But this visit had a dual purpose. It gave Ruby the opportunity to see Maggie fleetingly but she was also transporting Gracie to the Wheatons’, where she would be staying for some rest and recuperation.
It was just a couple of days before that Gracie had been persuaded that she had to take George and Babs Wheaton up on their offer of a short break. She was struggling with Fay, not because the baby was a problem, but because she herself was becoming neurotic. Fay only had to sniffle and Gracie went into a panic, which was quickly followed by a deep depression at her inability to cope with being a mother, the one thing she’d desperately wanted for so long.
She’d done her best but when the hotel was full and they were rushed off their feet, she just couldn’t cope with working and looking after Fay. Jeanette was going out more with her new boyfriend and Ruby was either working in the hotel or helping Johnnie Riordan with the renovations to the house next door. All of them had done their best, but it wasn’t enough to take the pressure off Gracie.
Everything had come to a head when she had been helping Ruby serve breakfast and she heard Fay crying in the distance. Instead of finishing what she was doing and then going to see to her, Gracie had lost concentration. The two full breakfast plates in her hands had plummeted straight to the floor while she’d run to the office, only to find Fay safe and sound in her carrycot, albeit a bit fretful.
If Fay cried then Gracie panicked; if she didn’t cry then Gracie panicked, until she felt she was going mad. She did her best to cope but then Ruby had intervened.
‘Gracie, you can’t carry on like this, you’re worn out, and it’s my fault for working you so hard. If you don’t want to go to your parents for a break then you have to take Fay and go and let Babs and George look after you. They can do much more for you than I can.’
‘Are you throwing me out? I can’t face going to Mum and Dad’s, not while I don’t know where Jennifer is and what she’s up to. I know Mum has such a soft spot for her, imagine if she turned up?’
‘Of course I’m not throwing you out, but you’re cracking up and you need some help. It’s been a horrible few months for you so I’m not surprised but you need a rest.’ Ruby had smiled reassuringly but Gracie was still irrationally suspicious of her motives.
‘Look, Babs will love to look after you both and you’ll have Uncle George there for Fay, so you can relax. Just go for a week or so.’
Gracie had tried to refuse but Ruby wasn’t having it.
‘What about Sean?’
‘Oh Gracie,’ Ruby said, her frustration badly disguised. ‘What do you mean, what about Sean? What about him?’
‘I still haven’t told him about Fay. I have to tell him as soon as I can, for her sake.’
‘It’s you that’s important, you and Fay. Sean can just get on with it for the moment. I mean, he’s not even bothered to tell you where he is. No, we need to get you well again, we all want the old Gracie back. Please go and stay with them, just for a week or so. A week away from everything that’s going on here …’
‘But Sean …’
‘Stop it! You’re going.’
‘Rubeeeeeeeeeee,’ the sound of Maggie Wheaton’s screech echoed ahead of her. She ran in through the door and hurled herself straight at Ruby, the woman she had always known as a big sister.
George and Babs Wheaton had been unable to have children of their own, so when Ruby had arrived to stay for a while as a ten-year-old evacuee from London they had delighted in having her. As a result they became like second parents to her – and then they had adopted Maggie, and the bond had become unbreakable.
‘Oh my missy, you’ve grown so much since I last saw you and that was just a few weeks ago! You’re going to be the tallest in the family, I can tell …’ Ruby said as she hugged her tight and sniffed her hair. She was convinced that the smell had never changed and it always reminded her of the newborn Maggie in her crib at the hospital, the day after she was born. Ruby nuzzled and hugged her again but the child was already looking over at Gracie.
‘Gracie, can I see Fay? Mummy said you’re both going to stay here. Will I be able to hold her and take her for a walk?’
‘We’ll definitely be taking her for a walk together while she’s here,’ Babs said. ‘Gracie is here to have a rest and we’re going to help look after Fay. That’ll be fun, won’t it?’ She looked from Maggie to Ruby. ‘It’ll be nice to have a baby in the house again.’
