Silvia hugs me to calm my nerves. “You have to take a pregnancy test. It might be nothing. Just bad timing. But you have to know either way.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “But I think I’m gonna pass out.”
“You have five minutes before Mr. Hopper sends someone to look for you.”
“Fuck,” I groan. “I forgot all about that asshole. I hate this job. I don’t want to go back. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation. It’s the stress, right?”
She gives me a hopeful smile, but it looks forced. “Sure, maybe. We’ll go to the drug store after work and find out what’s going on with you.”
We part ways at the end of the hall, promising to meet at the elevator bank at the end of the day. And of course, because I have the worst luck on the planet, Mr. Hopper is standing out front of his office when I return, with a terrifying expression on his face.
He raises his index finger to beckon me. “Where were you? I’ve been calling your desk for ten minutes with no answer.”
I open my mouth to speak, but before I can answer, I vomit all over his dress shoes.
Chapter Seventeen
Dean
Skate, train, repeat. That was my schedule for most of the summer and all through the pre-season. Before, I had Kat, hockey, and school. Now, my entire life revolves around hockey. With each week that passes, it’s becoming harder to find the time to talk to Kat. Everything between us has gone to shit since the Draft. Our schedules are always conflicting.
She left me a voicemail earlier when I was practicing with my team. When I called her back, it went straight to voicemail. This happens a lot. I can’t stand the distance between us. Our initial plan to see each other on the weekends hasn’t worked out, not with Kat forced to come into the office six days a week.
On my way to the club, I hit the button on my steering wheel to dial Kat’s number. This time, her line rings several times, but I still get her voicemail. She finished work two hours ago. By now, Kat should be home for the night. I miss her like fucking crazy.
Soon, my team will be in Chicago to play the Blackhawks. At least I’ll have one night alone with my girl. If she doesn’t start to hate me for all of the missed conversations. I made a promise to her that I plan to keep. But our schedules are making a liar of me.
When I pull into the crowded parking lot, I’m surprised it’s a strip club. I thought Scores was a sports bar. Ethan Waters and Will Roman, my new teammates, told me to meet them here for a drink. The guilt of being here without Kat knowing has me on edge. Now, more than ever, I wish she would answer the damn phone. I dial her number once more and get the same result. I don’t want to leave a message on her voicemail about a strip club. I doubt Kat would appreciate that.
Ethan and Will are already waiting for me at the back entrance. Of all my teammates, Will and Ethan have been the most welcoming. They both like to party a little more than I had expected for professional hockey players.
Alex Parker, Tyler Kane, and Carter Donovan are all married with kids. None of them wanted to come out with us tonight. Liam West was moping over his girlfriend, who left him at the alter last month. And Shane Murphy was too busy arguing with his baby mama over custody.
“About damn time,” Will says. “We thought you were bailing on us like the other assholes on our team.”
I shake my head as I approach them. “I didn’t know where I was going. I’m still getting used to the new car. The GPS keeps fucking up and taking me to the wrong places.”
“Didn’t you go to Strick U?” Will says.
“Yeah.”
“So did I. I would think you would know your way around the city by now.”
“Nah, I never left campus much. I didn’t have a car back then or enough money to waste on dumb shit. So, I mostly stayed on campus and hung out with my team.”
“Ethan was supposed to play for the Senators.” Will tips his blond head in Ethan’s direction. “But he pussied out and went to Boston College instead.”
Ethan gives Will a weird look, and a silent communication I don’t understand occurs between them. A beat passes and then Ethan shrugs it off.
Ethan guides me toward the door. “We come here all the time. It’s sort of a rite of passage that started back when Parker was traded to the Flyers. Since those assholes are all married and won’t come out with us, we get to continue the tradition Kane and Donovan started.”
“Is this like some weird-ass initiation?”
Ethan’s laughter shakes through me.
Will howls at my side. “Don’t be nervous, newbie. We got you covered.”
Ethan glances over at Will and shakes his head. What’s up with these two? From what I’ve read, they’ve been friends since high school and somehow managed to end up on the same team. I never see one without the other, the two practically joined at the hip.
Will presses a buzzer to the right of the door. A few seconds later, a beautiful brunette in a tight mini skirt opens the door with a smile.
“Welcome back, boys.” She steps outside and hugs Will.
Will smacks a kiss on her cheek. “Hey, Drea.”
“Hey, yourself, Romeo.” She leans into him, showing off an impressive rack, mostly covered by her silky, dark waves. “What brings you here tonight?”
Everyone on our team calls him Romeo because of his last name. But it’s mostly because of his reputation. Will is always in the news with a girl on his arm and getting into trouble because of it. His sister works for The Philadelphia Inquirer and helps mitigate some of the damage. But according to the team publicist, who reamed him out in front of everyone last week, there’s only so much anyone can do for him.
“We have a new teammate we need to break in,” Will says to Drea. “Show him the VIP treatment.”
Drea holds her palm out to me with a smile. “What’s your name, handsome?”
“Dean.”
She leads me into the dim club flanked by Ethan and Will. “Dean Crawford?”
“That’s me.”
“You’re even better looking in person.”
I smirk. “Thanks.”
