by Lisa Swallow
“I could’ve chosen a different line. One you might not have liked so much.” He watches for a reaction from me and I return a blank look. “Have you ever read it?”
“No. But they’re not very nice to each other in what I’ve watched so far. So I guess there’s a lot worse things you could’ve said.” I dig him in the ribs.
“Hmm. That’s not what I meant.” Evan bites on the corner of his lip, as if he’s trying not to say something. “Well, I won’t spoil the ending.”
The bell sounds, indicating we should return to our seats. I finish my wine, take Evan’s hand, and we walk back through the doors to the theatre.
As we do, Evan hugs me to him and kisses my cheek. “I love you, Ness. Forever and always.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
MARCH
NESS
I look out of my bedroom window, across the patchwork fields towards the Cotswolds. The trees lining my parents’ driveway have blossomed; their pink petals always remind me of childhood birthdays. The necklace Evan gave me back in winter rests by the mirror, and I fasten it around my neck, touching the glass and smiling. I know he’s downstairs, waiting uncomfortably, but I want to get ready alone. Without any temptation. Smoothing down the green dress, I adjust the front, not entirely comfortable with the amount of bare flesh on show.
Several weeks since the event that brought us back together, and Evan has proven his words about him and Lucy are true. There’s been no mention of Lancaster, and not one call from Lucy. Is this what it took? Evan to put his foot down and she’d stop. Surely, it can’t be that simple; imagine the pain we could’ve avoided. The brighter Evan, with eyes full of love and life are an indication of how much better he is. This time, I believe he won’t go running to Lucy unless she really needs his help, because I think Lucy accepts this too.
Life has a different perspective now. For both of us. I never realized how much my need for independence bordered on fear of attachment. How obsessive I got about my course. Being yanked out of one reality into another, and ending up in hospital, opened my eyes to what I almost lost. And Evan waited. Sometimes I think breaking apart made us stronger. Only people who are meant to be can go through the things we have and still be together.
Evan’s face turns into one huge smile as I walk into the room. I pause, give him a mock curtsey, and spin around so my dress flies outwards.
“Looking good, Miss Armstrong.”
Crossing towards him, I grab his blue tie and pull him towards me. “Not so bad yourself, Mr. Hyde.”
Evan holds me away from him, and sweeps a very slow gaze over my figure. The green dress hugs my waist, gathers under my breasts before flowing out, the full chiffon skirt settling above my knees. His eyes predictably go to the top of my dress.
“Are you staring at my rack?” I ask, slapping his hand.
“No, but you have a beautiful necklace.” He slides his hand under the butterfly pendant, fingers lightly touching my skin and leaving heat behind when he holds the pendant up.
“Yeah, some dodgy guy in the pub gave me this.”
Evan pokes me in the ribs. “Hey!”
I run my hand along his arm, smoothing the crisp shirt. “Poor Evan.”
“What?”
“Every time you come to my house, they make you wear proper clothes.”
“You’re being very obnoxious tonight. Just because it’s your birthday…” He slaps my backside and enjoys my wide-eyed shock. “I scrub up on special occasions.”
“Slap my rear again and you’re in trouble.”
My best warning frown doesn’t work; he laughs and scoops me up, lifting my feet off the floor. “I like being in trouble with you.”
“No you don’t.”
“Okay, I like when you forgive me. And we have mind-blowing sex.”
“Evan!”
He sets me back down and brushes my dress. “I won’t kiss you; I don’t want to spoil your perfect make-up. Which you don’t need, by the way.”
Poking my tongue out, I take Evan’s hand. “Ready?”
“When you are.”
We walk towards the French doors, and into the party. Silver and blue balloons adorn the walls as tastefully as balloons can, and in the centre are a giant silver “2” and “1” above a table piled with gifts. I groan. A lot of gifts. The opposite end of the room contains a long table spread with food, drinks, and glasses piled in the corner. My parents wave from the opposite doorway, where Mum is greeting the arrivals. The large room is half-full already, and people are looking over. I prepare myself for the birthday greeting onslaught.
Abby charges over and almost knocks me down the moment I walk through the door. She steadies me and plants a kiss on my cheek. “Oops! Happy birthday, Ness.”
“I’ll get us a drink. Champagne of course.” Evan raises an eyebrow at my reddening face, then heads across the room.
“Looking good,” she says.
I twirl in the same way as I did for Evan. “Thanks. Is Jared coming?”
“They both are. And guess what.” She leans forward conspiratorially, her familiar floral perfume wafting into my face. “Ollie’s bringing his girlfriend!”
“Really?” I scan the room.
“They’re not here yet.”
I remember Jem’s twenty-first birthday – a bigger deal than an eighteenth in our house – so I should’ve expected this would be a village social event, complete with full catering. Evan laughed at my grumbling, but I’d prefer a quiet meal with him. As long as the evening didn’t end in the disaster of my birthday last year.
