We spend an hour with his sisters and chat briefly to his mom before it’s time to leave.
Brad is quiet in the car, but I prefer that. Kicking off my shoes, I pull my knees into my chest and stare out the passenger side window. Strips of purplish navy streak through the fading daytime sky. The closer we get to the city, the more on edge I become. Today was a great distraction, but as we draw nearer to my life, all the fears and worries resurface.
“Are you hungry? There’s a great diner just up the road I was going to stop at,” he says, a few minutes later.
“Sure. I could eat.” Anything to delay the inevitable.
Ten minutes later, we are sitting across from one another in a booth. “This reminds me of a chain of diners back home,” I remark, sipping my sparkling water as my eyes skim over the décor.
“The burgers are to die for.”
My stomach rumbles at the mention of food, though I doubt I’ll be able to manage more than a few mouthfuls. The waitress approaches and Brad places his order. “I’ll have the same,” I tell her, not even bothering to look at the menu.
I take another sip of my drink as Brad leans over the table, wetting his lips nervously. “Faye told you, didn’t she?”
I try to keep the hurt out of my expression as I look at him. “Yeah.”
“It meant nothing. She caught me at a vulnerable moment, that’s all.”
I sigh, leaning back in my seat, as if putting a little more distance will give me perspective. “I don’t care,” I lie. “It’s not like I’ve any investment in this except that I don’t want to see my best friend hurt.”
His eyes lower to the table. “I don’t want to hurt her either.”
“Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you tried to kiss her,” I snap, instantly wishing I could claw the words back.
He grimaces at my tone. “I’ve hurt you, too. I’m sorry.”
“You haven’t hurt me. It’s not like we mean anything to each other. I’m just an easy lay, right?”
His face pales, and he stretches his hand across the table, but I ignore it, tucking my hands under my butt so I’m not tempted. “I do not think of you like that.” The waitress returns, placing our food in front of us, and no more words are exchanged until she’s gone. “I’m sorry that I’m making a mess out of everything, but you—”
“Stop. Just stop talking. I’ve a pain in my head listening to this.” I glare at him, as a myriad of confusing sentiments swamp me. “And I don’t want to get dragged into this shit that’s going on with you three. I’ve got enough on my mind as it is. The only reason I’m sore with you is because you’re causing problems for my friend, and if Ky finds out, there will be hell to pay. But apart from that, I don’t care. We fucked a few times. It was no big deal, and it meant nothing to me either, so just drop it. I’m not interested in hearing your excuses. I just want to eat my food and get home.”
A muscle ticks in his jaw. “Fine. Message received.”
We eat in awkward silence. Or at least Brad does. I can only stomach three bites before I push my food away. Brad insists on paying, and then we hightail it out of there. More silence engulfs us in the car, and I close my eyes, praying for this day to end.
My phone pings in my pocket the same time Brad’s cell lights up. “Can you check that?” he asks in a curt tone, not taking his eyes off the dark road.
My palms are sweaty, and a little puke fills my mouth as I remove my phone. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at my phone again without heart-thumping fear taking hold of me. Drawing a deep breath, I open up the text, clicking on the link Faye sent.
“Pull the car over now.” My voice brokers no argument.
Brad pulls into the hard shoulder. “What is it?”
“Your worst nightmare.” I pass my phone to him, watching all the color leach from his face as he plays the clip. It’s a YouTube video of him outside the coffee place with Faye, showing him clearly leaning in toward her for a kiss. It’s already got over five thousand views.
He bangs his head off the steering wheel. “Fucccckkkkk!!”
“Faye says you need to go to your place. Ky has seen it and he’s freaking out.”
The tortured look in his eyes almost undoes me, but it’s not my place to console him. He’s an idiot for trying to kiss my best friend, in public of all places. “I’d prefer if you dropped me off first. This is nothing to do with me, and I don’t want to get involved.”
Hurt flares in his eyes as he restarts the engine. “Of course.”
