by S. M. West
“Thank you for calling me.” His voice is husky and smooth.
I swallow hard as he comes around to my side of the desk and perches on the edge. I shiver as I breathe in his sexy scent. His hard thigh brushes my forearm where it rests on the arm of the chair, and I’m bombarded with flashbacks to the two of us in this very office not too long ago.
A prickle of heat spreads along my skin with the memory of our kiss. His piercing gaze and lazy smirk suggest he knows what I’m thinking. He, too, is reliving that night. My nipples tighten, eager, hoping for a repeat. No. We are not going there. He’s here for the letter, not to get down and dirty with me. Evan is off limits.
“You’re welcome. Here it is.” I hand him the letter, noticing the slight tremble in my hands.
Not drawing attention to my nerves, although I’m sure he’s aware, he rips the letter open without hesitation. I hold my breath as he reads it. His brow creases further and his lips pinch tighter the longer he stares at the letter.
Standing, he marches across the room, giving me a frowning glance when he stops by the door.
“What does it say?” I’m impatient to know.
“Ciaran Hart strikes again.” His voice is bitter. “The damage that man has done has no limit.”
“What do you mean?”
He crumples the letter in one hand and rubs the other harshly down his face. He’s fuming.
“Evan, don’t shut me out.” My stomach knots with expectation. I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to demand he let me in, but it looks like I’m going to have to.
“Never.”
Coming to my side, he gives me the letter, his hand resting at the juncture of my shoulder and neck, as his callused thumb tenderly brushes against my pulse point. The roaring of my heartbeat drowns out any other sound.
Needing to calm down, to pull myself together, I focus on the letter. While I’m reading, Evan pulls out his phone and texts.
Mr. Hart,
My name is Paola Mari. It’s unfortunate that I must tell you something this significant in this way, but I had no choice. We are both at great risk should anyone find out we have had contact.
Your father had an affair with my daughter, Renata, which resulted in a pregnancy. She was only nineteen at the time and died in childbirth. Given the child was conceived out of wedlock, it was a great disgrace to our family. Renata gave birth to a baby girl. Her name is Gianna Mari, but she goes by Anna. She was not recognized by my husband and I feared what he would do to her.
I pleaded for Anna to be given to my sister, who could not have children. Fortunately, he agreed, and she was raised close to the family. My sister is now dying and while the child is now an adult, I fear for what might become of her.
My husband may not acknowledge her, but he’s very much aware of her and likely has plans for her, plans that would not be in her best interest. You must help her.
You can verify all that I have said. You’re a resourceful man and will do this anyway. Do not contact me. It would not be wise for me, Anna, you, or anyone you care about. Please help her.
-P
Peering up at Evan, I see his eyes are fixed on me, his expression pensive.
“Evan, what are you going to do?”
“I wish my father wasn’t dead because what I’d like to do is murder him,” he bites out.
Resting my palm on his thigh, I gently press. His gaze moves to where we’re joined. “You don’t mean that.”
As much as his father’s past appears to be wreaking havoc on Evan’s life, he still loves him, though he may not even know it himself. While he has a lot of anger and hurt, that kind of love doesn’t die. It may diminish, but his father was a huge part of his world, his childhood. Even though the Ciaran Hart we knew is a completely different man from who he was to others, he loved his son dearly and he did instill some good in him.
“Yeah, I do. Who the fuck was he? Not only did he stick his dick in any pussy, he knocked up a nineteen-year-old! And the daughter of the Cavallo consigliere, no less. Man, he sure was a fuck-up.” His voice is emotionally raw.
My chest clenches, hurting because he does. If Ciaran Hart were alive today, I’d give him a piece of my mind. I need to talk to Ma. She knew about him, and I want to know more. The more I know, the better prepared I’ll be to help Evan.
“What? Cavallo?” The name sounds vaguely familiar.
