“I missed you, Nicholas.”
Raising an eyebrow, Nicholas said, “You flew all the way here to tell me you missed me? Not exactly stellar timing.”
Clenching my jaw, I said, “When is the timing ever good? When you’re in a hurry to get to work and obsessively glancing at your watch? Or how about during the rare occasions we share a meal together, and you’re compulsively checking your email? Or after a fourteen-hour day of work when you fall asleep the moment your head hits the pillow? Would the timing have been better then? I’m sorry my timing is less than impeccable, but we’re in trouble, Nicholas, and I thought if I surprised you here, we could reignite our flame.”
Nicholas’s eyes opened wide. “Reignite our flame?” His lips quivered, and his face turned pink. “Sounds like a page from one of your books.” Abandoning his attempt to keep it together, he cracked up.
As I watched him laugh, a lump formed in my belly, and I swallowed hard, trying to identify my feelings. I didn’t share Nicholas’s amusement. Was I sad? Angry? “I’m glad one of us is entertained.” I raised my voice above his laughter. Yeah, I was pissed. “I came here to show you what you’ve been missing, and you don’t act like you miss it at all. Or me.”
Nicholas opened his mouth to speak, but I raised my hand in protest. “I know you’re busy at work, but you were a busy lawyer when we started dating, and we were good.” I closed my eyes. “So good.” I opened my eyes.
Nicholas wasn’t laughing anymore. “I know things have been crazy, and I’m sorry.”
“Long hours I can handle, but this? Even when you’re with me, you’re not fully there. You’ve shut me out of your work stuff and don’t bother to even fake interest in my writing.”
“Of course I care about your writing—”
I dropped my gaze downward. “I found my book in your dresser. So much for reading it on the plane.”
“Kim, I—”
I waved him off. “It’s fine. The book is the least of it.” Staring at the wall, I said, “I don’t want to guilt you into reading my novel or even spending time with me, and let’s face it, you’re only here because I embarrassed myself in front of your work buddies and you feel bad. Or maybe it’s so you could yell at me about my poor timing. You stood up my sister and brother-in-law for dinner because you ‘lost track of time,’ with a promise to make it up to me with a trip to Boston you’ve never mentioned again. You only took me out to celebrate getting an agent because you forgot to tell me you were going to the Patent Prom. And then you fell asleep before we could do it.”
Nicholas nodded. “Yes, I did. It made me question my own manhood.” He closed the distance between us and brought his lips to mine. He whispered, “You sexy thing” against my mouth.
My breathing quickened as I responded to his kisses. He tasted so good. I pushed him away. “I can’t go on like this, Nicholas.”
He drew back. “What?”
“I love you, but I need more than good sex.”
“Good?” He put a hand to his heart. “I’m offended.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious, Nicholas. The relationship we’re in is a crumb of what it used to be. If I’m asking too much, so be it. I kept hoping it was temporary, but there’s always another justification—this project at work is insane, the trial is killing me, bear with me, I’ll make it up to you. Blah blah blah. By the time you get around to ‘making it up to me,’ we’ll be eligible for residence in a retirement community.”
Nicholas lowered his head but looked up at me. “Jeez, Kim, I had no idea you felt so neglected.”
“I’ve been so upset and afraid. Ask Bridget. We’re still in a fight, by the way—Bridget and me.”
Nicholas’s mouth dropped open.
“Yeah, but how would you know that? And how’s this for shocking news—Caroline is married.”
This time, his eyes bugged out as his mouth formed an “O.”
“And it’s not only you who hasn’t a clue what’s going on in my life. I only know how your trial is going because Rob told me. And I wouldn’t have known about the spa gift certificate we bought for your mother’s birthday if she hadn’t addressed her thank-you card to both of us. I know she’s your mom and not mine, but it’s just another example of how we might be living together, but we’re not living together. Pia suggested I do something dramatic to try to fix things between us.” I noted the lack of recognition on his face at Pia’s name. He didn’t know about her either. “Pia’s my new assistant at Pastel Is the New Black, and I confided in her since Bridget’s not speaking to me, Caroline’s on the other side of the world, and Erin’s…Erin.”
