“Where are you taking me?” She tried again as she swung into the seat and put on her dark sunglasses.
“Somewhere that worked for me in the past,” he closed the car door.
“Okay,” she kindly agreed.
Shane cranked up his rock ’n’ roll and took off. They traveled far away from the Strip and the center of the town. Soon the gorgeous Spring Mountains of the Mojave Desert didn’t have to compete with the pizzazz of the city. He hadn’t taken this drive in a long time but it was one he knew by heart. It was good to be out on the open road, silent but for his music, with Audrey beside him.
It was true about getting things off your chest.
After last night in the pool with Audrey, when Shane had said aloud for the first time that he had never loved Melina, he drove home with agonizing remembrances banging through his head.
As soon as he got to his apartment, he’d crashed facedown on his bed. He’d punched his pillows, screamed and even wept. Cried for the first time since Melina’s death, until he finally emptied what had seemed a bottomless well of grief.
Then, much to his surprise, he felt lighter. His outpouring didn’t minimize the tragedy of Melina’s death. It did nothing to alleviate his guilt, either about not preventing her accident or about not loving her. Yet it had never before occurred to him that he hadn’t been able to get it all said.
Taking the words from inside his brain and putting them into his mouth gave them a perimeter. The words had a beginning and they had an end. It was his horror to face head-on, but it was much better than carrying it around in his gut like a lead weight.
The last thing he could remember thinking about before he finally fell asleep was Audrey in the pool placing her hand on his arm to offer comfort. It was somehow because of her that he was able to face his truth.
The first thing he thought of when he woke up this morning was seeing her again as soon as possible.
The second thought was of Josefina, his longtime pal who reminded him of his grandmother Lolly. It was shameful that he’d been spending this much time in Vegas and hadn’t gone out to see her yet. Previously, if he’d been anywhere near the American Southwest he’d made a point to connect with her. If there was any hope for him, he needed to stop cutting himself off from what might help set him straight.
After letting out his secret about Melina, Josefina was the next bridge to cross.
Eventually, they reached the left turn at the corner Laundromat. Everything looked exactly the same as it had when he was here last. Children played ball in the street. Small houses were painted in pastel colors. Then it was a right at the local mercado. A banner hung from an old church building advertising worship services in Spanish. With another right turn, he pulled into the parking lot of Casa Josefina.
“What’s this?” Audrey asked while unbuckling her seat belt. She smoothed down her hair, which had been swirling in the open-topped Jeep. Navigating the graveled parking lot was no easy maneuver for her in her work heels. Shane dashed to her side to provide a stable arm, which she gratefully grabbed hold of. His chest swelled with a sort of pride as he helped her into the small adobe building.
“Remember how you suggested that I reach out to important people in my life who I’ve been cut off from? I’m taking your advice.”
“Shane, mi amor!” Josefina noticed them as soon as they came through the restaurant’s door. She rushed over. “I am so happy to see you. Why has it taken you so long to visit me?”
Was the answer that shame and regret had kept him from those he cared about?
All he could do now was try to move forward. Shane embraced Josefina, wrapping his arms around her slim body. Josefina had been something of a mentor, and she was certainly a true friend. They kissed each other on both cheeks.
“How are the grandbabies?”
“Paulo is riding his tricycle day and night. Olivia is learning to walk.”
“If there’s anything Josefina loves more than cooking, it’s her family,” Shane said to Audrey by way of introduction. “This is my friend Audrey.”
That sounded awkward the minute it came out of his mouth. Audrey wasn’t exactly his friend.
His introduction didn’t matter to Josefina, who sized Audrey up with a sparkle in her eyes and a toothy grin that told Shane she was thinking the obvious. That Audrey was a love interest he had brought to her restaurant.
“Que linda,” she complimented Audrey. Pretty, she surely was. Then Josefina murmured under her breath to Shane, “Finalmente.”
“No, Josefina,” Shane protested with a chuckle. “Audrey is actually a coworker.” He realized he should have asked Audrey ahead of time if she wanted to be introduced with her last name. Everyone in Vegas knew the Girards had purchased the old Royal Neva. Maybe Audrey wasn’t in the mood for a barrage of questions, so he didn’t mention it.
“Coworker? I see.” Josefina shot him a mischievous smile of disbelief. “You have come to eat? Please.” She gestured into her small restaurant.
The dining room was dark but strung with Christmas lights that blinked year-round. Half of the dark wood booths were filled with midafternoon diners. Come dinnertime, people would be waiting an hour for a table to sample Josefina’s Oaxacan specialties. Attracting a mix of locals and tourists, the restaurant was both a neighborhood joint and a foodie pilgrimage.
With the raised dais in the corner decorated with hanging piñatas and streams of Mexican flags, the restaurant also sometimes served as a wedding chapel. Josefina was an ordained marriage officiant. After all, this was Vegas and that designation had been known to come in handy.
“I need to take a call.” Audrey swiped her phone.
Meanwhile, everything Shane wanted to say to Josefina spilled out. About being stymied in his efforts to nail down the cookbook recipes. How blocked in general he was. The disconnection and isolation he’d been feeling.
