“You’re right. The thing is I’ve had a chance to think a lot the last few days -obviously - and it has hit me hard - how much I didn’t really love him. How much I was settling. Why would I do that to myself? Why would I just hold onto something that wasn’t real so tightly, not willing to love myself enough to wait for something more? Something better?”
“Maybe because you’ve spent so much of your life alone first losing your mother, then your father. Things have been a rollercoaster and I think part of you just wanted some damn stability - to not lose one more person in your life. And I don’t think you could be the one to allow that to happen. It’s one thing when life does it to you. It’s altogether something else when we do it to ourselves. But doing it for ourselves is healthy. It’s been a good lesson for you, Ella. One you are sure to grow from. So, please, stop beating yourself up over this. Let it go. Let him go. He doesn’t deserve you.”
“I’m not holding onto him. He doesn’t deserve to be held onto.”
“Are you sure about that? You’re asking questions of yourself that you know the answers to. I’m not saying that after only a few days you should be over a relationship that lasted three years, and please don’t get me wrong, but taking the blame for his actions isn’t right. That is totally on Jeremy. He should have manned up and talked to you and made the right decision. But he tried to have his cake and eat it too. He was a jerk. That’s on him.”
“A relationship is two people,” I remind her.
“Yes, yes it is, but even though you didn’t feel like things were where they should be or how you wished for them to be, you didn’t go and look for it somewhere else. He did that.”
“Maybe I should have spoken up and said something sooner.”
“Maybe you should have. And maybe it would have made a difference, but maybe it wouldn’t have. Personally, I don’t think it would have. Want to know why?”
“I already know why,” I tell her while picking up a cute salt and pepper shaker set of a man and woman wearing sombreros. “Because he never gave me that boom feeling.”
“That’s right. There was no boom.”
“I wonder if someone will ever make my heart go boom.” A brief flash of Asher crosses my mind and how I felt when I saw him for the first time. Feeling silly, I push the thought away with a shake of my head.
“I think so, but in the mean time, how about we find someone that can make your vagina go boom.”
“Katie!”
“What? You’re a single woman again. A single woman that’s had shitty sex at best for three years. Let’s get someone to rock your world, make you go boom, you deserve it.”
“I don’t even know how to be single again.”
“Oh please. Stop talking like you’re some old woman that’s been married for twenty-five years and just got divorced. It’s time to party again, live it up, have fun, make some memorable mistakes that you can learn from later.”
Laughing, I can’t help but find myself intrigued at the prospect. “I wonder if Asher Charming is single,” I ask jokingly. Okay, maybe not so jokingly.
“According to Sexy Talk magazine he’s one of the top ten sexiest bachelor’s in the world right now.”
“Oh god, I forgot if anyone would know it would be you. You’re such a celebrity gossip whore.”
“Yes, yes I am,” she says with no shame.
We walk into another store that has a ton of pottery pieces to choose from. I gravitate toward large chip and salsa bowls and look through the stack. “This would be a cool souvenir.”
“They’re cute, and practical,” Katie agrees and she helps me pick out a beautiful bowl that’s hand painted bright yellow, red and orange. It’s vibrant and fun. And the little shop gives it to me for only fifteen dollars.
“Anything you want to do for your last couple days here. I can’t believe time has already gone by and you’ll be leaving soon,” I tell Katie. Since Katie could only stay a week I fully intended on returning home when she did, but Katie talked me into reconsidering and taking some time for myself. I was hesitant, not wanting to be in a foreign country on my own, but the resort is safe and some time alone does sound nice.
“Let’s go out to dinner tomorrow night. That restaurant on the property looks like a good choice. All the windows facing the ocean, the water running around it and all the candles they have lit at night. It looks beautiful.”
“I like that idea,” I agree. “We can get all dolled up too, it will be fun. What about tonight?”
“I’m game for whatever. We can hit the pool or maybe hang out by the fire pits.”
