by Jill Limber
Griff woke him while Jolie went to check on Riley. He was asleep with his knees drawn up under him and his bottom in the air. He had the wooden animal Chris had brought him clutched in one hand.
Gently she leaned into the crib to kiss him while she pried the carving out of his little fist.
Lost in thought, she headed toward her room, then realized she had not properly thanked Griff for the fun evening. She went back downstairs and found him out on the front porch, leaning on his hands against the rail and staring out over his land.
Jolie came to stand beside him. “I wanted to thank you for tonight. I had a good time.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment and then he turned and leaned his hips against the rail. He took her arm and pulled her slowly toward him until she stood between the spread of his legs, holding her there with his hands on her shoulders.
The motion set her heart to bumping and she braced her hands on his chest, where she could feel his heart keeping the same speedy rhythm.
He slid his hands up into her hair and slowly brought her face to his, then began to nibble on her lower lip.
She felt a flood of warmth run through her body and tried to think of a reasonable protest, when he stopped nibbling and hauled her in a little closer. His mouth closed over hers, and as his tongue invaded she lost her ability to reason.
He had turned her slightly so she fitted up against him, his arousal against her hip. An answering throb in her own body made her realize they were treading on dangerous ground.
When he finally pulled back and she could take a breath, his words shivered through her.
“The evening doesn’t have to end yet.” He traced the outside of her ear with his tongue, scattering what little thought she had.
“We’re both free, both adults.” His hand drifted down her back and up her ribs, brushing the side of her breast. “Come upstairs with me. I’ve been thinking about you in my bed since you got here.”
Oh, how her body yearned for him. She felt as if she was on fire. She shifted her hip and loved the deep groan that rumbled from his chest.
He kissed her again and she swore her toes curled up inside her shoes.
“It’s just sex, Jolie. No strings attached. A fun way to end the evening.”
He might as well have thrown a bucket of cold water on her. She stiffened and backed away.
No strings. Just fun.
Well, she wanted strings. Wanted to be in love together. Needed to be tied up tight to him.
She wasn’t going to settle for less.
Her body screamed at her to say yes. It would be so easy to go with him right now. Find out if all she had been fantasizing about the past few weeks would be as good as she thought.
The practical side of her knew it would make leaving so much harder, and she didn’t know how she was going to manage as it was.
She took his face in her palms and gave him a melancholy smile. “I can’t. I want to, but I can’t. I need more.”
His hands dropped away from her body. “I don’t have more.”
Sadly she kissed his cheek. “I know. I’m not asking. Just telling you what I need.”
She turned and went into the house and up the stairs.
He didn’t come in for a long time.
The next morning Jolie sat across the breakfast table from Griff. An awkward silence hung between them.
Jolie knew she had to leave. Griff had made his feelings clear.
He wanted sex.
She wanted so much more.
There was no middle ground for them. If she stayed she’d eventually give in and end up in his bed. She was too attracted to him for that not to happen. He made her feel things she’d never felt before.
If she did sleep with him, she wasn’t sure she would be able to endure the hurt of leaving.
Griff was doing okay with Riley, and if she wasn’t there, he would get closer to the baby.
With an effort she plastered a pleasant expression on her face. “Griff, it’s time to look for a permanent nanny for Riley. I need to make plans. My aunt is expecting me.”
Griff looked up from his breakfast and fixed her with a hard look. “Is that what you want?”
No, she wanted to scream at him. I love Riley, and I love you. But he didn’t want to hear that.
Jolie pushed back her chair and picked up her plate. “It’s what we agreed on.”
His question made her angry. Did he want her to admit how she felt so he could tell her there was no room in his life for what she wanted?
He brought his plate over to the sink. “What are you mad at?”
She forced a smile and a light tone. “Nothing.”
He made an exasperated noise. “Is this about last night? You want me to apologize?”
She’d made him angry. “Of course not. It’s time for me to get on with my life.”
He stared at her for a moment. “Yes, your life.”
“I’ll call the paper and place an ad. I’d like to help with the interviewing, if it’s okay with you.” She was going to make sure whoever he hired was qualified to take care of Riley.
“Fine. It would be best for me if the interviews were at noon or in the evening.”
She clutched the edge of the sink. She’d known this conversation was going to be hard, but she hadn’t imagined the pain.
“That shouldn’t be too hard to arrange.”
He headed for the back door, and as he took his hat and heavy jacket off the hook he said, “Don’t fix lunch for me. I’m going to ride fences today.”
She watched him cross the yard toward the barn, and when he disappeared inside, she sat down at the kitchen table and put her head down on her crossed arms and had herself a good cry.
“What’s the matter with Jolie?” Chris asked.
Griff looked up from the cinch he was tightening with a jerk of fear. “What do you mean? I just left her. She was fine.”
“I just came around the side of the house and saw her sitting at the kitchen table. Looked like she was crying.”
Why would she be crying? It was her idea to leave. She made it very clear last night she wasn’t interested in being anything but Riley’s nanny.
