by Maegan Abel
“The two of you seem very cozy,” she stated. There was almost no emotion at all in her voice, but it was deceptively soft. “That look of shock doesn’t exactly suit you, Zane. What? You’re surprised I figured out your little game?” As I opened my mouth to speak, her hand came out and slammed a piece of paper on the table directly between my and Kaitlyn’s plates.
My stomach dropped as I saw a crude print out of an online article with the pictures of Kaitlyn and me leaving Shadows, clearly intoxicated and much closer than we should’ve been.
“L—”
“Oh, no. You don’t get to talk right now. Right now, it’s my turn to talk,” she spat, emotion finally showing through as she cut me off. She stared at me, her anger so weighted I could barely breathe. She shifted her eyes to Kaitlyn with a look of disgust and I felt defensive. I didn’t want her to attack Kaitlyn for my poor judgement.
“This was—”
“This was what you were doing while I was gone?” It wasn’t a question, more like an accusation as she twisted the start of my sentence. “Well, let me tell you a little something about what I was doing.” She yanked down the zipper of her jacket, pulling it off and revealing several long nasty bruises along her arms as she dropped it to the floor beside her.
“While you were off fucking my sister,” she said the word like an expletive, “I was protecting you. I was keeping my silence and letting them do every thing they could to break me. Because they told me if I ran, if I fought, if I didn’t do exactly what was asked of me, they would come for you and Conner.” Her voice cracked on Conner’s name, but she recovered quickly, her eyes trailing down her arms. “And this?” She lifted them, making sure I knew exactly what she was talking about. “This isn’t even the worst of it.” She reached behind her, yanking at the back of her tank top and pulling it over her head as she turned.
I tasted bile as my eyes quickly scanned the mass of purple covering her back. Several long gauze bandages stained with red stretched the expanse, clearly needing to be changed. Kaitlyn’s sob broke the deafening silence as Lili pulled the tank top back over her head, situating it in place before reaching down carefully to grab her jacket.
“I’d warn my sister about your nasty habit of killing or nearly killing the women in your life but I’m pretty sure between Lizzie and me, she can figure it out for herself.” Lili spat, starting toward the door before spinning back to face me. Her eyes were completely void of any emotion. “You might tell her about Olivia, though. She wasn’t around for that one and she should probably know since it started your body count and all.”
There was arguing going on around me but I was paralyzed by the cold honesty from Lili.
It wasn’t until the front door slammed that I realized someone left.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Nobody Knows
Lili
“Where are you going?” Tish’s voice called out and I paused at the end of the driveway. He was pissed, basically told me to get the fuck out, and now he wanted to play concerned?
“None of your fucking business. You’re not my keeper,” I spat, looking both directions into the darkness of the street as my mind raced. I needed to get the hell away from this place.
“You can’t just run out and disappear—”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. I don’t need this shit. I don’t. I can manage just fine on my own.” I turned and almost laughed at his completely shocked expression. “You seem to have me confused with someone else. Little secret: I’m not her. I don’t give a fuck about any of you.”
With that, I spun and took off down the street at jog. I wasn’t even sure where I was headed, but it felt oddly calming to run. Some part of me, something deep down, remembered this. Of course, I probably wasn’t barefoot.
By the time I made it out of the neighborhood, I was running out of steam. My heart pounded almost as much as my feet and my back screamed in protest from the constant jostling. The adrenaline of the argument had definitely worn off, leaving a hollowness in its wake. As I paused, trying to calm my breathing, I glanced around. It was dark and the streets were eerily quiet, given the hour. Considering it was Christmas Eve, the lack of people out on this side of town made sense.
The distant sounds of traffic started seeping into my awareness and I realized just how alone I was out here.
“Fuck,” I whispered, suddenly fearful of someone hearing. I had to keep my cool. There was a small restaurant about a mile up the street near the highway and I headed that direction, hoping it would be open.
When I finally saw the lights inside the restaurant, relief coursed through me. It wasn’t until the waitress froze mid-step, gaping, that I thought about my appearance. My hair was in a messy bun, I had a healing mark down my cheek and bruises around my throat, plus I was barefoot. Now under scrutiny, I started trembling.
“Can I help you with something, sweetie?” An older woman came from the back, moving slowly, afraid she might spook me.
Can she help me? What the fuck am I doing?
Bile rose in my throat as dread clawed at me. Who the fuck were these people? What was I doing?
“Phone. Can I use your phone?” I asked, not even recognizing the panic in my voice.
“Come with me.” She gestured toward the door she’d come through. “I’ll take you to the office so you can call whoever you need,” she coaxed. I hesitated before following slowly.
She pointed to the phone on the desk and stepped aside as I moved toward it. Now that I had it, I dialed quickly.
“Hello?” Tony’s voice was all it took. The tears started, hindering me from finding words.
“I…I…”
“What’s going on? Lili? Where are you?” He sounded concerned, which made it so much worse. The events of the last hour or so spun on an endless loop through my mind and I realized I didn’t deserve his concern. I didn’t deserve anyone’s concern.
