“Chaplain…”
“Please call me Len. What were you going to ask?”
“Thank you. Are there any support groups for grandparents who are now parenting their grandchildren?”
“Not that I know of, but I’ll check around. That would be a good thing.” He pushed his chair back and stood, extending his hand first to Mona and then Ken. “I pray we hear something soon.”
After Ken showed him out, Mona refilled their glasses and moved over to the lounge. “I better call Marit. But I’d really like to sit here and enjoy the quiet.”
“I’ve been thinking.”
Why did such a simple statement destroy the peace of the moment?
“Okay.”
“You know we planned to do some traveling this summer.”
“Right.”
“Remember all those trips we took to help our kids experience as many different things as we could expose them to?”
“I am not going canoeing and fishing up at Lake of the Woods again. Sorry, but I have to draw the line somewhere.”
Ken snorted his laugh. “That was some trip all right.”
“And we were plenty younger. Up to the fishing cabin is as close as I want to be to camping.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of Chicago. The museums there, the zoo. We could spend a couple of days there. I don’t know if they’ve ever been.”
She leaned back against the cushions. Right now it felt like getting smacked with a two-by-four. In the middle of her forehead. She knew it might be good for the kids to distract them. But how could she take time off if she was given the contract for the preschool? She would have to, that’s all.
“We gave our kids the best education we could, and I think that now we need to do the same for our grandchildren.”
“I agree but…” She stared at her fingers that really needed a manicure. Prolong this, let him talk his idea through. And perhaps she’d be able to work around it all. “Have you thought of when?”
“I was thinking along the idea of July. I know they are registered for swimming lessons after Bible school. But we don’t have to wait for weekends since I’m retired.”
But I’m not. I didn’t plan any of this, and now I’m caught in a web not of my own making.
If you go ahead with the preschool project, that will be your own making.
Sometimes she wished she could strangle that bullying voice, even if it was correct. But God hadn’t told her yet to quit, so perhaps this whole thing was His idea. She had sure felt that in the beginning. An answer to prayers for success, a business of her own, one that would use all her talents. She took hold with both hands and dragged her attention to what Ken was saying.
“You want me to go ahead and set this up?” he asked. “I know you used to do all the travel arrangements, but I’d like to do this one.”
More power to you. “So let me get my calendar.” She dragged herself up the stairs. Yes, this was a great idea, but why right now? Of course, she hadn’t been offered the project yet, and perhaps this would be taken out of her hands. Lord, I do want what is best for all of us, but I hadn’t planned on this many of us. I was hoping Ken would help me in my business. She picked up her calendar and flipped to July. Only the one project to finish, so if she didn’t take on anything new, she could do it.
Back downstairs, she showed him her calendar.
“So, I can go ahead?”
“Have at it. I need to let Marit know that we can pick up the kids or she can bring them home. Remember that the play is two days away. Hard to believe two weeks has gone this fast. Did you get the mail yet?”
“No, I was going to do that when I went for the kids.”
“We’ll go get it. Come on, Ambrose.” She snapped his lead on at the door, and the two headed across the lawn. She stopped to check on the flower bed across the front of their property. The daisies were budding, as were the irises. She had planted mostly perennials in this bed just filling in with a few annuals, zinnias and marigolds being her favorites. She bent over and deadheaded a couple; then she and Ambrose crossed on the stone path to the mailbox. Ambrose whined and wagged his tail; the neighbor’s dog was up at the fence.
“No, you don’t need to go greet her.” She pulled the bundled mail out and slammed the door. The mailbox needed to be painted again. She hadn’t painted for a long time; would she be able to do it again? Able, yes, but could she find time? Rather than flipping through the mail, they headed back to the house.
Ken met her at the door. “Come on, let’s go get the kids.”
“I wasn’t planning on going.”
“Oh, come along, you and Ambrose both.”
Ambrose perked up and turned to look at the door.
