by Sarah Adams
Skull started to say something else, but Julie appeared from around the corner waving her cellphone in the air.
“My mom needs me to come babysit, we gotta go,” she called.
“Gotta go,” Clarissa grinned and sprinted off to join Julie.
“See aren’t you glad I’m noisy,” Julie giggled as they ran through the food court and out the front door.
“Thanks,” Clarissa laughed to hide the fact she wanted to cry.
Then there was the two times that Skull had stopped by her apartment. The first time was a week after their encounter in the mall and fortunately, Clarissa had been working late and hadn’t made it home yet. She wouldn’t have known he had stopped by at all if he hadn’t left a note.
“Hey Bookworm,
We need to talk. We’re having a party for Lobster’s birthday tonight at the AlleyCat. See you there?”
Clarissa had wished he signed the note. He didn’t need to, because who else had a friend called Lobster and hung out at the biker bar, but she would have liked to see how he signed his name, even if it wasn’t his real name.
Clarissa changed into a green tank and a long brown skirt and walked over to the bar. She stood outside for a few minutes before walking away.
“I can’t,” she shook her head, “No. Just no.”
She walked home torn between wanting to run back and demand answers and wanting to run home as quickly as her feet would carry her. Torn between the two emotions she walked slowly as if her feet were weighed down by stones.
“You can’t change him,” she told herself, “and you can’t save him.”
Weeks passed and Clarissa had settled back into the routine she followed before Skull, before motorcycle rides and biker bars. She slept most of the day before work and read until she fell asleep when she returned home. Went to the movies with Julie on Wednesday nights and shopping at the mall Saturday afternoons. She should have been happy that her life was back to normal, but she wasn’t.
Early Friday morning found her laying awake staring at the ceiling. Large stacks of books she had already read cluttered her bedroom threatening to topple over if exhaled too hard. Clarissa sat up and leaned against the wall. Her eyes were wide open even if the red numbers on the clock read five fifteen AM, which was usually about the time her eyelids would grow heavy from exhaustion.
Before Skull, she’d force herself to finish the chapter she was on and go to sleep, if it wasn’t a cliffhanger. If it was she’d make a pot of coffee or grab a soda or energy drink and finish the book and maybe start on its sequel if it had one. This morning all she could do was envy the girl in the book she just finished. She had managed to change the bad boy, jerk, ass hat of a bully she had fallen in love with.
“Books lie,” she whispered to the empty room and her words bounced around before echoing back to her ears.
Clarissa laughed at the echo, but it was a dry, bored sounding laugh.
Knock! Knock!
“Great,” Clarissa sighed, “Now I’m hearing things.”
She flopped onto her side and hugged her pillow close to her trying to trick herself into thinking she was tired.
Knock! Knock!
“Who in the hell would come to see me this time of the morning?” Clarissa sighed and sat up, “It’s most likely Julie. Maybe Chad broke up with her again?”
They had been in an on-again-off-again relationship for the last few weeks. Chad had been in their graduating class and up until recently she had liked him fairly well, but having to hear her bestie cry about him twice in the same week had changed her mind. Maybe it was that way with all guys, maybe it didn’t matter whether they were on the chest club or drove a motorcycle. They were just jerks.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
“Hang on!” Clarissa called out, “I’m coming! Give me a blasted minute to get some damn clothes on.
Clarissa pulled her black knee length nightgown over her head and sprinted towards the door, grabbing her robe from the back of the sofa. She rose to her tiptoes and checked the peephole. Skull stood on the other side of the door running a hand through his hair. Clarissa’s heart skipped a beat and with trembling hands she opened the door, intending to tell him to shove off.
“Hey,” he said giving her a sleepy grin.
“What’s up?” she asked, holding the robe tightly around her.
“Can I come in?” Skull asked,
“Yes. No!” Clarissa said unsure of what she was going to do.
“Which is it then, Bookworm?” he asked.
