by Cat Miller
Kayden backed away from the doctor slowly.
“I’m sorry for my behavior,” he apologized to the doctor. “I’ll go now.”
Kayden stumbled as he turned to leave. His head was swimming with this horrible new possibility. He didn’t want to believe it. Lindsay had never mentioned being assaulted in that manner, but he knew David was obsessed with her when he was the rogue leader. Shame was a hot iron in Kayden’s throat. Had he done Lindsay more harm than good? Did they have good reason to take Lindsay out of his reach? He didn’t know, and there was no way for him to find out. He didn’t know where they’d taken Lindsay and even if he did, it would be wrong for Kayden to deny Lindsay treatment if she needed it. What if they were right and separation from Kayden was necessary for her to heal?
“Let’s get out of here,” Kayden snapped at Hawk as he passed. “We’ve got work to do.”
Kayden stormed through the infirmary and out into the Enclave. He’d just shoved through the doors when a team of warriors nearly ran into him. They must have been called by the nurses to aid the doctor. He glared at each of the six men as he pushed his way through them, daring any one of them to make a move. Kayden actually wished they’d try to stop him. He was in the mood for a fight. However, they didn’t confront Kayden. He left the infirmary building and headed for the barracks. He needed to be alone.
A hard shell was forming around Kayden’s aching heart. He’d thought he’d loved Dani, and he had, but it was nothing compared to what he felt for Lindsay. Lindsay had become his heart, and she was now out of his reach. The pain of that knowledge was enough to destroy Kayden if he let it. So he stuffed the hurt and worry down deep so that he could keep moving. So that he could keep breathing. Lindsay deserved this time to learn to stand on her own feet. Kayden could only hope that one day when she was ready, Lindsay would come back to him. He would wait for her forever because no other female would ever touch his heart. Until then, Kayden would continue to hunt for Sheena. It was the only thing he could do for Lindsay now. Kayden would slay Lindsay’s dragon if it was the last thing he did.
Fourteen
Lindsay was slumped in her chair listening to the same excruciating lecture she’d received from Dr. Just-call-me-Darla Fitz she’d been getting for the last two weeks since she was transferred from South Carolina to the central Enclave in upstate New York. Lindsay stared at the wall over Just-call-me-Darla’s head and waited for her daily hour of verbal torture to be over. Christ, didn’t this woman take a day off?
She hated this place where she was secluded from everyone because, according to Dr. Fitz, Lindsay was too delicate to handle interaction with males. That was such total bullshit. Lindsay had been in very close, intimate contact with Kayden, and he was more man than anyone she’d seen in New York so far. It wasn’t men Lindsay had trouble with, it was medical personnel. That was all she’d seen since she arrived in New York, because Just-call-me-Darla had the halls cleared before Lindsay was allowed to leave her guarded room to be escorted to her office.
Lindsay was working on her fear of people wearing scrubs and white coats. She knew it was irrational. Those people were there to help you, not hurt you. Her time in captivity had left a few wounds that weren’t entirely done healing, though. The withdrawal from Hypervamp was dreadful, but she’d survived, and that hateful voice in her head was gone. It had been obliterated by the treatment she’d received at the Enclave in South Carolina. So why had they moved her? She still had no idea.
Lindsay knew Kayden’s support had a significant effect on her recovery as well. He’d been there to calm her fears when the doctors examined her, and he’d held her hand whenever they needed to draw blood. For any healthy adult, these things were commonplace. For Lindsay, they were a mental trip back to a time when needles and examinations meant agony and torture. Kayden allowed Lindsay to heal in her own time, in her way, and he made her feel worthy of the right to move on past what had happened to her when she was a prisoner, even if he didn’t exactly know what that had been. Lindsay hadn’t wanted to tell Kayden about her time with David. She didn’t want him to look at her differently. He hadn’t pushed her for answers she wasn’t ready to give.