Inside, the place looks like your typical strip club—neon lights, mirrored walls, leather benches, tables with chairs, three stages toward the front, and a mass of guys who crowd around the girls. Drea steers me into a private room with leather couches. The dark marble floors have a shine to them. A small chandelier suspends from the center of the mirrored ceiling. Everywhere I look, I can see my reflection staring back at me.
Behind a small bar to my right, a blonde woman waits for us, topless. She flashes a sexy smile and welcomes us. Her tits jiggle as she raises a bottle of vodka, looking like the girl next door. She reminds me of Kat.
I should call her again.
Drea points at the couches. “Gentlemen, make yourselves comfortable. I’ll wrangle the girls. Dean, do you have a preference?”
Kat.
I shake my head. “Nope.”
“You already know what we like,” Will says.
Drea nods and walks out of the room.
The bartender saunters over to us with three shot glasses in her hands. I take the glass from her, knocking it back in one gulp. The vodka burns on the way down. It’s been months since I had a drink. What I wouldn’t give to go back to college, even for only a few days. Because then I would get to see Kat every day.
Ethan shakes the bartender from his arm and moves toward me. “You might not believe me, but this place has the best Italian food in the city.”
I roll my eyes at him. “You’re fucking with me, right? We’re in a strip club.”
“No shit,” he says. “I’m serious. You have to try the food.”
The thought of eating in a strip club makes me want to vomit. After another intense workout with our trainer, my stomach hurts too much for me to ignore the hunger pains. Starved, I follow Ethan and Will to the buffet set up at the back of the room. A brunette wearing a spandex black tank top and shorts that could pass as unde
rwear stands behind the table with a plate in her hand, ready to serve us.
Ethan shoves his hand through his dark hair, avoiding her gaze. “I’ll have a little of everything.” He glances over his shoulder at me. “What do you want?”
I look at the girl behind the table. “Whatever he’s having.”
After the server hands us our plates, we sit on the couches and eat our food. By the time Drea reappears with a handful of girls, we’ve already had seconds. One of the girls sets a tray of shot glasses on the table in front of us. I have no intention to drink my share of them.
Leaning back against the leather couch, I pound a few shots before a blonde girl hops onto my lap completely nude. Ugh, as if I don’t feel guilty enough about not telling Kat. I don’t want to look like a pussy in front of my teammates. So, I embrace the lap dance.
Ethan wraps his arm around a brunette with pasties on her nipples. Will has two girls, one on each of his thighs, shoving his face between their breasts.
Will reaches around the girl to his right and taps me. “You can smile when the other guys on the team aren’t around. It won’t kill you, Crawford.”
I glance over at Will and laugh. “Easy for you to say.”
“We’ve all been there,” Will says. “Don’t let Kane get under your skin. He’s like a child. If you keep feeding into his bullshit, he’ll keep fucking with you.”
“Does he do that with every rookie?”
Since the start of training camp, Tyler Kane, our captain, has been up my ass. He’s constantly trying to push me harder, even when I have nothing left to give. It’s like he wants to break me. To prove that I’m not good enough for the NHL. But I worked my ass off to get here. No one and nothing will deter me from getting to where I’m supposed to be in my career.
Will shrugs. “Just about. Don’t take it personally. It’s his way of breaking you in. He did it to us and look how long we’ve lasted.” He says the last part with a crooked grin and one eye open as the girl on his right grinds on his dick.
I drink the amber liquid in my glass and lean forward to set it on the table. “He has a funny way of showing it.”
“Most of the guys go along with whatever Kane says. Ignore them. Play hard, continue showing up to practice on time, and keep your head down. If you do that for a few months and throw in a few points in the process, he’ll stop giving you a hard time.”
Ethan nods in acknowledgment, his eyes on the girl on his lap, and downs a shot of whiskey.
The conversation with my teammates is a nice distraction from the girl dancing in front of me. I pretend to be interested. I’m not. Leaning my head back, I close my eyes and think of Kat. If only this long-distance shit were easier. Five more songs, I tell myself. Then, I need to get out of here and call Kat again before she falls asleep.
Chapter Eighteen
Kat
Silvia grabs a bunch of pregnancy tests and drops them onto the counter at the pharmacy. I was too afraid someone would see the boxes in my hands. So, Silvia has to do the dirty work for me. Even though my dad’s retired, he’s still in the limelight. We still have paparazzi trying to snap our pictures. I can never be too careful.
After throwing up on Mr. Hopper’s expensive dress shoes, I was reassigned to another editor. I thought for sure he was going to fire me on the spot. I apologized profusely and told him I have food poisoning. Then, he shipped me off to Mark Bollinger’s office. So far, despite being sick since this morning, this day wasn’t a total disaster. At least not yet.
After Silvia pays for the tests, we rush out of the store. We’re still in the city, our houses on the outskirts, which leaves us with an hour ride home in traffic. My heart hammers in my chest, pounding so hard it feels like it’s going to make a run for it. On the Uber ride home, my body trembles from the fear rocking through me. We drive in silence, with Silvia holding my hand the entire time. Dean always knows the right words to say, and Silvia knows when not to say them.
