by Carrie Adams
Talking of the girls…“Hey, you lot, how are you getting on?”
Cora, Maddy and Lulu, and Katie and Ella, Fran’s daughters, had set up camp in their tiny room. Lulu was chief hairdresser, although Amber was supposed to be overseeing her. James had been banished to Faith and Luke’s house in Acton, along with Caspar. James’s flat in Hampstead had temporarily been designated a Red Tent, a sanctuary reserved for women. You couldn’t see the floor for tulle. Fran, Billie, Claudia, and I crowded into the doorway to watch the girls pull up one another’s zippers, brush their hair, and twirl around until we felt dizzy. We three women watched the five and shared a silent prayer of thanks for our luck, the love in our lives, and one another. I took Claudia’s hand and squeezed it, knowing she was thinking of the daughter she’d lost. All happy events forever after, however sweet, would be tinged with sourness. There would always be someone missing from our party.
“This calls for a drink,” I said. I heard no dissenting voices.
Down in the kitchen, I popped a cork and poured foam into four glasses. Then I poured a fifth. For Amber. She was a woman too now. Certainly a woman in the making.
“Amber! Champagne!” I called up the stairs.
“I’m so glad you’re getting on better now,” said Claudia.
“Oh, my God, the difference is amazing. She’s been delightful these past few weeks.” I looked at Fran. “I thank your son. My number-one fan.”
“Not anymore, I’m afraid. That boy’s bananas about her.”
“Where is she?” asked Billie. “I can’t wait to see her dress.”
“Probably in the bathroom,” I said, handing out drinks. I raised a glass. “To absent friends,” I said.
“To Helen,” said Billie.
We all drank.
“I’m not going to make a speech later,” I said to Billie, Claudia, and Fran, “but there is something I’d like to say to you three. Thank you for all your support and advice over the years. Thank you for forgiving me when I didn’t listen, and encouraging me when I did. Thank you for sharing your lives with me,” I looked at Fran and Billie, “and your children. I want you to know that the only reason why I’m contemplating getting married is because I know I have you three watching my back. And I know that I can tell you anything, and I won’t be judged. And I know if I start cocking it up, you’ll tell me off, and if James is a pain in the arse, you’ll back me up. There’s no way I’d do this without you. It’s too darn hard.”
“Very sensible,” said Fran, who knew a thing or two about marriage.
“Don’t cry, Tessa. Your makeup will run.” Billie handed me a piece of paper towel.
“To us!” said Claudia.
“To us!” we chorused.
A door slammed. Footsteps took the stairs two at a time. Another door slammed. We lowered our glasses. Everyone looked at me.
“Amber?” asked Fran.
“When did she go out?” I asked, worried. Losing James’s precious jewel would set us back a bit.
“You’d better go up,” said Fran, mother to all.
“Me?”
“Who else, sweetie?”
“Can’t you do it?”
“You said things were better.”
“They are,” I whispered, “but I still feel like a fraud. Please go. She really likes you.”
“No!”
“Stairs aren’t easy in this dress—” She pointed to them. Okay, okay, I’ll go. “Give me that glass,” I said.
I knocked on Amber’s door.
“Go away,” came Amber’s voice. “Please.”
It was the “please” that struck me.
“You all right?”
She didn’t answer.
“Amber?” I turned the handle. Suddenly it pushed back against me. “Go away! I said go away! What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s happened? Everything all right with Caspar?”
She didn’t reply.
“What’s he done?”
“Who?”
Oh, God, we were back to that. “I have a glass of champagne for you,” I said. Trying another tack.
Silence.
“You don’t want it?”
More silence.
“Okay. Well, we’re leaving in about ten minutes.” I turned to go, then turned back, trying to remember what big events had done to me at her age. “Listen, Amber, if you’re worried about your dress, I want you to know that you look absolutely beautiful in it. Your dad will be so proud. We both will…” I waited for a reply. But all I got was a blast of music through the door. Angry guitar music. I guess I had Caspar to thank for that. Where were the Bonne Belles when you needed them? I walked back into the kitchen.