Why couldn’t anyone else understand that she wanted to start over in this new world she’d been forced into? There was no going back to her human life. Lindsay was and always would be a vampire. She was not a monster and not a nightmare, but a vampire like all the rest. This was her new life. All she wanted was a chance to live it freely. Dr. Fitz had appeared to screw up everything. The know-it-all human expert wouldn’t leave Lindsay alone. She insisted on dragging Lindsay back into that nightmare day after day.
Lindsay had “gotten it all off of her chest” as the doctor suggested she need to do, with Kayden. She’d told Kayden about everything she felt she needed to talk about in order to let it go. Lindsay didn’t want to think about the past or talk about it any longer. That part of her life was over now, and Lindsay was ready to find her place in the world. Hopefully, that place would be with Kayden. Things had been getting serious. Lindsay was in love with the badass vampire who wouldn’t let her feel sorry for herself. She thought he cared for her as well, but he’d been on a mission when Lindsay was transferred without notice, and she hadn’t heard from him at all. Maybe he was glad she was gone. Was it possible Kayden didn’t want to say goodbye to Lindsay? Thoughts like that kept Lindsay up at night.
Fuck! She missed Kayden so much it was killing her slowly. She had no way to contact him even if she wanted to. Every day that passed without a word from Kayden was confirmation that she hadn’t meant as much to him as he had to her.
Kayden had become her anchor and the best friend she’d ever known. Lindsay knew he wasn’t a cowardly kind of man. If he weren’t interested in Lindsay, he would have told her. He wouldn’t have stuck around when Lindsay proclaimed that he was hers. There had been a real connection between them when Kayden loved her under the sky, but he hadn’t made any promises. Lindsay hadn’t told him how she felt either. Honestly, her life was so fucked up she didn’t feel like she had anything to offer a man who would be the chief of his clan one day.
Kayden was smart and skilled as a fighter. He was a natural leader. People followed him willingly. Kayden walked into a room, and everything stopped. He had an attention-grabbing aura of power about him that demanded respect and maybe even a little fear. His clan would be in good hands when he took over for his father. Lindsay wouldn’t be able to give Kayden an heir to pass his clan to when he was ready to retire. The more she thought about it, the more Lindsay doubted her place in Kayden’s life.
Was it possible Kayden thought ending their affair directly would set back Lindsay’s progress? She just didn’t know, and it was making her crazy. She had to snort at that thought. It was making her more insane than she already was. Lindsay was already cracked, according to the good doctor, who was still droning on about the power of voicing her experiences. It would set her free of the burden of keeping them locked tight in her chest. Blah. Blah. Blah. Lindsay ignored the doctor.
Lindsay now knew she would never be able to have children. That was a little detail she’d only recently learned from Dr. Fitz. She hadn’t known she was now sterile when she was dreaming of forever with Kayden. The doctor mentioned it in one of her recitations on the differences between the vampire classes and the two types of vampires. There were born vampires and made vampires. The born vampires made up the majority of the world’s vampires. Made vampires were few and far between. Only about half of the people who attempted to make the change from human to vampire survived the experience. Some human bodies simply rejected the change. The human immune system reacted to the vampire blood as if it were a virus, attacking and destroying itself as the vampire blood spread through the body, transforming the recipients DNA as it moved.
What about the third kind of vampire? Was the good doctor living under a rock and hadn’t heard about the hybrid vampires who were born to both human and vampires p
arents? It was a lot to absorb, but Lindsay was mostly stunned by the bit about changelings because it affected her. She was mourning the loss of her ability to conceive. She’d lost so much. Now she knew she would never have a family of her own. Maybe this separation from Kayden was for the best. He would want children. His clan would need children to carry on their line of warriors. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she was that Kayden had considered her as a charity case. From the first minute of her rescue, Lindsay had clung to Kayden like he was the air she needed to survive. It was pathetic really, now that she looked back at that time. She’d been broken, and Kayden stuck around until she was nearly mended. He was a good man. He’d done all he could do for Lindsay. She didn’t need his support or protection any longer. Why wouldn’t he return to his life? Lindsay got it. She really did. She just wished he had at least said goodbye. Then she wouldn’t have to wonder and hope every day for a life and love that would never be.
