“Yes.”
“What does it really mean? He wouldn’t really take Ellie, would he?”
“Troy you have nothing to worry about. I told you he could be reasoned with. He would never follow through.”
“Then what really happens when it grows cold?”
“He was just angry and I didn’t want anyone to be on that side of him. It could have gotten dangerous. Kole was right to send him away. My father would do anything for Jay.”
“Anything like getting her gift so young.”
“What else?”
I expected to hear it from Trever but Kole overheard something and I’m sure he just couldn’t resist.
My eyes narrowed but I mostly tried to understand what all of this meant, never mind the fact that Kole was back. I just wanted to know the truth. “And she never knew?”
“No.” Trever said while Kole joined him. “It was something my father wanted for her in case he couldn’t be around but it turned out to be a mistake. He didn’t think things would have gone the way they did until about a few months into it but everything he did was by choice—for her.”
“You keep a lot of things from her, you know.”
Kole laughed. “You should know Jay enough by now. She’s emotionally fragile. It’s better not to tell her some things just to save her from a hurt that would never go away. It took her a long time to get over Bryce’s death and that was without knowing the details.”
I nodded, surprised in myself that I was agreeing. “I suppose that’s true.”
“Good. Since you’ve got everything under control.” Trever rose up to his feet. “I’ve got to find myself a bed. We’ll be getting up early.”
“Better to just not sleep.” Kole muttered.
“Well, you should still get to it at some point tonight. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” I replied.
Trever went off to find an empty room to stay in while I stayed on the couch and looked across the table at Kole.
“What?” He asked like he was annoyed by my stare. “So, how’d everyone take the boring news? Is it still making you dizzy?”
I took a long breath when I thought about everything that was talked about during his absence. “It’s still a little unbelievable. At least, it is for me.”
He laughed. “Yeah, tales of destiny and all of that other nonsense people believe in.”
“You don’t?”
He lost all signs of joy from his laugh and his voice became low as he looked down at the floor in front of him. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t. They don’t all get to end in happily ever after. Fate can be quite cruel to some.”
“You’re not talking about you. You seem to enjoy your life from what I’ve seen.”
He laughed slightly and looked up. “Only because I’ve always had to make it that way. Everyone has a purpose and mine came much sooner than I’d like.”
My eyes narrowed and yet I became intrigued with questions. “What do you mean?”
“The reason I’m really here. Not for the last trip before retirement, no way. I won’t ever be able to see that. My life’s journey ends on this trip.”
“What?” I was in disbelief to the idea. I thought maybe he was just joking but Kole never cracked a smile.
“It’s true I’m afraid. I’m not going to make it to Randal. I won’t even lay eyes on the wall. I’m going to die the first night we spend in your country.”
“How do you know this?”
“I already told you. It’s my purpose. It’s why I’m here. To protect what I came for. My destiny was never happy. I was basically born to die so I had to make the best out of what life I was going to have. I’m doing what Bryce commissioned me to do.”
I didn’t know what to say so I just sat still and expressionless.
“I know.” Kole said, finally smiling again. “But I’m not trying to make you believe me and I don’t care if you do.”
“It can’t be true. What about Ellie? You just left her, knowing what was going to happen?”
I might have asked too much of a sensitive question when he didn’t answer right off but he eventually did. “She knows. I told her what was happening. I tried to change things because of her but it can’t be done. What’s written cannot be changed. She was never supposed to be part of my life but she is and I still have to go through with my destiny.”
“No. There has to be away around this.”
“There isn’t but nice try. Jay cannot heal me because of my gift, remember? Her healing power won’t work on me so it’s going to happen. I don’t have a choice and no one can stop it. I’ve already done my part in bringing peace and this is what I have to do next.”
“But what about your shield? You must have that back by now.”
“I do but it still won’t matter. It can be penetrated by one thing and they know about it.”
“I remember Trever stabbing you through the hand at the lodge. Is that all it takes?”
Kole laughed. “No, it had his blood on it. Only that can pass my shield because it’s what I’m supposed to be protecting but if it reaches my bloodstream, I’m shut down until it leaves completely.”
“How do they have his blood?”
“They don’t.” He glanced around the room being very curious but I figured it out on my own.
“Bryce’s blood? They kept it after all these years?”
“Your father had it poured into the molten metal used to make thousands of arrowheads. He knew it was important so he drained every drop.”
I felt this weird feeling like my chest had just sunk when he told me that. “I’d never thought I’d see myself turn against him but that’s just plain evil.”
“When someone wants something bad enough, they’ll do anything. Bryce was tortured to give up Jay but he would have rather died and so he did and your father got desperate.”
“You wouldn’t have any idea about what happened to him, would you?”
“No. Sorry. We weren’t involved at all. We heard he died in southern Seni in some kind of civil raid but I won’t lie when I say Trever sighed in relief but the journal your father had someone steal for him was lost.”
“And then found.”