“What do you want?” Clarissa asked and crossed her arms.
“To talk,” Skull said.
“About what?” Clarissa asked, “It’s too late for confessions and besides I’m not a priest.”
“Lame,” Skull shook his head.
“You’re one to talk,” Clarissa sighed, “Come inside before you wake the whole of the building.”
“Thanks,” he said coming inside.
Clarissa shut the door and locked it slowly, putting off the moment when she’d have to turn and face him. When he looked at her with his deep brown eyes and she’d feel weak in the knees. The moment when she’d want to kiss him, to pull him into her arms and not let him leave. Clarissa was startled from her thoughts by Skull wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin gently atop her head.
She wrapped her arms over his and leaned back into him for a moment. Clarissa inhaled his scent smelling the bike, the wind, and freedom. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she relaxed. She knew she should pull away from him, but she couldn’t. Love—was that what she was feeling? Clarissa wasn’t sure. How could you love someone you didn’t know? Was it even possible? She had known Justin most of her life and thought she had loved him at one time, but now she knew it never was love. It was attachment, safety, and familiarity. So what was drawing her to Skull? Mystery? Freedom? His bike?
Clarissa liked all of those things, even if she was slow to admit it to herself, but it was more than that. She wanted to fall into him, to bare her body, mind, and soul to him. To have him touch the raw spots of her existence. To allow him to know her as only she knew herself, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t give herself over to someone who kept so much from her. To someone who didn’t want to let her in.
Clarissa turned slowly in Skull’s embrace and looked up at him. Their eyes met for a moment before his lips claimed hers. She wrapped her arms around him and surrendered to the kiss. Her lips moved against his trying to tell him everything she couldn’t put into words. Her tongue danced with his, probing deeper into his mouth trying to touch on the hidden part of him, the part that he kept secret from her.
Clarissa’s hands moved to his face and touched his cheeks gently. She thought he trembled for a moment, but she couldn’t be sure because her hands were still trembling. Breaking the kiss for a second she looked into his brown eyes and saw a sadness that she wanted to erase, a pain she wanted to heal. Clarissa nibbled his lower lip and renewed the kiss. As their tongues danced together they moved to the sofa.
Clarissa lay back, pulling him with her. She leaned up and deepened the kiss as a fire began to rage in her belly. Skull tossed aside his leather jacket before tracing her jaw line with a single finger. Clarissa arched her back and looked up at him. He pushed aside the fabric of her robe and leaned forward kissing her neck gently. Clarissa’s fingers trailed over his shoulders and back.
Skull’s lips traveled down her throat to her collarbone before reaching the modest cleavage Clarissa’s nightgown left exposed. She bit her lip as her nipples hardened at his approach. Skull rested his head against her breast and Clarissa played with his hair, running her fingers through it and touching his scalp.
Skull rose and kicked his shoes off. They landed on the carpet with a soft thud, but Clarissa didn’t scold him for not taking them off at the door. Her pulse was racing and she wanted more of him. Her body trembled as she waited for what Skull would do next.
He rested his head against her br
east again, resting his weight against her. Clarissa stroked his hair not sure how to tell him she wanted more. That she wanted to give herself over to what was quickly forming between them. She opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated. Skull’s breathing was slow and steady. She cocked her head to the side so she could see him better and grinned. He had fallen asleep. Clarissa rested a hand on his shoulder and stroked his hair with the other. For now he was safe from whatever he could have been getting into with Lobster and the others. For the moment he was here with her. Clarissa kissed the top of his head and fell asleep feeling his gentle heartbeat against her body.
Chapter Nine
Skull rose gently from the sofa and kissed Clarissa’s lips softly. For a moment he stayed as he was, looking down at her. Asleep, her beautiful face was free from the worry and stress she usually wore. He almost touched her cheek, but stopped himself. He didn’t want to wake her up. This was the way he wanted to remember Clarissa if things went wrong tonight.
