by Sandra Lee
“Excuse me? YOU would take ME back?” she couldn’t believe his nerves. Before she could tell him exactly what to do with his person, he took her in his arms, and ignoring her hands pushing at his chest, he kissed her.
“Well, well. What an interesting development.” Jake’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.” It seems you have accomplished what you had set out to do.” He laughed bitterly.” I must truly applaud your acting skills.”
“Jake?” The surprise and fear that could be heard in that single word, made her appear guilty. Looking at him, she shook her head, willing him to see beyond what he had just witnessed. Then with anger, she turned to Ben and in a voice she wanted forceful, appealed to his sense of justice, if he had one that is.
“Ben, for once, do something decent in your life. Tell him I wasn’t kissing you. Tell him you were forcing me into this kiss. Please Ben! Tell the truth.” She begged these last words when she noticed his arrogant smile never once flinched.
“Why would I do that? I know that you still want me and obviously he knows it too.” He said pointing at Jake.” You dressed like that tonight to prove yourself to me. Eva, you don’t have to deny it anymore, I already said I would take you back.”
“Jake, please don’t believe him.”
“Why wouldn’t I? You are the only one here that I have reason to doubt. I should have known your little speech earlier was just another one of your ploy to make your plan work. I have to give it to you though you got me again. You got me good too. I never thought you would turn out to be as selfish, self-centered, manipulative and cruel as you just proved to me you are. You are good Eva, very good.”
“Jake! NO! Listen to me.”
She had not realized it, but by that time she was screaming at him. Tears were streaming down her face. People around stood staring at her. Jake grabbed her arm and half dragged her outside.
“Let me go! I swear Jake if you don’t let me go, I’ll…”
What was she going to do? She had no idea, but it made no difference really, he did not let her go, didn’t seem to care what she would do if he didn’t. He pulled her in the cold air of the night and back into the car seat, and then slammed the door behind her. As he sat down and started the engine, she finally came out of her stupor, grabbed the door handle and was ready to jerk it open when in a very calm, icy voice he said:
“Don’t even think about it. If I were you, I would not want to make me angrier then I already am. So sit your cute little butt down, do your seat belt and shut up.”
Generally, she would have gotten very angry with anyone talking to her this way. Subconsciously she wanted to rebel, to tell him to go to hell. But her brain was jumbled; she was confused and still shocked by what had happened. She couldn’t think of anything to say. Tears of hurt and anger burned her throat, but she paid no mind to them. What had just happened? She felt as if somebody had taken her heart, ripped it out of her chest and proceeded in dancing a very long jig all over it. She hugged herself and stared through the window, too exhausted to feel much of anything anymore, and too numb to even think.
A couple of blocks before her house, he parked the car in a well-lit parking lot. He undid his seat belt and turned towards her.
“Why did you stop here Jake? Please just take me straight home. I’ve had enough of tonight.”
“Because I want things to be straight between us. Because I am damn angry right now and because maybe I didn’t feel like making things easier for you.”
“Why exactly are you mad at me Jake? What have I done that was so wrong? Maybe you should start looking at your own actions before putting all the blame on me. And what do you mean easy? Do you think tonight was easy for me? Do you think I was having a blasted good time when you ignored and insulted me? I did not deserve to be treated that way and you know it. Everything I said tonight, I meant it. I admit, I made a mistake when I didn’t tell you about my previous plans; but when I said I no longer cared about them, I was being honest. Ben means nothing to me. Nothing! Why do you refuse to see this? Why do you refuse to believe me? Why can’t you see that Ben was lying, that I was trying to push him away? Why would you rather believe I lied? I did not want to kiss him, he just grabbed me and I couldn’t push him away.”
Clenching his teeth he said:
“Did not deserve any of this? First you dress in a sexy dress, you make yourself look good enough to tempt a saint, and trust me before tonight I never knew I had so much will power to resist a woman, especially when she is asking for it. Then, unwillingly, I hear a phone conversation, which let me know that all you are doing is using me, following that you proceed to make me believe it was all a misunderstanding and you succeed, then you profess your love to me, and finally…”he laughed bitterly before finishing.” You jump in the arms of your ex-boyfriend as soon as my back is turned. You can’t change what I saw and what I heard. Your timing was just a little off and you can’t handle the fact that you screwed up and had me see right through you. You are many things but dumb isn’t one of them. You know what you did, oh you know! You are still trying to do it, but this time, believe me I wont bite. Why you still try and make me believe bullshit I don’t know. I thought you had accomplished your goal. Isn’t one guy enough for you? How many do you need at your feet before you find yourself satisfied?
She lifted her chin and met his eyes unwavering.
“You are right, I am not dumb, although I’m not sure I can say the same about you right now. I never knew you could be such a jerk. What could I have seen in you? You aren’t worth a minute of my time.”
At that comment, she saw his jaw clenched. She refused to look away; she had done nothing to be ashamed of. He grabbed her arms and his eyes boring into hers he said:
“Not worth it huh?”
