by Maegan Abel
One of the security guards grabbed the bags and the car seat, the other held the door and tried to block the path. I talked softly to Conner, whispering reassurances to him as I held him close, feeling his little fingers digging into my neck as his grip tightened. The questions they were yelling didn’t register until I had him buckled in.
“What did you do to her? Did you kill her? Why?”
I slammed my door and Paige hit the gas, narrowly missing one of the photographers too busy snapping pictures to pay attention. “What the fuck was that?” I asked, raking my hands through my hair as I looked behind us to make sure none of them were following. Conner slumped in the booster seat, eyes wide as he peeked from under the blanket. “It’s okay.” I reached a hand back, aware I wasn’t buckled in but needing to comfort him. He gripped my hand, unwilling to let go the entire drive to the airport. I needed to call the detective, but it would have to wait until we were home.
I carried the car seat, my bag, and Paige’s bag through the airport after she dropped us off and went to return the rental car. Conner gripped my hand tightly, staying close to my side as I found us a few chairs to wait in after I retrieved our tickets from the kiosk. The second I put the bags on the floor between my feet, Conner climbed into my lap. He hadn’t always been this way, but when he was hurt or sick, he usually wanted to be close to me. I wasn’t going to pass it up. I wanted him close. Letting him out of my sight terrified me.
He was still a little groggy so he dozed off while we waited for Paige. He’d been quiet and more somber than usual since the initial panic after we arrived, though Paige had gotten him to laugh a few times. When she arrived, she grabbed the bags and the car seat, allowing me to carry Conner as we made our way to security.
“This isn’t going to work,” I said to Paige, wondering how to get Conner through the checkpoint. I had no idea how it worked with children, since I’d never traveled by plane with Conner, but I couldn’t imagine him being willing to stand still in the tube or to even let me put him down since I’d have to wake him in order to do so.
“Wait here,” Paige said as she walked up to the TSA agent standing just outside the checkpoint. They spoke for only a minute before he looked up and waved me over.
“Sir, if you’ll come with me, we’ll take you to a private area to screen you,” he said, turning toward a small gate.
“I’ll meet you on the other side,” Paige said, taking our bags and leaving me again with only Conner to carry.
I followed the agent to a small room and emptied my pockets on the table. They allowed me to hold Conner while they used a wand to search us both before checking my ID and the paperwork for Conner against our tickets.
As the agent held open the door exiting on the other side of the checkpoint, he smiled at Conner. I hadn’t even realized he’d woken during the process, he’d stayed so still. The man looked back up at me. “I can’t imagine what I’d do if someone tried to take one of my girls. I’m glad this turned out the way it did and I hope you guys have a safe flight home.”
“Thanks,” I said, nodding to him as I passed through the door. I shouldn’t have felt embarrassed that he knew. He wasn’t judging me, but for the first time since all this happened, I was judging myself.
I spotted Paige and as we headed toward our gate in silence, I continued contemplating exactly what I was feeling. It came back to one question: what kind of father was I? I’d spent so much time, money, and energy trying to get Conner away from Lizzie and he’d gotten kidnapped on my watch.
We settled into chairs at the gate and I readjusted Conner in my lap. He had fallen asleep again, his tiny mouth parted as he breathed evenly. I stared at him, looking over the still-healing physical wounds. I wondered what lay under the surface. The physical wounds were visible, but how much damage had been done emotionally? What had he been through in that short amount of time?
“Stop it,” Paige said. I glanced over and she was watching me stare at Conner. “Stop blaming yourself. We don’t know who did this and even if we did, it wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it was. If I had made him go to your house that day, he wouldn’t have been home.”
“Are you saying this is Lili’s fault?”
I scowled, looking away from Paige and back down to the sleeping face of my son. I didn’t blame Lili for this. Did I? No. I couldn’t. I didn’t before I’d seen the video and especially not after. She risked her life to save Conner. “No. I wish she’d been at work. I wish…” I trailed off, knowing it didn’t do any good to wish anything. It wouldn’t change what happened.