“I don’t know why she’s crying.” He led his horse out of the barn.
Chris followed him out. “Are you going to go find out?”
The last thing he wanted was to step into the middle of a crying jag. “Nope.”
“Why not?” Chris slapped his hat against the leg of his jeans.
Griff pinned him with a stare. “Don’t you have something to do?”
Chris slammed his hat back on his head. “Yup.”
“Well, go do it!” He mounted his horse and made a detour up past the house.
The kitchen was empty. She was probably upstairs getting the baby dressed. He went back over their conversation this morning and couldn’t come up with anything he had said that would make her cry.
Hell, he was the one who should be weeping after last night. He’d been so ready to carry her sweet little body upstairs to his bed he’d lain awake aching for her half the night.
He kicked his horse into a canter and shook his head. Women.
Chest aching with unshed tears, Jolie stood at the window holding Riley and watched Griff make a loop toward the house, then turn and ride away.
Jolie kissed the top of Riley’s head. “He sure looks good up on that big horse of his.”
Riley clapped his hands and crowed, as if in agreement.
She buried her face against the soft skin of his neck and felt the tears threaten again.
His little hands tangled in her hair, and her tears flowed once more.
“Oh, buddy.” She sobbed. “What am I going to do without you?”
Chapter Eleven
Jolie stared at her notes on the responses to the ad she’d placed in the paper for a new nanny. The first woman was coming for an interview at noon and the second at twelve-thirty.
Near tears at the thou
ght of leaving Griff and Riley, she wanted to call both of the women back and tell them the ad had been a mistake.
Where was the courage she had been cultivating since she left Seattle?
She could see Griff through the open door of his office, bent over paperwork on his desk. Sun came through the window and gilded his hair the color of gold. She loved Griff and Riley so much after a few weeks. If she stayed, how much more would she love them after months had passed?
How much less would she like herself if she stayed, knowing Griff wanted her in his bed but would never let her into his heart?
Her practical mind told her she had to leave. Her heart gave her a whole different message.
She sighed and turned so she couldn’t see Griff. Jolie had put Riley down for an early nap. He was teething and cranky and she didn’t want the potential nannies to get a bad first impression.
A car pulled up. Jolie went to the front door.
The heavy-set woman who slowly climbed the steps looked to be in her late forties. Her name was Joan James.
Jolie pasted on a smile and opened the door. Griff came up to stand behind her. “Ms. James?”
The woman nodded.
Jolie extended her hand. “I’m Jolie Carleton. And this is Griff Price.”
Ms. James stopped dead on the porch. “You two aren’t married? I’m a church-going woman, and I don’t hold with living together without marriage.”
Jolie took a deep breath and heard Griff groan under his breath. Could they have gotten off to a worse start? Jolie didn’t think so.
She opened the door wider and said, “Ms. James, please come in.” When the woman didn’t budge Jolie added, “I’m Riley’s nanny and I’m leaving. You would be my replacement.”
Hesitantly she entered the house. What did she want, Jolie thought sourly, a sworn statement that she and Griff had not shared a bed?
“Please, come in and sit down. Tell us about your work experience with children.”
She smelled like mothballs.
Gingerly Ms. James lowered herself to the couch and clutched her purse in her lap. “I raised four of my own, so I’ve had plenty of experience.”
Jolie glanced at Griff, whose attention seemed to be fixed on something outside. “I’m sure you have.”
An awkward silence fell. Jolie knew this was not the woman to take care of Riley, but she didn’t want to be rude and end the interview so abruptly.
Griff was no help at all, staring off into the distance.
She was trying to think of more questions when Ms. James cleared her throat.
“How many hours a week would you need me?”
Jolie thought she had made that very clear in the ad. “It’s a live-in position, Ms. James. It would be fulltime.”
“I have to have Wednesday mornings and Friday afternoons and all day Sunday off.”
The only thing Jolie liked about this woman was that she would put a real crimp in Griff’s social life if he ever brought a date home.
Griff stood up abruptly. “Well then, Ms. James, I’d say this isn’t the job you’d want to take.”
Ms. James blinked at him in surprise and then struggled to her feet. With a sniff she said, “I suppose it isn’t.”
Griff walked her to the door and thanked her for coming. When she made it to her car, he closed the door and turned to Jolie.
She eyed him for a moment. “You were very abrupt.”
He shrugged. “No use wasting her time or ours. You knew right away she wasn’t the one.”
Jolie smiled. “Yes. Pretty much when she first opened her mouth.”
“When’s the next one due?”
“In about fifteen minutes.”
The end of Jolie’s sentence was drowned out by the ringing of Griff’s cell phone. He dug the phone out of his pocket, gave his usual terse greeting, listened for a moment, then said, “I’ll be right there.”
Jolie raised a brow in question.
“I’ve got a mare down in the barn. Will you handle the next interview by yourself?”
“I can. But we haven’t talked about what you’re looking for.”
He studied her face for a minute, and in a low voice he said, “That’s easy. I want someone just like you.”