“What’s going on?”
I shrugged.
“Where did she go?”
I threw up my hands. My friends looked at me, disappointed. “What? It’s like getting blood out of a stone. She won’t talk to me.”
“Well, something’s happened,” said Claudia. “She was so excited earlier.”
“I’ll ring Caspar,” said Fran. “Maybe they’ve had a fight over the song.”
“Song?”
Fran raised an eyebrow. “Oops.”
“What bloody song?”
“It’s a secret,” said Fran.
“Not anymore. Spill.”
“Caspar and Amber have been working on a best-man song.”
Talk about the missing pieces falling into place. “No wonder there was such a bloody fuss about the band. You’ve no idea how many favors I had to pull in to get decent live music at such short notice. Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“It was a surprise.”
“For James. Not me.” I shook my head. “Call Caspar. I can’t deal with a bloody scene tonight. Prima bloody donnas.” I poured myself another drink. “Maybe the lighting isn’t right at the venue and Amber’s decided not to go on.”
“Oi, Tessa, put the broomstick down,” said Claudia.
“You don’t know what it’s like,” I pleaded.
“Nor do you,” she replied, “to have some siren move in and cast a spell on your dad.”
“I’m the siren here?” I lowered my voice. “Did you see that dress? It cost the same as mine!”
Fran came back into the kitchen. “Caspar says he hasn’t seen her since this afternoon at the rehearsal and it went brilliantly. He’s going to call her and call us back.”
I rolled my eyes, Amber-style. “She’s going to ruin it, I just know it.”
“Something might have actually happened. Where’s Bea? Are you sure she’s okay with all of this?”
“It was her idea! She’s not the problem. It’s Amber. She’s having one of her hissy fits. I’ll tell you how this plays out. I’ll have to get James, he’ll spend half an hour with her, coaxing her out of her room, and when maximum damage has been caused, she’ll put on a brave face, get over whatever imagined drama took place, put on that dress, and steal the bloody limelight. Just like the other night, when she stormed out, having demanded a taxi first. What happened to smacking them and sending them to their room?”
“They get bigger than you,” said Fran.
“And they made it illegal,” said Billie.
“Really? Pity. You know, once she’s calmed down, James will be so proud that she managed to pull herself together and get over her nerves, or whatever this bollocks is. Oh, please don’t look at me like that.” I wagged a finger at them. “Just you wait,” I said knowingly, “Amber Kent is tricksy.”
“How old are you? Thirteen? Don’t you remember what it was like?”
Oh, shut up, Claudia. I take back everything I just said about you.
“It’s true, Tessa. You were very forgiving of Caspar and his hideous moods.”
“Why is Amber so different?”
What I said about all of you—turncoats! I dug myself in. Because, because, because…she holds James’s heart in the palm of her hand and only lends it to me when she returns to her mother’s.
“I was only asking for one night,” I said petulantly.
“I thought you were doing this for the girls?” said Billie. “All of them.”
“All right, all right, I’m a wicked witch,” I growled at them. Which made them laugh. “But it’s so hard sharing him.”
“It could be worse. He could be like Christophe and not give a shit.” Billie was right. Cora’s dad had all but vanished.
“Okay, okay, I’ll get James,” I said, giving in. Everyone nodded.
WE ENDED UP GOING ON ahead with the tulle fairies in a vast people-carrier. I poured champagne onto the bile and hoped the acids would neutralize each other. By about the fifth glass, it was working.
There were so many friends at Century, the bar James had hired for the party, that I started to forget my fiancé was still at home with the mini-bride. Okay, it wasn’t completely working, but I was having fun. Then Mum and Dad turned up, with Ben and Sasha, and my group was cemented. It was fun introducing my future family to my old friends. I liked Faith. Honor, I knew I could love. And Peter and Dad hit it off in an instant. Who knew fishing could be so funny? I could feel a new hobby coming on to add to the hundreds of others Dad had acquired since he’d retired a quarter of a century ago. I went up and hugged him. No girl could be more proud of her father than I was of Dad.