He hadn’t intended to stop by her apartment at all, but he saw that her bedroom light was still on when he drove by. Skull had argued with himself as he performed an illegal U-turn and pulled into the parking lot. He had to see her one more time, just in case.
Skull gently covered her with the blanket that sat on the back of the sofa before retrieving his jacket and boots. He turned the lock slowly and opened the door. For a moment he considered closing the door and returning to the sofa. Skull shook his head and left before he really did change his mind. He had come too far to turn back now. He was closer to finding the truth than he had ever been. This was almost done, for better or worse.
He took the steps down, because he didn’t want to encounter any of Clarissa’s neighbors in the elevator. Skull pushed his bike onto the road before starting the engine fearing that Clarissa would hear it and come running out after him. Skull could tell that she knew that he was ass deep into a tight spot, unlike any of the numerous girls that had watched him since he had begun to frequent the AlleyCat. Clarissa knew he had secrets and she wanted to know them. He’d tell her once things were settled, if he survived. If he didn’t, he hoped that Hugo or one of the other guys would tell her what he had been trying to do.
As he drove towards his apartment the expectant, loving look on Clarissa’s face as she looked up at him the night before haunted him. She had expected that he’d go all the way with her, her eyes and body called out to him, but the way her cheeks flushed and her body trembled told him she had never been all the way before. He wouldn’t have believed it with most girls her age, but he could believe that Clarissa was waiting for ‘the one’ before giving it away.
Skull felt guilty for leaving her to wake up alone, but he knew he couldn’t be the one, not yet. If things went south tonight he didn’t want her to have given up a piece of herself for nothing. He didn’t want to be the scar she wore for the rest of her life.
Chapter Ten
“Skull?” Clarissa whispered reaching her arms out searching for him, “Skull?”
She opened her eyes and blinked. Had it all been a dream conjured from how much she missed him? Sitting up Clarissa looked around the room and stretched her arms above her head before heading to the bathroom. Small clumps of mud and dirt lay scattered by the end of the sofa where Skull’s boots had fallen in the early morning hours.
Clarissa smiled at the memory of his weight pressing against her body as they kissed, but where was he now? After washing her face Clarissa started the coffee pot and retrieved her cellphone. The little red message light was blinking indicating that she had a voice mail.
“Hi, Clarissa, this is Debbie. You called about buying my car yesterday? If you want we can meet up sometime today and you can take her for a test drive,” the message said.
She called Debbie back and set up a meeting for six this evening. Clarissa would have the cash in hand and if the car was acceptable she would drive it to work. She poured herself a cup of coffee and stumbled out to the balcony. Clarissa enjoyed the fresh air feeling her senses, drawing her from the sleepy world she inhabited until she was adequately caffeinated each day. She had tried to kick the habit several times before, but had recently given up on it. As long as she worked in a coffee house Clarissa was going to be addicted to caffeine.
“Skull,” she muttered under her breath and smiled. His name tasted delicious on her tongue and made her wish that he had at least woke her up before he left. She would have enjoyed a goodbye kiss.
“I’m getting in too deep,” Clarissa thought to herself, “Why can’t I just give him up? He’s going to be the death of me.”
But Clarissa knew why she couldn’t give him up or quit thinking about him when he wasn’t around. He made her feel alive, free, and vulnerable all at the same time. It was an intoxicating mix that made her pulse race and kept her wanting more. There was also the fact that she constantly worried about his well being and if she was going to hear from Julie or Maggie that he had been on the news. Clarissa bit her lip. Could she live with that fear forever?
With a sigh she decided that she was going to have to track Skull down tonight after she got off from work.
“It shouldn’t be too difficult, he may even drop by,” she grinned to herself.
A roar in the distance made Clarissa turn her head. The motorcycle sped by in a blur, but she would know that leather jacket anywhere. That was Skull and he was headed towards downtown, most likely to the AlleyCat Pub. Clarissa grinned as she sipped her coffee.
