I hated that I had caused them pain, but it was a process I needed to go through in order to free myself from my past and take a chance with them.
I sat on the porch swing, looking at the screen on my laptop. Pressing the delete key repeatedly, I erased the files on the flash drive containing the intel on the Russian lab, shutting the door on my guilt over Piper’s death.
My heart lifted.
I closed the laptop, just as the twins came bounding back from the barn with Mac following more slowly behind them.
When they were close, I noticed Josh’s face was pensive, but Liv’s was happy.
She really should stop reading my mind.
“You’re staying!” she squealed as she launched herself into my lap so exuberantly, I had to quickly set the laptop aside.
“Oof,” I gasped, laughing at the same time. “You’re too heavy to be on my lap.”
“You’ve decided to stay?” Josh asked.
“I never said I was leaving.” I looked at the top of my little girl’s head. “I wonder who told you I was, hmm?”
Liv giggled. “You’re too confusing to read.”
“And you should stop reading people’s minds and looking into their future. It’s freaky.”
“It’s my superpower.”
Josh and I rolled our eyes, but he sat on my left side and hugged me. The feel of these big bundles in my arms further pushed out the darkness that had taken residence in my heart in the past week.
I glanced up at Mac and he was nodding at our trio. But this newfound happiness was incomplete.
The person who’d complete me was in the Ford Raptor currently rolling down the driveway.
Oh boy, here we go.
I wasn’t quite ready for my speech to him, but when Colt stepped down from the truck, he simmered with repressed emotion … and it was anger.
He knew.
“Colt!” the children yelled as they flew down the steps to greet him.
Colt briefly acknowledged them but his eyes were locked on mine. “Mac, can you look after the kids for a bit?”
“What’s wrong?” Josh asked.
“I need to talk to Kate.”
“Come on, squirts. Let’s see what’s for dinner.”
The twins reluctantly left with Mac, but Josh was especially anxious, looking back at us repeatedly.
I didn’t think I was ready for the kind of talk he had in mind. “How was your meeting with the admiral?”
“Productive.”
His gaze never left mine and his silence hung between us. It was as though he needed all his energy to keep from losing it and even speaking required too much effort.
“You know,” I stated flatly.
He gave a tight nod. “Tell me, Kate,” he said too quietly. “What was that night about? Was it a pity fuck? Poor Colt, hung up on me all these years, might as well fuck his brains out.” His voice escalated with each word.
His accusation pissed me off. “Fuck you!” I jumped up and stalked into the house.
Following behind me, he slammed the door. “You already did.”
“Well damn you to hell then.”
“Already there.”
I reeled in my own hurt and anger. This wasn’t a competition. If anything we both needed honesty. “That night, I wanted you like I’ve never wanted any man. Ever. I ached for you to be inside me, around me. We’ve danced around each other for far too long, so I took what I wanted. And might I remind you that you were the one who fucked my brains out.”
“Didn’t hear you complaining.”
I threw up my hands. “I’m stating a fact!”
“So what will happen now? Romanov said he’s got people to help you.” He took a step forward. “That it was best for you to go to Russia with him.”
“I’m not going back with him.”
“What about shutting down the last remnants of Chrysalis?”
“The twins are my priority now.”
His eyes flared. “You pushed us away.”
“At first, I made up my mind that even if I was on borrowed time, I’d spend every single day I had left with you and the twins. But when Josh made that comment about not seeing his father because he was going to leave anyway and that would hurt them even more …” I gave a shake of my head. “That messed me up … a bit.”
Colt laughed derisively. “A bit?”
I scowled at him. “A lot, okay? Liv mentioned being a family and it scared me to look that far into the future.”
My explanation didn’t seem to placate him. “So you’re not going back with Romanov even if he has people who can help you?” he asked. “And you’re just letting go of this chance of avenging Piper—a sister you loved and sacrificed for for most of your life—because of children you’ve only known for three weeks?”
“Why is that so hard to believe?” I was scrambling for an explanation that would convince him when something else occurred to me, and my heart cracked. “What is this, Colt? I’m not your ‘Miss Perfect Kate Foster’ any longer? I might go insane, so rather than take care of me, you’d pack me off with Alex?”
I went too far. I saw it and regretted my words instantly. Colt lost all color, his face contorted in devastation. He backed away from me. I held out my hand to him, but he pivoted sharply, and headed for the door. As he reached it, he stopped, looked at the wall beside the exit, hauled back his arm and smashed his fist into the wall.
“Colt!” Heedless of getting elbowed, I wrapped my arms around his torso, he turned and somehow hooked my waist and lifted me, hauling me back into the living room like a rag doll.
When my toes touched the floor, he gripped my shoulders, and lowered his head. “How could you think that!” he bellowed into my face. “Who took care of you when you were unresponsive?”
“You don’t deserve what I said,” I whispered, feeling ashamed.
“Because you don’t think!” he snarled. “You don’t even care that people love you. You and your siblings laugh in the face of death, not giving a shit that there are people who’d grieve you if you died. You. Simply. Don’t. Care!”
