. It was high time she faced the truth, unpalatable though it might be. As far as Dominic was concerned, she was just a woman he had needed to get out of his system in the most primitive way possible, and now that that had been achieved… Witness the way he had not even bothered to wait for her to wake up this morning…had not even left her a note, or bothered to get in touch with her.
She showed Vera over the house and then the gardens, listening with half an ear while the other woman marvelled admiringly at them.
Once they were back inside Kate offered her tea, and they sat drinking it together in the drawing-room, Kate’s thoughts wandering painfully back to Dominic, so that she didn’t realise that Vera had gone quiet until the latter said abruptly, ‘It’s such a pity that you and Dominic don’t hit it off, you…’
Dreading what Vera might be about to say, Kate interrupted hastily, ‘Oh, it isn’t really important—after all, we’re not likely to ever see that much of one another.’
The phone rang, shocking her into silence. She stared at it helplessly for several seconds before she realised that Vera was watching her with a rather puzzled frown. Tense with longing and dread, she walked over to it and picked up the receiver, an intense feeling of disappointment attacking her as she recognised Martin Allwood’s voice.
‘Hope I’m not disturbing you,’ he began, unconsciously echoing Vera’s words on her arrival. ‘But we’ve got the printed detail sheet for the house back now, and I wondered if I could pop round later to show it to you.’
She ached to say no, to blot out anything that would stop her from re-living over and over again the previous night, but she forced herself to fight down the impulse, saying instead, ‘Yes, of course, I’d like that.’
‘The thing is it will have to be this evening, say about nine-ish? I’ve got to call and view a house at eight, so with a bit of luck I could call on you on the way back.’
Agreeing to his suggestion, Kate replaced the receiver. Vera was watching her with unabashed interest.
‘Just the estate agent,’ she told her, wondering why on earth she sounded so defensive.
Vera grinned. ‘So I gathered. Sue thinks he’s fallen for you.’
‘Sue’s a committed romantic,’ retorted Kate, grimacing faintly. ‘She’s been trying to get me married off for the best part of the last six years.’
‘But you’ve obviously never been tempted?’ Vera looked openly curious, and Kate felt her heart contract in pain. She had no wish to offend Vera, but there was simply no way that she could confide in her. Without realising it her eyes had darkened with pain, betraying something of her feelings.
‘Forgive me, Kate,’ Vera said gently, ‘I’m prying and I shouldn’t. It’s one of my worst traits, but I’m afraid that like Sue, I’m a hopeless romantic too. Mind you, I’m often way, way off target.’ She made a rueful moue and said lightly, ‘You won’t believe this, but the first time I saw you and Dominic together, I couldn’t help but think what an attractive couple you made.’
Kate disguised her sharp gasp of anguish by bending down as though she had knocked herself against the telephone table. Fortunately she had been able to turn her face away from Vera’s, and the other woman was still chattering blithely to her, thankfully oblivious to her traitorous response to the sound of Dominic’s name.
It was just gone five o’clock when Vera left, explaining that she had promised to pick Ian up from the station. Which must mean that Dominic was not returning to the village, Kate thought painfully.
She told herself that she ought to be pleased…relieved that she was not going to be obliged to see him. It was far better that there should be a clean break like this, rather than the torture of a fully fledged affair, ending when Dominic ultimately tired of her. Yes, she was lucky that his desire for her had been quenched so swiftly, otherwise she might tonight be finding herself in the position of having to lie to him and pretend that she did not want him.
Instinctively she knew it would be very hard to swerve him from a path once he had set his foot upon it, and feeling about him as she did, she doubted that she would have the strength of will to send him away, should he have decided that one night with her was not enough.
And yet the longer she allowed herself to be involved with him, the more helplessly she would become enmeshed in the web of her own feelings for him.
She was a little surprised that she had heard nothing from Sue, she reflected wryly. Her friend
must surely be curious to know what effect her revelations had had on him. Unless, of course, Sue was deliberately keeping a low profile, anticipating her anger at being betrayed.
She was just pondering over this when the phone rang. As soon as she registered Sue’s cautious, ‘Hi…’ Kate wondered if there could possibly be such a thing as E.S.P.