“How are you?” asks Abby, indicating my parents with her head.
“They don’t mention what happened. You’d think I’d had my appendix out or something.”
Abby blamed herself when she visited me in hospital the first time, upset she hadn’t forced me to go to the doctor’s sooner. I told her she was being ridiculous. We’ve had conversations around how sick I became, what I faced, but I shy away from talking about the pregnancy. Following the initial relief, there was sadness this happened. We lost something part of us.
“It’s a bit more serious than that! You might have problems having kids…”
I tip my head. “Abby. Kids are so far off my radar, it isn’t worth thinking about.”
“It was nearly very squarely on your radar, and one day it will be. This is a big deal, Ness. A fallopian tube isn’t your appendix! I don’t think you’re really accepting this.”
I bristle. “Okay, let’s end the conversation there.”
“Sorry.” She kisses my cheek. “I’m here when you do want to talk about it.”
“The past, Abby.”
Abby gives me her look. The one she gives every time she doesn’t think I’m revealing everything. She’s not the only one I won’t discuss this with, the future me and Evan once faced has never been talked about. As soon as the pregnancy ended, I refused to be drawn into any conversations on the subject. I busied myself with recovery and returning my life to normal. A life with Evan. Evan, being Evan, left the subject alone. He knows when to back off. But the conversation will be had one day.
Evan returns with three glasses of champagne and I arch an eyebrow at him. “Champagne? Since when do you drink champagne?”
“To toast the birthday girl.”
Evan wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I wrap mine around Abby’s. In a moment of pure happiness, I celebrate life, and the future with my two best friends.
***
EVAN
Ness doesn’t fully realize how nearly losing her affected me. Ness plays down what happened, but she didn’t go through the horror of seeing the most important person in their world lifeless on the floor. Then have to comprehend she might never hold the person in her arms again.
That shit changes a person. The last few months have changed a lot in my life. The split, the pregnancy, and almost losing Ness has forever sharpened everything into brain slicing focus. Since Christmas and since the counseling sessions, I’v
e accepted part of the blame for the dysfunction of mine and Lucy’s relationship. My need to help the person I loved went too far. The bond between brother and sister, forged by the unhappiness of our childhood and her illness, controlled both of our lives. Control I have back now.
I’ve no idea what’s happening with Lucy, Faye, and the kids. This is the longest I’ve ever stayed away from Lucy and Lancaster, and it will be a lot longer yet. Almost losing a future with Ness, then getting another chance, I finally realized the past had to go. Maybe in a way, Faye did me a favor. I’m under no illusions; Lucy will need me again at some point. But this will be on my terms. I live my life now. I’ve never put myself first before, and Ness has taught me how.
A month since the disaster that brought us back together, things are how they should be. Me and Ness. Comfortable and happy…closer. As I watch her dancing with Abby, my heart surges with love for this girl. A love I don’t think I could have again for anyone else.
Ness stumbles towards me, empty wine glass in her hand. “Get me another?” she grins.
I wipe a finger down her flushed face and she trips into me. I love how happy she is. How Ness she can be when she wants. “Don’t you think you’ve had one too many?”
She pouts, giggles, and I catch her around the waist. My insides liquefying the moment my arm encircles her. Nuzzling her neck makes her wriggle and she swats at me.
“Got time for your poor, lonely boyfriend?” I ask.
“You could dance!” She tries tugging me to the center of the room.
“No, I want to steal you away for a few minutes.”
Ness holds out her hand. “Okay, you may have some time alone with me.”
I laugh at her exaggerated accent. “Come on, Princess Vanessa.”
Tugging her behind me, we seek out a quiet corner of the house, which is tricky, considering the number of guests spilling into the kitchen and hallway. Ness takes me into a formal lounge room and turns on a lamp, before settling onto the leather sofa.
“You seem to be enjoying yourself for someone who hates a fuss.”
She smirks. “Champagne helps.”
“Champagne causes trouble…” I sit next to her, and she looks at the floor.
“Do you mean Christmas Eve?”
Can we do this? Have this conversation? I don’t want to kill her buzz, but we should both have learned how the unspoken kills things.
“Yeah. We were stupid.”
Ness turns to me and strokes my face, and my body surges with relief she’s not angry I brought up the subject. “What would we have done?” she says softly.
“I don’t know. I never got a chance to clearly think about the situation. My head was fucked with the concept before…it ended.”
“Same.” She shakes her head, as if dislodging the memory. “I don’t really want to talk about this. Why discuss something that didn’t happen?”
There’s a lot more I’d like to say, but I choose not to. But I do think it’s weird how much she downplays everything about the pregnancy and what it did to her.
Instead, I pull something from my pocket. “I never gave you your present.”
Ness groans and hits her head against the back of the sofa. I laugh at her genuine discomfort over me buying her things as I hold the present towards her.
