“I do. Of course I do. Sometimes I’m just not sure I believe in men. But once I follow church…” He swallowed hard. “Once I give my vow, I’m sure it will all make sense.”
“You don’t sound sure.”
“I will be. It’s the way it has to be.” David’s smile had sharp edges. “We’re Amish. We have to believe.”
“What else did you see in the movie?”
David’s face brightened. “The gay couple was like all the others. Even when they held hands and kissed each other. The other people didn’t even look twice.”
“They kissed? You saw them?” Despite the temperature, Isaac was suddenly warm from the inside.
David nodded vigorously. “They were even in bed together without their shirts on,” he whispered. “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.”
“They showed that in the movie?” Isaac thought of the Sky-Vu’s enormous screen. “In front of all those people?”
“And no one seemed bothered at all! I could see into some of the other cars around me, and they were just watching like it was nothing. Meanwhile I was…” David flushed.
“What?” Isaac edged closer, dropping the nail on the table. Only a few inches separated them. “Did you like it?”
David licked his lips, his gaze flickering to Isaac’s mouth. “Yes. I’d seen men and women kissing, and more—you wouldn’t believe some of the things they show in movies. There was one where they were practically naked. It was shocking to see, and exciting, but when I saw two men together…” He smiled faintly. “First I wanted to cry. I couldn’t breathe. It was the first time I knew that there really were people like me out there. I’d thought there must be, but to see it like that…”
Isaac’s heart skipped. “I can’t imagine. It must have been amazing.”
“It was!” He grasped Isaac’s hand. “To know I wasn’t alone. And then to see them actually kissing.” He shivered.
Isaac bit his lip. “Did it make you hard?” He flushed as the bold words left his mouth.
Eyes dark, David nodded. “It was like…something snapped into place. The way a perfect drawer closes just right. I thought I would crawl right out of my skin. My jeans were so tight it was painful.”
Isaac’s spine tingled. “What did you do?” His gaze flicked down, and he gathered his courage. “Did you touch yourself?” He leaned in so his lips were at David’s ear. “Did you make yourself come right there?” Maybe if they were quick, they could go into one of the stalls, and--
“Daaavid! Isaaaac!”
They jerked apart as Anna’s singsong voice rang out distantly. Isaac grabbed the closest nail and hammered it into the wood as David dashed back to his table leg.
When Anna clomped into the barn with a bang on the partially open door, she smiled and went straight for the side table. “We thought you might want some more coffee to warm you up. I made zucchini bread to go along with it.”
David cleared his throat. “Thanks, Anna.”
Isaac kept his gaze on his work. “Thank you.”
“Sure,” Anna said. “Having a good day?”
When Isaac looked up, she was watching him with a little smile. “Um…uh-huh.”
“Glad to hear it.” Then she swept out of the barn, her heavy cape billowing behind her.
Exhaling loudly, Isaac unclenched the hammer handle. “I guess that’s enough talk for today. We should just…work.”
“Yes. Work.” David lowered his head and snatched up his measuring tape.
Isaac lined up another nail, wishing he could silence the questions tumbling through his mind. Yet with each swing of his hammer, a new word echoed.
Gay.
“They’re gone.” David hauled the barn door shut behind him, snow swirling by his boots.
Isaac had barely done a lick of work since Mrs. Lantz had mentioned at lunch that there was another baby being born, this time at one of the Hooley farms. Isaac couldn’t remember which one, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was that he and David would have the farm to themselves for the first time in more than a month.
He opened his arms for David. “Come warm me up.”
David’s mouth was hot, and the slick slide of his tongue sent a fever through Isaac’s veins. Smiling between kisses, they shrugged out of their coats, tossing them on the worktable. Isaac sucked on David’s neck, loving how David shuddered when he found just the right spot.
“It’s been too long, my Isaac.” David moaned softly. “I’ve missed you.”
“Me too.”
“Mmm.” David licked Isaac’s neck. “I told you to come to June’s with me more often.”
Chuckling, Isaac squeezed his hand into the front of David’s pants and stroked him. “If I went with you every time you’d never get any furniture finished, and my parents would ask too many questions.”