“Oh, all right.” Mona laid the mail on the center island. “But you know with all of us there, someone is going to suggest ice cream.”
Ambrose leaned toward the door. He loved ice cream, too.
Once they were in the car, Ken turned to her. “This is the way I pictured retirement. We could just jump in the car and go do something on the spur of the moment. My life has been so planned for so long, I am treasuring freedom.”
They dragged the two from cousin playing and stopped for Popsicles after at the little store to eat on the drive home.
“So, how was Bible school today?” Ken asked.
“I got all my verses just right,” Mellie said, catching a falling piece of Popsicle. “I get an award for memorizing all my verses.”
“How was yours, Jakey?” Mona asked. She and Jake had worked on his.
He heaved a sigh. “Okay. Teacher had to help me.”
“Jake has a hard time memorizing anything.” Big sister bit again.
“Was that a kind thing to say?” Mona asked.
Mellie stuck out her bottom lip. “It was true.”
“Maybe, but you have to remember he is only five and you just turned ten.”
“I got three right all by myself.” Jake’s lower lip matched his sister’s.
“Good for you,” Ken said as he pulled into their driveway and parked. He opened the rear for Ambrose to jump out.
In the house, Mona set her purse on the counter and picked up the mail. When she flipped to the third piece, she let out a shriek. “Oh, Ken, kids, come quick. Hurry!”
Ken burst through the door. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” She mopped her tears and waved a big envelope at all three of them. “It’s from Steig!”
“Daddy wrote to us?” Mellie jumped up and down and even made Jake giggle as they danced together, spinning around.
“Daddy’s coming home.”
“Come on, let’s go sit on the sofa, and we’ll read this together.”
“Hurry and open it.” They all plunked on the sofa, and Ken took out his knife to carefully slice open the top. Several letters fell out in Mona’s lap. She picked them up. “Here’s one for Jakey, one for Mellie, one for Grampy, and for me, and one for both of us.”
“Read mine first!” Jake waved it in the air. “Grampy, cut it open.”
Ken did so and with Jake on his lap read the letter. Steig had written in big letters so Jake could help read it.
Dear Jake,
I hope you are having a good time with Grammy and Grampy. I can see you and Ambrose playing. You do what they tell you to, and when I get home again, we’ll go fishing first thing. I love you, son, and want you to have the best summer ever with your cousins. And when school comes, you’ll make new friends. Love, Daddy.
Jake held the letter in both hands. “I want to read it.”
“I’ll help you later. You know some of the words. But now let’s read Mellie’s.”
“I can read my own.”
“Of course, read it aloud.”
Dear darling Mellie,
I miss you so, and I hope you are helping Grammy and Grampy. I’m sure Grammy will teach you how to cook so when I come home you can make supper. I can’t believe that you are re
ally ten years old now! Do you like the books I found for you? I thought you would, since they are about horses. Maybe you’ll get to ride a horse again this summer. Be good and do what Grammy and Grampy ask you to, without pouting. That’s my big girl. I’m sure Aunt Marit is signing you up for swim lessons. You learned a lot last summer, so when I get home, you’ll be swimming like a fish. Love from your daddy.
She laid her letter down in her lap and looked up at Mona. “Can we write another letter to him? Even if they can’t find him, when they do, there will be letters for when he can read them.”
“We most certainly will. In fact, I think we should do a letter a week, and we’ll put them in a package to surprise him.”
“Now read your letter, Grammy.” Jake grinned up at her.
Dear Dad and Mom,
I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am that I know my children are safe and being not only well cared for but loved. I can see you all in the kitchen or out in the garden. I’m sure you’ve been on bike rides, and perhaps by now Jakey has caught a fish or two.
Mona leaned over and tweaked his nose.