‘I’m still your baby though, aren’t I, Mummy?’ Maggie said, with her bottom lip very slightly stuck out.
‘Of course you are, you’ll always be our baby, but Fay’s still helpless so we’ll have to do everything for her,’ Babs laughed, but with her eyes on Ruby, ever aware of her sensitivities.
Maggie looked puzzled. ‘She’s not staying forever, is she? I don’t think we want another baby here forever …’
‘Of course not forever,’ Ruby smiled and tousled her hair. ‘Gracie is her mummy …’
Gracie watched the interaction and, knowing what she did, could easily interpret the hidden conversation, which saddened her all over again. It may not be the ideal situation but at least Ruby could see her firstborn and watch her grow and have a relationship with her.
Gracie’s firstborn was gone forever.
Ruby stayed long enough to have some time with Maggie and enjoy the buffet spread before heading off home, leaving Gracie and Fay to be tended and spoilt by Babs and George.
‘I’ll do the same for you one day, when you have your babies, or even when Johnnie’s boys come to stay. I’ll run round after you, the same as you have for me …’ Gracie said as they walked back to the car.
‘I know you will. Now you go and make the most of being cosseted; you deserve it and George and Babs are brilliant at it! I wish I was staying as well.’ She hugged her friend. ‘Next time we’ll come together.’
Gracie reciprocated the hug but she didn’t answer, for fear of her over-sensitive emotions taking control of her again.
Gracie was resting in her room and enjoying the quiet solitude that she had had so little of for so long. George had prescribed her a tonic to help her relax so she was feeling calm and a little detached as she sat curled up in the big armchair by the window, flicking through one of the magazines that Babs had given her.
For just over a week all Gracie had done was eat and sleep, and take long walks around the lanes that spiralled out from the small village. Usually she went alone and would take the shortcut across the fields, down to the small tree-edged river that was always dotted with fishermen and picknicking couples. It was so quiet and peaceful that it gave her time to think and get her head into some sort of order, ready for the return to Southend.
She felt so much better that she almost didn’t want to go home, but she knew she had to go back to work to earn the living she needed to support herself and her daughter. She couldn’t rely on Ruby forever.
Babs and Maggie had taken Fay with them to the duck-pond in the big old Silver Cross pram that used to be Maggie’s and George was busy in the village surgery on the other side of the house so she was all alone, and savouring the solitude.
Dr George Wheaton was officially retired, but he still kept his hand in by supervising the new doctor, an affable young man who was living in what used to be the nurse’s quarters. Now there was no longer a resident nurse it had seemed the right time to let someone else start taking over, but George found it hard to let go of the reins so he always found something to do to keep him on the surgery side of the interconnecting doors.
Gracie sighed happily, put the magazine down and slowly stretched out her arms and legs like a satisfied cat. She felt so much better, both physically and mentally, from having the break but she knew it was time to get her life back into some sort of order.
Deciding to write a few notes for herself as prompts for what she had to do when she went back to Southend she delved into her handbag and pulled out her diary. But as she did so she also pulled out the envelope that c
ontained the sealed letter from Edward Woodfield, the letter to Ruby, the signet ring and the card with his phone number on it.
She took the ring out and looked at it carefully before rolling it around in the palm of her hand a few times and then, without really thinking, slipped it onto each of her fingers in turn. When she put it on the third finger of her left hand it slid right over the top of her wedding ring. Guilt washed over her and she quickly put it back in the envelope. She smiled as she read the letter addressed to Ruby, which was just a nicely written and very polite note asking her to please give the enclosed letter to Gracie. Putting it to one side, she then studied the envelope of the other while she decided whether to open it or throw it away. The envelope was grubby and crinkled, with a few stains on both sides and a rip on one corner, but it was still well-sealed and she wondered what it might say.
