He came right inside and walked past me. “It wasn’t a problem. I’m just going to head out.”
I just stood there, still thinking about how happy he seemed to be talking to his friends. He never looked at me that way. I don’t think he would have smiled at me unless I’d fallen on my face. It just rubbed me the wrong way.
What also bothered me was the fact that he’d put on cologne to go play cards with the guys. I considered saying something, but knew it would just cause a tremendous fight between the two of us. As he was walking out, he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Try to go to sleep when the kids do. You look tired.”
I expected an ‘I love you’, except he didn’t offer it.
There was definitely something wrong if he would rather be with his friends, than home with his family. Sick or not, I still required some love and understanding. Against his threats, I decided to internet search sites about cheating. I’d only caught him the last time because the girl he was seeing was the mother to one of my children’s friends, who we happened to know since we were in grade school. It didn’t just rip my heart to shreds. His actions humiliated me.
Why was it so hard for him to dedicate himself to our family? What was I doing wrong?
For the next couple of days I did everything in my power to do nice things for my husband. I’d even gone and gotten some new underwear and planned a romantic evening between the two of us. With Gavin’s mother on board, I had a babysitter for the night.
After I dropped them off and came home, I showered and put on only my new bra and panties. I felt sexy and spent an extra few minutes really dolling myself up. I was excited. We hadn’t had a night alone in so long. I just wanted it to be perfect.
Gavin usually came home around six. By that time, I’d had dinner done and was just waiting for him to walk in the door. It may have looked ridiculous, but I sprawled myself across the couch, trying my hardest to look seductive.
I wasn’t sure what time it was at first, but I woke up when I heard the back door opening. I stretched out my arms, realizing that I’d fallen asleep waiting for him. I straightened up the little bit of fabric I had on and walked into the kitchen.
Gavin was standing over the table, eating with his hands. He cocked an eyebrow when he saw me walk in wearing only underwear. “It’s nearly seven. I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Where are the kids and why aren’t you wearing any clothes?” He continued shoving the meat into his mouth.
“They’re at your mother’s for the night. I planned a nice night for us.” I put my hands on my hips expecting him to react to what I had on.
He reached over and grabbed a roll and took a bite out of it. Then he pointed down at the table. “You made this for us? It tastes pretty good.”
Pretty Good? “Where have you been? You could have called.”
“I was at the shop. We had people there, Vessa. I couldn’t just come home and leave them there. It’s bad for business.” He grabbed another roll and started to walk past me. “I’m getting a shower.”
I reached up and caught his arm. “Wait! I made this food for us to enjoy. Do you even notice what I’m wearing?”
He looked me up and down and shrugged. “Is it new or something?”
I was starting to get pissed. “Seriously? I am standing here half naked and you want to know if it’s new? Do I not look sexy to you?”
He laughed at me and started shaking his head. “Jesus Christ, Vessa. I worked all damn day and you’re going to start on me the second I walk in the door? You look nice, but I’m tired and you never told me you were doing any of this shit. I can’t read your damn mind.”
I felt defeated. No matter what I did to try to sway him back into romance, I failed.
Instead of following him into the bathroom, I changed into a pair of yoga pants and a tank top and sobbed on the couch. Gavin never even came back out. I heard him snoring a while later and then cried some more. I suppose it would have been easier if I had my mother to talk to. I just wanted to feel like someone loved me.
For the next week I continued to work hard on getting Gavin to want me. Each night he came home and ignored me. After five days, I’d pretty much given up all hope. I looked forward to going to work and being out of the house for a while.
Unfortunately, when I got to the bar the plumbing had busted. Two inches of water was all over the floor. The owner was standing outside on his phone. He put his hand over it and looked right at me. “You may as well go home for the day, Vessa. The repair guy can’t get here until after five. I’m just going to stay closed.”
“You sure you don’t need my help?”
“Yeah, take a day for yourself. I can handle this shit here.”
I climbed back in my car and started to go home. Since it had been a while since I’d been to the shop, I decided to stop by and see Gavin. For the most part they worked by appointments only, so it was important that I not disturb him during a session. I’d hate to be the reason someone walked around with the wrong name on their arm.
They never had anyone working the front counter, but there was a girl standing there. She had her lip pierced and had some kind of flower going across her neck. Her clothes were all black, very tight and very revealing. She flipped her dark hair back away from her face. “Are you here for a tattoo or piercing?”
I laughed and shook my head. “I’m Gavin’s wife.”
She seemed shocked. “Oh..Um, let me go get him for you.”
I grabbed her arm. “It’s fine. I know where to find him.”
“He’s with a client, I think. Let me just go check.” She seemed adamant, and I didn’t want to make him mad, so I stood still while she rushed by me.
Gavin came out but never smiled when he saw me standing there. “Hey, babe, what are you doing here?” He asked under his breath.
I don’t know what it was, but I got the feeling that he didn’t want me there. I wanted to know why and I was going to find out. If that bastard was cheating again, I wasn’t going to sit around forgiving him.