I stared at Conner, my mind replaying the image of Lili, curling in on herself to protect her stomach as the man she knew was going to take her regardless kicked her. In my mind, I could hear the sound of cracking bones, the sound of her screams.
“Zane.” I jerked my arm away from Paige’s touch, taking a deep breath. I could feel her eyes on me, but I took a few seconds to compose my expression before I looked over at her. She was worried, concerned about me and how I was holding up, no doubt. “What did the police show you?”
It wasn’t the first time she’d asked the question over the last few days and she probably assumed, like every other time, I wouldn’t answer. I had to swallow several times before I could speak. “I saw the surveillance video from the store where they found him,” I whispered. I turned my attention back to Conner. “She got him out. She distracted them and…” I trailed off as two groggy, blue eyes blinked open and fixed on mine. I shoved the thoughts aside, doing my best to wipe them from my face as I smiled at Conner. “Hey, sleepy-head.”
He stared at me, his eyes boring into mine as he moved to a sitting position on my lap. “What happened to LeeLee?”
His question caught me off guard. Every time he said her name, the innocent way he mispronounced it, the love in his voice, tore at my heart. He was suffering, too. He missed her and worried about her, even though he didn’t have an inkling of what happened to her after she sent him to hide.
“She’s gonna be okay, buddy. The police will find her and bring her home,” I said, repeating what had become my mantra. If I believed hard enough, if Conner believed, maybe we could make it come true.
Conner seemed excited about the plane ride—as excited as I’d seen him since his kidnapping, at least. It wasn’t until we were strapped in and he realized he had to stay in his seat during the takeoff instead of sitting on my lap that he started getting antsy. I lifted the armrest between us and wrapped my arm around his shoulders, holding him close. He didn’t seem panicked about the takeoff or the plane ride itself, but there was definitely something.
Once we were off the ground and at cruising altitude, I unclipped his seatbelt and he immediately clambered into my lap. I knew the flight attendants would probably say something, but at this point, I didn’t care.
“You feeling okay?” I asked, worried when I saw his expression. He nodded and leaned his head against my shoulder, turning his face away from the window. “Do you feel sick?” He shook his head, not bothering to lift it. I sighed and leaned my head back, my own exhaustion kicking my ass. Now that I was taking Conner home, I was starting to feel like I could breathe again, but the lingering thoughts of Lili and what the reporters had said still plagued me.
I heard Paige murmuring as my eyes drifted closed. Explanations. She was yet again telling someone what had happened in order to grant us special treatment. I felt it again, that twinge in my chest, as I wondered whether this person would judge my parenting. What kind of parent lets their child get kidnapped?
My eyes flashed open as Conner’s body jerked in my arms. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been asleep, but I was awake now. Paige’s brow was creased as she glanced up at me and back down to Conner. I looked at him, seeing the beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. Just as I started to wake him, he let out a scream that had every hair on my body standing on end.
“Conner. Hey. Open your eyes, buddy,” I said, running my hand
over his face to wipe away the sweat. “It’s okay. It’s a dream. Open your eyes,” I repeated as he trembled. People around us were murmuring, watching the interaction. He screamed again, thrashing in my arms as I attempted to keep him from falling to the floor.
“Zane, stop,” Paige said softly. “It won’t work.”
My disorientation wore off and I pulled him tight, trying to ensure he didn’t hurt himself. I glanced at Paige, who frowned, rubbing my arm in comfort. Night terrors were something we were familiar with. She sometimes had them when she was little after particularly bad fights between our parents. I knew there was nothing I could do but hold Conner at this point. He whimpered and thrashed again as the flight attendant came by, telling us he had to be in a seatbelt for landing. I’d slept the entire flight. I turned sideways, ignoring the ripping sensation in my side jolting painfully down my arm as I carefully placed him in the booster seat. I grabbed the end of the seatbelt with one hand and Paige leaned over to help me buckle it. I held him close, feeling my heart start to slow as he finally calmed, falling deeper into sleep against my side.
