by E. M. Foner
“I’d be happy to, but Verlocks get offended if you do anything to insinuate that they’re too slow.”
“Can you hold down the fort while I put together a dish to take Dring, Affie? He’s babysitting for Margie at our place.”
“Why didn’t you hire an InstaSitter?” Stick asked.
“It’s the principle of the thing.”
Dorothy went to check if the Gem caterers had improved their interpretation of Vergallian vegan, and Flazint arrived, over an hour late. The Frunge girl was resplendent in an SBJ Fashions ball gown and a towering trellis. “Where’s Dorothy going?” she asked.
“To feed her babysitter,” Affie said. “Leave it to our friend to get a Maker to provide free babysitting with hundreds of InstaSitters milling around, not to mention the owners. You missed the premiere of Jonah’s show.”
“It’s this new trellis, my hair vines aren’t used to it yet. How did our co-sponsorship work out?”
“The Grenouthians did a good job with the dance interludes, and I caught a flicker of our SBJ logo blinking in the hologram, so Jeeves must have paid extra for a subliminal overlay.”
Samuel arrived at the table and said, “Ready for another batch,”
“Stick used them all up,” Affie told him. “Vivian stopped by and made me promise to have you ping her when you finished handing out your allotment.”
“Is Dorothy still making us do the glass slipper thing? Vivian will have my head if the slipper doesn’t transform when I put it on her foot.”
“She didn’t tell you? Jeeves changed the glass slipper giveaway to a raffle after Tzachan told him what Flazint’s matchmaker said about the liability. It’s not about love now, just some free prizes.”
“Are you selling tickets?”
“No, Jeeves is going to give some random guy the slipper, and I’ve got to let him put it on my foot so the Grenouthian cameramen can get immersive video for an ad campaign,” Affie explained. “Baa won’t even tell me what the enchantment is going to do.”
“You’re about to find out,” Jeeves said, extending his pincer to Stick with the glass slipper. “You’re on.”
“Me?” Stick backed away. “I told Dorothy that the whole Cinderella thing only works for Humans. If you wanted a Vergallian fairytale—I’m not sure I remember any.”
“He’s picking the two of you for the aesthetics,” Flazint surmised. “You’re both too attractive to actually be Human, but you know how their advertising focuses on the unattainable.”
“Take the slipper, Stick,” Affie said in a resigned voice. “Where are the Grenouthian cameramen set up?”
“Over by the bar, of course,” Jeeves said. “By the way, the enchantment is binding.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that whatever the slipper delivers, you’re stuck with it. And before you ask, yes, you have to participate in any SBJ Fashions promotion I request. It’s in your contract.”
“It better not be that green dress Dorothy is always trying to make me model,” Affie said to Stick, as they followed the Stryx back to where the ambassadors were gathered. “I’ll wear it, but not until I run it through the wash with some dye.”
“I’m not under contract to anybody,” her boyfriend pointed out.
“You’ll do it, because if you don’t Jeeves will give the glass slipper to some other guy to put on my foot, and then I’ll have to kill you.”
“You princesses are all the same,” Stick muttered under his breath, but he got down on one knee where the Grenouthian cameraman indicated and managed to give the impression of an eager young lover.
“Action,” the Grenouthian ambassador called, much to the chagrin of the cameramen who reflexively obeyed, even though the shot wasn’t perfectly framed.
Affie had already removed her left shoe when she sat down, so Stick took a gentle hold of her heel and eased her toes into the glass slipper. For a moment nothing seemed to happen, and then both Vergallians looked around angrily.
“Binding,” Jeeves reminded them. “And welcome aboard, Diemro.”
“What happened?’ Flazint asked. “The glass slipper didn’t change.”
“A signed contract was just delivered to my heads-up display,” Affie told her. “I’ve been assigned to handle Alt business interests on Union Station. I’m just lucky they don’t have much going on or I’d have to quit SBJ Fashions.”
“Where I am now employed as the outside sales manager,” Stick groaned. “Regular hours cramp my style.”
“I’m your style and you’ll take the job to get my family off our backs,” Affie said. “But how can you claim there’s promotional value in a slipper that doesn’t transform, Jeeves?”
“We’ll use a still for display panel advertising. The mystery of what the slipper will become is far more compelling than showing the actual transformation.”
“But that’s what I told Dorothy,” Stick protested, and then realized he been hanged by his own words. Both participants in the glass slipper ceremony glared in the direction of Aainda, who gave them a friendly wave before going back to talking with Kelly and Baa.
“I do enjoy when my plans work out,” the Vergallian ambassador said. “And I should thank you for your contribution as well, Baa. That enchanted dagger scabbard saved Samuel a great deal of trouble.”
“About that,” the Terragram mage said. “You might want to test it if you get the chance because it’s been hundreds of thousands of years since I tried that one and my memory isn’t what it used to be.”
“What are the two of you talking about?” Kelly asked.
“Young love,” Aainda eventually answered with a sigh. “If the Hortens are right about reincarnation, maybe I’ll try coming back as a Human.”
From the Author
Do you have a recipe suggestion for the All Species Cookbook? I’m thinking about putting together a condensed, low-bandwidth version for solo traders hosting alien friends. Living so much in Zero-G, traders have limited experience cooking and iffy access to ingredients, but all of the advanced species know it’s the thought that counts. Credit will be given in modified form, so “Jane Doe from Iowa” could end up listed as “Jane, from Ooolah, a Dollnick ag world.” Send your submission (or comments) to [email protected].
The next EarthCent book will be Assisted Living, a sequel to the spinoff which takes place on the circuit ship Flower. If you haven’t seen my AI Diaries series, the first book is Turing Test. For notifications of new releases, sign up for the mailing list at www.ifitbreaks.com. You can also find me on Facebook.