When she sees the small, square box, she takes the gift hesitantly from my outstretched palm. Ness chews her lip, and I know inside she’s freaking out a little when she sees the size and shape of the box.
“What is it?” she says quietly.
“Open it.”
***
NESS
I stare at the gift-wrapped box in Evan’s hand, focusing as the world swims a little around me. Gingerly, I take the gift and peel away the paper. Inside, is a ring box. I glance up at Evan, searching his face for any indication this is what I hope to hell it isn’t.
There’s a ring in the box.
Oh crap. “Evan…”
“Don’t freak out; it’s only a birthday present.”
A breath I didn’t realize I held rushes from me. “Oh.”
“Take a look. I had the ring engraved.”
“Tell me what the words are.”
“Forever your always.”
“How beautiful,” I whisper.
“And as I’ve told you so many times, so are you.” Evan holds his forehead against mine. The kiss he gives me is soft but breathtaking, and I wrap his hair in my hand, still holding the box.
“I thought you were going to ask me to marry you.” I give a relieved giggle.
“Surely not, you’re still here. Any chance of me asking that question and I’m sure you’d be running screaming out of the room by now.”
“Says who?” I nip his lip.
Evan pulls back, rubbing his face. “Don’t wind me up about this.”
“Okay, just joining in the joke.” I touch his cheek and wonder what’s really going on.
“Well, are you going to try the ring on?”
I shift and rest against Evan as I look at the silver ring. He’s right; this isn’t anything like an engagement ring. Trying different fingers to see which one it fits, I settle on the ring finger of my right hand. The soft metal spirals halfway up my finger as I slip it on.
I turn back to him. “It’s different,” I say. “I love it.”
“There’s a card too.” Evan pulls out a small envelope. Naturally, there’s a butterfly on the front of the card. Inside the words:
Two souls but with a single thought
Two hearts that beat as one
Tears fall. “I told you to stop making me cry with this stuff, Evan!”
Evan holds my face in his hands, eyes searching mine with an intensity that knocks the breath from me. “I’m not going to ask you to marry me because I know you, and I am sure you’d say no. But I am going to ask you to be my forever.”
Sensible Ness tries to hold down the Ness who belongs to Evan heart and soul, but she can’t. In the moment of inner struggle, Evan keeps his eyes locked on mine, and the sincerity of what’s inside his own soul is as clear as ever. I can’t imagine anyone could look at me in the same way as Evan does. Ever.
“When I thought you were going to die, I swore if you came back to me, I’d never let you go again. But I understand we have our own lives to live, and we have so far to go in life yet. I want to share that journey with you because I think we’re meant to be together.”
I place my hands over Evan’s and squeeze them. I have no idea what to say, because I hate I can’t express myself as eloquently as my Byron. “I think we’re meant to be because every time we go through things that tear us apart, we don’t give up, but we come back stronger. Not everybody can do that.”
“Exactly. Besides…” His signature Evan-grin appears. “Evan fits into Vanessa.”
I gasp and smack him across the head. The evening he accosted me outside my bedroom and said those words is a world away from where we sit now.
I kiss his forehead, and then hold his face in both hands. “You’re right; I don’t want to get married. Not yet.” I take a breath. “But I do want to be your forever.”
In the dim light, I swear Evan’s eyes tear, and mine do the same. “So can I ask you to let me know when you do want to marry someone?” he says hoarsely.
“You’ll be the first to know.”
He kisses my nose. “That’s good enough for me.”
As Evan places his lips on mine, my body pulls me back to the intensity of our first kiss. Evan’s snatched kiss on the sofa before he left the house and I didn’t know if he wanted me. The guy I hated and desired in equal measures, who fills my heart with more love than I thought possible. Embracing me is the Evan who I couldn’t fix, but who I helped hold together until he was ready to mend himself. We hold each other tightly, and I know I can never let go, because something like this would never happen twice. Someone like Evan, the guy who taught me to feel the butterflies again and again and again. My forever, an
d my always.
Acknowledgements
Thanks again to Bec and Katie for being an email away and sharing the highs and lows of this weird thing we’ve decided to do.
Thanks to Selena for her support and advice.
And to everyone who read and loved Because of Lucy - thank you for wanting me to write more of Ness’s and Evan’s story to share with you!
About the Author
Lisa is an author of new adult romance and writes both paranormal and contemporary, often with a side of snark.
In between running a business, looking after her family and writing, Lisa sometimes finds spare time to do other things. This often involves swapping her book worlds for gaming worlds. She even leaves the house occasionally. Lisa loves all things from the Whedonverse and preferred vampires before they sparkled.
She is currently working on a number of projects including the remaining books in the Soul Ties series and a new adult contemporary romance. Lisa is originally from the UK but moved to Australia in 2001 and now lives in Perth in Western Australia with her husband, three children and dog.
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