“I’m at a restaurant. I…I need help.”
Tony was outside when the cab pulled up in front of his house. Guilt swarmed me as he carefully maneuvered to the curb to pay the driver. I could feel his eyes on me as I stood on the sidewalk, arms wrapped around myself in an attempt to stifle the chill that seemed bone deep at this point.
“Come on,” he whispered, starting toward the house. The relief at having somewhere to stay was immediate and I followed, pausing just inside the door to lock it behind us.
“Wanna talk about it?” Tony asked. I turned to face him, slumping back against the door as I shook my head. “Okay. Do they know where you are?” Another head shake. He sighed. “Do they at least know you left?” I finally nodded. He made a face, shuffling a little on his crutches. “What do you want to do?”
I looked over at him, taking in his haggard appearance. The past few months hadn’t been any easier on him. Even if I wanted to talk, he looked exhausted.
I thought for a moment, realizing all I really wanted was a good night’s sleep. I didn’t want to think about Zane, or my injuries, or that I was going crazy…I didn’t want to think about any of it. I just wanted to sleep and forget the pain for a while. “I want to shower and go to sleep.”
“Okay,” Tony said, turning and heading toward the hallway.
“I don’t need you to show me the way. I think I remember where your bathroom is,” I said, trying to make a joke. It felt stilted, but the truth was, as I followed him further into the house, I was relaxing. I stared, my mind a blur of images as the familiarity settled in. Something about this place and these memories felt safe. They were far enough in my past that they didn’t hold the taint of the last several months. Instead, they brought a different set of problems with them.
Tony chuckled and shook his head as he glanced over his shoulder at me. “I was going to grab you a t-shirt to sleep in.”
“Oh,” I said, following him into the hall. I waited until he tossed me a black t-shirt from his dresser before I headed to the shower, feeling the need to scrub away the memories of
today.
During my shower, I finally started feeling more like myself. As I allowed more of my emotions to return, shame for what I’d done engulfed me. Even the sense of betrayal I’d felt when I’d seen the article didn’t excuse what I’d said to Zane.
If I hadn’t gotten on Paige’s laptop thinking I could Google Conner’s symptoms and learn more about what he was going through, I never would’ve found my name in her search engine and I never would’ve seen the way they looked together.
I tried to swallow the sob, but it broke free. I was embarrassed over my outburst, but even more humiliated that they all already knew. Zane had moved on to Kaitlyn, of all people, and being the last to know felt horrible. I felt like a fool for the way I’d tried to fix us when there clearly wasn’t any us left to fix.
Ending up in Tony’s bed without much of a fight should’ve concerned me. I was well aware of that. But it didn’t. The truth was, I didn’t want to be alone.
It had been different with Zane. Zane shared a bed with Conner, and I couldn’t blame him for that, but given the nightmares I’d had a few nights ago after being rescued, I wasn’t going to risk scaring Conner. Instead, I did my best to sleep alone in the living room, which basically meant I’d gotten very little sleep.
Being alone terrified me and Tony knew that without me even having to say it. I didn’t have to explain things to him—he’d seen it.
Hell, he’d lived it with me.
I lay on my side, curled away from him on the large bed dominating his bedroom. I stared at the numbers on the clock beside me, watching as the minutes ticked by, exhausted but unable to force my eyes to close. Tony and I didn’t talk much, but I could tell from his breathing he was still awake.
“It’s after midnight,” I finally whispered when the silence became stifling.
“Is it?”
I hummed in confirmation. “Merry Christmas.”
He stayed quiet and after a moment, I felt his hand on my thigh over the blanket, stilling the constant nervous movement of my leg. He withdrew his hand once I stopped. “Is that what’s bothering you?”
I rolled over carefully, trying to avoid scraping the rawness of my back against the bed. I should’ve had Tony re-bandage the worst of the cuts but for some reason, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to ask. It was strange being this unsure of everyone—myself included.
I tucked my hands under my cheek as I met his gaze. “I should be with Conner. I feel terrible for leaving the way I did, but I didn’t even think. I…” I paused, trying to figure out how in the world I could explain not even feeling in control of my own body at times. It made me sound insane. “I should’ve stayed.”
“Do you want to be there?” he asked honestly, his eyes staying focused on mine. The familiarity in the depths still shocked me at times and a part of me ached to ask if he’d meant what he said in the shop the day before I’d been kidnapped.
“I don’t think there’s a solid answer to that,” I said, giving my shoulder a shrug. “What I know is, I need space to work some shit out and there is a shortage of that with people constantly hovering around me over there.”
“Well, I’d say that’s your answer then.”
I frowned, my eyes slipping to the gap between the pillows separating us. “You don’t understand. Conner…he means so much to me. What am I supposed to do if I can’t work this out with Zane? Or if he doesn’t want to?” I paused, surprised those fears came out so easily. “I love that little boy like he’s my own, but he’s not mine. If I lose Zane, I lose Conner, too. And I don’t know if I could survive that. I don’t know if Conner could either.”
In the silence, my body started to feel heavy and I realized sleep was finally pulling at me. Tony was quiet for so long, I jumped a little when he finally spoke.