Each day—acid gnawing on his stomach and his nails bitten to the quick—Isaac had waited for everyone to see right through him. Yet as the weeks passed, his family and the people of Zebulon went about their business, and Isaac’s secret life miraculously remained his own.
“I want you, Isaac.” David groaned, arching into Isaac’s touch.
“How?” he asked, barely more than a breath.
“Shower.” David tugged Isaac’s hand out of his pants and pulled him along. “I want you wet.”
Isaac dug in his heels. “It’s too cold!” He laughed as David reached out to tickle his stomach and get him moving again. “You’re crazy.”
“I lit the lantern in the loft to heat the water a little while ago.” By the shower stall, David pressed him up against the wall. It was dark in that corner of the barn, hidden from the world. “I’ve dreamed about this. Having you here. Properly, I mean.” He pressed a kiss to Isaac’s throat, then unhooked his shirt, punctuating each word with another kiss. “Naked. Wet. Begging.”
Isaac let himself moan as loud as he wanted. “Yes. Yes.” He tore at David’s clothes.
The floor was freezing, and they hopped around once they were naked. Isaac shoved at David playfully. “Hurry, hurry. Make it warm.”
And oh, as the water flowed down, it wasn’t just warm, but wonderfully hot. They stood beneath the barrel’s pipe in each other’s arms, and Isaac thought he could be happy just staying like that, kissing and soaping each other in the steam that rose around them. Now that the initial reservoir was gone, as more water melted above it streamed over them, sometimes a mere trickle. In that moment, how he envied anyone with indoor plumbing. When I have a real shower again I’ll stay in it for hours.
Isaac jolted, breaking their kiss. His pulse ran wild.
Frowning, David caressed his cheek. “What is it?”
“Nothing.” Isaac shook his head as if he could dislodge the traitorous thought. Despite everything he and David were doing, they wouldn’t leave Zebulon and their families. Isaac could never really leave. Could I? He kissed David hard, thrusting his tongue deeply.
With firm hands, David spun Isaac to face the side of the wooden stall. “Spread your arms and lean,” he commanded, stroking Isaac’s spine. “Yes. Like that.” His fingers dipped into the cleft of Isaac’s ass. “I want to kiss you all over,” he whispered, lips hot against Isaac’s neck. “Taste you everywhere.”
A thrill sang through Isaac, and before his brain could cut through the haze of lust to understand what was happening, David’s breath was much lower, whispering over his skin. His lips brushed the mole on the small of Isaac’s back. Then he moved down.
Isaac craned his neck for a glimpse of David on his knees behind him, shock and euphoria combining at what he thought David might dare to do. He wasn’t going to…was he? With infinite tenderness, David spread Isaac’s cheeks and kissed his hole, which quivered at the brush of lips. Gasping, Isaac could hardly believe it.
Then all tenderness was lost, and David licked and teased Isaac’s ass, spitting into it, his tongue following, pushing inside. The sparks that ricocheted through Isaac’s body stiffened his
cock and had him trembling. It was so wrong—and he never wanted it to stop.
“David,” he gasped. “Oh God.” A voice flickered through his head, reminding him not to take the Lord’s name in vain, but he couldn’t stop. “God, that feels… I’m going to come so hard, David.”
He whimpered, closing his eyes as the world narrowed down completely to the sensation of David’s tongue licking and fucking him. Isaac’s cock leaked, and he hadn’t even touched it. He hung his head, arms spread wide as he moaned. Amid the dampness of the shower stall, the usual smells of the barn mingled—hay and sawdust, and horses and the earth.
Isaac felt like beneath it all—the veneer of church and family, community and the Ordnung—he was little more than an animal himself, rutting and sucking and being truly alive in his body with no regard for right or wrong.
As he came undone, his cries surely had to be heard for miles. Panting, Isaac watched as he spurted over the wet wood while David never let up, still working his ass until Isaac had to beg for mercy. Then David was standing behind him, breath harsh as he nudged Isaac’s legs closed and pushed between his thighs, grunting. David’s hips jerked haphazardly, his fingers dipping into Isaac’s hips.