“Cavallo is one of the most powerful mafias in the city. That woman was Paola Mari, the wife of Franco Mari, who is the consigliere to Bruno Cavallo, the boss.” Raking his hands through his hair, he lets out a jagged breath. “Fuck, I gotta find out if what she says is true, then decide what to do about it. Coop and Tommie are on their way.”
Warmth spreads through me at that news. He’s asked his team here, to my office, to talk about this. He’s letting me in, sharing with me, without me having to ask. Maybe this means things are changing. I’m both excited and terrified. It’s something I want, badly.
Our relationship has always been more than what’s on the surface, more than a simple friendship, even when we were kids. We weren’t able to label or understand it, and over the years, our connection has only become more layered and complicated, but through it all, it’s been unwavering, unbreakable.
If he’d only let me in when he’d first learned about his father, he wouldn’t have had to leave me. Sure, he thought he was protecting me, but really, what threat was there? It was his innate need to protect me that made him keep his distance from me and my family.
“Ry mentioned Coop was working at HC. How’s that going?”
“It’s been okay, although he’s been a nightmare to work with these past few weeks. Things just ended with his fiancée.”
“What? He broke up with Leanne?” I didn’t know her that well, but from what I’d seen of the two of them, they were madly in love. I couldn’t believe he’d ended things with her. Coop adored her.
“She cheated on him, hurt him badly. Ry’s worried, Coop’s real torn up about it.”
“No.” I can’t believe it.
Coop stands in the doorway, his expression hard. My need to comfort overtakes me and without thought, I go to him, wrapping my arms around his middle. My arms aren’t even close to meeting, he’s so broad and muscled.
At first, he’s rigid, likely wondering what the hell I’m doing. I don’t know Coop that well. I’m Ry’s little sister to him, and to me, he’s my brother’s partner. We’ve seen each other a fair amount of times and joke around with each other, but we’re not close.
Despite all that, I’d have to be a fool or blind to not know this must be killing him. Leanne was one of the main reasons why he left the FBI. She was sick of his travelling and undercover work, and now that he’s out, she’s no longer with him.
Stepping back, he gives me a faint smile and a gentle squeeze. “Hey, Carys.” His rough fingers lightly graze my cheek.
“Coop.” I return his smile.
Tommie’s behind Coop and while he’s a brick wall, she’s model tall. She’s stunning. It’s been a while since I’ve last seen her, and her exotic beauty gets me every time. Her dark hair falls in soft waves down her back, with her almond-shaped eyes and olive skin offset by her full, red lips. Thomasina Carrington is HC’s one-woman IT department, or shall we say, hacker extraordinaire.
“Tommie, good to see you.”
We hug briefly. I haven’t seen her in years. With Evan gone, I had no reason to frequent HC and see any of the guys, though I did see them occasionally when they dropped in at the bar.
All of it was under the guise of saying hello, but I knew they were making sure I was good and checking to see if I’d heard anything from Evan. His disappearance rocked all of us. I don’t think Evan fully comprehends that.
“Coop, Tommie.” Evan’s gruff voice has all eyes turning to him.
She ruffles his hair before sitting. He attempts a glare, but she chuckles. Shaking his head, the corner of his mouth barely ticks up into a smile. Tommie�
�s like his sister.
I don’t know the full details of how they met, only what Evan’s shared. He found her on one of his missions and she was not in good shape. They quickly bonded and she ended up unexpectedly helping him with her superb hacking skills. He couldn’t leave her behind, so he got her out and brought her home with him.
Evan passes around the letter and we wait as each of them reads it. They’re aware of the reason behind Evan’s disappearance, and his father. I guess I’m not that special. He seems to have let many people in on the details of his father’s past.
On the one hand, it makes sense. He did desert all of us, and now he’s got to build back that trust. The best way to do that would be by letting everyone in. On the other hand, it lessens any inroads I thought we were making.
“Tommie, I need you—” Evan starts, but she cuts him off.
“Already on it, boss.”
Clearing a small space on my desk, she pulls out a tablet, laptop, and a few other gadgets from her bag. Evan nods, satisfied, and turns his focus to Coop.