They chatted for a few minutes, neither of them mentioning Dominic. Kate felt as though her nerves were being stretched on fine wires and that they now just needed the merest touch to snap them completely.
When Sue eventually mentioned Dominic, she froze, thankful that her friend could not see her face.
‘I’m afraid I lost my temper with him yesterday,’ Sue confessed. ‘And what’s worse, I blurted out to him the truth about your marriage to Ricky. I don’t know which of us was the more shocked! You know what I’m like when my temper explodes. I don’t suppose you’ve seen anything of him?’
If she told Sue that Dominic had been round to see her, her friend would want to know what had happened. She knew Sue of old, she would not rest until she had prised every last detail from her, and that was something she could not bear, no matter how well-meant Sue’s curiosity might be, so instead of telling the truth she lied, squashing the feelings of guilt stirring uncomfortably inside her.
‘Ought I to have done?’ she asked lightly. The receiver slid stickily in her hand, tension making her shake.
‘Maybe not… It’s just that I thought he might have hot-footed it round to your place to apologise. It certainly gave him one hell of a jolt.’
‘I expect it did. No one likes having their judgment proved wrong, but it was all over a long time ago, Sue.’
‘Not for you it wasn’t,’ Sue contradicted her. ‘His rejection of you left painful scars, Kate, we both know that. I… Oh damn,’ she cursed, ‘someone’s just come to the door. I’ll try to come over and see you tomorrow, Kate. Must go now… ’Bye!’
Grateful to whoever Sue’s visitor was for her reprieve, Kate replaced the receiver and wandered back into the study. She had hardly touched her work today. Damn Dominic! She didn’t want him intruding in her life, in her thoughts in this far too pervasive way.
She worked for close on an hour knowing, when she had finished, that most of what she had done was completely worthless, and neither had she been remotely successful in banishing Dominic from her thoughts.
The sound of a car outside made her glance at her watch and frown. It was a quarter to nine. Martin Allwood was early. She got up and hurried into the hall, opening the door at his first ring, but the pleasant smile she had forced on to her face faded as she saw not Martin Allwood, but Dominic standing outside.
He was in the hall before she could even think of closing the door on him, the dark business suit and contrasting white shirt he was wearing immediately reminding her of the very first time she had seen him.
He looked tired, she noted painfully, his mouth drawn tight in uncompromising anger as he demanded harshly,
‘Why did you lie to Sue about not seeing me?’
His question was so totally unexpected that it threw her completely, leaving her to stare at him while her brain tried to come up with a satisfactory response.
‘Are you so ashamed of making love with me that my presence here last night is something that has to be lied about and hidden? It’s okay to make love with me, but only as long as no one else knows about it, is that it?’
Kate struggled to understand the reason for his bitterness. Surely that was her line? After all, he was the one who had disappeared without a word or a note. But instead of challenging him with this all she could do was to stammer nervously, ‘How do you know what I said to Sue?’
‘Because I arrived at her house just after she had finished speaking to you. I went round there to apologise for my previous manner towards her, and she was rather surprised that I had taken the time and trouble to apologise to her, but not to you.’ He saw her expression and his mouth twisted in a bitter smile. ‘Oh, don’t worry,’ he told her harshly, ‘I haven’t betrayed you.’
Listening to the condemnation in his voice, Kate realised wearily that nothing had changed between them. She had been right to fear any further contact with him. He was still hurting her…causing her pain.
She looked at him, intending to ask him to leave, and her whole body trembled. Even without closing her eyes she could picture him as he had been last night when he made love to her…
‘Kate.’ His voice had softened to something almost approaching pleading, and if she hadn’t known better she could almost have sworn there was pain in his eyes too. ‘We have to talk…about last night…’
Panic flared inside her. He was going to tell her that it had all been a mistake, she could feel him gathering himself together to say so.
‘No…no…there’s nothing for us to talk about,’ she interrupted shakily, focusing her eyes on a point to the right of his shoulder so that she would not have to look at him. ‘We were both a little carried away by…by circumstances…but nothing’s really changed, Dominic. We both know that.’