Chapter 3
Ramsey
As the months went by, there seemed to be no way out of reliving that night. I was haunted every single minute that I was breathing. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve such torture, but couldn’t see a way out of it.
My job was mundane in my little old town, but it put food on the table and kept my whiskey bottle full. Maybe if things were different, I would be able to move on. I still missed them so much. I missed the way Jules hair smelled when she climbed into bed after her shower. I missed the way I never had any covers, because my daughter had climbed into bed between us and wrapped herself up in them. Then there was their beautiful smiles and the way they both told me they loved me; the way they showed me they loved me.
They didn’t deserve to die. I didn’t deserve this solitary life that I was being forced to live in. I’d rather be dead than to feel this emptiness every day for the rest of my life.
There was one thing that made me focus on something else other than my girls. Ever since I was in the academy, I’d grown to have a love for the game of billiards. I wasn’t the best there was, but I was a damn good shot. To keep my personal life separate from being the sheriff, and not allowing anyone in my small town to pry, I would drive a town over to shoot a good game and walk away with a few more or sometimes a few less dollars in my pocket.
It may have been temporary, but it took my mind off of it all.
The bartender was named Sue. She looked to be in her mid-sixties and had a smoker’s cough that you could hear just about every ten seconds. I was positive the woman had emphysema, although she never claimed to be sick. “You want the usual, Ramsey?”
“Yeah, that’ll be great.” She poured a Jack and Coke and added some ice, before sliding it across the bar.
I looked into the rear part of the bar where the pool tables sat. On any given night a new set of players were available. This little bar was located on a stretch of roa
d that truck drivers frequented. It had pretty good food and there wasn’t another place for miles.
Two bigger guys were already back there shooting against each other. I leaned back against the bar and kept watching them. Sue leaned over so she didn’t have to yell. “They’ve been here since three this afternoon. If you want an opponent than I suggest you head over there now, before they can’t even hold the sticks.”
I looked back and saw her wink at me. She didn’t know my story, but I think that bartenders had a way of reading people. She knew something had happened to me, but at the same time, she never asked what it was.
Sue also knew that I was the sheriff of another town. When strangers got rowdy and I was around, I made sure they left her establishment. She was just a little old lady that didn’t need that kind of trouble. Occasionally, she had asked me to come over to her house to help her out when things weren’t working. Since she’d lost her husband a while back, she didn’t really have anyone else.
“Let me see if I get a couple games out of them.” I grabbed my glass and walked over toward the two guys.
They were both typical truck driver looking guys. Both had beards and large stomachs from eating on the road all the time. It was a force of habit for me to study the details of people. The dude with the lighter hair wore a wedding ring, where his buddy did not. Usually, but not always, married men were a little more harder to sway into playing for money. Most were already treading water when it came to keeping their wives happy. It wasn’t easy to be gone all the time.
I looked toward his friend and took another sip of my drink. “You up for a little competition?”
They looked at each other before turning their attention back to me. “What do you have in mind?”
“I was thinking twenty a game.” I sat my drink down and pulled a house cue off the wall.
“You some kind of shark?” The married guy asked.
I chuckled. “Hell no! Just like playing for a reason.”
His buddy grabbed the balls on the table and started putting them into the rack. “Let’s play for ten.”
I pulled a coin out of my pocket and held it out under the pool table light. “Flip for the break? Heads or tails?”
“Heads.”
The coin flew into the air and landed on the felt of the table. Once it was done spinning we leaned in to see the result of the flip. It landed on tails, giving me the break, so I grabbed the cue ball and lined it up to break out all of the balls.
The break was always the most important shot. It could make or literally lose the game. Luckily, I made two balls and was able to make another four before giving the guy his first shot. I was no pro, but I knew how to hide a ball to prevent my opponent from being able to make a good shot.
I won my first ten easily, but as the games continued, I was still up only ten dollars, after losing a few then winning some more. By the time I started getting tired, and my friends for the night got drunker, I was up a whopping twenty bucks. I shook hands with both of the men and handed Sue my winnings. She hugged me and waved as I headed out.
Morning would come fast and I knew that I hadn’t had enough drinks in me to be able to sleep.
My little cabin in the woods was so far off the beaten path that late at night even I had trouble finding the driveway. I’d thought about putting some reflectors out, but I kind of liked the idea that if I couldn’t find my place, nobody else could either.
Once inside, I threw my keys down on the table and headed into the kitchen for a beer. On most nights I just slept right in my recliner. There was no sense of even having the four bedrooms that the place had. I kept the doors closed and only went into my room to shower and change. After being married and sharing a bed for so long, I hardly moved from my side of the bed. Waking up and seeing that empty spot was just too much to take every damn day.
I must have fallen asleep shortly after getting comfortable. When I woke up my phone was ringing on the table. I wiped the sleep out of my eyes and got up to answer it.
This is Sheriff Towers.