Mum looked great too. She had one of her walking sticks. One was good. Two was less good. The walking frame was bad. She only used her chair as a last resort. Lucy the hippie and Billie the Slavic gypsy seemed to be finding something utterly fascinating in each other, and later I saw them working the room like a couple of pros. I’ve always known there was something special about Billie, something mystical and unique, and my estimation of Lucy rose: she’d had the insight to see beyond the awkward exterior and plumb the depths.
Finally, I saw James. Drunk with love, I ran up to him and threw my arms around him. “I thought you were going to stand me up.”
“Never,” he said.
“Everything all right?”
“Well, we’re here,” he said.
Amber disappeared into the shadows. She wasn’t wearing the blue dress. “What happened to her dress?”
A storm crossed James’s face. “Don’t ask.”
“All that money—”
“Tessa?”
“Sorry.”
“I need a drink.”
He didn’t have to say it twice.
THE DRINKS FLOWED AND THE noise level increased. I got so many compliments that I started to feel like Ava Gardner herself. Halfway through some defamatory story about an ex-boy-band member, which Matt, my assistant, was telling, there was a loud squawk through the speakers. We jumped.
Dad was on the mic. A stagehand moved him away from the amplifier and the noise died away. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry to interrupt the revelries, but I would like it very much if you would forgive an old man and allow him to say a few words about his daughter. The bride-to-be. As you all know, James and Tessa have decided to bugger off to the beach to get married and, for some inexplicable reason, have decided not to take us all along.”
“You’re invited, Dad!”
“Yes. But a father-of-the-bride speech isn’t much good without an audience. So, ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado”—he looked at his notes—“I’d like to thank the vicar for—Oops, sorry, old version.” He chuckled and put the paper away. People chuckled with him. Couldn’t help it with my dad. It was something about the youth that came through his eyes and voice, even though his skin was old, and his bones were a little more bent than I’d have liked them to be. “Tessa was born very quickly. We never even made it to the hospital. Our daughter wouldn’t wait and I think it’s safe to say we’ve been trying to keep up with her ever since. Her curiosity was my gain. From the moment I caught her, and, I mean, literally caught her, to now, she has made me turn away from age and walk back to meet her, in her youth. The more she does, the more she grows, the more I gain. I honestly feel that the day she came to tell us she was marrying James was the day we finally met as true equals. Father and daughter. No longer parent and child. I’m so proud of you, Tessa.” His voice choked a bit. A lump the size of a piece of coal came to my throat. “Proud of your friendships, which I know you hold so dear. Proud of your tenacity and refusal to give up. Proud of your mind, your wit, and your beauty, which you have never abused. And, of course, your excellent synchronized swimming.”
There was a ripple of bemused laughter.
“James, I know you know you’re a lucky man, and since she never stops talking about you, I feel confident in saying she feels the same. But, Tessa, I want you to know that luck is only one tiny part of marriage. Love, respect, humility, kindness, selflessness, and pure grit make up the rest. And then there is the final, secret ingredient that gives us the strength to jump the hurdles, cross the ravines, scramble up the slopes, and survive the desert. I used to think it was magic. But maybe it’s hope. So, I would like to raise a glass to hope.”
“Hope,” echoed the smiling room.
“To James and Tessa.”
“To James and Tessa,” they called back.
“To the Kents and the Kings,” people were shouting now.
“The Kents and the Kings!”
“I feel a great union coming on,” said Dad, taking a sip. “And finally, but most important, to my beloved and brilliant wife Lizzie, who gave me two great gifts in this life. Her love and our daughter. I thank you for them both. Good night.”