“Hand over the Romulus file to Tango. I need you on this, surveillance on both Paola and Gianna Mari. Work with Tommie based on what she finds out.”
“Got it.” Coop nods. “Hey, Van, does this mean I’m on the team permanently?”
“No, this is still probation. Why would you think this changes things?” Evan crosses his arms, his gaze scrutinizing Coop.
“Just figured since this is priority one and you put me on it, you must be satisfied with my work.” Coop’s voice is strong, almost cocky.
I inwardly cringe, knowing that kind of attitude is not going to work with Evan. I sit, absorbed in what’s unfolding in front of me. I must say, I like being on the inside of HC’s operations. Maybe I could be a Girl Friday and do work as needed, so I can stay in the know. This shit is better than TV.
Evan shoots him an unamused look, his eyes narrowed on Coop as he rises to his full six feet plus. Tommie pauses her work, raising her head to watch the two men. Coop stands, too, with his dazzling smile at full force. He was yanking Evan’s chain and we all catch on at the same time, breaking the tension with our chuckles.
“Relax, man. Just kidding. I’m on it. Let’s roll, Thomasina,” Coop says with a wink for me before he turns to go.
Tommie gathers her things, her tablet still in hand as she taps on the screen and distractedly says goodbye to us.
“Van, I’ll text you in a few,” she murmurs, head down on the screen as she leaves the room.
“Cool. I’m not far behind you. And Coop, I know you know this, but be careful. If Franco finds out we’re watching his wife, we’ll have a shit storm on our hands.”
“Goes without saying, Van. Got it.”
“Okay. Let’s touch base at twenty-one hundred hours.”
Evan moves to stand beside me, his arm on my elbow, as Coop and Tommie walk out the door.
Pivoting to face me, he cups the back of my neck, dragging me to his chest. Sucking in a quiet breath, my eyes widen and my fingers curl in his shirt. He’s going to kiss me. I can’t have that.
While I need to end things with Greg, we’re still together, and things are complicated enough as it is. If I give in, let him take me, I might lose myself. As much as my body wants this, as much as I want this, I need to protect myself.
“Evan…” I attempt to resist him and he places his finger on my lips to silence me.
“Sweetness.” His deep masculine voice engulfs me like midnight fog, subtle yet no less enthralling, sending shivers down my spine and sparking all of my nerve endings. “I gotta go, but call me if you need anything. I’ll see you soon.”
Before I can respond, his firm lips tease the corner of my mouth. Releasing me, he turns his back and is gone. His absence is like a cold, wild wind, not only battering me on the outside, but also hollowing me on the inside.
Then
Carys ~ 15 years old
“EVAN?” I SHOUT, CLOSING the door behind me.
It’s unusually quiet for this time of evening. Ry and Evan are usually eating with the TV or music jacked. It’s way too silent for that, although I can smell food.
Ma’s working and I’m not sure what Ry’s up to, but Evan made it crystal clear that I was to be back by seven. I call his name again; still no response.
Entering the living room, I see there’s a patchwork quilt spread across the floor with candles lit around the room. On the blanket are two Coke cans, a bowl of chocolate candies, another with chips, and two Styrofoam cups of noodle soup.
Evan, my boyfriend since that unforgettable night over a year ago, has a sweet smile on his face. Every time I see him, my stomach flutters with the excitement and complete disbelief that he’s mine.
“Sweetness.” My name is soft and smooth on his tongue.
“What’s going on?”
He comes to me and pulls us onto the blanket, both of us sitting cross-legged, facing each other. He takes both my hands, and tingles spread from my hands to low in my belly. It’s not nerves but anticipation that heats my insides.
“We’re having a picnic.”
This isn’t new. We’ve had them countless times over the years, but what’s different is that he’s done this on his own. We usually do it together.
As a couple, our picnics are more than something fun to do. It’s about being alone — so much so that the planning is so intense that sometimes it feels like we are planning an escape from prison.
