“If you feel as you did this morning, get on your knees.” Bishop Yoder stood before them, with the deacon nearby holding a pitcher of water.
The five slid to their knees.
Bile rose in Isaac’s throat. He was already too late. David was making his vow to the church and God. There would be no turning back. Aaron had run away after his baptism, but David was different. If he gave his word to the Lord, that would be the end of it. Isaac wanted to jump to his feet and scream and shout until they stopped the ritual.
He needed one more chance to convince David to choose happiness. Choose freedom. Choose me. His hands trembled, and Isaac clasped them together. To have to witness David’s baptism was surely God’s punishment for Isaac’s decision to leave his family and community behind.
Utter silence descended on the room.
“Do you believe and affirm your belief that Jesus Christ is the son of God?”
Down the line, the five each answered, “Yes, I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God.”
David was last, and Isaac could barely hear his voice. It was as though only a ghost of David remained. Tears sprang to Isaac’s eyes.
“Will you remain steadfast to the church, whether it leads to life or to death?”
And a death it would be. If not physical, surely in David’s soul. Isaac shook as he struggled to keep from sobbing. He squeezed his eyes shut, not caring if anyone noticed. One by one, the five answered.
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
Silence.
Heart racing, Isaac opened his eyes and leaned into Mervin, trying to glimpse David through the crowd. David was still kneeling with his back to them.
It was barely a whisper. “No.”
As a gasp whipped through the congregation, David pushed to his feet. Chest rising and falling rapidly, he faced them all. “No.” His voice was stronger. “I can’t.” He looked to his mother and sisters. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”
Bishop Yoder and Deacon Stoltzfus stood motionless, staring at David in disbelief. The deacon looked as though he might shatter the pitcher with the force of his grip.
Mary and Anna sat together with almost identical, wide-eyed expressions, and a wail broke free from Mrs. Lantz in her wheelchair near the front.
“Nooo! Why? Why does God punish me? Please, David! Please!”
Eli Helmuth rose from his bench and crouched by Mrs. Lantz as he beseeched David. “Think this through. You can—”
“I can’t.” David shook his head. “Please forgive me, Mother.” Then his eyes found Isaac’s across the room. “I hope you can all forgive me.” He strode out, almost in a run.
Isaac was halfway to standing before he knew he was moving. Mervin shoved him back down, his arm shaking as he pressed against Isaac’s thigh, pinning him to the bench. Isaac tried to yank himself free, not caring what anyone thought if he ran after David. Commotion filled the room, but when he looked up, he found the deacon’s beady gaze on him.
Mervin grabbed Isaac’s arm. “Are you crazy? Sit down,” he hissed.
Isaac stopped struggling, and Mervin loosened his grip. Isaac looked at his friend for the last time. “It doesn’t matter now. But thank you. For everything.”
Then he sprang up and climbed over the others in his row before Mervin or anyone else could react. He heard Father call his name, astonished, but Isaac didn’t look back as he burst out of the Schrocks’ house. David’s buggy was already speeding out of sight down the drive, and Isaac raced to the barn.
He untethered Silver and climbed onto her back from the fence. He’d never catch up in his old buggy, so he urged on Silver, digging in his heels and bending low over her neck, murmuring to her. After a few snorts, Silver trotted before speeding up.
“Come on, girl. That’s it.” Isaac squeezed with his thighs. Without a saddle, he hadn’t been able to stay on Kaffi that night when the horse had galloped, but nothing was going to keep him from catching David now.
He hadn’t stopped for his hat or coat, and his bare fingers were ice on the reins. The wind was so cold his forehead stung, but Isaac wouldn’t stop. He caught glimpses of David’s buggy ahead as the road curved and dipped, and realized David was going back to his house. Isaac prayed there were no icy patches beneath the fresh layer of snow as he kicked Silver on faster.
By the Lantz barn, David turned and watched him thunder up. Yanking on the reins, Isaac slid off Silver’s back—and into David’s arms. Their harsh breath clouded the January air as they held each other. Isaac clutched David to him, burying his face in David’s neck.
“Isaac.” David clung to him. “I’m sorry. I was such a fool. So weak. Forgive me, please. Forgive me.”
“Yes, yes, yes.” Isaac lifted his head and kissed David hard.
David took Isaac’s face in his hands. “I want to be with you.”
