by Sandra Lee
“You what?” he barked.
“Nothing. Sorry, I made a mistake coming here. I should not be here.” She turned around ready to run away.
“Nah, iss ok. You wanted to nurse me back to good health? Or should I say good looking?” He laughed as if his lame joke was the funniest thing he had ever heard.
She shook her head and prepared to leave, when he grabbed her arm, pulled her over the threshold and slammed the door behind her.
“You came all the way here, might as well try and tell me why.” He stated logically.
Eva pulled away from his grasp, she seemed to be doing an awful lot of that lately, and backed away from him, until she was stopped by the door behind her.
“I…err was a little concerned as to how you…err you were doing, you seemed to have hit your head hard when you…err… hit the floor.” She stuttered
His eye was swollen shut; his jaw was dark with stubble, his lips tight in a cruel line. She wished she had the option to put more distance between his tensed body and hers. She was too aware of him, his size, and his strength.
“Well, maybe you should check me over, see if I am free of any dangerous injuries. Beside my eye and my ego that is. I give you free access to my body for any doctoring you wish to do” he mocked.
She looked at his strong shoulders, stared at his lips, marveling at their perfection, remembering the stirring kiss they shared earlier that evening. She looked up and met his eyes. His were smoldering, she wondered whether he was sharing the same memory she had. Tearing her gaze away, she fumbled with the doorknob, muttering unintelligible words. He put his arms on either side of her, making escape impossible. He too started staring at her full lips for a long minute, and then he bent his head and captured them with his own.
She did not want to respond to the increasing pressure of his mouth, did not want to open to his kiss. She tried to think of trivial things, such as how the empty his living room looked, how bare the walls were, how he smelled of expensive scotch and soap, wondered where his bedroom was. Groaning, finally admitting defeat, she slightly opened her lips to allow his tongue to invade her mouth. His hands came to rest on her hips and he drew her completely against him. Eva’s breast hardened as she felt his blatant erection against her stomach. She went pliant in his arms and finally fully returned his kiss, the smoky accent of the aged liquor going straight to her head, muddling her thoughts.
His hands slipped up beneath her sweater, marveling at her smooth skin. His mind was fuzzy, foggy with the heady mix that was alcohol and desire. He could think of nothing but her body against his, didn’t want anything but to bury himself deep inside her. He cupped her breast with his hand, his thumb drawing neat little circle around her nipple. He heard her breath intake, felt her arch her body against his. Her kiss became more urgent, pleading almost. He gently broke the kiss and saw his own desire being reflected in her eyes, took in the flush cheeks, the heaving chest. He cupped her face and once again lowered his lips to hers.
“Eva?” he asked throatily.
She knew she should say no, knew he was drunk, knew thousands of reasons why she should stop, should not allow him to continue. Her head enumerated reasons and consequences why she should not, her body, however, was not listening. She wanted him. She wanted him to introduce her to love making. She felt eighteen again, when she had hoped he would be her first, when she had told herself he was the only man for her. At twenty-six, she was almost starting to believe it again, as she had never experienced such feelings when other men had kissed her. She nodded. Saying yes, acquiescing to his request to make love to her. Finally!
He took her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. She didn’t see anything, could only feel. Feel his strong arms holding her, his lips nuzzling her neck. He put her down gently on the mattress, and stood there for a moment just looking at her. He kneeled in front of her and slowly removed her sweater. God! She was so beautiful, dark hair against milky skin. He kissed her throat, her moan urging him on. He reached behind and, with deft hands, unhooked her black silky bra. He slid it slowly from her arms, uncovering high rounded breast. It was his turn to take in a sharp breath; he would never be able to last. He took one pink nipple between his lips and felt it tighten. She gasped and buried her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. He could barely breathe, he could barely think, his mind so clouded by the sight of her. All he felt was the need to possess her, to make her his.
She looked in his beautiful eyes and saw passion, desire and urgency. Her body shook with desire, screamed in need, wanting a fulfillment it never had. She was not stupid; she knew he would notice it was her first time. She wasn’t that innocent. Yet she was unwilling to tell him, fearing he would stop, or worse laugh and not believe her. When his lips moved down to her navel, she moaned and forgot everything. Shivers of pleasure had taken over her body.
“Oh Jake…”she whispered.
