by John Corwin
"Dammit, Lucy, that's not it at all. I can read like anyone else. I've heard stories."
"Who did you have sex with?" I didn't know why I asked him that. I didn't want to know except from morbid curiosity.
"It doesn't matter."
"How many?"
"It doesn't matter." He took me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes. "You're all that matters to me right now, and from now on. Why can't you believe that and be happy?"
"I am happy," I said, my voice calm but broken. "But in other ways I'm so sad. Let's just get it over with, please. I don't want this pressure in my heart anymore. It scares me so bad that I might not feel anything."
It was so stupid and foolish of me to not want sex. I was freaking dead. It shouldn't matter. And if I didn't feel anything, well so be it. Nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could do about alien invasions, snow storms, or saving the last living man on Earth either, so I might as well deal with reality and accept my limits.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded.
He took me to a small island in the middle of crystal blue waters. We ran in the calm water, swam with the sharks, and explored a colorful coral reef exploding with tropical life. As the sun set, he took me to the white sands and pressed his lips to mine. He explored my body. When he touched me I felt things I'd never felt before. When he fully took me, the sensations overwhelmed me and flooded out my apprehensiveness. Neither lack of experience nor death had defeated my body. It knew what to feel. In that one perfect moment, I felt alive!
We lay on the beach for a while after that and made love again and again. Each time seemed better than the last now that I was relaxed and unafraid. When the moon lit the calm waters around our tiny island paradise, I asked him to sleep with me. He didn't know we could actually fall asleep, so I told him how.
And we did.
We awoke with the sun on our faces. Chris returned to space. I returned to Nick. He was in a bad way. The last diesel generator was having problems and he feared it would die on him. I was bursting with my news and told him everything. He couldn't hear me, but his mood lightened and hope seemed to creep back into his face. I would like to think my mood had improved his. I checked on the generator. It seemed to be running fine now, but I noticed the fuel supply was nearing critical level. One way or the other, Nick would have to make his escape soon.
He knew that as well. He made another video log and said as much. He'd lost hope of waiting for a summer rescue. He wanted to take the Sno-Cat, the tractor-like all-terrain vehicle, to the coast but he couldn't find the keys. There was another similar vehicle but with only half the range. I immediately scoured the place for the keys and found them under a sheet of paper in the communications room.
He would likely find them if he searched the room but time was against him. Nick began gathering supplies for his journey and looking at maps. I already knew the exact route he had to go. There were dangerous spots he'd have to avoid. I had also found another cache of diesel that he'd need for the Sno-Cat and a sled he could pull behind it with more fuel and supplies. If only I could tell him.
Another merge was the only way. First, I fixed the escape plan in my mind and put it to the forefront of everything I needed to tell him. Perhaps by focusing on the details, he would remember everything. I wasn't sure if I could communicate directly with him while merged but I would try. In any case, I couldn't stay in him for long. The first merge had weakened me so much that I was afraid I might dissipate into nothing.
Nick was watching Jaws when I decided to merge. It seemed almost appropriate with the iconic shark music playing in the background as I drew closer and closer to him. I pressed my head to his and relaxed my mind. The merge went slower this time as I fought to maintain some control. Nick jerked upright and a man burned all around me. I was fully in him.
"Lucy?" he asked, staring at himself in the mirror. It was almost as if he wasn't seeing himself, but me when he stared in the mirror.
I thought about my plan, focusing on the minor details. It took minutes, but seemed like hours. I felt weaker with every passing second.
"Nick, I'm always with you," I said.
His eyes widened, but he offered no response. I tried an orderly exit from his body, but I couldn't move. I pushed hard as I could. His arms jerked outward violently. His legs kicked. I flitted from him and blacked out. When consciousness returned, I was curled into a fetal ball on the island where Chris and I had made love. Apparently this was my new special place.
I returned to Heavenly to recover. The Playground had expanded again and some of the rides were almost beyond description. One combined roller coasters with Ferris wheels; another had bizarre creatures running, flying, or crawling, and children riding them. A large ski slope had sprung up nearby but it was obviously the invention of adults. I shook my head at the wonder of it all.