He bent his head and kissed her. The kiss wasn’t sweet; it was angry and demanding. His lips crushed hers. She should have tried to fight it; she should have pushed at his chest. But her hands treacherously refused to listen to her mind and slip up to meet behind his head, her fingers locked in his hair. When his tongue demanded entry, she could not refuse it. She opened up for him and kissed him back with the passion, love and anger built up within her. Tears welled up in her eyes, she tried hating him, hating the kiss, but she couldn’t. She kissed him back still, knowing it would probably be the last kiss she would ever have from him.
He was the first one to break the kiss. She was left trembling and cold. Against her will tears from her eyes slipped out, making trails down her cheeks. His thumbs crushed them in their path. She did not dare look at him for fear of what she would see in his eyes. She heard him swear under his breath as he turned back and started the engine.
Silent, he proceeded in driving her home. Once there, he sat still.
“Jake?”
There was no answer.
“Jake, I do love you.” She whispered almost to herself.
She heard his dead laugh and hugged herself tightly.
“Love? Please Eva. You are a cold little bitch only interested in your own feelings. You don’t care about me, you never have. You are only hurt because your reputation will be a little crushed Monday at school, and you wont have me to put as a notch in your belt. You have no idea what love is. If you think those empty words are going to help you succeed in your little endeavor, you are wrong; although it would teach you a lesson if I took you up on your offer. Luckily for you, Josh is my friend and I wouldn’t do this to him.”
“My offer? I did not make you any offer, all I offered you was my love.” She said shakily. And she knew that as much as he hurt her, she was still sad to see him so angry and hurting, and it almost killed her to know he thought so little of her.
“Well, I don’t even like you. So why would I want your love? I may want you. You may drive me mad with desire right now, but if someone is not worthy of someone else’s time, its definitely you. Now get the hell out of my car.”
He sounded so final. Sobbing she did as he asked. She watch
ed drive away from her life. That had been eight years ago.
Annoyed with herself for thinking about an episode of her past she had vowed to forget, she placed her now empty wine glass on the oak table by the sofa. Deciding against draining the rest of the bottle, she quickly got to her feet, less she weaken and got properly drunk.
Reminiscing on the past was never a good idea, she felt restless. She wasn’t going to sleep much tonight. Cursing her stupidity and misfortune, she took off her green sweatshirt and baggy jeans, turned on the shower and jumped in. She scrubbed hard as if trying to rid herself of something unpleasant. Damn right it was unpleasant. Drat the man! What was she going to do? He must have moved here on purpose to aggravate her, although maybe she was giving herself too much credit, as he hadn’t seemed to remember anything at first when he bumped into her. ARGH! This was pointless. She was going to get into bed and forget that that…that…that man even existed. There! Well maybe it was easier said then done she admitted to herself, but it was worth a try. Wasn’t it? Or was it doomed from the start?
Chapter 4
She closed her long finger around a steaming cup of coffee. Dawn was her favorite part of the day. She could just stand on her tiny balcony, a warm blanket around her shoulders and look upon as the sun rose over the ocean. She stared far in the horizon, taking in the deep red of the rising orb, the slow moving waves crashing on the shore, and the seagulls circling for their breakfast. She listened to the birds chirping and the leaves rustling in the trees. She breathed in deeply, almost at peace. Jake still occupied part of her brain, and had been there since their encounter 3 days ago. She had thought of the way she had felt, the way he had made her feel, the good the bad and the worse. She understood she had made a mistake, but also understood that there had to be more then just her actions to have made him react this way. She wondered if he had a past she didn’t know about, wondered whether Josh would know but had vetoed the idea she had to ask him. It would do no good to let her brother know he was back in town and back in her thoughts. Her brother had never brought up his name again after that night; Jake had never again shown up for weekends. It was as if he had never existed, and she would almost have believed he was a figment of her imagination, had she not felt so much pain.
She was fine now. She still wondered at the reason why the action he had perceived as betrayal had made him act so harshly and rashly. Sure he had a right to be angry, but his reaction and answer were a lot stronger then they should really have been, unless of course he was the worse drama queen ever, which she kind of doubted. She still wondered but she didn’t let it run her life. She no longer was the romantic girl she once used to be. She no longer believed there was a prince charming for her out there, however she did believe there was someone she could get along great with and eventually have a family with. That probably was the reason she had had a crush on James, he would make a great father one day, and he was reliable and loyal. She would never again get attached emotionally, sure to some people that may sound rash, but in 8 years she hadn’t felt the stirring of love, or even attraction. She knew now that her crush for Jake had been immature and unrealistic; he was not the safe, reliable, friendly type she wanted to marry one day. The only reason why she had thought of Jake so often lately was because she still felt confused at his strong reaction. It had nothing to do with his good looks that had not faded but had increased with age and maturity, or the fact that he still made her blood heat up. Nothing at all!
Feeling better, Eva opened the patio door and walked back in the now sunlit kitchen. She had a party to get ready for, well not that she would be celebrating anything, but she would serve them wonderful food they would never forget. She smiled as she made a mental checklist as to what was left to do before the evening.