Sympathy wells inside me. Dammit. It’s so hard to stay mad at him when he looks like a lost little boy whose whole world has just collapsed. I brush my hand over his arm. “I’m sure it’ll be fine once he’s calmed down and hears your explanation.”
Brad snorts. “Don’t you know him at all?”
Yeah, trouble is, I do, and I recognize my lie for what it is. An empty platitude. Ky is going to lose his shit, and this may well be the final nail in the coffin of their friendship.
But I’ve enough problems of my own to deal with.
So, I’m staying clearly in the neutral zone and minding my own business.
But you know what they say about best-laid plans?
Chapter Twenty-Three
Brad
I walk along the corridor toward our apartment with a heavy heart. Ky will not understand this. I know I wouldn’t if I was in his shoes. And I can’t deny I have feelings for his girlfriend, because I do. I shouldn’t think about her or look at her the way I do, but sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it. Rachel’s gorgeous face swims into my mind, heaping another layer of anxiety onto the pile. The hurt on her face was obvious before, and I hate that I’ve dragged her into this mess.
Fact is, I have feelings for her too, but I can’t decipher any of it.
It’s official: I’m a complete mess.
Steeling my heart, I open the door to our apartment and step inside, bracing myself for the incoming assault.
I walk into the kitchen and stop. Faye is leaning against the far wall, and she’s crying. Her eyes are swollen and red-rimmed, and she’s hugging herself as if she’s falling apart. I’ve done this to her, and I hate myself for it. But I’m angry at him too. Why the hell is he taking it out on her?
“Are you okay?” I ask, ignoring him. Her lips wobbles, and she sniffles, either refusing or unable to answer. I swing around to my best friend. “Why is she so upset? Why the fuck are you angry with her?” I know they have a “no secrets” promise, but that doesn’t mean he should be taking this out on his girlfriend.
His menacing glare turns even darker. His voice is too calm when he speaks. “Are you for real?”
I drop my bag to the ground, squaring up to him. “I’m the only person you should be angry with. Faye has done nothing wrong.”
“Oh, I’m plenty angry with you, believe me.” His chest heaves up and down, and his fists are in knotted balls at his sides.
“Then take it out on me, but leave Faye alone.”
He closes his eyes for a second. When he reopens them, I almost cower at the extent of the hatred and fury radiating from him. “You do not get to tell me how to treat my girlfriend. You have no fucking say in my relationship, and what has transpired between us is none of your business.”
“The hell it isn’t!” I yell, my own anger churning and bubbling inside me. “You’ve upset her, and I’m not okay with that.”
“Because she was fucking defending you!” He starts pacing the floor, and I can’t remember ever seeing him so rattled, so unlike himself. He would walk over hot coals for his girl, and I know she’s the love of his life, but he seems to have forgotten that now. I hate that he’s mad at her when it’s all my fault. “And how can I be sure there isn’t something going on between you two?” His gaze jumps between us, and a loud sob erupts from Faye’s
throat.
“What the actual fuck?” I shove his chest. “Are you fucking insane? She’s crazy about you, and you two spend basically ever single second together, outside of class. When the hell would she have time to cheat on you with me?”
“I’m about two seconds away from beating your ass until you can’t move.” He shoves me, and I take it.
I step back. “Look, let’s just calm down. For the record, nothing is going on between us. Nothing. It was a dumbass move on my part, but my brain had disengaged. If I was thinking clearly, I would never have attempted to kiss her. I swear. The last thing I want to do is cause issues in your relationship.”
He snorts. “All you have ever done is cause issues in our relationship.”
That pisses me off. The truth has a way of doing that. “I will accept blame where it’s due, but don’t go putting all that shit on me. You are the one who agreed to the fake relationship. You are the one who told me to pursue her when you went back to Addison. And it’s you who has been insisting on us living together. That was all you. Not me. So, don’t try and pretend like this is all my fault. You’ve contributed to this clusterfuck.”