Silvia follows me up the long, wide driveway, paved with gray and black stone. We whip through the long marble halls and rush upstairs to my bedroom in a hurry. I lock the door behind us and step into the bathroom attached to my room. Silvia empties the contents of the bag and opens the first two tests.
She holds up the sticks wrapped in plastic. “Which one do you want to take first?”
“Whichever one is more accurate, I guess.” A wave of panic rocks through me, sucking the air from my lungs. “I can’t believe we’re doing this. We only had sex a handful of times. I’m sure my missed period is from stress.”
Silvia sets the tests on the counter in front of me. “It only takes one time to get pregnant, Kat. You should have been more careful.”
“I don’t need a lecture right now, Sil. Please, just be my friend. I know I messed up. I don’t need a reminder of it.”
She sighs and steps back from the sink. “Take the tops off the sticks, pee on them, and then set them on the counter for two to three minutes.”
“That’s it?”
She nods. “Yeah, it’s pretty simple.” Inching out of the room, she says, “Good luck, babe.”
I force a smile as she closes the door. Never in a million years did I think I would put myself in this position. I’m smarter than this. I got so caught up in the moment with Dean that I stopped thinking.
After I pee on the sticks, I place them on the counter and call her back in the bathroom.
She enters the room, a dark expression crossing her face. “Shit,” she mutters, her eyes falling to the first test that’s already showing two faint pink lines.
“Please tell me that means not pregnant.”
She shakes her head. “Sorry, babe, I wish I could.”
Chills roll down my arms. “No, it’s not possible.”
The other test now has two pink lines.
“I have to take the rest of them.” I rip open another box. “Maybe these are defective.”
Silvia cups my shoulder to comfort me, staring at me in the mirror. “Kat, you know they’re not defective. One maybe but not two.”
“What about false positives? I read about them online earlier.”
“Yeah, but…”
After I down a bottle of water, I take four more tests, all of them positive. I creep out from the bathroom, tears spilling down my cheeks, my eyes puffed from crying so much. Silvia wraps her arms around me and holds me until my body stops trembling.
“We’ll figure it out,” she promises. “You won’t have to do this alone.”
“Dean’s in his first year,” I choke out. “This is the last thing he needs. He’s already stressed out. I don’t want to ruin his career.”
“Dean will want to be there for you,” she says in a hushed tone. “So, let him.”
“I can’t tell him over the phone. That’s not right. Not until I know for sure.”
“But you do know for sure.”
I shake my head. “I need the doctor to draw my blood to confirm it. Then, I’ll tell him.”
“That’s fair,” she says, her eyes downcast as she cups my shoulder. “How about I make you some hot chocolate?” I nod, and she steers me out of my bedroom and into the hallway. “Maybe that will make you feel better.”
“Nothing will make me feel better,” I mutter. “I have no idea what I’m going to do.”
“It’s not the end of the world,” she says as we descend the long staircase.
“I don’t even know how I feel. Part of me wants to be happy, the other sad because of what this will mean for Dean and I. We just graduated. We haven’t had a chance to begin our lives. It’s so sudden and unexpected. We didn’t plan for this.”
“Plenty of people have kids they didn’t plan for,” she says, guiding me through the halls toward the kitchen. “But they adapt. They figure it out. And you will, too. After you tell Dean, I’m sure he’ll come up with a plan. You’ll feel better about it once you get this news off your chest.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I plop down on
one of the stools in front of the round, granite counter at the center of the room. “It’s just… not what I had planned. The same thing happened to my mom. She’d just made partner at her firm when she got pregnant with Duke. My parents were married a few months later, and then my mom gave up her career to raise us.”
“You don’t have to follow in her footsteps. You can have a kid and still have a career.”
“It’s not the same when you’re married to a hockey player. They travel all the time. My mom couldn’t keep up with Duke and her job with my dad on the road.”
She fixes us hot chocolate with marshmallows, my favorite. “One step at a time, Kat. Don’t overwhelm yourself with all of the what-ifs running through your head right now. I can only imagine what you’re going through. If it were me, I would be freaked out, too.”
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I confess. “I don’t know what I would have done if I had to take the tests alone.”
She slides a mug of hot chocolate in front of me with a smile. “Here, drink up. Hot chocolate makes everything better.”
When my cell phone rings, vibrating across my nightstand, my heart hammers against my chest. My pulse pounds when I see Dean’s name on the screen.
“Hey,” I whisper, hoping he doesn’t hear the panic in my voice. “Everything okay? It’s late.”
“Did I wake you, Kitten?” His deep voice soothes me.
“It’s okay. I’m up now. Sorry, I didn’t call you back earlier.”
I was too busy taking pregnancy tests and having a mental breakdown to answer him.
“How was your day?”
“Busy,” he says. “Weird. How about you?”
“Okay,” I lie and hate myself for it.
Until I know for sure that I’m having his baby, I need to keep my mouth shut. He’s too new to the NHL to throw it all away for me. Dean has to focus if he wants to keep his spot with the Flyers.
“I ran errands and ordered food,” I admit. “Not exactly what I had hoped for this internship. You said your day was weird. How so?”
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