Sorry to call you so early, Sheriff, but we got a big wreck out on the main highway. I hated when my deputy called me with that information.
How bad is it? I couldn’t go if there was a fatality. I just knew I couldn’t.
A mother and a couple kids were hit by a tractor trailer headin’ out of town, sir. The driver of the truck was unharmed. He said he must have fallen asleep at the wheel and crossed over the double line. The ambulance is on its way for the mother. She’s breathin’, but isn’t responsive. The kids seem to be more shaken up, but I’m goin’ to have them sent out to get checked out too. Since I need to stay here at the scene, I’m goin’ to need you to transport the kids.
I’m on my way. Text the coordinates.
The whole time I was putting on my boots and getting myself together, I knew that being around children was going to be hard. If the mother didn’t survive, it would be my job to tell those kids.
I was in the wrong line of work.
The scene of the accident was chaotic. I spotted my deputy leaning down to talk to two little kids. My first thought was my girls and how I wished that we hadn’t been on the road that night. The little boy turned and looked right at me. I took a deep breath and approached them.
My deputy stood up and looked right at me. “I was able to locate the victim’s cell phone and use it contact the last number she called. They were on their way to a family member’s house to stay. The aunt is goin’ to meet us at the hospital. I let her know that the children are alright, but we just want them to get checked out for precautionary reasons.”
The kids were wrapped in one of our blankets that we carry in our trucks, in case of emergencies. They both were looking right at me. Being around kids was so difficult for me. It only reminded me of my sweet little girl that I would never be able to hold again. I sighed and gained enough composure to do my job. “We’re going to take a ride now.”
The little boy’s eyes got big. “In your police truck?”
“Yes.”
“Can we use the siren? I bet it’s real loud.” He was obviously too young to understand that this was a serious situation.
“Sure, kid.” I waited for him and his sister to stand up and follow me over to my vehicle.
The little guy was busy looking around the front of the vehicle at all of the gadgets, while his sister remained quiet with her hands folded on her lap. When I went to make sure they were both buckled she grabbed my hand. “Is my mommy going to be okay?”
It was heartwrentching to hear her asking. I honestly had no idea if their mother was going to make it. All I knew was that these two children were depending on me to be the hero and I didn’t know if I was capable of even having a conversation with them. “As soon as I hear something, you will be the first to know.”
“Mom said that we were going to love our new life. I hate this place. I hate that Mommy is hurt. I just want to go home. I want my daddy!” The little boy cried.
I clenched my jaw as I started on our way to the hospital. The more I tried to not think about my own accident, the more I couldn’t get it out of my head. By the time we pulled up at the emergency room doors, I had played out the entire accident once again in my head.
We no sooner made it into the emergency room doors when I saw a familiar face heading in our direction. Sue, the owner of the bar I frequented, came over and bent down in front of the kids. She pulled them in for hug and looked up at me. “Thanks for bringing them here, Ramsey…ah Sheriff.”
“You know these kids?” Sue never mentioned grandchildren, but then again, I never asked about anyone’s business when mine was locked up from anyone knowing.
She patted the boy on the head and stood up. Her cough was intense. “These kids are my great niece and nephew. Their mother was my sister’s only daughter. She passed a while back and we lost touch. I got a call yesterday that she was in trouble and needed to start over. She’s the only family I got left and
I ain’t about to turn my back on her.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. “They’re worried about swelling around the brain. These poor kids don’t even know me. How am I supposed to tell them she may not wake up?”
I put my hand on Sue’s shoulder. As much as I wanted to go home and forget about these people, I knew I wouldn’t be able to abandon someone when they needed help. It was all I had ever wanted to do. This woman needed to survive. “Why don’t you take the kids and get them checked out, then take them home. I will have someone bring all of their things from the car to your house. If it will make you feel better, I will stay here until we know something more about your niece.”
She wrapped her arms around me, taking me back to the funeral of my wife and child, where everyone wanted to hug and console me. I pulled away without even realizing how cold it seemed. I could tell that she knew I had withdrawn from her. She put on a fake smile and held her hands out for both children. “I will be waiting for your call, Ramsey. You’re a good man. I hope you know that.”
I stood and waited for the woman and the two kids to walk in the direction of triage. The last thing I wanted to do was be involved in something so emotional. Sure, I’d been there before and could probably be great in dealing with pain and grief, except I hadn’t been able to let go enough to use my experience for others. Sometimes I didn’t even know if I wanted to.
After grabbing a coffee, I made my way to the room where the injured mother was located. I could hear the beeps of the machines as I entered. A nurse smiled, recognizing who I was from my uniform. I gave her a nod and sat down in a nearby chair. “How is she?”
She finished writing down something before answering me. “Right now we have her stabilized. Because of the head injury, the doctor is worried about swelling. As of right now, we are just waiting. Her vitals are improving and if we can get through the next twenty four hours, she has a good chance of fully recovering. It could go either way with a brain injury.”
Blinding Trust Page 25