We triple-check to make sure neither Ma nor Ry will show up, every detail planned to the second. A giggle escapes my mouth at the thought and Evan quirks his brow.
“What’s funny?”
“Just thinking about all the times we tried to pull off a picnic and how much planning went into it. How did you do this? I’m assuming Ry’s not coming home any time soon, is he?”
A wide, naughty grin creeps across his lips as he lightly kisses the tip of my nose before giving me a long, deep kiss.
“You’re correct. We’ve got this place to ourselves for the next five hours.”
“Wow! How are we going to fill the time?” My tone playfully suggests a dilemma.
“Come here.” He grabs me around the waist and plants me in his lap, with my back nestled into the crook of his arm. His mouth latches onto my neck as his tongue and teeth skate along my skin, sending ripples of pleasure throughout me.
While we give in to the rare moment alone, the chance to freely explore and enjoy each other, I can’t shake the persistent niggle in the back of my mind. This picnic is a complete surprise, and while I love it, a restlessness creeps up my spine that I can’t make sense of. Yet, I’m with Evan and we’re alone—it doesn’t get much better than this.
After chatting for a bit, we finish our soups, a quick meal that we both enjoy, and then he pulls me to his side, with his back against the couch.
The unease, like a constant low drum increasing its tempo and hum, becomes deafening, nearly drowning the sudden thundering of my heartbeat. The ominous feeling consumes me. Something is coming.
“Sweetness, I love you,” Evan says.
“I love you, too.” I sit up and turn to face him.
He tries to pull me to him, but I need to see his face. I need to read not only his words, but also his eyes, his body.
“Say it,” I gently command.
Swallowing hard, he takes my hand, gently squeezing until I look at him, then he begins. “I know what I’m going to do this year.”
A few months ago, he announced that he wasn’t going to college. He’d applied to some and had been accepted. At first, he chose NYU, like Ry. While Tripp was heading upstate to Cornell, Evan would stay at home with Ry and be here for both me and Ma.
“What did you decide?”
“I’m joining the Army.”
I gasp, my insides seize, and my head swims with this shocking news. I’m glad that I’m seated. Not in a million years did I see that coming.
Unshed tears blur my vision withou
t releasing; I’m on the cusp of crying. Though it’s agonizing, I force a thin smile for his sake, trying to hide my disappointment, but his crestfallen face tells me I’ve done a poor job.
I feel like he is in pain. I remain silent, bombarded with many thoughts firing through my mind and frustrated by my inability to form one coherent response.
“Why the Army?” I finally manage to say.
“After the death of my parents, I felt lost and out of control on the inside. There’s a part of me that still feels like I’m missing something, my purpose or direction, and I think the Army can give that to me.”
He’s told me this all before. While my brother and Tripp have their sights set on the FBI, Evan doesn’t feel the same pull.
I’m having a really difficult time because I know deep down inside that this isn’t about me, yet I can’t help but feel like I’m not enough. Even with him having me, he’s lost and missing something. I’m not the answer for him, like he is for me.
“I’m not enough.” I finally have the nerve to say what I think, even though it’s the scariest thing possible when it comes to Evan and me.
“Fuck, no!” Evan pulls me to him. “You are fucking everything to me. I swear to you, Sweetness, this has nothing to do with you, and also everything to do with you.”
“That makes no sense.” I recoil at the disgusting whine in my voice.
“You’re my future. For me to have peace, for our lives to be happy and full, I need to stop searching and work out my demons. I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and the military spoke to me. It’s my chance to give back to my country, to gain structure and focus. I need this so I can give you the life and the love you deserve.”
“But you do already!” I bury my face into his chest.
Resting his head on the top of mine, he holds me as I try to stop my crying from turning into full-on sobs.
“I know I can give you more. What you deserve is that I settle the restlessness. I’ve wanted justice for my parents’ deaths for most of my life and the reality is, I’ll never find it. I get that on an intellectual level, but on the physical and emotional, it’s not so easy. I need to work through it, and I think being in the Army will do that for me.”