“I understand better than you know.”
I stared at him, my confusion making speech impossible as he closed his eyes, seeming to gather his thoughts. He rolled away from me and I started to think he was leaving. I sat up quickly, my eyes wide as I thought of how I could beg him to stay. He reached into the drawer of the nightstand and moved a few things around before turning toward me again. In his hands was a picture frame.
He readjusted, straightening out his casted leg as he rested against the headboard. He stared at the picture before handing it to me. My eyes landed on the biggest pair of green eyes I’d ever seen. It was a boy, probably around Conner’s age, with a huge smile shining all over his face. His brown hair was shaved short and I could see a small, white scar along the side of his forehead near his temple that seemed long healed. It was only noticeable because of how tan he was. If I had to guess, I’d say this picture was taken during the summer and he’d spent a lot of time outside.
There was another picture stuffed into the edge of the frame and I finally dropped my eyes down to it. The same boy was present, still all smiles, sitting on Tony’s lap. I felt my heart constrict looking at the two of them. Tony was younger, with less ink and fewer piercings, but there were more differences than just that. He looked genuinely happy.
“His name is Drew. Well, Andrew, but he never answered to that.” He chuckled softly and I mirrored his position on the bed, realizing my legs were falling asleep from the weird angle. I readjusted the blanket to cover my lap and placed the picture carefully between us while I waited for him to continue. I didn’t want to pry, but he seemed like he wasn’t sure where to start with the story.
“Is he yours?” I finally asked, deciding I’d ask a few questions and if he seemed to be bothered by them, I’d stop. This honestly wasn’t any of my business but it meant a lot that he was willing to share something about his past with me.
Tony pursed his lips and shook his head. “No. No, I actually met his mother, Kelly, when he was about a month old. It was two-thirty in the morning and she came into this shitty little convenience store where I was working overnight. She lugged this infant in with her and shuffled straight to the back corner where the beer was. She grabbed a six-pack and trudged up to the register. I rang her up and we didn’t speak but I watched her walk out with the beer. It was then I realized she didn’t even have a car in the parking lot. She passed the side of the building and I wondered how far away she lived. The store was right off the highway and it had to be three quarters of a mile or so to the nearest residential area.” He paused, gathering himself or remembering her, I couldn’t be sure.
“It’s a long story, but turns out the kid’s father was a drunk. A nasty one. I saw her almost every shift I worked for about four months. Occasionally we chatted, but it was all very superficial. She didn’t tell me about him, I actually got to witness it for myself. There was an incident when he came to the store, almost drove through the front windows. He was looking for her. I guess she’d taken her time getting there that night and he got pissed. Anyway, he came in and it turned into a fight. He had a knife and I jumped in the middle of things. Hell, maybe that made it worse. Some days I think it probably did. But, basically, we all ended up in the hospital, even Drew. He’d thrown a beer bottle at Kelly’s head and it shattered. Several of the shards cut him and a few even embedded themselves in his head when she fell.” His fingers traced the scar on Drew’s face for a moment. “Anyway, I ran him off and pushed her to press charges. She didn’t want to but my own wounds were bad enough, and with the damage to the store, I had no choice but to anyway. She said it gave her the strength to go through with it.”
“So, he was five months old then?” I asked when the silence stretched again, wanting to hear more.
“Yeah. Things started slow between Kelly and I. Hell, I was practically a kid myself. I was in no place to raise a baby. But she didn’t have anywhere to go. Her family was halfway across the country somewhere. We figured shit out together but I wasn’t…I didn’t hang out with the best crowds. Where her ex was a drunk, my addictions were different. I wasn’t a horrible addict, but I was definitely more concerned with drugs than her and Drew at times.” He
sighed, dropping his head into his palms. “I was a shitty human being.”
I started feeling apprehensive about where this story was going. I wanted to know, the curious part of me dying for the information, but I’d known Tony for over two years and he’d never mentioned Drew or Kelly. Not even Tish talked about them. He had known Tony most of their lives so he had to know about them.
“So, what happened?” I finally asked, unable to stand it any longer.
“It didn’t work out. Like I said, a long story and I was a shitty human being. Things were said and done that couldn’t be undone and she disappeared with Drew. I haven’t seen or heard from either of them since.” His voice was hollow in a way I wasn’t used to hearing from him. It tore at me to see him in pain.
“Did you try to find them?”
He dropped his head back and looked up at the ceiling. “Eventually, yes. It took me a while to realize I wanted them more than I wanted to hold some stupid grudge for some ridiculous mistake. The problem with that was I had no legal ground to stand on. We weren’t married and Drew wasn’t mine.”
My heart dropped at the realization. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” He lowered his head, meeting my eyes again. “I understand better than you think. But I can also tell you, even with knowing what I know now, even missing him every single day, Kelly and I staying together had to be our choice. We couldn’t make that about him and you shouldn’t either. I love Andrew with everything I am and I always think about him, but staying with someone because you’re afraid of losing a kid…it’s just not a good enough reason. You have to find a better one.”