by S. M. West
“You’re not listening,” he says. “It’s over. I’m not coming back and don’t look for me. I might not make it back from this mission, and if I do, I won’t be coming back to you. Tell Ry not to look for me. It’s over. We’re over.”
My head pounds, tight and sluggish from trying to decipher what he’s really saying.
“If you think you’re protecting me, you’re not.” I take a stab in the dark at what might be prompting him to do this. The only thing that makes sense is that he’s doing this for my safety. He must be in danger, and I might be, too.
“Listen to me, I have to end the call, but before I do…” His tone is harsh, lifeless, cold, one I’ve never heard before. This is Evan the Soldier. I only know of this man’s existence, but I’ve never met him. “You and I are over. Do not wait for me. I’m moving on.”
“No, you’re not.” I’m emphatic and frantic, knowing that a man who has never slept with another person but me would not just walk away. “You love me!”
Tears stream down my face, and my hands tremble, as my insides threaten to burst out of my chest.
“No. I will move on. I will find someone else,” he grinds out, and if it wasn’t for the slight hitch at the end, the wobble in his voice, my heart would have broken. That infinitesimal chink in his armor gives me hope. Perhaps it’s senseless and delusional, but it’s something, a chance to stop this insanity.
“You’re not protecting me,” I sob. “You’re hurting me. Evan, you’re not alone.”
Before I can say any more, he hangs up. The crack of my heart can be heard above the jarring dial tone, the pain ripping through me.
Closing my eyes, my knees crumple, my heaves multiply, and I collapse on the floor in a fit of agony and disbelief. I want to call him back, find him and make him say it to my face. I want to turn back time and never have answered the phone.
“Sweetness.” Evan’s smooth, silky voice breaks through the reliving of my nightmare.
As I gaze into his deep, tender eyes, the need to cry is overwhelming. I can barely look at him. I need to get away, need to put both real and proverbial distance between us, despite having spent the past couple of years yearning for the exact opposite.
I had only one wish, one thought—to be near him—and now, that’s the last thing on my mind. He needs to understand that I did exactly what he asked, what he demanded of me. I moved on.
“Oh, I’ve got something for you.” I shift topics to something that will reinforce our separate lives.
His eyebrows arch, his interest piqued as I quickly run through the door toward the office. Returning, I plunk down the offending keys to his townhouse in front of him.
“Here, take back your place.”
“What? No. It’s yours. I gave it to you.”
“I don’t want it.” I cross my arms and stare intently at him.
“Sweetness…”
“No, Evan.” I relent and use his name, hoping it’ll soften his position. “Please take them. I’m not living there. I haven’t since the day you left.”
“I know.”
His response is a red flag, another question to add to my already long list. How does he know I didn’t live there? Was I being watched while he was gone?
Anything is possible with him. He’s told me little about his time in the Army, but I’ve gathered enough to know he was among the military’s crème de la crème. He most certainly encountered the enemy, even in parts of the world where we’re not at war.
He’s a highly-skilled soldier, and he has the means and the know-how to do pretty much anything. He likely did have me under surveillance. The thought angers me, but it also warms my heart because it proves that he, just like me, couldn’t walk away.
“How?”
My impulsive question is futile because knowing won’t change anything. He may have cared and was probably lying when he said he no longer did, for whatever reason. But the fact remains, he left me.
He can’t just waltz back into my life and expect to pick up where we left off. Sorry, dude, that shit doesn’t fly with me. I have a life without him.
“You know what? Don’t tell me. I really don’t care.”
Feeling my grip on the situation slipping, I leave the bar, even with Evan calling after me. I can’t stay, even though I have so many questions. Not right now.
Nabbing one of the servers in the kitchen, I ask them to cover for me and slip out the back.
Of course, my getaway isn’t clean. Ma is walking toward me, shopping bags in hand. There’s a side entrance in the alley that leads directly to her apartment.
“Love, leaving already?” There’s a slight lilt of an Irish accent in Ma’s voice, even after all these years stateside.