Gracie placed it almost reverently on the small table beside the chair and closed her eyes. She wondered long and hard about what the contents could be, before picking it up and studying it all over again. She looked at the way it was addressed, she studied every curve of every letter, the date and time of the postmark, even the faint dirty fingerprints around the edge of the envelope.
She peered at every detail, until she couldn’t put it off any longer and opened it slowly and carefully. She looked at it for another few moments, before pulling the flap right back and taking the note out, all the time trying hard to preserve it as it was.
She read the contents several times; over and over again, interpreting all the words in several different ways.
Gracie wondered how she would have reacted if she had received it before she walked down the aisle to marry Sean Donnelly.
TWENTY-FIVE
My Dear Gracie,
I’m writing this after our meeting to make sure you know that I meant every word I said to you. I saw you in the distance at the funfair, I watched your enjoyment, I envied your joie de vivre and I knew right then and there that I wanted to marry you.
As I write the words down and read them back it seems like madness and so out of character for me. I can’t believe I’m saying it, but it’s true. Love at first sight may be a cliché but that is what I felt the moment I saw you. I know that you felt the same, I could see it in your eyes, but I could also see that you were torn between the familiar and the unknown and that maybe the unknown, me, was just a step too far.
I can’t bear the thought that it’s too late, but whatever happens I’ll forever remember the day by the sea with Gracie McCabe with much affection. If anything changes in your life then I hope I’ll be the person you get in touch with.
With love
Edward
After the letters were safely back in their envelopes, Gracie took the card that Edward had given her that day and went downstairs. She checked that no one was around, then she went through to the hall, closed all the doors, picked up the telephone receiver and, without hesitation, made the phone call. Her heart was thumping and her fingers were crossed as she waited to be connected.
‘Can I speak to Edward Woodfield, please?’ she asked when the phone was answered by someone who she assessed to be an older woman. She wondered if it was his mother.
‘Who shall I say is calling?’
She thought quickly. ‘Miss McCabe.’
‘One moment please.’
‘Hello. Edward Woodfield speaking.’
‘Hello. I don’t know if you still remember me, it’s Gracie from Southend? We met on the beach …’
‘Of course I remember you. How are you?’
At the sound of his voice she was back on the beach, still single and optimistic about her future. It seemed a lifetime ago and when Gracie thought about it she found it hard to believe that it was only a year and so much had happened.
‘I’m well …’ she paused. ‘And you? I wasn’t really expecting you to be in England, I just phoned on the off-chance.’
‘I’m here and yes, I’m well also …’
The silence that followed seemed to last forever, with neither knowing what to say next.
‘I don’t know why I phoned you. I probably shouldn’t have, I didn’t think properly,’ Gracie said nervously, wondering for the first time if Edward was also married. It was quite possible.
‘But you did telephone me, so let’s talk. Are you still living in Southend?’ he asked.
‘Yes, but at the moment I’m staying with Ruby’s relatives in Cambridgeshire for a few days.’
‘That’s not too far from me. I could drive and meet you. We could catch up. Just as friends, of course.’
Her head said ‘I can’t do that, I’m a married woman …’ but her mouth refused to cooperate. She wanted to see him again. ‘Yes. Just as friends,’ she replied.
It was a short and superficial conversation that didn’t touch on anything remotely personal, but by the time Gracie ended the call she had arranged to meet Edward the next day on the outskirts of the village to go for a drive into the nearby town for lunch.
That night, despite the peace and quiet of the village and Fay fast asleep beside her, she couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t just excitement that kept her awake; rather it was a gnawing guilt that was nibbling away at her, telling her she should not be meeting Edward Woodfield. She had made her decision at the time and she knew she should stick with it, despite everything that Sean had done.
Gracie lay warm in her bed, hands clasped under her head, looking at the ceiling and wondering what the meeting would be like. A part of her felt as if she knew Edward Woodfield really well and yet, when she really thought about it, he was a stranger and they had simply spent one afternoon together on the beach. Now she was married to Sean and he could also be married for all she knew.