Nicholas’s lips curled up slightly.
“Anyway, my karaoke performance last year did wonders, and an undercover operation to break into your hotel room is equally dramatic. But last year, I was in the wrong and needed to show you in big block letters how sorry I was so you’d know I was serious.” I paused. “It’s different now. Whether I sing to you in a bar full of people or strip down to my skivvies in front of your coworkers, only you can decide if our life together is worth making some adjustments to your schedule, and I don’t think you’re willing to do that.”
Frowning, Nicholas asked, “What are you saying, Kim?”
What was I saying? I rubbed my eyes and studied Nicholas’s gorgeous but currently very sad face. I loved him so much. “I don’t know. I think I need some time to figure out what I want.”
“Time?”
I nodded. “Yes, I need time away from you. To think.”
“Kimmie. I love you. Please let me prove it to you.” He held my gaze with a pleading expression on his face.
My hopes soared. Perhaps he was willing. “If you mean it, my flight back isn’t for a couple of days. Maybe you can start now. Rob said the trial is over. We can frolic in the pool, get a couple’s massage. Or order room service from one of the hotel rest…” I noted the crease in Nicholas’s forehead and stopped talking.
“I’m sorry, Kim, but even though the trial is over, I still have work obligations. I’ll be tied up in meetings almost constantly for the next two days.”
“You can’t skip any of them?”
Shaking his head, Nicholas said, “It’s not a good idea. I already blew off a meeting to come here, and I need to put in my time if I want the General Counsel gig.”
Confused, I cocked my head to the side. “Is the General Counsel leaving? Retiring or something?”
“Not that I know of, but—”
“This is about your dad, isn’t it?”
Vigorously shaking his head, Nicholas said, “Of course not. If it were up to my dad, I’d quit the law and go to medical school. This is about me wanting to reach my potential.” He rubbed his finger against his uncharacteristically freshly shaven chin and grinned. “Being made General Counsel would be for me what getting a publishing deal is for you. You know?”
He looked so hopeful, smiling at me while his face seemed to shine, and my heart broke. It broke for the little boy inside of Nicholas who craved his father’s approval. And it broke for me as I realized I was fighting a battle I’d already lost. I slid out of the covers and sat next to him on the bed with my feet dangling. I looked at him thoughtfully.
“You know, what drew me to you initially was your sex appeal.”
Nicholas ran his fingers slowly along his jawline and smiled at me wickedly. “I know.”
I playfully swatted his side with my elbow. “I still think you’re the most delectable specimen in the land.”
“Second to you, of course.”
I blushed despite myself. “But it quickly became so much more. You saw beyond my boobs and truly cared about me. Because of you and your relentless and sometimes annoying encouragement of my writing, I grew as a person.” I glanced down at my feet, which barely reached the ground. “Figuratively speaking, of course.”
>
Nicholas chuckled, but his eyes were sorrowful.
“You pushed me to take life by the steering wheel and drive, and now I have two completed manuscripts under my belt and an agent. Without you, my writing dreams would still be packed away on a shelf in my closet along with countless unfinished books. You were good for me. Everyone saw it. Even before I did. And I was good for you too. I made you laugh even when lawyer stuff weighed on your mind. And I restored your faith in women.”
A piece of hair had escaped my ponytail during my nap, and Nicholas twirled it around his finger. “Then why are you doing this, Kimmie?”
I took a deep breath to compose myself. “Because we’re not the same couple anymore. It’s like you led me to my dream, and now that it’s within my grasp, you’ve lost interest. But I still need you.”
“I’m still here,” he argued.