That pushes him over the edge. He charges at me, and I prepare for impact.
“Fucking quit it, bro!” Ky shoves me back, pinning me against the wall, his torso blocking my path. He slams his fist into the wall beside my head, and I raise a brow. “Don’t,” he warns, shaking his head. Anger burns fiercely in his eyes.
“Ky.” Faye moves tentatively behind him.
“Don’t, babe. Stay out of this.”
She nibbles anxiously on her bottom lip.
“Get out of my face.” I push his chest, and he stumbles back. I sidestep him, catching Faye’s eye.
Ky growls. Then he punches me in the face. “Stop eye-fucking her!”
“What the hell?” I glare at him, rubbing my sore jaw.
“You think I’m blind?” He rages, pacing the floor in front of me. Faye looks like she wishes the ground would open up and swallow her. “You think I don’t see the way you watch her every move? The way you mentally undress her with your eyes?”
Faye turns an off-white color.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to say “it takes one to know one,” but that’s not an argument I can win. Ky has every right to look at his girlfriend like that. Me? Not so much. He’s right, and if I was in his shoes, I think I’d have snapped a long time ago. “I can’t help it. It’s too difficult to be around her and not feel the way I feel.” Faye looks horrified, and now I wish the ground would swallow me whole. Continuous rejection has me battered and bruised on the inside, and it’s like my vital organs are shutting down, one at a time.
“I can’t do this anymore, Brad.” Ky stops in front of me, and all the fight seems to have left him. “I’ve tried really hard to be patient. Made countless excuses for your behavior because I didn’t want to lose you. You’re my best friend, dude, but this has to end. I never wanted to choose between the girl I love and the guy who’s been like a brother to me practically my whole life, but you’ve left me no choice. If we continue like this, our friendship will be destroyed anyway. Maybe this is the right thing to do.” He looks over his shoulder at Faye. “Maybe I should’ve done this all along.”
Turning back around to face me, he sighs. A pained expression replaces the angry look on his face. “I’m sorry, but it has to be like this.” His gaze penetrates mine, and there is so much conveyed in that one look, almost too much. My emotions are in a whirlwind, but I say nothing. There isn’t anything I can say that will help make this situation bearable. He walks to Faye’s side, pulling her into his arms and kissing the top of her head. “I’m sorry, babe. It’s going to be okay. I promise.” Silent tears drip down her face. “I’ll move my stuff out this weekend,” he says, over his shoulder. “I’ll stay with Faye while I look for somewhere else to live.”
Somehow, I manage to nod even though I’m disoriented and frozen. I hate the thought of this, but I need it too. I’m never going to get over her if she’s so prevalent in my life.
They stop at the door, and Faye is talking frantically in Ky’s ear. She’s whispering so I can’t hear what she’s saying, but it’s obvious they’re arguing. I sag against the wall, dejected and beaten down. Faye rushes to my side, grabbing me into a hug. My arms hang loose by my sides, and I’m afraid to move a muscle. My jaw still aches, testament to Ky’s intolerance of me. I don’t blame him for it. He’s put up with a lot—more than I probably would have. Faye is sobbing into my shoulder, and I hate that I’ve put us through all this pain. I want to wrap my arms around her and kiss her pain away.
But she isn’t mine to console.
She’ll never be mine.
And I wish my heart could accept that reality instead of foolishly clinging to nonexistent hope.
She may not be mine to love and cherish, but she’s still my friend, and I hate to see her so upset. I tap her lightly on the shoulder. “Hey. Don’t cry. It’s going to be fine. Ky is right. We all just need some space.”
She lifts her head up, and her red-rimmed tearstained eyes cut through me like a knife. “Will you be okay?”
“I hope so.” I offer her my best effort at a smile. “Don’t worry about me. I brought this on us, and it’s my responsibility to make this right.”
“This sucks.” She sniffles.