“Isaac,” he muttered.
Isaac squeezed his legs around David’s shaft, and that was all it took for David to come. It dripped down Isaac’s thighs, and David was heavy against his back. He clumsily petted Isaac’s wet hair, and Isaac shifted around in his arms so they could kiss again.
He could taste what must have been himself on David’s tongue. Perhaps it should have disgusted him, but it only made him feel closer to David, who nuzzled Isaac’s cheeks softly.
“I love that you have freckles even in the winter,” he murmured. “You’re so beautiful.”
“Am I really?” Isaac knew it was wrong to care about how he looked and feel such pride and pleasure in David’s words, but his heart soared.
“Oh yes.” David traced the contours of Isaac’s face with his fingertips. “Your eyes are like nothing I’ve seen before. The color of amber—like something shiny and beautiful, but solid all the same. I wish you could see what I see, Eechel.” He kissed Isaac softly.
Blushing, Isaac ducked his head. “Your eyes are like the ocean. Or maybe not. I don’t know, paler I guess? But they’re what I imagine the ocean could be like.” He glanced up. “I love looking at you. When was the last time you saw yourself?”
A smile flitted across David’s mouth. “The other day. There’s a mirror in the toilet in my workshop at June’s. You can look too. You don’t have to be afraid.”
He hadn’t even dared to use the indoor toilet yet the few more times he’d accompanied David to June’s. “Next time.” It shouldn’t have sent a thrill up his spine, but it did. Another of the Ordnung’s rules to be broken.
They kissed again, but they were both shivering. David glanced up at the trickle of water. “Guess we should get dry and do some work. Hiring an apprentice was supposed to make me work faster, but I’m falling behind on everything.” He slapped Isaac’s hip playfully. “You’re a terrible influence, Isaac Byler. Corrupting me like this.”
Laughing, Isaac tickled David’s ribs. “Oh yes, I know. However will you forgive me?”
They were still laughing and giving each other little kisses when they made their way back to the main area of the barn. Isaac patted David’s backside. “Next time I get to—”
He inhaled sharply, frozen in his tracks as he blinked at Mervin by the worktable. Pale face flaming, his mouth a straight line, Mervin dropped his gaze to the floor.
“I heard noises, and I thought…I thought something was wrong.”
Isaac could see David in his peripheral vision, equally stunned, his eyes wide. He didn’t even seem to be breathing. “But the door was locked,” Isaac blurted. Of course it wasn’t now, standing partly open, snow drifting inside.
“It wasn’t.” Mervin’s voice was gruff.
As if being loosed from a spool of thread, the last however many minutes flowed throw Isaac’s mind. David closing the door—but not sliding across the long bolt, already kissing Isaac and tugging him to the shower. Not that it mattered now, since Mervin was standing in front of them, arms stiff at his sides. “I…” Isaac tried to think of a single thing to say to his best friend.
There was an envelope on the worktable, and Mervin picked it up before slapping it back down. “For my sister’s crib. Father sent me to pick it up.”
David jerked his head in a nod.
The finished crib stood nearby, unvarnished wood sturdy and neat, all utilitarian straight lines, where David’s secret creations for the English were often curved and smooth. Mervin picked up one end of it, but even with his stocky strength, he couldn’t carry it properly. Isaac rushed to the other side and lifted it.
Mervin met his gaze, his expression full of hurt and confusion. With a grunt, he looked away and backed up, carrying the crib outside while Isaac followed with his end. He glanced back at David, who swallowed hard, his lips parted as he breathed shallowly. The terror in his eyes made Isaac want to run to him and hold him close.
Outside, Mervin shuffled backwards through the snow impossibly fast, and Isaac struggled to keep up, his arms aching as he hefted the awkward shape of the crib. They loaded it onto the back of Mervin’s buggy on its side, and Mervin threw a blanket over it. He had one foot up to climb into the seat when Isaac reached out.
Snatching his arm away, Mervin stumbled back. “Don’t.”
“Please. Just listen to me.” Isaac’s throat was painfully dry. He licked his lips. “Please.”