“I love you so much.” Isaac kissed him again. David didn’t have his hat or coat either, and they both shivered, but their lips were warm.
David pulled back. “You were right—we have to go. There’s nothing for us here. Not if we ever want to be happy. I can’t live my life for my mother and my sisters.” His lip trembled. “I hate to leave them, but I have to believe they’ll get by without me.”
“They will. You know Eli wants to marry your mother, and even if he doesn’t, they’ll be all right. They’re strong. Everyone will help them.”
David examined Isaac’s face, running his fingers over Isaac’s cheek. “You haven’t changed your mind about me? About us?”
Isaac shook his head. “I have a plan—June’s helping me. And Aaron. I found him, and he’ll help us both.”
David laughed incredulously. “You found your brother? I can’t wait to hear. Oh, Isaac. Thank you for not giving up on me.”
He kissed David again. “Never. We’re going to be all right. We’ll be together. That’s all that matters.”
The dimple appeared in David’s cheek. “Yes, Eechel. Just you and me.” He leaned their foreheads together. “I missed you so much. I wish I could tell my family—I wish I could make them understand.”
Isaac brushed David’s lips with his own before stepping back. “I know. But if we tell them the truth about us, we’ll be shunned. Neither of us has joined the church, so at least if we leave now we can send letters. Maybe even come back and visit.”
David nodded. “You’re right. That would be something, at least.”
“They’ll be so disappointed, but as long as they don’t know the whole truth, they won’t cast us out. If Aaron hadn’t been baptized before he ran away, he could have still written. It would’ve helped so much—just to know he was okay.”
“You’re right. We won’t be shunned, and we owe our families that much. Losing us to the world will be hard enough without knowing our sin.”
“I was going to wait until tomorrow to leave, but I think we should go now. Make it a clean break. After what happened in church, there will be so many questions. Questions we can’t answer without breaking their hearts.”
David nodded. “June can make sure Mother gets the money I’ve saved.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “It’ll hurt Mother to know that I lied all the times I went to June’s. That I was violating the Ordnung for so long.”
“It will.” Isaac rubbed David’s arms. “But maybe it’ll help her see that this wasn’t out of the blue. Even if they can’t know the whole truth, a bit of it might help. We can write once we’re settled. Let them know we’re okay. That we’ll take care of each other, even if they think we’re only friends.”
“We should go now before anyone comes looking. We’ll stay off the roads and take Kaffi over the fields to June, and you can tell me your plan. I’ll get us some warm clothes. Go put Silver in the barn.”
Isaac led her into one of the stalls with numb hands, although his body sang with anticipation. It was really happening. “There’s a good girl. Thanks for the ride here, and no
t throwing me off.” He popped an icy sugar cube in his mouth to warm it before holding it out for her. He scratched her muzzle as she licked his palm, the warmth of her tongue and breath making his skin tingle. “I’ll miss you, Silver.”
His mind shifted to thoughts of home. To leave his family without saying goodbye was an ache deep in him. Would they understand one day? Would Ephraim be glad for him? Would they even read his letters? Closing his eyes, Isaac said a quick prayer that he was doing the right thing. Even if it wasn’t right, he knew without a doubt it was the only thing left for him.
Outside the barn, snow drifted down. Rubbing his arms, Isaac shivered.
David trotted Kaffi over and tossed Isaac a spare coat and gloves. He reached a hand down, his eyes bright. “Ready?”
We’re leaving.
For a moment Isaac’s chest was unbearably tight. He thought he might fall to his knees and cry, or run back home to where he knew his way, even if he was trapped. Instead he swung onto Kaffi’s back and wrapped his arms around his David, feeling warmer already.
The world was waiting.
THE END
Journey with Isaac and David to San Francisco in A Clean Break, coming in early 2015!
About the Author
After writing for years yet never really finding the right inspiration, Keira discovered her voice in gay romance, which has become a passion. She writes contemporary, historical, paranormal and fantasy fiction, and—although she loves delicious angst along the way—Keira firmly believes in happy endings. For as Oscar Wilde once said, “The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.” You can find out more about Keira and her books at her website, and on Facebook and Twitter.
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Also by Keira Andrews
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The Station
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A Taste of Midnight (FREE read)
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A Forbidden Rumspringa Page 24