They had been tiptoeing around her situation since the day they had met. Sometimes her deafness still didn’t seem to matter to him. That couldn’t make up for the times when he let his doubts and resistance show.
Even if last night had ended differently, they would have arrived at this point eventually. Inevitably.
And here they were, face-to-face in a situation she had encountered all through her life. Having to tell about her deafness. Having to explain how she managed without hearing. Instead of happiness that he might have some respect for her abilities, she was again forced to confront a hearing man who focused on what she couldn’t do.
She had hoped to get beyond that with this man.
“I told you I can’t hear anyone’s voice,” she reminded him. “I can hear some sounds. Loud thunder. Drums. An explosion. Even with music, no matter how loud, I don’t hear the words clearly. I feel the vibrations.” She thought of the night he’d held her on the dance floor, when she hadn’t needed anything to be able to follow his steps. Then she pushed the memory away.
“Ryan, I’ve been deaf my entire life. Like Becky, I don’t miss what I’ve never heard. And—” she brought her fists down hard, emotion adding emphasis to the sign “—I can do anything anyone else can.”
He looked at her for a long moment. She wanted to cry. Or run. She wouldn’t do either.
Finally, he shook his head. “That wasn’t what I was getting at when I asked.”
“Then what?”
“I meant, how do you feel when people pretend you’re not there?”
Didn’t he always ask questions designed to throw her? She crossed her arms, cradling her elbows in the palms of her hands. He spoke again, preventing her from looking away.
“How did you feel at Becky’s age?” he persisted. “Irritated?”
“Yes.”
“Frustrated?”
“Very.”
“Left out?”
Her fingers tightened. “Yes.”
“Lonely?”
Her throat tightened, too. She could only nod. He did understand the feelings. He did care. And maybe, if he could understand her, he could eventually accept why she cared so much about being treated like everyone else.
She took a deep, calming breath and let it out again. “Like Becky, I don’t hear. But there are so many things I don’t need to know here—” she pointed to her ear “—because I can feel them here.” She rested her hand over her heart.
He reached across the space between them and touched her fingers, as gently as the first time he had touched her face to wipe the pencil smudge away.
She hoped her hand could prevent him from feeling the pounding of her heart.
Could he hear it?
Surprise froze her in place. A thought like that had never occurred to her. But then, she had never been in a situation like this one…and she had never before cared about a man the way she cared about him.
He dropped his hand by his side. “I’d best go and get ready for supper.”
She nodded.
It took all her willpower not to reach out to him the way he had done to her. He had taken one step closer to understanding, and she was grateful for that.
Would he continue to take steps until they met each other halfway?
* * *
AFTER THEIR QUIET ride to town, Ryan would have liked some time alone to talk with Lianne, but she went through the door of the local cafe without a backward glance.
He followed, taking stock of the room, from the sombreros on the wall to the unvarnished tables and chairs. With luck, the Southwestern theme of the Double S would carry through to their menu.
They had arrived early. Caleb and his wife weren’t there yet. His mother-in-law and her sister were seated at a table near the front of the cafe next to the window looking onto Signal Street.
Roselynn smiled and waved them over.
Ellamae pointed out where they should sit. She put him at one end of the table with Lianne at a right angle to him. All right by him.
Back at the house, it had seemed as if they’d made some progress. Maybe she hadn’t been playing games with him as he’d believed after all.
The thought made him feel better than he had in days.
He hadn’t realized he was smiling until Lianne smiled at him in return. That went down well with him, too.
“We hear you’re doing some good work out at the ranch,” Roselynn said.
“Yeah,” Ellamae put in, “Caleb’s very pleased.”
“That’s good to hear.” He meant it, more than the woman could ever know.
Nate entered the cafe and headed right for their table. Ellamae seemed to have given up on dictating who sat where, since the girl slid onto the chair beside Lianne’s all on her own. “Hi again, Lianne. Hi, Ryan. We were looking for you after lunch today before we left the ranch. What happened to you?”
“He was working, Nate,” Ellamae said as if she had been there. “He’s a busy man.”
“Lianne’s busy, too,” Nate said.
“Of course she is.”
Caleb and Tess arrived at the table in time to hear the exchange. “And they’re going to get busier,” he said, taking a seat across from Lianne.
The waitress followed, bringing two baskets of taco chips and pots of salsa. Dori, her name was, and she spent the next few minutes chatting with them. When they got around to giving their orders, Ryan watched her write them down on her pad. She kept smiling despite all the commotion at the table and Nate changing her mind three times. No matter what Lianne had told him, he still couldn’t imagine how she had done a job like waitressing. He wouldn’t have wanted the challenge.
“Manny will have this ready for you soon,” Dori promised.
When she left to get their drinks, Lianne turned to Caleb. “What’s this about getting busier?”
“I’d like to let the folks in town know about our plans for the ranch. I figure the best way to do that is to give a presentation at the next town council meeting.”
“That sounds perfect,” Lianne said. “It would give everyone a chance to be there.”
“Yeah,” Nate said, “so they can make sure it’s not a dude ranch.”
Lianne laughed. Ryan shifted in his chair.