“I know talking about your assault will be difficult for you, but it’s in your best interest to get it all off of your chest to begin the healing process,” Dr. Fitz went on and on. “I’ve already spoken to David. He’s admitted to his crimes against you. There is no shame in what happened to you, Lindsay. You’re safe here.”
Here we go again. Lindsay refused to think of the doctor as Darla because they weren’t friends. She’d overheard the doctor getting directions on the phone the day of their first session. So Lindsay knew right from the start that Just-call-me-Darla wasn’t really there to help Lindsay. Dr. Fitz was a specialist on human psychology the council had hired to try to get as much information out of Lindsay about her time with David and Sheena as they could get. Really, it was ridiculous. What about the doctor’s training could possibly have made her a specialist on humans? Did they have vampire experts? As far as Lindsay knew, they didn’t have separate schools for vampires to study vampire psychology or medicine. She assumed there wasn’t a doctor-patient confidentiality law in the vampire world either. Dr. Fitz would tell the council anything they wanted to know.
There was no difference between the two species when it came to how they dealt with mental trauma. Lindsay would concede that it was possible an ancient vampire might have a different take on the world, having seen so much over the years, but an assault victim was an assault victim, whether you needed blood in your diet to survive or not.
Lindsay had asked Doc Stevens—the local doctor who came to give her an exam when she arrived at this new Enclave—if he’d gone to vampire medical school. Doc had chuckled and explained that he’d gone to human medical school, but after he had finished his internship in a human hospital, he’d done an additional course with a vampire physician. Doc Stevens was an internist, not a psychiatrist, so he needed to know how to deal with vampire trauma cases and even maternity because vampires didn’t go to the emergency room or hospital for care.
Dr. Fitz was full of vampire shit. Blah, blah, blah was all Lindsay heard. Lindsay wished they had left her in South Carolina if they were going to force therapy down her throat. At least she was used to dealing with Dr. Rosen and the medical staff there. She returned her eyes to the spot on the wall over the doctor’s shoulder. It was childish to ignore the woman, she knew, but if a physician refused to believe a patient why should the patient repeat themselves? Lindsay wasn’t going to change Dr. Fitz’s professional opinion, so they were at a standoff.
“Are we done?” Lindsay asked. The clock had just struck noon. It was time to return to her room and wait for eleven o’clock tomorrow when she’d be led back to this room again. She was sick to death of this shit.
“We are,” Dr. Fitz sighed with annoyance and got to her feet. There was nothing Lindsay could tell her that the council didn’t already know. So there was nothing to talk about. She decided at that moment she would refuse to see Dr. Fitz tomorrow. She was done playing this game. It wasn’t like they could take anything else from her if she refused.
They walked to the door together, and Lindsay followed Dr. Fitz into the hall. Like every other day, Dr. Fitz would walk Lindsay back to her room and wait there if the guard wasn’t in place yet. Lindsay heard footsteps and conversations in the hall all day, every day. So she knew there were many other people in the building, mostly men, but it was a ghost town when she walked the short distance from her room to the doctor’s office and back.
Just before they reached the one turn between Lindsay’s room and Dr. Fitz’s office, the sound of two men in conversation entered the hall. Dr. Fitz stopped and turned abruptly. She grabbed Lindsay’s shoulders and tried to turn her around, back toward the safety of the doctor’s office, but Lindsay refused to budge. She recognized both of the voices. One was Dr. Stevens, who had examined Lindsay. It hadn’t dawned on Lindsay until just that minute that she hadn’t been afraid of Dr. Stevens. Maybe it was because he didn’t wear a white coat. Maybe it was because she was actually getting over her fears. She was hopeful for the latter.
The other man’s voice was far more familiar to Lindsay. There was no time like the present to prove to Dr. Fitz that Lindsay wasn’t afraid of men. Lindsay would be brave and face down the one man that might actually strike terror into her heart. The vampire who had taken everything from her was only feet away. Lindsay learned from Brandi that David was in custody at the central Enclave. She just hadn’t considered that she might ever see him again.