Later that evening, with my brand new throw blanket in shades of ocean blue, teal and white, thrown over my lap, Katie and I sit on a couch next to a fire pit that’s only steps from the sand. With the breeze coming off the ocean, it’s a little chilly, but between the blanket and the fire, we’re comfortable. Each with a glass of merlot, we sip our wine happily while staring into the fire. I’m not sure if it was all of the walking earlier or the ambience, but we are quieter tonight. I’ve been a bit pensive, my thoughts straying from introspection, to reflection, to contemplation. The world is really my oyster, as the saying goes, if I choose. I stop all of my wandering thoughts and try to absorb the atmosphere around me and just live in the moment.
The resort is full of people, but it’s not at all crowded tonight. There are other people around the pit too, but it isn’t loud by any means. Rather people speak in low voices and quiet whispers. Husky laughter drifts on the air to my ears making my toes curl. My eyes roam looking for the source and rest on none other than Asher Charming across the lick of the flames. He’s sitting next to a guy and they’re talking and laughing about something. The sight of him makes a thrill run through me, and my heart skips a beat. He’s simply gorgeous. I feel like a stupid love struck fan, but who could blame me? It’s impossible to look away from how the wind is blowing his hair and how the light of the fire manages to both light up one side of his face, while casting the other side in shadow. It’s breathtaking. Or rather he is. He looks both approachable, and mysterious.
“You know…talk about the perfect way to jump back into singledom,” Katie tells me following my gaze to Asher.
“Oh yeah right. Because The Asher Charming, action actor extraordinaire, one of the sexiest men alive, would totally want to hang out with some random chick on vacation from New York.”
“Hey, stranger things have happened you know,” Katie says. “And hell, just think about the stories you would be able to tell your grandchildren some day.”
Her comment makes me laugh and I’m surprised when suddenly Asher’s eyes meet mine across the fire. I wonder if somehow my laugh managed to have the same effect on him. Don’t I wish. I can’t help but smile softly at the thought and I swear that his lips twitch with amusement back at me before I move my gaze away.
Not long afterwards, Katie and I decide to head back to our room and I swear I can feel his gaze burning into me as I walk away. Likely wishful thinking.
Wiggling my hips, I slide my dress for the night up and pull the zipper into place at the side. Spinning to face the mirror, I do a quick inventory. My blonde hair is loose around my shoulders, flowing in soft waves. I went with a smoky eyed look on my lids that makes my gray eyes look striking, soft pink colors my cheeks, with pale lips to finish off the look. My gray maxi dress is cut low in the front and the fabric crisscrosses under my breasts before it flows down to my feet. Slipping my feet into nude sandals completes the look.
Katie and I stick to our plans of yesterday and made reservations to eat dinner at the restaurant located here on the resort this evening. We heard some guests at the pool raving about it today and that confirmed our choice. We’ll critique it for ourselves. It has a semi-formal dress code, but I’m glad we chose to go to the trouble because damn, I look good tonight. I can’t help but smile at my reflection in the mirror. Dressing up has made me feel confident and beautiful which is a nice feeling given my low
self esteem lately after everything with Jeremy - or as Katie has started calling him, ‘fuckwad’.
Walking into the bathroom, Katie stands next to me and slides lip gloss over her lips. I admire how beautiful she looks in a flowered bohemian style sundress that falls off one shoulder and belts at her waist. The hi-low dress emphasizes her curves and she looks fantastic. She smacks her lips when she finishes glossing them and turns to me. We each give the other a thorough evaluation and smile. “Beautiful darling,” I tell her with a wide smile.
“Oh, no, no, no, you are beautiful darling,” she replies as we giggle and air kiss.
“Til we’re old and gray?” she asks me.
“Until we’re old and gray,” I confirm. “We’re going to be the sexiest old ladies in the nursing home.”
“You know it!”
“We’ll rob everyone blind at bingo because they’ll be too busy looking at us to pay attention to their boards.”
She laughs, “We’ll be the queens of bingo.”
“You ready?” I ask glancing at my phone to verify the time before putting it into my small clutch. I’ve been carrying mine wherever we go because I have international service. Katie brings hers for the camera, but we left my number with her family and my assistant in case of emergency.