At seven o’clock sharp Clarissa pulled into the parking of the coffee shop driving her new car. It was a green four-door that looked like it should belong to an old lady, but Clarissa was excited none-the-less. The purchase of “Green Grandma” as she dubbed it meant she no longer had to pay taxi fares or bum rides from Julie or Maggie.
After making sure all of Green Grandma’s doors were locked Clarissa sprinted inside and clocked in.
“You’re two minutes late,” Maggie said.
“I was out buying a car so I wouldn’t have to keep bugging you for rides,” Clarissa grinned.
“Good,” Maggie teased, “because I was going to have to start taking fare out of your paychecks.”
Clarissa stuck her tongue out at Maggie as she tied her apron around her waist.
“You’re in a good mood today,” Maggie laughed.
“Yea, I got a new car,” Clarissa said, telling a half-truth.
Maggie arched a brow at her in question, but Clarissa was saved from having to lie by the bell above the door ringing.
“Hi, how are you today?” she asked, turning to face the counter.
“I’m doing pretty good, Bookworm,” Skull grinned at her.
“What can I get for you today?” she asked, trying to act nonchalant, because she could feel Maggie watching her.
“Frozen mocha,” he said and arched a brow.
Clarissa tilted her head slightly to the side indicating that Maggie was watching them. Skull laughed as she turned around to make his drink. Clarissa’s heart pounded in her chest and she silently prayed that something in the back would need Maggie’s attention. She needed to get Skull to agree to see her again tonight. She needed to get him alone and make him answer her questions, but Maggie stayed rooted to her spot behind the counter.
Skull paid for his drink and then handed Clarissa a few dollars as a tip before heading out the door. Once he was out of site Maggie headed into the back of the shop. Clarissa starred down at the money confused until a piece of paper fell from between the bills.
“I’ll try to stop by tonight,” was hastily written in the same hand writing as the note that had been slipped under her door.
“Don’t just stand there smiling because he tipped you. Get to work, kiddo,” Maggie called from the back.
It was just after midnight when Clarissa clocked out and left. She had successfully evaded Maggie’s questions and made it to the parking lot with a sly grin playing on her lips.
“It’s now or never, G
randma,” she said to the car as she turned the key in the ignition. Clarissa smiled when it started easily and purred under the hood.
She took the familiar route home hoping to avoid the late-night red lights that seemed to last forever. Clarissa wanted to get home and shower before Skull arrived. She knew his note had only said that he would try to stop by tonight, but she gleefully hopeful despite the voice in the back of her mind that was yelling at her. Something was wrong. Things were going too well, happening too easily. The world was about to end or at least come crashing down onto her head any second now.
A paranoid feeling of anxiety began to creep into Clarissa’s stomach as she drove. Something was wrong. Was it her parents? Julie maybe? No, it was definitely Skull.
“Quit it,” she scolded herself, “You’re being paranoid. Quit worrying about him, he’s okay. He knows how to...”
The words never made it out of her mouth, because in the distance red and blue lights were flashing. She swallowed hard and slowed down. Clarissa hoped the officers on duty took it as a sign of respect for their safety, but she was trying to soothe her own worries.
“People get arrested all the time,” she told herself, “It doesn’t mean Skull is involved.”
Her car inched by the scene where several other cars and a lone motorcycle stood surrounded by police cars. Through the chaos she spotted an officer walking someone to his car. Her heart dropped hard into her stomach when she saw that it was Skull.
“No,” she cried out silently, because fortunately she had temporarily lost the ability to speak.
Clarissa wasn’t sure if she had imagined, but she felt as if he had looked right at her and that his deep brown eyes had met with hers briefly. Clarissa drove until she could no longer see the police lights flashing in the rear view mirror before pulling into the parking lot of a grocery store to turn around. She considered heading to the jail, but she thought better of it. Clarissa was going to the source and they were going to give her answers whether they wanted to or not.