He turned and walked through the dining room into the kitchen.
Jolie heard the screen door slam behind him. Someone just like her? What did he mean by that?
She didn’t have time to give his statement more thought as a rusty old VW bug pulled up in front of the house.
She watched a young woman with long red hair dressed in a tight, cropped stretch top and shorts unroll herself from the driver’s seat.
This would be Kimberley McKenzie. What was the girl thinking, dressed like that? It was close to freezing outside.
As Miss McKenzie jogged up the front steps Jolie noticed two things at once. The girl wasn’t wearing a bra and she had a tattoo peeking out of the waistband of her shorts.
And she was very, very attractive.
Jolie took a deep breath and vowed to be objective. She opened the door as Miss McKenzie crossed the porch.
“Miss McKenzie?”
“Yeah. Call me Kimmie.” She smiled.
“I’m Jolie Carleton. Please come in.”
Kimmie looked around the room with great interest. “This is a way cool house.”
Jolie nodded. “Please sit down.” She gestured to the couch and noticed a toe ring on Kimmie’s left foot and wondered how many points she should deduct for not dressing properly for a job interview.
“Tell me about your experience with children, Kimmie.”
Kimmie rolled her eyes and gestured widely. “I’m the oldest of seven. I got stuck taking care of my brothers and sisters all my life.”
“Why do you want a job in child care?”
“It’s live-in, right? I like, want to move away from home, and I figure it will be easy to take care of one kid.”
“How old are you?”
“I’m like, nineteen. I graduated high school last June.”
“Won’t you get lonely out here with no friends and no social life?”
Kimmie shrugged. “My friends can come here. I mean, it’ll be like, okay, won’t it, to have friends here?”
Jolie knew how much Griff enjoyed his quiet evenings after working hard all day. “You’d have to discuss that with Mr. Price.”
Kimmie nodded and tore at a loose piece of skin around her thumb nail.
“Do you have any questions, Kimmie?”
“Yeah. Does Mr. Price have satellite TV?”
Jolie stood up. “No, I’m afraid not. Any other questions?”
Kimmie shook her head and got to her feet.
Jolie walked her to the door. “I’ll give you a call. We still have another candidate to interview.”
“Sure. Whatever. Thanks.” Kimmie bounced down the stairs, got in her car and sped away in a cloud of dust without fastening her seat belt.
Jolie stared at the retreating car. Unless the next candidate was a child-eating monster, Kimmie was out of luck.
How was she going to find someone she thought was qualified to take care of Riley? Who would love him the way he needed and deserved to be loved?
She knew Kimmie wasn’t qualified, but would she know if someone was?
Jolie sank down on the couch. Maybe she should stay. Was she being foolish to give up Riley because Griff wouldn’t make a commitment?
Jolie knew the answer was no. It might be okay for a while, but she would always want more. If she stayed now, she knew she’d end up in Griff’s bed. She reminded herself for the second time in an hour that leaving would be just that much harder down the road.
She loved him. Loved him so much she wanted marriage and children and the whole package. She wasn’t going to settle for less.
Her mantra was live with courage, and she had to follow through. She would find a new nanny and get on with her life.
Griff finished rubbing Honeygirl
down, covered her with a blanket and turned her into a stall.
“Stan, if she goes down again, call me. I’m going up to the house.”
“Sure thing, boss.”
Griff handed Stan the cloth he’d been using and shrugged into his jacket before heading out of the barn. Maybe he could catch the end of the second interview. He’d promised Jolie he’d help with them even though he wasn’t sure what questions to ask, let alone the right answers.
They wouldn’t even have to do this if Jolie would agree to stay. He knew she loved the kid and there certainly was attraction between the two of them.
He’d lain awake half the night again thinking about the fact that she was sleeping just down the hall. But she wanted something from him that he didn’t have to give.
He’d been married, and the fairy tale he suspected Jolie wanted didn’t exist. He knew this from firsthand experience.
He shoved open the back door, threw his hat onto a hook and shrugged out of his jacket. Deirdre had cured him of believing in the possibility of happy-ever-after.
He found Jolie sitting in the living room staring out the window.
“Did the second one show up?”
Jolie shot him a sour look. “Oh, yes. She was not suitable.”
“What do you mean, not suitable? Why?”
“A teenager looking to move away from home.”
Jolie looked as tired as he felt. He wondered if she’d been as sleepless as he had before he pulled himself back to the conversation. “And that makes her unsuitable?”
“Her big questions were did you have a satellite dish and could her friends come over. She didn’t ask one question about the baby.”
“I see.”
“I’m not sure you do.”
Her hard tone surprised him, and before he could say anything she started talking.
“Riley needs to be loved as much as he needs to be taken care of. He’s made so much progress. You can’t just hire anyone. You need someone who understands him. Someone who’s patient and kind and…and…”
She seemed to run out of steam, and tears overflowed and ran down her cheeks.
Awkwardly Griff sat down beside her and put his arms around her, pulling her up against his chest. Tears always unnerved him.