“I’ll work my magic and get it on the agenda for the next meeting,” Ellamae said.
Caleb nodded. “Right. Well before the official opening.”
“That sounds like good timing,” Ryan said.
Caleb ran down a list of what they would want to include for the presentation.
When talk turned to additional plans for the school’s operation, Ryan settled back in his seat, having a hard time focusing. Chances were he wouldn’t be there to see the school open.
Being promoted to ranch foreman had put him a step closer to rebuilding his reputation and regaining Caleb’s trust. Now that his boss was back, would he get to keep his title and continue to supervise the school construction?
If he did, how would that affect the situation with Lianne?
By the time they’d finished supper and said good-night to Caleb’s family, he’d started wishing he could head back to Montana right now.
He and Lianne had come to town in his truck. When he opened her door, she put one foot up on the running board. Then she turned to him. “What is it?” she asked.
After he’d gone quiet at supper, she had eyed him a few times with that stare that made him think she could see more about him than he knew himself. He’d known her question was coming but didn’t want to get into it with her. “What’s what?”
“Don’t.” She shook her head impatiently. “You wouldn’t even look at me again after Caleb started talking about the presentation. What’s bothering you about it?”
Not the question he’d expected. He had to stop himself from smiling in relief. They would talk this out and then things would go back to normal between them. “Nothing’s bothering me,” he said honestly. “I’ve got no trouble talking to folks.”
; “You’ve got—?” Her eyes glittered in the light from the streetlamp. “Don’t do that, either. Ryan, stop putting limitations on me that I won’t put on myself. I’m managing the project. I’ll give the presentation.” Before he could respond, she went on, “You didn’t say much of anything once we all started talking about the school. Why not?”
Now they’d gotten to it. He ran a hand through his hair. “We’re nowhere near ready to open the school to anyone.”
“Then why didn’t you say that to him?”
He shrugged.
The light in her eyes dimmed as quickly as if he’d thrown a switch. “You mean you think I’m not ready.” She shook her head. “I should have known when you assumed you’d do the presentation. You still don’t think I can handle my job, do you?”
Damn. A need to touch her had him shoving his hands into his back pockets. At the same time, he had to clamp his jaws together to keep from saying something he would regret.
The dullness of her expression told him he didn’t need to answer. She had read his face and already knew how he felt. He wanted to deny what she’d said but didn’t have it in him. He wanted to lean down for a kiss, but he couldn’t do that, either.
Most of all, more than ever, he wanted to head back home.
Chapter Thirteen
Ryan settled back against an outcropping and watched the sun start its climb over the ranch house. The reddening sky just about matched his mood. The pair of hawks circling overhead didn’t help it any, either.
In the days since their supper at the Double S, Caleb hadn’t said a word about sending him to Montana. He also hadn’t demoted him.
And things hadn’t gotten any better between him and Lianne.
He rested his head back against the rock. Tossing and turning throughout the night had left him with a crick in his neck he couldn’t seem to loosen. Or maybe the stiffness had started working at him before then, the result of spending too much time around her with his hands firmly by his sides and his jaw clenched to keep from saying a whole list of things he shouldn’t.
His nightmares had been pushed aside to be replaced by dreams of her. For that alone he ought to give thanks. But bad as his nights had been for months, the dreams sure as hell didn’t make life any easier. Especially when, as this morning, he woke with the feeling he could give new meaning to the term sexually frustrated.
In desperation, he’d left the main house earlier than usual and headed out on the stallion, not even stopping at the bunkhouse. Not wanting to face Tony, who had picked just this time to go quiet on him, too.
He’d hoped a long solitary hike would clear his mind. And still his thoughts turned to Lianne.
Here on the western border of the ranch, where the hiking trail cut through the pinons and pines, everything reminded him of her. Next to him the sun-dappled stream she’d knelt beside to splash water on her face. Across from him the concrete picnic bench where he’d first kissed her. Even a look down at the sea of wildflowers and underbrush hugging the base of the mountain called to mind her bright-colored skirt flipping around her knees.
A few hundred yards beyond where he sat was the clearing she’d told him about, reached by a bridge high above the stream. He’d walked up there to take a look but didn’t cross to the opposite bank. That was her quiet, beautiful place, her shrine.
Not his.
Lately they hadn’t shared much of anything.
And yet, whether on foot or on horseback, it was always the same. He couldn’t keep from making the familiar trek to the ranch house. Still her boss, he made a point of checking in with her regularly.
Man up and tell the truth. He made multiple trips to her office every day.
He didn’t want to think about which of those visits tied in to his responsibilities as ranch manager and which were solely an excuse to see her again.
At each meeting, he could feel her reluctance to give him updates. With summer upon them and the crew taking vacation time, the construction had slowed down. She wouldn’t tell him that, but he could see the rate of progress for himself.
He could see the evidence of her progress, too. She’d begun focusing on outfitting the main building, including stocking the mess hall from dishes to nonperishable food. She claimed her job description covered everything.
What she didn’t own up to was the balance she seemed to have established for their meetings, with business on one side of the scale and all else on the other. Whenever the talk started to drift over to anything other than work, she’d back off.