I’m hoping you will find a pony for Mellie to ride, as that is the desire of her heart. I hear that is true for most girls her age, but we all know Mellie is special. Maybe someday when I get home again, we’ll be able to buy her a horse. In the meantime, thoughts of all of you together make my days much more pleasant. I pray for you all every night, just like I know you do for me. I’ll write again as soon as I can. Love from your fighting son, Steig.
Ken checked the postmark. The letter had been mailed over a week before, but he still had no idea where it was from, as it had the military stamp on it.
He pocketed the letter that had just his name on it as Mona did hers.
“He wrote to us! Bet he doesn’t have cell service. Can we go on a bike ride now?” Jake asked as he slid to the floor. “All of us on our own bikes.”
Ken reminded him, “That means we won’t go as fast or as far.”
“I know but I want to ride, too.”
Ken looked at Mona, who gave a faint nod.
“Let me get something planned for supper; I forgot all about it.”
“Hot dogs!” He bounced up and down.
“No! Not hot dogs again! Something else.” Mellie paused on her way to the stairs. “Can I go read while you decide?”
“What would you like for supper?” Mona looked at the three of them.
“Anything but hot dogs.” Mellie took the stairs up two at a time.
“Fried chicken,” Ken said. “And I’ll go get it when we get back.”
“Sold.” Mona gathered up the letters and put them back in the envelope. “I’ll be ready in five minutes.” She headed for the stairs, knowing what she really needed was a few minutes alone, and the only place where that seemed to happen anymore was in the bathroom. She paused at the bathroom door, then went on to Mellie’s room.
“I heard you sniffling. What’s wrong?”
“The date on the letter. It is way before those men came and told us Daddy is gone. Jakey thinks he wrote; he did, but it was…when he was still…when we still knew he was…”
“I understand what you’re saying. Yes, the letters were mailed before he disappeared.”
“So he…” Mellie shuddered a huge sob. “But Jakey thinks…”
Mona took Mellie’s hands in hers, her left hand and the right hand holding a crumpled letter. “Mellie, please don’t pop Jakey’s bubble. He’s happy for the moment. This has all been as hard for him as it is for us. Will you let him be happy for a moment?”
She sighed and nodded. “I won’t explain to him.”
“And I suggest you don’t throw your letter away, even if it’s old.”
Another sigh, miles deep. “Oh, I won’t. Grammy, I’m sure he’s dead. I just know he’s dead. And this is the last thing I’ll ever have from him.” Her face looked not just sorrowful, but despondent. Dear God, she has given up hoping. And how could Mona offer any when she wasn’t sure of it herself?
Mona patted her hands. All she could say was, “Good girl.”
She hurried to the bathroom, shut the door behind herself, and flipped the lock. Staring into the mirror, she blew out a breath, and, arms propped on the sides of the sink, she let the tears come. Lord God, help Mellie. I cannot. And Lord, save my son. Please, Lord, save him and bring him home to us. Only You know where he is. Guard him as only You can do. She washed her face in cold water, grabbed a headband from the drawer, and fitted it in place. Please, Lord God.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Some things hit like the proverbial ton of bricks or an earthquake, but some things sneak up on you like a vicious hunter stalking its prey. The attack caught Mona by surprise.
“But Lord, I thought we beat this thing.” She fought to open her eyes to see the new day, but the effort was too great, let alone getting out of bed. Instead of fighting, she sank back into the darkness.
“Mona, I’m taking the kids to their swimming lessons. I told them you were feeling sick.”
She nodded. Sick didn’t begin to cover it. Would that she were throwing up and her heart was dancing an erratic Zumba. Instead of this heavy infusion that deadened not just her limbs, but her mind. Only her tear ducts seemed to work as she felt tears leaking back to her ears. Turning over felt high as a mountain peak, and she could no longer climb. Surely she had nodded—hadn’t she? At least she could hear, since that took no visible effort.