“Eventually. Trever’s been chewing his fingers to the bone trying to find its location over the years. He was always worried that someone found it and was able to decode it. That would have been bad for all of us. Bryce was a brilliant man but he made one mistake.”
“What?”
“He named her. As it is, the world knows of Jay but to know of her secret—that would have been a price to be paid for anyone. These days most only care about money. That’s why your father tried to do it secretively. If others knew, it’d be a race against time.”
“I’m glad he didn’t then.”
Kole laughed. “You should be. Could you imagine what it would have been like?”
“We don’t have to go back to that. I’d be a worse person today if that happened.”
“You mean from fucking your sister?”
He said it jokingly of course but I still took offense to it. “No! I meant by the way I’d treat others like I’d think it would be okay to even live in that situation.”
“Yeah. I guess you would have turned out a little twisted. You’d probably never marry or have children. You’d die alone with a vile outlook on the world and nothing to look forward to.”
“There’s something to look forward to in dying?”
“Just seeing those you lost again.”
“Are you looking forward to it?”
“I don’t have a choice but no. No one is waiting for me.”
I sat across from him and didn’t know what else to say. After hearing about my own destiny, another having one seemed believable enough but I knew what this would do to Jaylyn. Kole’s death would mean her own out of Ellie’s life. She’d never be able to see her.
“You can’t tell anyone about what’s going to happen to me. No one must know.”
“Your secret’s safe with me.”
Kole got a slight smile on his face as he leaned back more comfortably to relax. “I feel better telling someone. Even if it’s you. I’ve had to keep it to myself for a long time. Too long really.”
“I couldn’t imagine.”
“And I wouldn’t want you to. It’s not something I’d wish on anyone, Troy. Even you.”
“I know what this will do to Jaylyn and you do too. She won’t be able to go on knowing she lost both you and Ellie so quickly.”
“Maybe.”
“You know it’s true.”
“What do you want from me, Troy? Just come out and say it.”
“Let us raise her. For Jaylyn’s sake.”
He paused for a moment and seemed surprised by my offer. “You’d really be willing to do that when you’re supposed to be having one of your own?”
“It’s Ellie. That’s not a question.”
I could only sit back and wonder what was going through his mind until he finally spoke again. “I guess I shouldn’t be able to disapprove of that so greatly when I’ve seen how attached she’s already become to you. I suppose I would allow it but getting her away from my mother will be the challenge.”
“We can do it.”
“You better not make me regret this decision.”
“I won’t. Having Jaylyn happy will be enough, well, after she can accept you leaving.”
Kole laughed and started to stand up. “Yeah but it’ll be worse than before and I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I got too involved. I was never supposed to.”
“Troy?” I was shaken and turned to see Jaylyn step off the last step. Her arms folded and she had a look of pure wonderment to see us being the only two in the room. “Are you okay?”
Her eyes glanced over at Kole while walking to me and I did the same but started to smile. “Of course. Can’t you feel that?”
“I just wanted to make sure.”
“Relax, Jay.” Kole said. “It was just a meaningless conversation.”
“With you, nothing’s meaningless.”
“Awe. That’s so sweet of you.”
Jaylyn sighed to his sarcastic tone and shifted her weight. “It wasn’t a compliment. Troy, come on.”
“He’ll be right up.”
She turned back around while we looked at each other. “And what exactly is this meaningless conversation about?”
“It’s all right, Jaylyn.” I said. “Go on. I’ll be right there.”
She looked in my eyes and I knew she wondered why I wanted this but she trusted me enough to agree. It was Kole she didn’t trust and turned her eyes to him. “You even hurt him just a tiny bit and I’ll kill you myself.”
Kole smiled to the irony in her words. “Understood.”
Jaylyn looked at me one last time before she turned back towards the stairs.
“You better take care of her.” Kole said.
“I will.”
“Good. Because you don’t want to mess that up but on the off chance that something happens and you make her angry or worse, cry, I’ll give you some advice from my many experiences of that happening.”
“Okay.” I slightly laughed to the thought of Kole finding his mistakes with Jaylyn to be amusing while he sat himself down next to me.
“If she’s angry, don’t walk away no matter how much she thinks she wants to be away from you because she doesn’t. Jay’s not the type to stay mad and she never wants to. Sometimes things just happen and she can’t help it but she doesn’t really want it to stay that way. If she cries—” He paused for a moment and looked down at the floor, his tone getting lower. “It complicates things because you would have had to hurt her somewhere on an emotional level and she takes those things very seriously. More work is involved. The usual things like flowers. Her favorites are calla lilies but they aren’t always used to make her feel better. They’re the perfect gift but if that doesn’t work because you’ve done something so horribly unspeakable that a gift would just be completely pointless, you just basically have to beg her for forgiveness and hope she does. She usually does.”
“Well—thank you. Even if this advice is coming from you. I think I better get upstairs before she worries.”
“You do that. I don’t really know when I’m getting to bed.” We got up and Kole walked over to the window and sat himself down on the sill, looking west.