“It won’t be forever.” I hope. My eyes meet Ky’s, and there’s not even a hint of a promise there. “Go on, sweet Faye.” I kiss the top of her head, closing my eyes as I commit her scent and the feel of her against me to memory.
Ky growls, and I reckon that’s my five-second warning. Opening my eyes, I remove myself from her embrace and walk into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me, without looking back at either of them.
I don’t know how long I stay in the dark, lying on my bed, curled into a ball, and rocking like a crazy person. I’m completely anesthetized on the inside. This isn’t the kind of dazed-delirious-happy feeling I get when I’m following Rach’s temporary mind-numbing strategy. Nope, this is a sucky soul-empty kind of numbness, like all the life force has been drawn from me.
A knock at my door only mildly startles me. I don’t respond in any shape or form. I’m incapable of moving any part of my anatomy.
The door swings open, and Rach’s hot body fills the doorway. One look at her face and I know Faye has spoken to her.
“Go away.”
“Brad.” She takes a step toward me.
“I’m not in the mood for sex.” That’s more than a little unfair, but when I’m hurt, I lash out.
“That’s not why I came.” Her eyes bore a hole in my skull as she walks toward the bed, her gaze never wandering from mine. She walks to the other side, and I hear her toeing her shoes off. The bed dips when she slides in beside me. She curls her body around me from behind, and warmth infuses my frozen bones.
“What are you doing?” I ask, remaining stationary.
“Being a friend.”
“That’s not who we are.” I thought we were drifting into that space, but her earlier comments drove the point home. She doesn’t have feelings for me. Not in that way.
“Who are we?”
Damn good question. Two lost souls sharing our pain and hot sex, or two idiots feeding each other’s grief? Or was it becoming more than that? Who the hell knows. “I don’t know,” I honestly admit.
“Me either,” she whispers.
“You don’t have to do this.”
“I know. I want to.”
“Why? You hate me.”
She takes forever to reply, and I wonder if she’s nodded off to sleep. “You hate me too, and I don’t work well with conscious feelings, you know that,” she admits. “But Faye told me what happened earlier, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t want you to be alone, so here I am.”
“Fecked if I know.”
That brings a smile to my face. I reach around for her hands, pulling them closer to my waist. Her body squashes against mine, and it feels nice. Soothing. I hold onto her hands, rubbing circles on her skin. “Thank you. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
We don’t speak after that, but it’s a relaxed silence. We stay wrapped around one another, and the stifling pain in my chest loosens a little. My eyes are shuttering, and I’m on the verge of unconsciousness when she calls my name. “Hmm?”
“For the record, I don’t hate you anymore. I don’t know if I ever really did,” she whispers.
“I don’t hate you either,” I mumble, and then slumber claims me, and I drift off into the welcoming darkness.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rachel
I wake up the next morning feeling more rested than I have in weeks. At some point during the night, I peeled my dress off. Now, I’m curled around Brad, dressed in only my underwear. His leg is on top of mine, trapping me, and his arms are wrapped firmly around my waist. His body heat envelops me, pacifying me, and I feel safe here with him like this. An idea starts forming in my mind.
He moves, unconsciously thrusting his erection into my leg, and my core pulses with need. I could touch him, and I know things would escalate, but our relationship is messed up enough as it is. And after what went down last night with Faye and Kyler, that is the last thing either one of us needs.
The thought douses my igniting arousal, and I wriggle out of his grip, sliding out of the bed. He turns over, his hands reaching for me even in sleep, mumbling my name. That does something strange to my insides. I watch him for a few minutes. He looks so content in sleep, no worry lines or hints of concern marring his face. Air trickles from his slightly parted lips, and he snuggles deeper into the pillow. His bare chest and arms are a work of art, and it’s no surprise he has girls crawling all over him. One day, he’s going to make some girl really happy.
Saving Brad (The Kennedy Boys Book 5) Page 19