I shook my head. “You’re not though. Or maybe you are, but it’s different. I can’t talk to you the way I used to. I hold back sharing things with you because I don’t want to bother you or add to your stress. And you keep me and work completely separate as well, which would be fine if your job wasn’t so all-consuming. You reveal more to your dad than you do to me.” I almost said “and Daneen too” but stopped myself. “If we can’t talk about our passions—aside from the one we share for each other’s naked bodies—what else is there?” I shrugged. “I’m probably not making any sense.”
Nicholas let his head fall back and blew out a stream of air. “You’re making sense, but…”
“But what?” I whispered.
He shook his head timidly. “I wish you wouldn’t make me choose between my career and you.”
An ache rippled through my tummy. “I’m doing nothing of the sort, Nicholas.”
“It sure feels that way,” he said flatly.
Raising my voice, I said, “I’ve always encouraged your career and even the long hours it often comes with, but not this. What you’re essentially telling me is you’re willing to sacrifice the quality of our relationship until you get promoted—something not likely to happen for years. And if you’re doing it to impress your dad, decades. Or until you get your medical degree.” I sucked in my breath, knowing I’d hit Nicholas where it hurt and regretting it immediately. In a softer voice, I said, “I’m not the one pitting me against your career, Nicholas. You are.”
Nicholas stared straight ahead. “I don’t know what to say.”
I knew what I wanted him to say—that he was sorry and would find a way to make us better. My lips trembled as the ramifications of this heart-to-heart set in. “Me neither.”
“You just need time though, right?” Nicholas asked hopefully.
I blinked back tears. Even though the very thought of a permanent split from Nicholas made my chest constrict as if my heart were being stepped on by someone wearing four-inch stilettos, no amount of thinking would convince me to accept the status quo. I deserved better than a relationship in which the finest moments were already behind us.
Taking my silence as a “yes,” Nicholas buried his head in his hands and mumbled, “Logistically speaking, how are we going to do this? I mean, we live together.”
I hadn’t thought of that. We spent so little time together, I had practically forgotten we shared a living space. “I’ll move out.”
“Where will you go? You’re fighting with Bridget, and Caroline is out of the country. And married.” He widened his eyes. “I can’t believe Caroline got married. Who’s the groom?”
“A British guy she met on a plane. Crazy, right?”
“Crazy.” He exhaled. “You stay put. I’ll move out.”
“Absolutely not. This is my doing. And besides, it was your apartment first.”
“I need to know where you’re going before I agree to this. I’m still your boyfriend, and I’m not letting you sleep on the street.”
I smiled faintly. “I won’t sleep on the street.” I placed a hand on his bare knee before quickly drawing it back. “I promise to keep you apprised of my living arrangements. Okay?”
He nodded. “Okay. But let it be known I’m vehemently opposed to this plan and will do everything I can to change your mind. I love you, Kim.” He looked firmly into my eyes.
Considering he had put work ahead of our relationship once again mere minutes ago, I doubted he would do anything to change my mind. Just the same, I met his gaze. “I love you too, Nicholas.”
We stared into each other’s eyes for a moment in silence before Nicholas broke away and stood up. Sticking his hands in the pockets of his shorts, he said, “I guess I should get back to Miami.”
“I’ll call you a taxi,” I said, standing up too.
While we waited for the cab, we sat side by side on my parents’ porch swing. The sun had set, and I gazed at the stars. It was hard to believe Boca Raton shared the same sky as New York City, where stars weren’t visible to the naked eye.
“When do you head back to New York?” Nicholas asked.
“Day after tomorrow.” I didn’t know where I’d go, but I had two days to figure it out.
Nicholas nodded. “Me too.” Then he lifted his chin toward the street. “Cab’s here,” he said, standing up.
I glanced toward the street where the yellow car was waiting at the edge of the driveway. There were tears in Nicholas’s eyes, but I felt mostly numb. I wondered how long it would last. Probably about as long as it took Nicholas to get in the cab and drive away. I stood up with him and swallowed hard, trying to think of something to say. What did one say in these circumstances? I ran through my virtual list of chick lit novels for inspiration and came up empty. “Be safe.”