I couldn’t just leave him down here like this. Something changed. I didn’t feel the usual hate for him anymore. Kole seemed different, likable when he wasn’t provoking a fight and I found myself walking back over. “Kole?”
“Hmm?” His reply was low and completely emotionless.
“I’m sorry about all of this. I know you care about her even if you say you weren’t allowed to.”
“Don’t be sorry. None of it is your fault. We were long over before you came along. You’re better for her anyway. You can give her what I can’t—a life.”
“Ah, yeah. I guess. Well, goodnight.”
Kole nodded without even looking back and I turned up the stairs for the night.
It took me a few moments to use my sight to look into the rooms to find Jaylyn but when I did, I didn’t hesitate.
She was still awake, waiting for me. “There you are. Almost had me go check on you again.”
I laughed and laid with her. “It’s okay. Nothing’s wrong.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. We just had to get a few things out of the way.”
“What?”
“Oh, he just wanted to give me some advice.”
She laughed quietly. “Kole? Advice? For you?”
“It was harmless. No need to worry. We should get to bed. We’ll probably be going early.”
Thankfully, Jaylyn didn’t go on about why I was gone or what exactly I talked about with Kole and I wouldn’t have wanted her to. That would have just meant that I had to lie to her and I didn’t want that. What I wanted was already right here with me. She laid her head down on my shoulder and I held her like I already felt the remorse. In a few days it would have been worse and I would try to do what I could to make it pleasant till then for all of us.
The following morning came all too quickly. I woke first and looked next to me at Jaylyn still peacefully asleep with her head resting up against my arm. I smiled to it but slowly started to pull away, trying not to wake her while I got up. She didn’t move at all or show any signs of waking and I carefully tiptoed backwards to the door. The door made a quiet pop when I turned the knob and I tried being even quieter as I went out it and closed it behind me.
The sun was coming up and shining through the windows when I stepped down the stairs, making everything seem bright that I had to shade my eyes from it.
“Too early for you?”
I refocused and saw Kole right on the couch where he was last night during our talk. “No. Just suddenly bright. It’s not that bright upstairs.”
Kole laughed and inhaled on a small pipe. “Yeah. It is early though.”
“Did you sleep at all?” I retook my seat across from him and noticed his mood. He seemed pretty tired or just worn out.
“Some but it was quite restless. A lot on my mind, you know?”
“Yeah. Jaylyn was awfully curious about our conversation after I went upstairs.”
“You didn’t tell her anything, right?”
“Of course not. I said I wouldn’t. I keep my promises.”
Kole smiled and got up, sitting himself down next to me, holding out the pipe in front of me.
“Ah, that’s okay. I don’t—”
“Come on! You know you want to! You only live once!” He was waving it around in front of me, only tempting me to take it.
I couldn’t help but return the laugh and finally took the pipe from him under pressure. “All right.”
“See! Take it from me, life’s too short to deny yourself of every experience possible.”
I took a puff off it and tr
ied holding in my cough. “Oh, fuck.”
“Good stuff, right?”
“Strong, I think you mean but yeah.”
“Jay’s going to be so pissed that I got you into this.”
“Why?”
“She never liked me doing it. It’s necessary these days though.” He took it back from me and took a hit off it. “It keeps my mood up so I seem normal and no one gets suspicious. I don’t want to make my last days depressing.”
“Hey, can you stop saying stuff like that?” Kole passed the pipe back to me. “That’s how it becomes depressing.”
“Well, it’s the truth.”
“I know but you don’t want to slip out a comment like that around the others or they will get suspicious. Just continue to be you. I’ll help in whatever way I can to make sure the rest of this trip remains fun for you.”
“Really?”
“Sure thing. It’s the least I could do since we made our deal I don’t even want to say in hearing range of anyone.”
Kole smiled with a slight laugh and joking tone. “Gee, Troy! That’s so sweet of you! My new best friend!”
I laughed.
“No, really.” He calmed his voice after another hit. “I’m going to be serious for a second.”
“Just a second?” I took the pipe from Kole and another hit from it. “Good because I think that’s all I have left.”
Kole laughed then cleared his throat. “Okay. Here it goes. Seriously now. I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“For hating you. I honestly don’t know why I really did. Because of Jay? Shouldn’t have been. It’s not like you took her from me. Maybe because you’re Senian? I don’t even know if that’s completely true. I’ve been there dozens of times without contemplating a massacre so I don’t really know why I did but I’m sorry. Whatever the reason, I was wrong about you.”
“Well, thank you. It must have been hard for you to say that to me.”
He smiled and retook the pipe. “Well, this helped I think.”
“Yeah, probably and hey, I’m sorry too. I think I was hating you for the wrong reasons.”
“You mean Jay’s reasons. It was like she wanted you to hate me so she’d feel better.”
“Yeah, I don’t know what she’s going to think about this.”
“I think deep down she’ll like it. She won’t have to be so damn frustrated all the time. She’ll actually be able to relax some.”
Raining Light (Fate's Intent Book 5) Page 7