“Yes, I’ve got errands to run. Someone’s birthday is coming up and I’ve got things to do for the party,” I joke.
It’s her birthday that’s approaching and while it isn’t a big one, we always throw a party. It’s the one day—besides the obligatory Mother’s Day—that she lets us do something special for her.
Laughing, she puts her arms around my waist and pulls me in close for a hug.
“How are you doing, my sweet girl?”
Sighing at what she means, I give her my best smile. “I’m okay. Evan’s inside.”
“Yes, I know. He told me he was stopping by. I’ll pop in to say hello later. Do you want to come up for tea and a chat?”
“Rain check? I do have things to do.”
“Carys, this doesn’t have to be hard.” Her tone is motherly and philosophical. “You and Evan love each other…” Opening my mouth, I prepare to protest, but she squeezes my side to shush me. “And while you’re no longer together, don’t let the past destroy the love. You were dear friends before anything else, and you could be so now. Oh, one more thing, my love—Evan could use a friend.”
Now
Evan
RIDING THE ELEVATOR UP to the offices of Hart Corporation is surreal. When I left, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be here again. While I made sure HC kept running and my guys were taken care of with a little help from a friend, the hard part was not knowing if I’d come back.
In addition to Tommie putting my plan into action, Ry stepped in and recruited Tripp to help run things, and with my guys already on staff, the place ran like I never left. It should bother me that my absence didn’t make a difference, but it doesn’t. When I left, I did everything I could to take care of my guys in the event that I didn’t make it back. Then, not too long ago, Ry left the Bureau and stepped in as acting CEO, kept my seat warm, as he put it.
When I left the Army, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. Shortly after settling back in the U.S., contacts within the nation’s highest paramilitary and CIA agencies reached out for my services, private jobs that required my particular skillset. Some were domestic assignments, but most were international.
I only accepted domestic, wanting to stay close to Carys. It didn’t take long to realize I had a bigger opportunity before me, and that’s how I started HC, a private firm that does various specialized jobs, from protection for the rich, famous, or infamous, to mercenary jobs, to off-the-book missions. From the outside looking in, HC is a security firm offering bodyguard and other protection services globally.
Exiting the elevator, I see the reception area is empty. The place looks the same, but subtly different. Little things have changed, enough for me to notice. As I walk down the hallway, heading to my old office, I’m brought back to earlier today with Carys.
I deliberately taunted her. I fucking love when she’s pissed. She is a lively, vibrant woman, no matter what, but when she gets angry—look out. I wanted to see that.
I missed how her aquamarine eyes darken and liquefy like the tumultuous depths of the sea, how her cheeks and lips heat to a dark blush of pink when provoked—and provoke I did.
I was out of line, but I don’t regret it. I’m hard just thinking about her long, dark hair, wildly contrasting her pale, creamy skin
. Her eyes always pop with the dark and the light, and her mouth—that fucking torturous mouth that one could argue is too wide, too big. On her, though, with the rest of her features, it’s alluring. Kissable. Fuckable.
Fuck, I gotta get it together—running into Ry or one of my men with a raging hard-on and Carys on my mind is not a good idea. Then there was the key to my townhouse. No fucking way was I taking it back. I made sure to give it to Ma before I left the bar. I’m going to wear Carys down, and if I have to play dirty, then so be it.
It doesn’t take long to kill my desire. As I step into what is now Ry’s office, the reception is chilly. On my way here, I called Ry, letting him know I was coming. It’s obvious he shared the news.
He sits behind the desk with Tripp perched on one corner, twisted at an angle that affords him a view of both Ry and the doorway. His blue eyes are impassive as he stares at me.
To the side, one on the couch and the other resting on the arm, are Dex and Shadow. There’s a huge, tall black guy I’ve seen before looking out the window. If I’m not mistaken, he was Ry’s partner at the Bureau, Davis Cooper.