Many of the original lumps and blights on the landscape were gone. People were getting better at controlling things. I asked around, but nobody had figured out how to make an iPod yet. Just when I had given up hope, I found flyers stapled to wooden poles inviting everyone to concerts. Some music artists had regrouped and were putting on concerts. I wondered if Madonna would do a comeback tour of Heavenly. I shuddered and hoped not.
Robby skipped in a circle when he saw me. He grabbed my hand and took me to a ride he'd invented. It looked like a blue train from one of his picture books, but the track it rode on curved all over the place, around miniature mountains, in twists and loops, and eventually to the top of a steep mountain in the distance. I was impressed. He took me for a ride and for the first time in a while, I felt like a kid again.
I wanted to invent my own ride, so I had Robby instruct me. It felt a little embarrassing to rely on the tutelage of a five-year-old.
"Just think about it real hard. It takes a long time," he said. "Like hours and hours and almost forever but without the always part."
We were some distance from the other rides just in case I made an abomination on the landscape. At first I couldn't decide what I wanted to make. My thoughts kept straying back to Nick and whether he'd gotten my message. I finally decided on a swing set for starters.
Nothing happened for a minute then a brown lump appeared on the ground. I concentrated on that lump until it felt like I was going to pop a blood vessel.
"I close my eyes," Robby said.
So I did. I focused on a swing set with red and white stripes and vinyl seats. But thoughts of Nick kept washing away the image and replacing it with random bits of my escape plan.
"I think it's done," Robby said some time later. "But what is it?"
I opened my eyes and looked. A Sno-Cat sat on a patch of frozen ground next to a green barrel with "Diesel" painted on the side. I sighed. I climbed inside and found the keys dangling in the ignition but they wouldn't turn. The hood wouldn't raise either. I looked in the undercarriage and saw it was empty.
"Grown ups don't make good machines," Robby said. "But it looks kinda neat."
I mussed his hair and laughed. "How do the animals work then? Aren't they harder to make?"
An urgent call from Kyle interrupted Robby's response. I answered.
"The ships are leaving Saturn's orbit," he said. "They're heading for Earth."
Chapter 8
Nibbles arrived the same day the aliens left Saturn and headed for Earth. Nibbles was a bony gray alley cat that appeared near my area of the Playground. He liked to climb on my shoulder and nibble my earlobe so I figured Nibbles was an appropriate moniker. As for the aliens, Kyle guessed we had a few weeks before the ships hit Earth orbit although in truth, nobody had a clue. Nibbles at least helped keep my mind off Nick, alien death squads, and doomsday scenarios.
I hadn't given up on my attempts to create a swing set but had only managed a swing set that looked straight out of a dungeon torture chamber. The day Nibbles appeared, he wandered over and rubbed against my leg as I stared at the latest mangled heap of failure.
; He was a mouthy little cat, meowing every minute or so and he liked attention. I don't know why I thought he was an alley cat, but that was the impression his lean body gave me. I wondered if Heavenly was boring for cats. Aside from the one field mouse ghost I'd seen, no other rodents scurried around and most of the birds I'd seen were monstrous creatures the kids had made as playthings. If anything, they'd snatch a cat up and eat it. Nibbles caught sight of my mangled creation which resembled torn patches of leather swinging from dry-rotted shoestrings. He pawed them, leaping around in a flash of gray fur, having the time of his life--or death--I suppose. I wished I could be so easily entertained.
As I sat there brooding over my failure to produce anything worthwhile in Heavenly, a splash of red caught the corner of my eye. I looked and saw a feather floating lazily down, rocking back and forth toward the ground. Nibbles looked intently at it, ran up my back, and, perched atop my head, swatted at the feather. He leapt for it, missed. A puff of wind pushed the feather just out of his reach. I laughed at the intensity in his yellow eyes and watched as he ran up my deformed swing set and launched another attack at the red feather. I looked up but didn't see any ghost birds flying through the clear sky.