Nicholas whispered, “You too, Kimmie.”
I leaned my head against his chest and shook it against his t-shirt. My tears would not wait until he was gone. I felt him kiss the top of my head and pull away from me, but I kept my head down and my eyes closed. When I opened them next, he was gone. I stared down the quiet, empty road and wiped my damp cheek. I headed to the guest room and put on my bathing suit. A swim would do me good. If nothing else, a wet face would help me to hide my tears.
Later, after a classic Florida dinner of blue crab and rock shrimp, followed by key lime pie, all courtesy of my dad’s surprise trip to the grocery store while I was with Nicholas, I relaxed in the reclining chair watching a movie on Netflix with my folks. Wondering why Nicholas hadn’t returned to the house with me, my parents had asked where he went. I calmly explained I had broken up with him and then promptly burst into tears, hence the reason my mom agreed to watch Love Actually for the fifth time and my dad consented to watch it at all.
I hadn’t checked my email since before I’d checked (broke) into the Fontainebleau, so after the movie, I grabbed my charging phone from the dresser in the guest room, and returned to my comfy chair in the living room. I scrolled through the messages—most were review requests. The trip had set me back a few days in my review schedule. I knew it would, but assumed it would be worth it. Silly me. Letting my head fall backward, I looked at the ceiling and rolled my eyes. I skipped over a note from Pia with the subject line: How did it go?? Rob always said bad news couldn’t wait, but I think even he’d make an exception in this scenario. Only paying half attention, my eyes glazed over an email from Felicia and quickly went back. Bad news from her couldn’t wait.
Only it wasn’t bad news this time, and as I skimmed the message, I sat up straight in the chair.
Kim,
You added conflict like a rock star. I knew you could do it! We’re good to go. I’m going to submit to Three Monkeys first because I think they’re a great fit, but if they don’t bite, I’m attending the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books and will pitch there.
I’ll keep you posted, of course. In the meantime, keep plugging away at your second book. And work on your author platform.
Cheers,
I jumped out of my chair. “Oh my God. Felicia is submitting my book to publishing houses. It’s really happening.”
My mom launched off the couch and grabbed me into a hug. “I’m so happy for you,” she said, squeezing me tight.
My dad approached me with a broad grin. “That’s my girl.”
While hugging my father, I thought of something, and I pulled away with a frown.
My mom noticed it immediately. “What’s wrong?”
I sat back down on the reclining chair with my butt on the edge of the seat and ran my palm along my ponytail. “She’s submitting to Hannah’s publisher first. What if they reject me?”
Nonplussed, my dad said, “I’m not exactly a publishing savant, but even I know there’s more than one publisher. If Hannah’s publisher doesn’t want it, another one will.” He paused. “Who’s Hannah?”
My mom looked at my dad incredulously and swatted his arm. “Seriously, Peter? How many times must we go over this? Hannah went to high school with Kim and tried to make our little girl miserable—Kim and Bridget both.”
My stomach dropped at the mention of Bridget. Hannah might have attempted to make us miserable in high school, but she inadvertently came between us last week.
Nodding, my dad said, “Ah. It’s all coming back to me now. Your sister likes her though, right?”
“Erin’s got a girl crush on her,” my mom and I said at the same time before giggling.
“But she’s also the one who referred me to Felicia. She’s not all bad,” I conceded in a soft voice. Even so, a rejection from Hannah’s publisher would sting like a jellyfish, especially if she found out. She must never find out. As I shook myself out of my daydream of assumed failure, with a reminder there was a possibility Three Monkeys would want to acquire A Blogger’s Life and would offer me a five-figure advance, I reached out for the phone my mom was handing me. “Who is this?” I mouthed.
“Your sister,” my mom whispered. “We have to share the good news. Put it on speaker.”
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