She had herself under control enough to look at him now. Instead of looking relieved as she had expected, he looked bitterly furious, his mouth compressed in a hard line as he flung at her,
‘You want me!’
Oh, the humiliation of it…of him standing there and stating so trenchantly the obviousness of her desire for him. She searched feverishly for some means of defence that would not involve her in an outright lie, and managed huskily,
‘I wanted you eight years ago as well, but wanting isn’t loving, Dominic.’
For a moment there was silence and then he asked harshly, ‘Have I asked you for love?’
Her skin whitened under the taunt, and she knew then that she had been right to be wary of seeing him again. The pain was now worse, far worse than it had been before, because now he knew so much more about her; could hurt her in so many more ways.
There was nothing more she could say. By coming here and saying to her what he had Dominic had confirmed all her own worse doubts and fears about their relationship. Relationship? What relationship? she mocked herself savagely. She had simply been a one-night stand; a means of appeasing a physical hunger which she had known he deeply resented.
She walked to the door suddenly feeling very, very old, and opened it, turning to look blindly at him.
‘I think you’d better leave, Dominic.’
‘If that’s what you want.’ He sounded completely indifferent, almost callously so.
He was just about to leave when Martin Allwood’s car came up the drive. Kate kept her eyes fixed on it, but still she felt Dominic turn to look at her, his glance almost seeming to burn her sensitive skin.
‘So that’s it,’ he said curtly. ‘He can’t be very good in bed, Kate,’ he added coolly as he stepped through the door. ‘Otherwise, you’d never have responded to me the way you did last night. He’s very like Rick, isn’t he? Take care, Kate. It’s criminal folly to make the same mistake twice.’
He was gone before she could retort, nodding abruptly to Martin as the latter climbed out of his car.
‘Odd sort of chap,’ commented Martin, as Kate showed him into the house. ‘For some reason I get the feeling he doesn’t much care for me. Good friend of yours, is he?’ he asked Kate speculatively as she closed the door.
‘He was a friend of my husband’s,’ Kate told him repressively. She suspected that Martin was something of a gossip and she did not want him gossiping about Dominic and herself, especially not now…
What had he wanted to talk to her about? she wondered as she took Martin into the drawing-room and offered him a drink, her movements when he accepted automatic, her mind totally engrossed by the purpose of Dominic’s visit.
He had wanted to make his position clear to her, that was all, she derided herself. He had wanted to make sure that she understood that there was no real significance about what had happened last night. No doubt h
e had been anxious that she should not get the wrong idea…not make demands upon him or assumptions about the future.
Well, he need not have bothered. She knew exactly what the situation was.
Abruptly she became aware that Martin had stopped talking. Flushing slightly, she looked at him to find that he was eyeing her with frowning curiosity.
‘I’m sorry,’ she apologised, ‘I was thinking about my work.’
‘I was just asking you what you thought of the leaflet.’
He was holding it in his hand and Kate took it from him, forcing herself to concentrate her attention on it.
It was gone ten o’clock when he eventually left. He had been disposed to stay and chat, and eventually she had been forced to make an outright claim to being tired to get him to go.
At the front door he had paused to ask her out for dinner, but Kate had refused. She was too exhausted emotionally to even think of going out with anyone else.
CHAPTER EIGHT
TRYING to appear normal in front of Sue when she arrived the following afternoon was one of the hardest things Kate had ever had to do. Sue was obviously eager to regale her with all the details of the scene between Dominic and herself, but Kate forestalled her, causing her to frown slightly.
‘Kate, surely you don’t still feel so strongly about him that you can’t even bear to hear his name mentioned?’
She did, but not in the way that Sue meant.
‘It’s not that,’ she lied, ‘it’s just that I’ve got so much on my mind already, what with this commission from Vera and Ian, and then selling the house.’
‘Of course.’ Sue’s ready sympathy only increased her sense of guilt. ‘You must be feeling really down about having to part with this place. Has anyone been round to view it yet?’
‘No.’
Having been distracted away from the subject of Dominic, Sue continued to chat blithely for another half an hour before announcing that she had to go to collect the children from school.
‘You need a holiday, Kate,’ she chided her friend as she left. ‘You’re looking far too tired. You need to get away.’