Strange.
Entertaining though this was, my mind returned to Nick and the urge to flit to him pulled at me. That feeling prodded me constantly and I knew this obsession had rooted itself deep. It was an unhealthy obsession and reminded me how I'd felt when alive and pined over Chris every time I saw him throw a pass or walk past me in school with a flock of cheerleaders latched onto him. I certainly didn't want an eternity of longing, though technically Nick would likely be dead within the next month or so. Either Antarctic cold or aliens would get to him.
These depressing thoughts only increased the intensity of my longing.
"Hey, babe," Chris said.
I yelped and Nibbles leapt straight up with a frightened hiss as Chris's words shocked me out of my pity party. "You didn't call. How'd you know where I was?"
"Last several times I came to you, you were here. Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He reached over and stroked Nibbles on the head. "Who's this?"
"Nibbles. He's a new arrival."
"Cool. You making red feathers for him?"
I glanced where he was pointing and saw several red feathers scattered on the ground. "No. Where'd they come from?"
Nibbles looked up and another red feather appeared a few feet above him.
"Great," I said. "Even a cat can make things here and all I end up with is crap."
Chris laughed. "That's amazing. I didn't know animals could do that."
"Nibbles is no ordinary cat."
"Oh?"
"Well he's dead for starters," I said.
"And he has an awesome name." Nibbles meowed and rubbed against Chris's leg. "And I think he understands English."
"Don't push it," I said. Making feathers is one thing. A talking cat might freak me out."
"I won't even bother pointing out how silly that statement is, all things considered."
"I'm not silly. I'll have you know I was in line to become high school valedictorian."
"And that makes you not silly."
"It does," I said and stuck out my tongue.
We joined Kyle in space as he and a few thousand other ghosts watched the procession of massive space ships emerge from Saturn's shadow. I'd forgotten that Nibbles was still in my arms. He wriggled free and meowed pitifully as he spun weightless in space, legs outstretched and pawing frantically at the void.
"Here Nibbles," I called making a kissing noise. I felt the eyes of nearby people turn to me as I made a spectacle of myself trying to calm the hysterical flailing cat. I wished I'd brought along a red feather to take the poor feline's mind off the vacuum of space. Unfortunately trying to make things in Earth's dimension was even harder than in Heavenly.
A stranger made a grab at Nibbles as he floated by, but the cat flitted out of reach. He flitted a few more feet. Nibbles stopped meowing and glanced at me, then flitted over. He gingerly reached a paw to my shoulder and pulled himself onto it where he perched and purred.
"That is one whacky cat," Chris said.
"Don't confuse genius with wackiness," I said, feeling protective.
"Look at the size of those things," Kyle said as he and Bella joined us.
The ships looked tiny compared to Saturn but stretched on for a couple miles as they glided past underneath us.
"How long until they reach Earth?" I asked.
Kyle shrugged. "Depends on whether they go to light speed or something."
"And then what?"
"Wish we knew."
"What if they blow up the Earth?" I asked. Even dead, it'd be depressing not to have Earth around anymore.
"We don't think that's what they're after. If so, why bother killing only humans and leaving everything else?"
"They're probably here to inhabit the planet," Bella said. "Ships that size are probably colonial in nature. We couldn't get into the closed off areas of the ships, but I'm willing to bet they're filled with cryonic tanks and sleeping aliens."
"That's the general consensus," Kyle said.
"If they could travel warp speed, why do they need to sleep?" I asked.
Kyle and Bella laughed. "Warp speed is a term used in fictional movies like Star Trek," Bella said. "Even at light speed, it could take hundreds of years to travel the galaxy so they'd need to slow the aging process."
"You nerds," I said.
I left the geeks watching the ships and visited Nick. I walked in on him during a very personal moment as he watched a disgusting video on a laptop. Shocked, I spun around and tried to wait for him to finish but curiosity tore at me. I gave in and watched. I wondered what it would be like to possess him during a, um, personal moment, but decided against it until I figured things out better. That plus I felt like a peeping tom.