I stared at him, hating myself and the helplessness overwhelming me. “The last thing I ever wanted was for him to know the kind of pain we went through,” I whispered, trying to battle through the desperation.
“You’ve done everything you could to protect him. You have to stop blaming yourself for this and focus on helping him through it.”
“How? How can I help him?” I asked, looking around us. Some people were still watching, part with pity and a few with disapproval. One man in particular, sitting across the aisle, was scowling as he looked over. The newspaper he held folded in his hand and his suit jacket across his lap told me he was a businessman, one who probably traveled regularly. I snapped. “What? Let me guess, you’ve never had a kid who was kidnapped who you had to get back home in order to get help? No, I’ll bet not.”
More heads turned in my direction as the plane coasted from the runway toward the gate. Conner shifted and I realized my yelling had woken him. I tried to give him a smile as he blinked groggily.
When the seatbelt sign turned off, Paige stood, grabbing our bags. I turned, gasping as I tried to lift Conner in my arms. I pulled him up with my right arm, flexing my left hand into a fist before releasing it. Paige watched me carefully grab the booster seat with fingers that were completely numb.
“I’m fine,” I said under my breath as we waited for our turn to shift out into the aisle. She didn’t comment further, but she reached over and took the seat, leaving me to carry Conner.
An older woman in the aisle stopped, giving Conner a smile before looking up at me. “My name is Amelia Willis. I’m a Child Therapist and I work with trauma victims and their families. I heard what you said and you are a brave man. It’s a long road, but you’ll get there. When you’re ready to get him help, I’d be more than willing to talk to you both.” I stared at her in shock as she handed me a business card. I tucked it in my pocket, trying to find my voice to thank the woman, but she walked away.
Paige slipped out into the aisle and I started to follow, coming face-to-face with the businessman. His scowl was still in place and I shook my head as I let him go in front of me. We walked through the tunnel leading us to the building and I couldn’t help myself, I had to speak.
“I hope to God you never have to walk in my shoes. I hope you never have to know what I’m living through right now because this hell isn’t something any parent should have to experience.” I kept my voice low, but the tightness in his shoulders told me he heard me.
Maybe he was just an asshole and he would never understand, but maybe, just maybe, the next time he was on a flight, he’d cut a parent some slack.
Chapter Five
Questions
The first few days home were harder than I had expected. I hadn’t considered the negative side effects of bringing Conner back to Tish’s house. I’d thought being home might calm him, but his moods were all over the place. Kaitlyn and Denni, as well as my grandparents, had all gone overboard once they heard we were coming home, buying toys for Conner and clothes for both of us. I couldn’t even begin to find words to thank them for their generosity.
Some special child advocates interviewed Conner again in an attempt to get more information about who had taken him, but he wouldn’t say anything. Other than asking for Lili, he didn’t say much to any of us.
I’d taken him to see Lizzie the day we came home. I hadn’t wanted to, but I caved, knowing how pissed she’d been when she couldn’t get a plane ticket to fly to New Mexico. It wasn’t that I didn’t want her to see him, I just wanted him to have a little stability. She’d fawned over him and tried to hug him, but he’d been just as withdrawn around her, trying to keep a hold on me and shrugging away from her affection.
After several unanswered calls to Detective Sanders, she finally called back, telling me she would get in touch with me to talk in person when she returned to Vegas. I wanted answers. Clearly, something was going on, but no one would tell me anything. When I finally got a call from an Officer at the LVPD, I was more than happy to go to the station to talk. Leaving Conner was harder than I thought, though. He’d been clingy and when I told him I had to go somewhere without him, he started to cry. If it weren’t for Paige, I probably wouldn’t have been able to find the strength to walk out the door. She promised, swore to me, she wouldn’t let anything happen to him.
He was still the only thing on my mind when I entered the station. I gave my name at the desk and was escorted through two sets of doors. At the end of a hallway, I was led into a room. It wasn’t until I saw the layout of the room that I became suspicious.