Arms wide, Mervin waited. “All right. I’m listening. What could you possibly say?”
An excellent question. “I…I know how it must look…me and David.”
“It looks like sin,” Mervin spat, his face thunderous. “It sounded disgusting. I can’t believe that was you in there.”
The shame roiled his stomach. “I know it’s hard to understand.”
“Hard? Hard? It’s impossible, Isaac!” Tears shone in Mervin’s eyes. “You’re my best friend! I thought I knew you. Sure, it’s been different lately. We’ve had so much more responsibility, and we haven’t hung out the way we did at school. But I never thought…” His face twisted. “How could you do that? It’s against everything! God, and the Bible, and…nature!”
All Isaac could do now was tell the truth. “It’s natural to me. I know that sounds crazy, but it is. I never understood what you and Mark and the others saw in girls. I’m not like you.”
“Obviously.” Mervin swiped at his eyes furiously. “It’s the worst kind of sin, Isaac. You know that!” He glanced at the barn and lowered his voice, eyes imploring. “Did he make you do it? He’s older, and he’s your boss. Did he pressure you? There’s always been something off about him—just like his brother! He talked you into it, didn’t he?”
For a terribly black moment, Isaac could see the possibility of getting off the hook. The possibility of not losing his best friend.
Mervin went on in a rush. “It’s not your fault, Isaac. If you tell Bishop Yoder—”
“No! Stop.” Isaac shook his head, the selfish moment of temptation burning his cheeks. “You heard me in there. Did it sound like he was making me? Everything we’ve done has been both of us. I know you think it’s bad, but…we’re just different, Mervin. God made us different.”
“God? You dare say God had anything to do with that?” He jabbed his finger toward the barn. “That’s the devil’s work. It makes me sick, Isaac. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
Tears pricking his eyes, Isaac kept his head high. “I know I love him.” As he said the words for the first time, his heart thumped. He did. He loved David with all his heart. “And I know love isn’t a sin.” It couldn’t be. Could it?
Mervin grimaced. “If that’s really what you believe…” He sniffled and swiped at his eyes. “If that’s what you believe then I pity you. I’ll pray for you, Isa
ac. That’s all I can do.” He turned to the buggy.
“Wait!”
Mervin didn’t look back, but stopped, his shoulders hunched.
“Please, Mervin. Don’t tell. Not anyone. It would break my parents’ hearts. David’s mother. She’s lost so much already. Our sisters, and my brothers. I’m begging you. Don’t tell.”
For a moment that stretched out painfully in the damp December air, Mervin didn’t move. Then he nodded and climbed onto the buggy. Isaac watched him speed away with wheels clattering, driving his horse hard. When he was gone, Isaac forced his feet to move back to the barn. Inside, David stood just where Isaac had left him.
“He promised not to tell.” Isaac’s voice was flat, and he felt like there was a fog thick around him. Any moment he’d wake up safe in his bed with his annoying brother snoring beside him and hogging the quilt.
David’s body sagged, and he leaned against the table. “We have to be more careful. We can’t…” He scrubbed a hand over his damp hair. “Do you think he’ll keep his promise?”
“He always has before. He’s always been loyal. A good friend.” Isaac blinked back tears. It would never be the same again. “We have to stop, don’t we?”
Eyes closed, David nodded. A tremor rolled through him, and then he straightened up and grabbed his hammer. “Let’s get started on the drawers for Rebecca Lapp’s new dresser,” he gritted out.
Fear and sorrow battled in Isaac. He told himself he’d always known they’d have to stop. But not yet! Not today! He wanted to scream and cry. It’s not fair. It’s not fair! The urge to go to David and kiss him one more time overwhelmed him. Isaac wavered on his feet. Just one last taste to savor—what would it hurt? No one had to know…
He watched David pound a nail into wood. With a deep breath, Isaac went to the stack of lumber and heaved up a slab of oak. They’d let themselves get carried away for long enough. He picked up his measuring tape, the numbers blurring as he blinked away tears with a deep breath.
A Forbidden Rumspringa Page 14