“Let’s go, Lindsay. I’m very sorry. This hall is supposed to be clear during this time,” said Dr. Fitz, and there was real sympathy in her voice. The woman truly believed Lindsay was too fragile to deal with men, but it was too late. The men had reached the corner and nearly walked right into Lindsay and Dr. Fitz.
“Pardon me, Dr. Fitz.” Dr. Stevens stopped dead in his tracks. Dr. Stevens noticed Lindsay and the color drained from his face.
“This hall is supposed to be vacated at this hour!” Dr. Fitz was irate. It was too late for her to stop the run in, though.
Yeah, this was a bad situation. No doctor would want their patient to walk unsuspectingly into their own personal nightmare, but Lindsay was sick of living with ghosts. Then one of the ghosts Lindsay had been haunted by stepped into her view. David moved to Dr. Steven’s side, and recognition slammed into both of them. Lindsay had known it was David’s voice, but actually seeing him after all that had happened between them was a shock. The funny thing was, even though she recognized his face, the man before her was not the same person. Everything about David was altered. His posture was different, as were his eyes. There was life and compassion in those eyes that hadn’t been there when he was the rogue. This man wasn’t the person who’d taken over Lindsay’s life.
What nobody understood about Lindsay and David was that they had been in a sick relationship of sorts. She was traumatized by the kidnapping and realization that vampires aren’t just myths, but real beings. She was not, however, afraid of the sexual act or men in general. Why? Because when she was with David, he’d been in control of her mind. He told her he loved her and he twisted her weak human brain into believing that she loved David, too. He asked her permission to touch her. He begged her to love him. He pleaded for forgiveness. Later, when David wasn’t with Lindsay, she would understand that she’d been manipulated. She knew it was his influence and not her real emotions, but it was impossible to tell the difference once those things were planted in your brain. It was the one answer Dr. Fitz refused to hear. So Lindsay had stopped talking.
She remembered everything that happened between her and David, but it was all through the lens of a person who was under mind control. Just like David knew everything he’d done while Sheena controlled him, Lindsay knew what she’d done while David controlled her. He’d protected her mind, though, by making her believe he loved her and she loved him. They’d had sex many times. Sometimes it was rough, and he would feed on her. Most of the time David was slow and passionate when they were together. Somewhere in the middle, David had decided to change her into a vampire.
Lindsay remembered him asking her over and over as he’d worked on changing her and bonding her to him, “Why aren’t you a vampire? You’re supposed to be a vampire? Why aren’t we mated? Why isn’t this working?” David would be frantic with his need to claim Lindsay and make her what he believed she should be.
It was messed up on so many levels, but to Lindsay, David was more like a crazy ex-boyfriend than an offender. She was glad that somewhere down deep in his subconscious the real David had cared enough to make her believe they were in love. If he hadn’t, Lindsay would likely be the fragile person Dr. Fitz expected her to be. She was an unsuspecting human kidnapped and turned into a vampire to be the sex toy of a man who was under the constant influence of an insane half-breed who was using him to overthrow a nation of vampires. It all sounded impossible and totally nuts to her human mind.
Lindsay wanted to know why David had done this to her. She wanted to know why he’d changed her. She hoped she would be able to find her voice to ask him. So far, though, all she could do was look at him.
“Lindsay.” The expression of sorrow and guilt on David’s face was real. He’d said her name, but that was all he seemed to be able to get passed his lips.
“Do not speak to her!” Dr. Fitz tugged on Lindsay’s arm.
“Let’s go, David,” Dr. Stevens said, and pulled on David’s arm, trying to drag him back around the corner.
Lindsay didn’t move. Her feet were cemented to the floor. The tension in the hall was thick. She wanted an answer. David looked like he might grab Lindsay away from Dr. Fitz at any moment. The two doctors where ready to get physical to protect Lindsay.
“Lindsay, you don’t have to be afraid. I won’t let anything happen to you. You’ll never see him again,” Dr. Fitz stated.