Well, he could understand that. He had plenty of history he didn’t want to discuss, either. But he had trouble keeping his balance with those scales of hers.
Hell, he couldn’t find his balance around her at all.
He wanted to resolve their conflicts to make their business relationship less rocky, but she just turned her head away whenever she wanted to tune him out.
He wanted her in his bed, but that sure wasn’t happening, either.
Yet, the higher his frustration climbed and the longer he was denied satisfaction on either count, the less sure he became about which priority topped his list. About which want weighed more heavily on his scale.
Overhead, those hawks circled lazily, their effortless glide only making his own turmoil more evident by comparison.
* * *
“TROUBLE IN PARADISE.” Ellamae made the flat statement, not expecting—and being darned if she’d accept—any argument from her sister.
“It did seem like Lianne and Ryan weren’t altogether happy when we left,” Roselynn said with some reluctance. She kept her eyes on the dough she was working on the counter. The Whistlestop had a few guests staying for the weekend, and she was going to town making all sorts of breakfast goodies.
“Seem like? Ha. The trouble between these two is clearer than Sidewinder Creek after the spring rains.”
She couldn’t understand folks sometimes. It had been nearly two weeks since their dinner at the Double S. Two long weeks, with Roselynn going around the kitchen in a huff and Tess giving her long, unfathomable looks and even the judge glowering at her in chambers. Ellamae had been fit to be tied—although that phrase didn’t much apply to her.
No one could tie her down. Or tell her what to do. She would put her plan into action—when it was time.
Roselynn was the only holdout. Shoving aside a mixing bowl and two spatulas, she looked her sister in the eye. “Why are you dragging your heels over this, Rose? You saw those two on the dance floor. Don’t tell me you didn’t see sparks from both of them, now.”
“I know, but…I just don’t think we ought to get involved. Caleb won’t like it.”
“He’ll like it a lot less if he loses a good foreman.” She took another scone from the cooling rack and bit into it.
“I’m sure he’s handling things.”
“Ha again. Did you ever know a man who could handle getting two people together when they think they want to stay apart?”
“This is different. Ryan’s already been through so much—”
“And it’s only going to get worse without a little outside assistance at the appropriate moment.” She turned her head to listen to the footsteps coming from the direction of the dining room. “Tess is on the way.” She took another scone and retreated to her chair at the kitchen table.
Tess took a mug from the cabinet and a tea bag from the tin. “Aunt El, you’ve got that cat-who-swallowed-the-canary look.”
“Not even close.” She raised her plate. “I’m eating scones.”
“Uh-huh.” Tess swiped one herself and sat at the table. “So, what are you up to?”
“Nothing.”
“Why don’t I believe you?”
“‘Cause your mama raised you wrong.”
“El!” Roselynn protested.
The kettle whistled. Tess went to get it and filled her mug. “You’re up to something.” She stood holding the pot over Ellamae’s mug. “Hot water?”
Darn the
girl. “Not if I can stay out of it.” But she pointed to the mug, and Tess tilted the kettle. “I’ve a funny feeling you could be helpful.”
“I’ve just poured your tea, haven’t I? And—” Tess paused and eyed her “—I’ve just been to visit Kayla. Lianne was there, too.”
“Is that so.” She looked thoughtfully at her niece. “How are the girls doing?”
“Kayla’s fine but restless. Lianne seemed quieter than she usually is. We’re both concerned about her.”
Ellamae tried not to smile into her tea. It was time.
“Poor thing,” Roselynn said. “She’s got a lot on her plate with that school going up.”
“Yes, and with the scouts coming in just a couple of days.” Tess stared at the steam rising from her mug. “When I left Kayla’s, Lianne had just mentioned bringing Becky and P.J. into town for ice cream, then taking them to the playground.”
“Had she? I might just walk on over there.”
“Good idea, Aunt El. I’m sure you’ll be very helpful.”
“As always.” She winked. “You’re not so bad at that yourself.”
Over the rim of her mug, Tess smiled.
* * *
LIANNE KEPT HER gaze from drifting a few dozen yards away to the Flagman’s Folly Community Center, but she had no control over her thoughts. They drifted to what had happened inside that building. She couldn’t help but wish she and Ryan had gone to the party solely for the pleasure of each other’s company. Strictly to get to know each other, as he had suggested.
She couldn’t help but wish the evening hadn’t turned out the way it had—after she’d gotten the texts from her family and had found him downstairs in the kitchen eating pie.
She crossed her arms on the picnic bench where Becky and P.J. sat enjoying their ice cream. Becky waved to get her attention and then pointed toward the street. Ellamae was making her way to them across the playground.
Ellamae took a seat on the bench across from her. She gave Becky a quick hug, high-fived P.J. and turned back again. “How are things going out at the ranch? You all ready for the scouts yet?”
“Yes. I finished up yesterday.” She had worked hard to have everything ready for Monday. To show Ryan just what she could accomplish. Getting the cabins stocked for their arrival had kept her busier than ever, a much-needed distraction to keep her from dwelling on Ryan.
Rancher at Risk Page 13