“Ready.”
We head out of our room and down the hall toward the main part of the resort. We don’t have far to walk, the restaurant is located smack dab in the middle of the property, all the rooms surrounding it in a semi-circle. We arrive just in time for our reservation, and smile as we’re escorted to our table, passing lit candelabras on the way. The décor is all dark wood, which works strangely perfect against the light backdrop of the sand and ocean. The part of the restaurant where diners are seated is a half circle with floor to ceiling windows all around. We luck out and get a table that sits us mid-center of the large window, with access to a magnificent ocean view. Additionally, we’ve arrived just in time to see the sun begin to set, casting colors of gold, yellow and orange throughout the sky that reflect off the water making it look like it’s on fire. It’s breathtaking and before we even glance at our menus, we spend a few minutes silently taking in the view and taking a few photos.
Katie and I peruse the menu and each order extravagant meals of lobster and shrimp with baked potatoes. My mouth already waters at the thought. “Not to bring something up that will sour your mood, but have you thought at all about Reveal Design and Marketing and how you’re going to handle everything when you get back?”
And just like that, my watery mouth dries up like the Phoenix desert in July. “As far as what?”
Katie sighs and leans closer, “You know what. Your bitch of a stepmother is likely working behind your back even as we speak to do what she can to work her way into the company.”
“She can try all she wants. Even if she works her way in, she would have one hell of a time trying to push the CEO and owner out.”
“I know that Ella, and you know that, but that doesn’t mean that the damn woman isn’t going to try.”
“You’re right, but I’m not about to waste my time worrying over what may or may not happen.”
“I like this side of you,” she says with a soft smile, “but who are you and what did you do with Ella?”
Shrugging, I can’t help but feel a little defensive, “I don’t know. I guess being here, after everything, it’s just… hell… life is short and you know we can think that we do everything right and sometimes the shit still hits the fan. Life- and horrible people like her - are going to do what they’re going to do. I’ll be damned if I’m going to be so distracted that I become blind to the life that’s worth living right around me because I’m too busy worrying about all of the what if’s, or trying to be this perfect person that I’m not. I’m so over that. Or at least getting over that. This week has taught me that, if not anything else.”
We pause as our food is set before us and we each take our first bites. I close my eyes in happiness at the taste of everything and do my best to not shove it all into my mouth as quickly as possible in my excitement. “Anyway,” I pause, taking a sip of my wine, “maybe it’s this place. Maybe it’s everything with Jeremy,” Katie clears her throat and I roll my eyes, “Fine, fuckwad,” Katie smiles happily when I use her term. “I don’t know what it is, but I do know that I have an amazing assistant, and April will let me know if she gets wind of anything going down at work.”
“Yes, that’s true. April’s great.”
Nodding my agreement, we continue to make small talk and order more wine as we finish our meals and enjoy the ambiance around us. As the wax from the candles falls lower, the sun completely sets casting the ocean in darkness. Glancing at the beach, I notice fires start appearing as fire pits come to life. The murmur of conversation and music starts filtering into the restaurant each time someone opens the door. People are walking back and forth and it seems as if an event of some sort is taking place. “I wonder what’s going on down at the beach?”
Katie shrugs, but the waiter that’s filling our water glasses answers my question. “There’s a party on the beach tonight for guests. They have one every Friday evening and everyone is welcome to attend. You should go, it’s always a lot of fun. They have a bar, dancing, fire pits on the beach and games.”
“Oh, sounds fun,” Katie says.
Nodding, I agree, “We should check it out.”
After we finish our dessert of raspberry crème brûlée we do just that. I feel like I should be rolled out of the restaurant, I’m feeling pretty full. “Walking off the food I ate is a good idea,” I groan.
“Definitely,” she agrees rubbing her full belly making me laugh.
“How about a walk on the beach before we join the festivities?” I ask her.
“Sounds perfect.”