“Van.” Tripp is the first to speak. Ry and I share a silent understanding; he’s tried, but Tripp’s not happy with me.
“Tripp,” I say warmly, giving him a full bear hug. At first, he’s stiff, but he quickly relaxes, as he slaps me twice on the back before stepping away.
Dex and I do a quick handshake and dip of the chin. Things are now cool between us. We talked and I shared enough to placate him. Shadow is next, and my gut clenches. This all started because of my dumbass move that put him in a dangerous situation. He was partially blind on the information because I put my ego before the safety and security of my man.
Shadow hugs me hard and long. We’ve never been affectionate with each other outside of back slaps, handshakes, and one-arm hugs, but this doesn’t feel awkward or uncalled for.
“Mother fuck, Van. Boy, I’m sure fucking glad to see your sorry ass,” he says with relief and a big smile.
“Me too, Shad, me too. How you been?”
“Good, man. Real good. Got two boys now, and Cindy’s expecting again.” He beams.
Laughing due to his contagious happiness, I shake his hand. “Well, congratulations, big daddy. Poor fucking Cindy, having to not only deal with you but two little tykes that probably take after you, you ornery ass.”
A few more chuckles break out around the room. Tripp clears his throat; he’s not laughing.
“So, Van, what does your return mean? Are you here to stay or are you gonna up and leave in the middle of the night again, leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces of the lives you blow up?” Tripp’s question stabs me.
The muscles in my jaw tighten. I suppose I deserve that; I just wish we could have eased into the ‘let’s give Evan shit’ portion of this visit. It doesn’t help that Tripp’s no longer the easygoing, fun-loving guy I knew growing up.
Ever since his younger brother’s murder, he hardly ever smiles or laughs. He’s intense, broody. He takes life way too seriously, and while he certainly has cause to, it’d eat Griff up to know how much his brother has changed.
“No, Tripp, I’m here to stay. In fact, that’s why I’m here today. Ry and I have talked, and I’m coming back to work as of Monday.”
At my news, Dex and Shadow express their approval of my return. I don’t need anyone’s blessing—it’s my company—but having them on board will sure make things go smoother. Their support will also help with any bumps I may encounter with the other guys on my team, all of whom are currently on jobs. My only other employee isn’t a concern. Tommie knew where I was all along, and she’s thrilled to have me back.
Tripp’s expression is blank, although his mouth is in a tight line and his fists are clenched. He sure is angry with me, and it seems like he wants to go a few rounds. Ry stands and comes around the desk, nodding to Davis as they both near me.
“Van, I want you to meet a good friend of mine, Coop.”
“Coop?” I ask, already knowing that’s the name he prefers to go by.
“Hey, Van, great to meet you.” He extends his hand. He’s got a firm, strong handshake, much like his demeanor, although his eyes are full of mirth and he has a beaming smile. “Yeah, I’m Davis Cooper, but everyone calls me Coop.”
“Nice to meet you,” I say, folding my arms and examining him top to bottom.
Ry mentioned Coop would be here. He recently left the FBI, and Ry wants him to join HC. While I trust Ry with my life and should probably just say yes, I want to test him out.
He’s a nice enough guy, but in my line of business, nice isn’t good enough. I always check things out for myself. You never can be too careful, and working for the FBI means shit. There are some dirty motherfuckers among them.
The five of us talk for a little longer, and they tell me a lot of what I already know. Shadow explains how coming back without me over two and a half years ago was hard. He and I had talked before I sent him packing. I stressed that no matter the circumstance, he was not to tell anyone where I was, and that meant Ry and Carys, too. I made it very clear that people’s lives, including my own, were at stake.
Needless to say, he paid for his silence with a lot of rough months, thanks to the rest of the HC crew. They all knew he was withholding information, and while they wanted to understand, they didn’t let him off the hook that easily. He said the hardest were Ry and Tripp.
At this point, Tripp leaves. I want to talk to him and I will, but I sense he needs time. Dex and Shadow follow not too soon afterward, leaving Ry, Coop, and me. Of course, Ry jumps right into what’s been on his mind since my brief introduction to Coop.