Well, what can I say? The crowd went wild and I ruined my makeup. I hugged Dad hard, he hugged me harder still. Over his shoulder I saw Amber. Watching us, watching James kiss me now, and I thought perhaps Claudia was right. If someone had come along and claimed my dad, how would I have felt? As isolated and miserable as she looked, probably. Excusing myself, I walked toward her, but people kept coming up and congratulating me, kissing me, complimenting me, and it was difficult to get away without seeming rude.
By the time I’d crossed the room, she’d gone. I made a mental note to find her, but the party took over time and space and, before I knew it, we were well into the early hours.
We hit the dance floor. My mother did a slow dance with Ben to a funky Beyoncé number. I danced with Luke. Then Mum. Then Ben.
Then James tapped me on the shoulder and I danced with him. It was more of a medley by then anyway. “Seen Amber anywhere?”
I shook my head and kissed him.
“I can’t find her,” he said, his eyes scanning across the bopping heads.
“I know Caspar was in search of her. Maybe they’ve escaped to a dark corner.”
“I very much doubt it.”
“Come on, James, she’s nearly fifteen. She’s allowed—”
“It’s not that. They had a fight, if you must know, and he upset her a lot.”
“Here at the party?”
“No, before. That’s why she was…Anyway, I don’t want to ruin our night.”
“They didn’t have a fight. We called. He said everything was great.”
That stormy look passed over James’s face. “What is it?” I asked, worried.
“Really, Tessa, I don’t want to talk—”
“For God’s sake, tell me!”
“He tore her dress. She wouldn’t tell me exactly how but it doesn’t take a genius and now I can’t find her anywhere.”
“No way, James.”
“She showed it to me.”
“That doesn’t mean Caspar—”
“You’re saying Amber’s lying?”
There was that place between a rock and something harder I was getting so used to. “Of course not, but it must have been an accident or—”
James narrowed his eyes. “How do you rip a girl’s dress by accident?”
I could see this escalating fast and furiously. I was sure that when Bea had proposed an engagement celebration, she hadn’t wanted it to end with James and me at each other’s throats. “You’re right. Let’s t
alk about it tomorrow.”
Ben filled the gap between us. “I was expecting a groom’s speech from you,” said Ben jovially.
“Not very good at that sort of thing,” James replied. “Sorry, Ben, please excuse me, but I’ve got to go and look for my daughter.”
“Oops, did I say the wrong thing?”
I watched James go. “Is it just me or does the way he says ‘my daughter’ evoke thoughts of pure evil?”
“Actually even I got a whiff of the sanctimonious just then—what’s up?”
“I’m thinking of getting myself a large, oval, gilded mirror.”
“Ever thought of boarding school?” asked Ben.
“Frequently.”
Ben pulled me toward him and gave me a hug. “Everything will settle down, don’t you worry.”
I leaned into him. “Can I tell you something?” Sensing the change in my tone, Ben immediately escorted me off the dance floor. Since I stuck out like a sore thumb in my flaming red dress, we snuck out onto the roof terrace to get away from the well-oiled well-wishers. It had been raining, and the teak boards glistened.
“What is it?” asked Ben, throwing his jacket over my shoulders to protect me from the cold.
“I watched their wedding video.”
“Oh, Lord.”
“It’s been haunting me ever since. I don’t know why I did it. And he isn’t bad at that sort of thing, he’s brilliant. His speech to Bea…” I could still hear the softly spoken words and see the love in his eyes. “It had me in tears and not just because it wasn’t about me. I didn’t want the same speech tonight. Actually, that’s a lie, I do want the same speech, only different. Mine. Not hers. Instead he chickened out completely. I’m gutted.”
Ben put his arm around me. “But, Tess, you can see from the way he looks at you that he loves you. You can’t be in any doubt about that.”
I stared at my feet. The leather straps were digging into the flesh. I only realized then my feet hurt. I wanted to sit down, but everything was wet.