Josefina patted him on the back. “Now you have come to see me. And you are with this magical woman. Change is in the wind.”
Just what he’d been thinking on the car ride over.
“Come, chicos, I am starting a pot of mole negro. Mole is so complicated it takes your mind off of your troubles.” She took Shane by the arm and turned to Audrey. “You put your phone away, linda, and come to my kitchen.”
Josefina gave them aprons, which they tied on. Audrey couldn’t do anything about her business garb but pulled her hair back into a ponytail with a band she found in her purse. “Toast the onions and garlic in the frying pan,” Josefina instructed her. “Shane, the chilies have been soaking. Now we puree them.”
Her small kitchen with its well-worn supplies and equipment was nothing like the huge operation Shane was running at his restaurants. Everything that came out of this kitchen was flavored with love, something he needed to remember if he wanted to stay sincere to his own mission of treating each diner as if the meal had been prepared just for them.
He enjoyed the heavy crank of Josefina’s old-fashioned food mill as he used it to separate the skins from the flesh of the chilies.
Grandma Lolly had had one just like it. Shane wondered if it was in the stack of old pots and pans of hers he had under his desk at the restaurant. He hadn’t worked with Lolly’s things in a long time. Maybe that would help him get back what he’d lost.
Audrey dutifully moved the chopped onion and minced garlic around the scorching hot skillet. She’d told Shane she didn’t know how to cook. But she was a hard worker, he could tell that from all she did for her family’s company.
And he couldn’t help gawking at how lovely she looked as she performed the task with a determined concentration.
“Josefina is from Oaxaca in Southwestern Mexico,” Shane explained to Audrey over the sizzle of her pan. “The area is known for some of the most complex food in that country. Moles are sauces that have dozens of ingredients.”
Fry the raisins. Fry the plantains. Shane did appreciate the meditation of the tasks.
Josefina’s two staff cooks filled orders for diners in the same small space with them while upbeat Spanish music played from an old radio. When the sauce had reached the point where it needed to simmer, Josefina served Shane and Audrey a plate of chicken topped with the last of her mole negro from the previous batch. “It is still my top seller,” Josefina said, talking shop to Shane.
He and Audrey stood in a corner of the kitchen, two forks digging into the same plate.
Audrey’s eyes lit up at the flavor of the dense, spicy, almost black sauce atop the simple grilled chicken.
“What do I taste that’s familiar?” she asked.
“I’ll give you three guesses,” Shane teased. He tilted his head to Josefina, “Sugar here has got a big-time sweet tooth. Maybe this is the way we’ll get her to eat chicken.”
“Chocolate!” Audrey exclaimed. “Wow, is that good. Chocolate on chicken. But it’s not really sweet, is it? It has layers of flavor. Brilliant.”
“This girl is full of life, yes, Shane?” Josefina arched her eyebrows knowingly at him.
“I told you—” Shane gently squeezed Josefina’s shoulder “—she and I are business partners.”
Josefina flashed her playful grin. “Maybe it’s a different kind of partner you need, mijo.”
After Josefina packed them some food to take, it was time to go. In the dining room, Shane hugged her. Then Josefina embraced Audrey as if she’d known her for her entire life. “When my Xavier died,” she murmured to Audrey, although Shane was able to hear, “I could not come back to myself. It took a lot of time and a lot of patience to heal.”
Shane knew Josefina was talking about him. Audrey looked Josefina in the eyes, unsure what to make of the unexpected intimacy. Then Audrey blurted, “My mother died three years ago. She was fifty-three.”
“Ah, so you and Shane have your tragedies to bind you.”
Audrey blinked heavily, not having been prepared for Josefina’s quick analysis.
“These two want to get married.” Josefina pointed to a couple waiting on the dais who were dressed in jeans but adorned with feather boas, sequined bowler hats and neon-plastic sunglasses. “Vegas, baby.”
In the Jeep on the way back, Shane had a crystal-clear thought.
The pace he’d been keeping coupled with Melina’s death had removed him from the only alchemy he’d ever known. By combining ingredients the way a painter would mix paints, he used to be able to find a new color. A holy formation that wasn’t on the earth before.
After the devastation of Melina’s death and the self-reproach that tore pieces of his flesh away day by day, those brushes with divinity stopped coming. Really the process had been shutting down for years. His relationship with Melina had been a chore. The lust, if that’s what it would be called, that drew them together had long since faded. Pretending to keep up the relationship with someone who was essentially a stranger had done nothing more than wear him out.
His business had already been sagging before her death. He had lost steam. Too much fame, too many accolades, too many projects at too young an age to handle them. A lightbulb that burned too brightly. The restaurants had gotten to the point where they were running themselves, but he wasn’t doing anything to keep them fresh and vital. He’d turned the kitchens over to his executive chefs, who were inventing the specials and new menu ideas that he should have been. When he crept into the New York or LA restaurants, it was usually to cook for an event or a group of VIPs that Reg had courted. Perhaps the Murphy brothers had gone as far as they could without that next insight into the future.