“So, Coop can start Monday, too.”
“Yeah, or if you need me this week, I can move things around,” Coop says.
“Hang on a sec,” I say. “I want Coop to do a few jobs for HC, then we’ll talk contract.”
“What the fuck, Van? Are you serious?” Ry’s irritated and surprised. We hadn’t talked about this because I knew he would never agree to it. I don’t need him to agree, and this is my way of letting him know that.
“Ry, I do this with all my recruits.”
“You’re talking fucking probation. He doesn’t need probation,” Ry grinds out. “He’s worked with me at the FBI for over ten fucking years. If you need someone to vouch for him, that’s what I’m doing.”
“Listen, Ry, it’s cool,” Coop interjects, although he is tense, too, and his friendly smile is nowhere in sight.
Ignoring Ry, I give Coop my undivided attention. “It’s nothing personal. I did the same to every one of my guys, and those guys have been through hell with me. The thing is, some think they can handle the change from the Army—or in your case, the Bureau—to this line of work because there are a lot of similarities, but it’s also different. You don’t have the resources or backup you’re used to. When you go out on assignment, you’re on your own. Sure, we’d never leave you hanging and you’ve got things at your disposal, but nothing near the infrastructure you’re accustomed to. I want to give you a few assignments, then let’s sit down and chat.”
Ry glares, while Coop’s rigid, barely nodding in agreement. Neither anticipated my move, and while I second-guess my decision for a moment, I stand my ground. This is best for all of us.
I’m not blowing hot air up his ass. It’s an adjustment, and we both need to know if he’s cut out for it. Also, it gives me time to run a full background check on Coop. Speaking of which, there is still one important person from the HC team that I need to see—Tommie.
As I turn to leave, Ry asks for a word and Coop takes the cue to leave. Ry stares intently, silence filling the space, as neither of us blinks or shies away.
“Ry, I know you don’t like it, but I’m not backing down on this.”
“Damn straight I don’t fucking like this and I’m not on board, but it’s your company, Van. Besides, I didn’t want to talk about that. It’s Ma and Carys. You nee
d to tell them the whole thing.”
Scrubbing a hand down my face, I sigh. “I talked to Ma, and I’ll talk to Carys soon.”
I wanted to tell Carys first, but since she kept stalling, I told them. When I told Ry the whole story about my disappearance, he didn’t react the way I anticipated. Neither did Ma, for that matter.
He was surprised at some of it and understood why I did what I did, but he made it clear that I shouldn’t have walked away and should have told him, that he would have helped. Most surprising of all, he didn’t blame, hate, or look at me any differently, all of which I’d feared.
Sure, he was angry because of feeling cheated and lied to, and I understood, but his ire wasn’t toward me. In fact, he empathized, and his reaction eased some of my trepidation. Most importantly, it brought us closer to repairing the bridge I almost demolished.
“You told Ma? What did she say?” Ry figured Ma and Carys would react the same way he did.
“You were right.” I give him the kudos he deserves. “She understood and she knew most of it.”
“What?”
“Yeah.” I spent months worrying about how hurt and angry she’d be and that she’d lay blame at my feet. Instead, she comforted me for my hurt, anger, and disappointment. “So did your father. They all knew about my dad and she suspected. I only confirmed her suspicions.”
“Shit, that woman sure is sly. Now I know for sure where I get my wily ways,” he says, although he’s just as stunned as I was.
Now only Sweetness is left to tell. There’s still the possibility that her love and respect for me will diminish or vanish, once she knows it all.
Carys is angry with me right now, and she has every right to be. Yet she still loves me, without a doubt. It’s in the steadfast blue of her irises that lure me in with every glance my way, so bewitching I can almost touch her love.
But this—why I left, what I found out—is very different. She’ll want to take it out on someone, and I’m the most logical choice.
“Yes, I was shocked, and she was there for me.”