It was crazy.
By the time morning came she was exhausted but as soon as breakfast was over she ran back upstairs to get ready.
Gracie walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. She’d tried to make herself look nice without going too far, and without raising any questions from Babs Wheaton about exactly why she was going into town again. She felt guilty that she was going and guilty that she was lying to the Wheatons but she couldn’t help herself. She wanted to see Edward again.
But as she walked into the room to say goodbye Babs was waiting for her.
‘Gracie darling, I was just coming up to see you. I have to tell you something. Now, I don’t want you to get stressed but Ruby has been on the phone …’
‘Has something happened?’ Gracie asked quickly.
‘It has. I did call up to you but you were in the bathroom and it was a brief call. It’s all gone a bit mad there. She said Sean has found out about Fay and is at the hotel demanding to see you, he’s made a bit of a fuss …’
Gracie felt sick.
‘Oh God, this is what I was dreading. How did he find out?’
‘It seems Jennifer is also back from wherever she was. She found out somehow and told him; the story was brief and garbled but Ruby thought you should know.’
‘Jennifer again. He told me it was all over. I knew he was lying, I knew it …’ she said resignedly.
‘Don’t get upset. You have to ring Ruby in half an hour, she’s trying to deal with him at the moment.’ Babs smiled. ‘Which she will. We all know how good Ruby is at being calming and Johnnie’s there as well.’
Gracie couldn’t move; she just stood on the spot and shook her head.
‘I knew something like this would happen. I should have told him about Fay, that was mean and nasty of me and now Ruby’s getting the brunt of it.’
‘It was a reaction; the wrong reaction I absolutely agree, but an understandable one given the circumstances,’ Babs told her said gently. ‘You just need to explain to him …’
‘You know it always comes back to Jennifer,’ Gracie continued. ‘I don’t understand why my own sister hates me so much. I mean, Sean is hardly her type – she always liked them intellectual.’
‘From what you and Ruby have
both said, she has a jealousy problem. She wants what you or Jeanette has – even if she doesn’t want it, if you see what I mean.’ Babs smiled. ‘This probably wasn’t about Sean, or even about you, it was about her personality. I’m not a psychiatrist but I understand people after all these years as a doctor’s wife.’
‘But what is there to be jealous about?’ Gracie asked. ‘Jennifer had her own fiancé, a nice job and she could twist Mum around her little finger. She was always Mum’s favourite; she had nothing to jealous of, especially with me, the black sheep. Yes she’s always been sly and sneaky but lots of kids are.’
‘Maybe she was just the deceitful one who always got away with it? I don’t know, but I do know that you have to not let this set you back.’
Gracie forced a smile. ‘It won’t. I just feel bad for Ruby in the firing line. I should be there …’
‘Well, don’t. She’s got Johnnie there and he’s more than capable of dealing with Sean, but we both thought you should know what was going on. You’re not a child who needs to be shielded.’
‘Thank you. I’m just a bit shocked …’ Gracie shook her head gently as if to get it clear. ‘It’s not even Sean really, it’s my sister. It’s so wrong.’
‘Well, there’s nowt so queer as folk, as they say. It’s a shame if Jennifer is back in Southend – it would have been good for her to build her own life. She must be a very unhappy young woman inside.’
Gracie thought about what Babs was saying and knew she was probably right, but it didn’t make any difference.
And then her brain clicked and she remembered where she was supposed to be.
‘Do you mind if I go for a walk? Just to think about it all …?’
‘Of course I don’t mind, shall I come with you?’
‘No, it’s okay but can I still leave Fay?’
‘I was expecting to have her anyway while you went into town,’ Babs smiled. ‘It’s a shame you’re going to miss your shopping trip though, the bus will have gone by the time you get there.’ Babs paused for a moment. ‘I could run you into town in the car after you’ve spoken to Ruby? Or maybe you can go tomorrow?’
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