“I’m Officer Andrews. Thanks again for coming down to speak with us about the kidnapping. You understand you aren’t under arrest?” he asked, pausing until I nodded. “Have a seat.” He gestured toward one of the chairs.
I walked forward, clinging to a calm I didn’t feel as my eyes automatically glanced around for the cameras—two I could see. I slid into the chair facing the door as I watched a second officer enter the room. They spoke for a moment before coming over, the second dropping a notepad onto the table as he took one of the seats across from me. The sound nearly made me jump, but I held myself together.
“We just have a few questions for you about Kylee Camden’s disappearance,” the second officer said. I read his nametag: Burkes.
“Okay,” I said, feeling even edgier that they’d used Lili’s legal name.
“When was the last time you saw Miss Camden?” Andrews asked, and I turned my attention to him.
“The morning of her disappearance. Right before I left for work. Around seven-thirty, maybe?”
“And everything was fine when you left?” Burkes asked. I nodded.
“Yeah. She was making breakfast with Conner. Pancakes,” I answered, looking back and forth between them. “Look, I already told the detectives all of this when we reported Lili and Conner missing.”
“We’re aware of what you told them. Was that the last time you spoke to her?” Burkes asked, and I nodded again.
“Yes. I sent her texts, but I didn’t hear back from her,” I said, starting to get defensive. Something about this felt like I was being interrogated and I didn’t like it.
“You weren’t concerned when she didn’t reply?”
I straightened, shifting a little in the chair as I realized I’d talked myself into a corner.
“No. She was a little upset with me over a disagreement the night before. I wasn’t expecting a reply,” I answered honestly. Well, somewhat honestly. The argument the night before was definitely more than a disagreement, and she’d been more than a little upset, but they latched on to the difference in my story regardless.
“You had a fight?” Andrews leaned forward, his eyes on me as Burkes flipped through pages on the notepad, no doubt looking for proof I’d changed my story. And he’d find it. I hadn’t lied, but I’d left out any talk of Lili and me not ge
tting along.
“We had a disagreement. All couples have them,” I said, still trying to keep my calm. I was nervous and I knew it showed, but I also knew where this was leading and I wasn’t sure how I could avoid it now.
“All couples might have them, but when one person disappears after, suspicion is always on the other. Especially when they aren’t honest with police.” Burkes was watching me closely now.
“Look, the cops that night were making it sound like Lili ran off with Conner and I know better than that. But I also knew they would take something like an argument the wrong way and add it to the reasons she may have taken him or left on her own.” I sighed and ran a hand over my head.
“Would you be willing to consent to letting us search the messages on your phone?” he asked. I swallowed and nodded.
“It’s in my pocket,” I said, knowing from my experience in the hospital that cops preferred you telling them what you were reaching for. Burkes nodded and I pulled it out, unlocking the screen and pulling up the texts. I tried not to read the messages as I passed it over to officers.
“This says the recipient is Pixie,” Burkes said, watching me.
“If you look at the description I gave the police that night, she has a tattoo of a pixie. It’s a nickname. You can check the number with the information given during the interview,” I said, hearing the irritation in my own voice. We sat in silence as they scrolled through the texts, the only sound the scratching of the pen against paper as Andrews took notes. “Look, could someone tell me what the hell is going on? I’m the one who reported them missing, why am I being questioned now?” I had a suspicion that whatever was going on had something to do with the reporters in New Mexico.
“New allegations have come out from the victim’s family. They seem to believe you were a danger to their daughter,” Burkes said, studying me.
Pressing my fingers to my temples, I let out a laugh. “They think I’m a danger to her and you question me, yet it was just proven in court a matter of months ago she was raped at fourteen and her family covered for her attacker. She ran away from home because they wouldn’t take her side. She’s their fucking child and they let the man who violated her not only walk the streets, but they expected her to interact with him on a regular basis. How is it that I’m the threat to her?” My voice was raised by the end and I slammed a fist on the table between us.