He let go of me and stood with his back to me, shoulders rising and falling as though he’d just finished running a marathon and was having trouble breathing.
I touched a hand to his back and his whole body tensed. “Colt, I’m going to be all right,” I whispered.
He suddenly spun around and snatched me into his arms, squeezing me tight, his face buried between my neck and shoulder.
“I’m in love with you,” he whispered in my ear. He pulled back and I saw the rawness of his emotions. A helpless love facing a tragic end. “I’m not prepared to lose you all over again. I love you, Kate, with everything I am. I love you deeply, irrevocably. A week ago, I began making plans for us, for the twins, for our future. Then you started pushing us away and I didn’t know why. That fucked me up. And this morning? I found out you could die.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “Can’t say I don’t have experience, right? You’ve died on me once before, yet I’m still here.” His voice cracked, then he drew in a harsh breath and said, “I’ll never abandon you, Goldilocks.”
Destroyed.
The icy walls around my stubborn heart shattered. Doubt left me. I had, indeed, fallen in love with Colt Montgomery. This realization, this wonder, and the fullness in my heart were so new, words weren’t enough to describe them.
I held up a hand, my fingers grazing the fine stubbles of his jaw. “I know. I’m really sorry—”
“Your apologizing is pissing me off.”
I dropped my hand and lifted my shoulders, bewildered. “My upbringing hasn’t been normal, but I’m sure apologizing is what people do when they say shitty things.”
“You apologize every time for something you really mean,” he said. “In your mind, I’m this big-hearted guy who took in your siblings and took care of you when you were catatonic.” He huffed. “Never hold back with me, Kate. Two things I love about you are your fire and sass. Don’t
dampen them because you’re trying to be nice to the ‘nice’ guy.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re not all that nice.”
The corner of his eyes crinkled and then he threw back his head and laughed, hugging me again. “No more pushing me away.”
I nodded into his chest.
“This past week about killed me, but I knew it was something you had to do.”
“It was.” I breathed in the comforting scent of him and closed my eyes.
“Okay. Here’s the plan.”
My eyes popped open. “You’ve already planned this out?”
“Of course.”
“Are you going to share this plan?” I asked, trying to be patient.
“We get married.”
I was pretty sure my head exploded.
“There’s not even a question in there?” I mumbled. The idea of making a legal commitment to him crossed my mind that morning, but that was because of the twins. If something did happen to me, I’d like Colt to be there for them. There was no one I trusted more for Josh and Liv than him.
He smiled, encouraged, I guessed, by my lack of a freak-out. “Will you marry me, Kate?”
“For the kids?” I asked, because suddenly I was craving another reason, and yet it was too soon to consider it.
The smile on his face faltered, but he forced it back. Oh, Kate, frustration is thy name. Colt would just have to deal with it because, if I got past this brain spindle thing, he’d be putting up with me for a lifetime.
“No,” he said huskily. “I want you to be mine. I want Josh and Olivia to be mine. I want to make decisions for you when you can’t. All these things coming at us now? I want the damned right to stand by your side. I want to be the first person you lean on. You’ve always been so fucking strong and independent, babe, but you don’t always have to be.” He kissed me gently on the lips, and then drawing back, his eyes held me captive in love and adoration. “But most of all, loving you is all I’ve ever known.”
“Colt …” I whispered. I never knew such an all-consuming love existed. And, for the first time in my life, I wasn’t fighting the idea of belonging to someone. I wanted to belong. Needed. “I …”
He held a finger against my lips, shushing me. “Don’t. You don’t have to say it back. It’s enough that I’ve told you. I want you to be certain when you say it.”
“You and Olivia have a bad habit of reading my mind,” I grumbled. “Do you know how annoying it is that you know me better than I know myself?”
“Deal with it.” He grinned. “So … marry me?”
“Um … don’t we need to set some rules—”
“This is not a marriage of convenience. You’re sleeping in my bed, and, yes, there’ll be fucking.”
I stared at the pulse at his neck, wanting to kiss him there, where the beat of his heart was visible. “Fuck-my-brains-out kind of sex?”
His eyes grew heated and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “You’ve got it.”
He prodded me, impatience written all over his face. “What’s it gonna be, babe? One word. That’s all I need.”
“Yes.”
24
Kate
When Colt Montgomery wanted something badly, he moved at light speed. He secured a marriage license on Monday and wanted us to get married that Saturday—exactly two weeks after Alex showed up.
Needless to say, Alex was pissed and threatened to take the twins, but he knew it would be a losing battle because what he did to me was not only unethical, it was criminal. The bastard should be in jail. The whole situation would embarrass the FSB who supported the Dream Catcher project. Porter convinced him that it would be in his best interest to let things go. Alex was supposed to be the FSB’s envoy to smooth out the Nikolai problem, not be the cause of another issue. And it was in Porter’s best interest to keep it that way because he had kidnapped the twins.
After hours of negotiation—if arguing over vodka and whiskey could be called that—it was agreed upon that the twins’ birth certificates would bear my name and Alex’s. However, when Colt and I got married, he would adopt them. Alex would still have visitation rights, but he would have to clear it with me.