Ken had suggested the punching bag, but she really had thought she could beat this monster on her own. After all, she could recognize the symptoms. Stupid pride. Short of grieving a son still MIA, fearing and desiring the preschool project, taking on two grandchildren, and her husband retired and gung ho to travel, could that all be sufficient trigger? At least her mind was working again, not like two or three hours ago when she usually got up.
The next thing she knew Ambrose leaped up on the bed and sat pawing her arm, one whine per swipe. Ambrose never got on the bed without an invitation. She felt Ken sit down on the edge.
“Okay, how can I help you?” His voice was gentle.
He used to go off to work; he rarely saw me like this. Or did he ever? She forced her eyes open.
“Are you taking your antidepressants?” he asked.
“The pills don’t kick in right away. I feel so groggy. There were nightmares, like I didn’t sleep all night but kept running from something, not even sure what.”
“You were sound asleep when I got up; not even the coffee fragrance roused you.”
She scrubbed her fingertips through her hair. “I need a shower, perhaps that will help.”
“I’ll start it.”
She wanted to yell at him to go away, but she knew he was trying to be helpful. Instead she stumbled into the bathroom. Standing under the beating water helped. At least coffee sounded palatable now. Once out, instead of blowing her hair dry, she just pulled it back with a hairband, settled a sundress over her head, and slipped her feet into summer sandals. Makeup was not an option.
“I hope you made this extra strength,” she muttered.
“I did. That’s why I’m drinking iced tea. I’m going out to work in the garden, but I’ll fix you something to eat first.” He shook his head when he saw her grimace. “You need protein. I’ll put those leftover strawberries over cottage cheese, how does that sound?”
“Thanks.” She watched as he set the bowl with a piece of peanut butter toast on a tray. He added a glass of iced tea.
“Come on, you’re eating outside.”
Obediently she followed him out the door. The sun felt warm on her back as she settled at the table with an umbrella. Dutifully, she picked up the spoon and took a bite of her meal, whatever meal of the day it was. She loved summer strawberries, and cottage cheese always tasted good, but this time she had to force herself to swallow it, using a swig of coffee as a chaser.
Feeling Ken’s gaze on her, she looked up.
“What is it, Mona? What has sent you into a tailspin like this?”
Tears instantly clouded her vision. “He’s not coming back. They say Steig is MIA, but it’s been a week and he’s not coming back.”
“You don’t know that, only God knows that. Why give up when we don’t know?”
“Ken, it has been almost two months since we heard from him. If he were alive, he would have contacted us by now.”
“We got those letters.”
“All written before he disappeared. I tried punching the bag, but all I got was sore arms. How can I—we keep on going if our son is dead? Surely I would know; somehow my mother’s heart would know, and I think that is where this came from.”
“Maybe you give up this easily, but I will not believe he is dead until I bury his body at the cemetery. We say we trust that God is in control. What has happened to your faith? You say you trust Him.” Ken twirled his glass in the ring of water that had run down its sides. He looked back up at her. “We cannot give up! Not today, not tomorrow, not until we have actual proof. And we have to keep up hope for those two children who are in our care.”
“Speaking of the kids, where are they?”
“They got back from their swim lesson, and now they’re at Marit’s. She’s concerned about you, too. She says you need to go see your doctor.”
“I have an appointment for a mammogram on Friday, and my yearly physical is next week. Soon enough to see her.” She ate a bit more of her food. It didn’t taste quite so much like crumpled newspaper. Perhaps being out in the sun was helping. Or maybe talking with Ken was helping. “When are they coming home?”
“After swim lessons tomorrow. They asked to spend the night. And yes, they have their jammies and such.”
She felt so out of it. Life was proceeding normally and she wasn’t. “How are your plans coming for the trip?”
“Still checking on events in Chicago. I’m thinking we could do one trip in July and perhaps a few days up at the fishing cabin in August. We can take the canoes up, too. Marit said maybe we can all go up there for a week or at least a few days. Magnus will be in Norway for a week or ten days, and we could go then. You have always loved it up there, too.”
The Second Half Page 22