Nibbles flitted to Nick and rubbed against his leg during a particularly messy moment. Nick looked down at his shin, shrugged, and went into the bathroom to clean off. When he came back, I told him about Nibbles and the ships. He flopped on his bed and stared at the ceiling, not hearing a thing I said, just like a living man would do to a living woman probably. After a few moments, he stood up and took a shot of whiskey, then another and another. I hated seeing him like this. I yelled at him but that did about as much good as kicking a stump so I merged with him. I merged too late, however, and felt the hot bite of the liquor as it burned into his chest.
I'd only been buzzed a couple of times while alive, despite my cousin Jane's best efforts to get me stoned, drunk, or in other various other states of altered mind. Nick was pretty drunk and I guessed he'd been drinking even before I arrived. He reached another shot toward his lips.
"Stop it," I said, trying to send a message into his alcohol dulled brain.
His hand stopped partway. For the first time, I realized I could feel the pressure of his fingers against the glass. I squeezed. His fingers responded. His eyes widened and I realized I had widened them for him.
"Holy crap," he said.
I turned his head left and right, set the drink down on the dresser. I felt static on his leg and looked down. Nibbles was there rubbing against Nick's leg. I wondered how I could see Nibbles through Nick's eyes, but decided the scientific explanation would bore me to tears.
Nick snatched the drink off his dresser and swallowed it, poured another shot. I tried to stop him, but weakness settled into my limbs and I couldn't muster the strength to do anything. I flitted across the room before unconsciousness took hold and hovered there, staring at the faint outline of my hands. I was nearly transparent. Nibbles walked underneath me and meowed plaintively. I tried to reach for him, tried to lower myself to the ground, but instead faded out of consciousness.
When I awoke, I expected to be on the island again or some other place branded into my memories by a special occasion. Instead, I woke to the sounds of barfing. Nibbles floated in a furry ball ne
ar my stomach. My body still looked a little translucent but I felt much stronger. Nick kneeled before the toilet, retching. I glanced at the clock and saw only a few hours had passed. I'd never taken note of the time before, so I wasn't sure if my periods of unconsciousness were decreasing in length or not. I decided to keep track of the time from then on.
In fact it would be a necessity. With aliens on the way to the planet, I needed to get Nick to safety as soon as possible. Antarctica surely wouldn't be the first place they'd colonize, but the continent was so hostile to life that he didn't have much of a choice.
For the next several days, I merged with Nick at least once a day. After a week, I was able to do it for longer periods of time without significantly weakening. But I wasn't trying to take control either. Nick didn't seem to notice every time I merged with him, or maybe it became so common that he simply thought it was another aspect of going crazy. Nibbles stayed with me most of the time though he'd take off to explore when he grew bored.
When the second week rolled around, I decided to attempt controlling Nick. The attempts ended in abject failure, though I thought I made his pinky finger twitch once. He seemed much more aware that something strange was happening to him during these attempts, short as they were. Within minutes, I'd have to withdraw or risk fainting and usually I'd faint anyway. As with my normal merging encounters, my ghostly body took less time to recover the more I did it. By the end of the second week, I'd come no closer to physically controlling him than my first attempts but I wasn't passing out all the time either.
Then he drank himself into a stupor again and bingo, it worked. He was so drunk this time that although I could make him move, it felt like wearing a lead unitard. His shoulders sagged and his arms resisted movement. His vision blurred and it took all my effort to make out details in the room. Despite my efforts, he slumped backward and passed out. Sometime soon thereafter, I followed suit.
The next time he started drinking, I merged when he was buzzed. I flexed his fingers and wiggled his toes. A few shots of whiskey later and I could move his arms. His body became more and more comfortable to me almost like the spandex women in the 80's wore to the gym, except a lot cuter. He reached a point of inebriation where I could move him around pretty freely without staggering into everything. Even stranger, I felt something with me inside his body, and I wondered if it might be his soul trying to push me out.