Alex did finally see the twins. We met at Millie’s Diner. They were tentative at first, but after a while, I saw how the twins had missed their father. I was glad Josh didn’t let his anger stop him from seeing Alex.
That Wednesday before the wedding, Colt was working at TAC, but I noticed more ranch hands around. I was certain they were added security. With his financier arrested by Russian authorities, Nikolai Zorin could get desperate. There was no telling to what lengths he would go to free his brother.
Because of this, the twins and I were lying low at the ranch.
“Ms. Katie?” Olivia said as she climbed the fence of the corral. I’d been watching one of the men exercise Storm, Colt’s horse.
“You done helping out at the barn?” I asked.
“Yup, helped feed all the horses. Gave Strawberry an apple.” She gave me her adorable gap-toothed grin. She’d lost a tooth the night before. She had Colt wrapped around her little finger. Strawberry was a gentle quarter horse that he’d bought for them. The Arabians were too high-spirited for children. Though given Olivia’s temperament, I wouldn’t be surprised if she grabbed the horse by the mane and galloped off.
“Where’s Josh?”
“Went to see Sarge.” Olivia looked at me. “You need to meet him.”
“Maybe not until after the wedding,” I said, remembering my last encounter with the GSD.
“He’s not gonna hurt you. He likes us.”
“Yeah, not sure he’s gonna like me.” Dogs never forgot.
Liv huffed in annoyance. “Didn’t know you were chicken.”
I squinted at my little girl. “That’s enough sass out of you, missy.”
She giggled. “You’re not really mad.”
I sighed. “No, I’m not.” It was hard to stay mad at them, and by that, I meant Olivia. That she could directly read my mind was also damned annoying. Josh didn’t go out of his way to push my buttons.
“I’m not trying to read your mind,” Liv said.
Grr …
“Oh, really?” This time, there was a bite in my voice.
“No, I’m trying to help you, Mama,” she said. Again, she switched to calling me something else and I was beginning to connect it to the times when she was pensive or emotional. “The bad man is going to use your Gray Room. You should let him.”
“What?”
She was looking into me, but not really at me. It was unnerving. The area below my skull itched.
“Olivia,” I warned. “Quit messing around.” We hadn’t told the twins of the danger of my brain spindle. What if she dislodged it? I quickly blanked my mind.
“Trust me, Mama.” She jumped down from the fence and stared up at me. “If you’re stuck in your chair in that Gray Room, I can get you out. When the time comes, give in.” She looked at me with all the seriousness an eight-year-old could muster. “It’s the only way.”
“The only way to what?”
She started walking away and I ran after her. “Liv?”
My girl stopped and turned slightly, but she didn’t look at me. “The only way to stop her.”
Confused, I stopped and watch her head toward the bunkhouse.
“You mean him, right?” I whispered to no one in particular.
Damn eight-year-olds and their freaky riddles.
Stephen King had nothing on my twins.
* * *
“Whatever you do, do not run.”
Sarge stood a couple of feet away from me. I wasn’t about to turn down Olivia’s challenge. What example would I be setting for my kid? No Foster was going to be a coward.
Mac had a prong collar on the canine. Even so, I knew by the low growl Sarge emitted that he recognized me, but judging from the way he scented the air, my smell was on the kids as well.
“Did he smell me on the kids?”
“Not sure. He wasn’t reactive then,” Mac said. He told Sarge to sit. The dog did it slow, watching me with an eagle eye, but he wasn’t growling any more. “Okay, crouch down, but give us your right side.”
“Are you kidding me?” That dog could knock me on my back, not that he couldn’t even if I were standing.
“Your being taller might be a threat, especially with the history between you two.”
“Maybe we should do this some other day,” I offered. “I’m not vain, but I’d rather not have a dog bite on my face days before my wedding,” I muttered.
Josh and Liv were sitting on a bench, observing. My imp of a daughter decided to cluck like a chicken. Her brother nudged her as I glared.
“I’m not sure you’re mine,” I told her as I wondered how much eight-year-old telepaths sold for on eBay.
She did the sideways “V” with her fingers at the edge of her eyes. “Same eyes. Can’t deny it,” she said in a singsong voice.
I huffed and got down on my haunches. “Now what?”
“No sudden movements. Stay relaxed and let him come near you.”
“That’s not very reassuring.”
“Dog’s got strong nerves. If anything, the owner treated him well. He’ll want to sniff you. We want him to initiate contact. If you can, continue to talk to us like you don’t care that he’s there.”
“And if he becomes aggressive?”
“He smells Josh and Livy on you and they’re not worked up.” This didn’t really reassure me of anything. “Ready?”
I nodded.
“Fuss,” he told the dog. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the beast approach alongside Mac. Relax, I told myself. “So, what’s the construction over there?” My eyes went to the foundation of a new structure being set up.
“Kennels.”
“Kennels?”
“TAC is adding K-9 training.”
Before I could reply, Sarge’s nose snuffled my ears. “That was some cold wet nose,” I mumbled.
Josh and Liv giggled. I let the German Shepherd smell different parts of me. By the time Mac told Sarge to sit, I had dog drool all over me.
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