She couldn’t believe it. As soon as she finally put her mind to rest about Jake, he appeared right in front of her. She must really have bad karma.
“What the hell is he doing here?” she muttered under her breath.
James looked at her strangely.
“Who is here? And well if he is here, my guess is, he was invited to the party.”
Eva looked surprise to hear someone respond to her rhetorical question, and a bit embarrassed he had heard her. But of course James would hear her, he seemed to always appear at the most inopportune moment. Sighing, she turned to him.
“Remember I was upset Monday morning? Well, the person who upset me is here. And believe me James; I wish I could throw him out. Embarrass him in front of all these nice people here. That’s less then what he deserves.” And to herself she added “And much less then what he did to me.” “Spit in his food, will you? Well…” she corrected herself “Before you serve him his plate, you can spit in it. I don’t think the rest of the guests would enjoy saliva chicken.”
James grabbed a plate and pretended to spit in the beautifully arranged mandarin chicken and wild rice. With half a smile, Eva stopped him.
“Thanks honey, I really needed that.” She went into the back room and dropped on a bench. They were catering a wedding, and Jake was surely the last person she had expected to run into. He was new in the area for goodness’ sake. How could he have met people so quickly, yet alone be invited to a wedding.
“Well, I guess I will just hide in here tonight” she said to herself.
“I have never known you to be a coward Eva. Are you going to let that man affect the way you’ve always worked? If I remember correctly, just last week, you were telling me that people kept hiring us because of the personal touch we bring in. By hiding in here, you take that away. You are personable, people like and trust you. Now because of a man you haven’t seen in at least 4 years, I know because I have not heard of him before, you will prove them wrong, prove that they can’t trust in your dependability and professionalism? Because of a man, you will risk losing great business, a good reputation and worse of all, hide in this little back room as if you have something to hide? I don’t know what this man did to you Eva, but is it truly worth losing what you’ve worked so hard for? And I mean it for both your personal and professional life. What will happen, if you see him at all the functions we will cater from now on?”
“Oh come on! It isn’t very likely is it?” Eva blanched at the thought. But as much as she hated to admit it, James was right. She couldn’t keep hiding. She had been running and hiding too long from life already. She would have to face him again some day, might as well get it over with.
“Which one is he?” The always-curious James asked.
“Well if you must know,” she answered with a sigh “he is the one standing by the French doors leading to the pool.”
“Wow! He is hot! I sure wish he was swinging my way.” Looking half-hopeful, half-joking he continued.” Is he? Should I go introduce myself to him before that blonde totally changes his sexual orientation?”
Eva laughed and hit him with a towel, and was just about to answer his question when his words registered.
“What do you mean a blonde? He was alone when I looked.”
“Oh, there is this sexy looking blonde dancing with him, and they look pretty cozy. Guess that answers my questions. More’s the pity, I could see myself with a man like that.”
In her hurry to see with her own eyes what James was talking about, she tripped on her own foot and fell causing quite a stir. Faces, startled, looked up from their plates or from the dance floor and all gazes went, at once, to the object of the ruckus, Eva who was sprawled on the floor. She quickly got up, smoothed her straight black skirt and to cover her embarrassment, curtsied to all. She smiled as the crowd applauded, wishing she were anywhere but here, maybe somewhere very deep and dark. Her cheeks burning she turned towards the French doors expecting to see Jake’s mocking smile. Instead she saw the blonde James had been talking of. She felt the air rush out of her lungs, as if someone had punched her really hard in the stomach. The woman was indeed very beautiful; she always had been. What a pitiful world she found herself in, that
the man she had once lost was dating the woman who caused her, well in a roundabout way, to lose that man. Shelley Harrison. She swallowed the self-pitying moan that rose up in her throat.
“Damn, damn, damn!” she muttered under her breath.
Jake had been looking at her from the French doors, saw her see him, and saw her go in the back room, saw her come out and tripped over her own feet. He smiled, and then shook his head. She may look adorable and innocent, when red with embarrassment, but he knew better. He shook his head, disgusted with himself. How could he still find himself attracted to her when he knew what kind of person she truly was? Eight years had made no difference. He rubbed his forehead; a headache was lurking behind. He sighed, well as long as he kept his heart uninvolved, his lust he could deal with. In fact he was with Shelley tonight, she was beautiful and had let him know in no uncertain terms that he could have her tonight if he so desired. Still, he walked to the buffet table and up to Eva.
“Well, well, well. Look who’s here.” He said
Startled, Eva turned around and bumped against his hard chest. Against her will, her pulse accelerated. She quickly moved away from him, trying to shield herself against the flash of desire that took her by surprise. She lifted her eyes to his, forcing herself to close her mouth and blank her eyes as she experienced longing like never before. She would have done anything at that moment, just so he would touch her again, but then he winked at her and she came back to her senses. She snapped out of her trance, and was quickly filled with anger and shame.
“What are you doing here?” she hissed under her breath.
“Isn’t this the cold buffet?”
“You know it is!” She glared at him.