Then Reg was approached by the Girards with this Vegas idea. Which seemed like an ideal location with Shane’s predilection for Spanish cooking and Vegas’s world-class dining. Maybe this could be it. Las Vegas could turn everything around. Great food was available here. And Audrey was right—he needed to reconnect with people who knew him when he was at his best, like Josefina and his old kitchen mates from Paris, Tino and Loke.
Vegas could be where he found the good luck charm he had misplaced. It could not only revive, but catapult his career. Could he open up his soul again and reunite with the spirit that used to run through him? Was he capable of new heights?
* * *
As they sped down the open road away from Josefina’s, both Shane and Audrey were absorbed in their own thoughts. She was rerunning Josefina’s words to her about how she and Shane had loss to tie them together. Did having something like that in common really make people more compatible? Did it define who they were?
What she and Shane seemed to share was a commitment to not getting into a relationship after what their pasts had dealt them. Audrey hoped that important similarity itself would carry them through their dealings together.
The sun was beginning to set behind the mountains. “Wow—” Audrey pointed ahead to the horizon “—that’s incredibly beautiful.”
“Do you have to get back to the hotel? Let’s take a longer look,” Shane stated rather than asked. At the next turnoff, he drove them farther from the city along a flat road paved through dirt, cactus and other desert flora. Closer to the foot of the mountains, he pulled the car over and shut off the engine. In the peaceful silence of nowhere, Audrey vaguely remembered scenes from mafia movies where thugs would take wise guys out here never to return.
The view of the sunset was otherworldly. Nature was putting on one of her best shows. The noble red mountains with their voluptuous slopes rested calm and proud as darkness descended on them. Beneath the clusters of billowy clouds, the colors in the sky presented stunning layers of blue, purple, orange and yellow.
“That is something, isn’t it?” Shane marveled.
“What a strange place Las Vegas is. All that manmade light and sound right in the center of all of this,” she swept her arm left to right at the spectacular scenery in front of them.
Las Vegas, the Meadows in Spanish, had begun to attract visitors with legalized gambling, and loose requirements for marriage and divorce, in the 1930s. It grew, and continued to grow, into a one-of-a-kind oasis in the desert that the whole world flocked to. A place where people left their troubles at home, and came to play and indulge. As a restaurateur and hotelier, Shane and Audrey were trying to get their own pieces of that promise.
Shane unbuckled his seat belt and leaned back to enjoy the panorama. Audrey did the same. Out of the corner of her eye, she studied him. His striking face with its distinct jawline and beard stubble could almost give the sunset a run for its money. She stiffened at the realization that she hadn’t sat in a parked car with a man in years. Not only hadn’t she sat with a man in a parked car, she hadn’t been anywhere with a man.
What had she become? Just a work bunny who pattered around all day long until she was exhausted enough to go to sleep, only to wake up and do it again? What kind of life was that? What was the end game?
A part of her was very disappointed to lose Reg. Maybe it would have worked out nicely to have the less challenging Murphy as a companion. With Reg, she wouldn’t have had to risk getting hurt. Wouldn’t have had to ask herself any questions like the ones about authentic love that had begun scrolling through her mind since she’d been spending time with Shane.
But Reg was no longer an option. He’d flown off to share sunsets filled with real feelings.
And here she sat with this red-hot man beside her now. Who was dynamite and could blow her into pieces. His mere being already held too great a
power over her. They’d experienced too much together already.
It wasn’t only her mind that asked questions when she was around Shane. It was her very essence, her identity, her womanhood, her soul. Those were supposed to be off-limits.
Shane stretched his shoulders back and let out a sigh. The reverberation of his voice made every hair on her body stand on end.
“How do you know Josefina?” Audrey asked to distract herself from the dangerous places her insides were taking her.
Shane smiled while he kept his eyes on the sunset. “Through Diego Reyes, a madman chef in Mexico City. He brought Josefina and me together years ago to create a banquet for his daughter’s wedding and we became fast friends.”
“She’s very loving.”
He agreed, “She reminds me of my grandmother Lolly, who taught me how to cook and serve food in the first place.”
“What’s something you remember learning to cook with Lolly?” Was she putting on her micromanaging hat, as if trying to solve Shane’s problems was a way of distancing herself from her own? Every move Shane made and every move she made around him seemed to be calling her out on her own facades, on the lies she’d told herself too many times.
Shane’s mouth tipped into a half smile. “Coddle. An old Irish dish she learned from her mother. Which can be dull as old shoes but, of course, Great-grandma Peg’s recipe was delicious.”
“What was her secret?”
“Sorry, Sugar, I’ll never tell that one.”
Audrey shifted in her seat. It made her itch every time he called her Sugar. She hated it. She loved it.
“When we drove out to Josefina’s, you told me that cooking with her had helped you in the past. What did you mean?”
“The way she cooks reminds me that there aren’t any shortcuts. Yeah, there’s inspiration, but it’s only slogging through that gets you where you’re going. I’m waiting for a lightbulb to go off in my brain. I’ve lost my perseverance for the sheer work.”
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