We each remove our sandals before walking closer to the water. Even though the sun has set, the moon casts silver and white ribbons on the inky black water while bright stars twinkle in the distance, offering a dazzling reflection. Lifting my dress and keeping handfuls in my hands, I stand still and close my eyes for a moment and simply feel. I smile as the breeze kisses my face and whips my hair about my shoulders. My ears become alert to the lapping waves beating against the shore as my tongue slides across my lips, tasting the saltiness. My feet dig deeper into the sand, reveling in the feeling of the grainy rocks between my toes as the swirling sand brushes against the tops of my feet.
“Good evening, ladies,” a gentleman dressed in a resort uniform says to us, interrupting my meditation. “Please don’t wade out any further into the water. Stay close to the shore. The tide comes in quickly. We want you to remain safe.”
“Thank you, we’ll be careful,” we promise, smiling and nodding as we move past him eager to continue our walk. As we make our way along the shore, the party sounds decrease, now merely reaching our ears in intermittent waves. The further we move away, the less it competes with the natural environment, until all that remains is the sound of the ocean. How is it that this sound – the captivating, intoxicating, rhythmically lapping waves and crash of the surf as the tide plays tag with the shore - can soothe one’s soul so completely? It’s both ever changing and constant. Never-ending. Tranquil. I feel myself relaxing and…settling. A peace washes over me I haven’t felt in years.
After walking several more feet, I come to a stop again and gaze out at the water, continuing to feel moved by its magnanimous and majestic presence. I let it speak to my soul, I let it metaphorically wash away the stain felt on my heart related to Jeremy. Life changes, presents challenges, can be amazing or painful, but there’s something comforting in the fact that the ocean always remains the same. It’s always here. It’s deep and ever lasting and I find that it grounds me. It’s peace and comfort when life feels anything but.
“Beautiful isn’t it?” Katie asks startling me from my thoughts.
“It really is. I know it sounds weird, but something about it makes me
feel… makes me feel…”
“I know,” Katie says. And I know that she does.
Standing side by side we remain still and simply breathe. I allow the smell and the view to wash over me, to heal me. Tears come to my eyes and my heart lifts. I feel happy. Moving closer to the water, I lean down into the sand and with my finger write Jeremy’s name. Then I stand back and wait for the waves to come and wash over it, watching as it disappears under the water’s wrath. Leaning down again I write betrayal, then I write sadness, and then the date of our wedding that wasn’t. I watch each and every time as the water takes them all away. With each disappearance it feels as if those memories and moments hold less weight; that the definitions of each are washed from my heart and soul. After the last one I look up and find Katie’s eyes on me. She wipes away a tear and when I smile at her, we laugh in unison, and I feel lighter than I have in days. Sensing my lightness of spirit, she walks to me and embraces me in a loving, meaningful way.
We make our way back up the beach and to the party and stop at the beachfront showers. We wash the sand using both the tall, huge showerhead and the lower one at calf height. The water is freezing and we each squeal at the temperature. When finished, we quickly head to the pool and grab towels from the cart, eager to dry the water from our legs before putting on our shoes and heading to the party. It too is on the beach, but at least we won’t be encased in wet sand.
The first thing we do is head to the makeshift bar. We each order a shot and make a toast, “To new beginnings,” I say.
“Cheers!” Katie says.
We laugh and signal for another round right away. This time she raises her glass and says, “To the single life. Because this girl is going to remind you how great it is to be single once again.”
“Here, here,” I laugh and swallow the liquor savoring the burn as it slides down my throat and warms my tummy.
She grabs my hand after leaving cash on the bar for our drinks and hauls me onto the beach where several people are dancing. We waste no time moving to the middle of the crowd. Putting our arms above our heads, we begin moving and swaying to the music. Several guys come up and grab hold of our hips and dance with us. Katie and I laugh and entertain them for a bit, before moving away or closer to each other. All the while we laugh, smile, and proceed to do one of our favorite games. We spot someone in the crowd that is dancing and mimic their moves. The other person has to guess who we’re imitating. The game is funny because mimicking someone else, and not moving naturally, makes our moves choppy and silly and we look ridiculous. Giggles continue to overtake us.
Charming: A Modern Day Sexy Cinderella Story Page 6