Hearing her voice forced him out of his real life fantasy. What was he doing? This was Eva. Why did he want her so badly, why was he hurting so much at the thought of letting her go, of not seeing her face contorted with pleasure, her soft lips swollen by his kisses, of not hearing her soft sighs, her cries of pleasure. Why was he stopping? Damn it!
She felt him hesitate, she knew the moment he decided to stop, his body tensed and his jaw clenched. Her heart beat loudly in her ears, her body shivered as he moved away from her, she didn’t know whether it was in shame, or due to the sudden chill in the room. Shaking, she forced her tears back. This was for the best anyway.
“Almost succeeded here Eva. Even drunk though I have the will and the power to resist your many charms. Sorry darlin’ but you won’t add me to your long list of lovers.”
Why? Why did he have to be so cruel? She tried to stop her tears, tried to contain her sobs. She really did, but seeing him standing in front of her, fully clothe, while she was half naked on his bed, looking like a wanton, hearing him reject her once again, she could not help it. She grabbed a blanket off his bed, wrapped it around her shoulders, and sobbing, ran to the bathroom. She sat in a corner, and gathered her knees in her arms. She hid her face against her thighs, trying unsuccessfully to muffle her tears.
She knew she shouldn’t care, knew that it had been hopeless from the beginning. She also knew she should thank her good fortune that he stopped when he did because she would never have had the strength to do so herself. She convinced herself that not stopping this would have been one of the greatest mistakes in her life. He didn’t like her, let alone love her. She knew all that; had known all along, yet she couldn’t console herself. She refused to analyze why she felt so sad, refused to acknowledge what it might mean, choosing to hate him, rather then try to understand why she was half naked in his bathroom, crying. Bitterly, she convinced herself she hated him more then ever now, that she could no longer stand the sight of his knowing smile, his cold eyes, and his naked chest. She despised him, yet it hurt so much to do so.
She had to get out of there she decided, so she dried her tears, lifted her chin, and opened the door that led to the bedroom. She calmly retrieved her bra at the foot of the bed and stuffed it in the back pocket of her jeans. Then, she grabbed her sweater, put it on and without a word walked back out in the darkness of the night. She wanted to forget Jake, forget he existed, forget the way he had made her feel, she wanted to get on with her life. Get her life back! She slammed the door behind her, missing the quiet words of apology he whispered.
He heard her walking around and grabbing her clothes. He heard the door opening and closing, he heard and felt her walking out of his life once again. He had listened to her cry in the bathroom, his forehead against the door. He had had to use all his will powers not to walk in and cradle her in his arms to whisper to her that everything would be all right. Yet, he certainly knew everything was not going to be fine. He didn’t understand why he felt this way towards her, why he wanted to comfort her when he knew her true nature. He knew her as a woman, who could say
, “I love you” to one man, then be in another man’s arms a minute later. More and more, he was starting to have doubts edging at his mind. Should he have listened to her and refused to believe what his own two eyes showed him? Maybe one and one don’t always equal two after all. Was it the fear of what loving her could do to him that kept him from taking her? Was he afraid he could never get enough if he had her once? NO! NO! She was as self-absorbed, conniving little bitch, a liar! She was, had to be, he saw her, he heard her, and damn it, he felt it! Didn’t he? YES! He had felt the pain of the betrayal, had expected that pain when he had come to care for her so long ago, and she hadn’t disappointed him. She surely wasn’t worth for him to worry about her, she wasn’t worth a second thought; but then why was he having second, third, forth and fifth thoughts? Damn but her body had felt good, she had felt so right. Damn! He heard her slam the door and whispered, “I’m so sorry.” He didn’t know whether the words were for him or for her, but he had needed to say them.
Chapter Six
The night once again enveloped her. Shivering in the cold air, she clenched her keys between her fingers and, for the hundredth time, cursed her stupidity. Walking the streets in the middle of the night and kissing Jake, she sure scored high on the stupid scale tonight. Shaking her head, she increased her speed. She cursed herself for coming up with the idea of checking up on Jake, cursed herself for having left her car back at the hall and cursed herself again just because she felt like it. What on earth did she think checking on Jake would accomplish? If he had been hurt it had been his own fault; he had deserved it. She should definitely not feel responsible, or guilty. How could he be so cold and cruel, why did he act that way? Argh! She was wasting way too much brain power thinking about him and his actions, what she should start doing is take boxing lessons, in case he ever came close to her again. She knew better then to walk alone at night, same as she knew better then to fall for Jake again. Not that she had, mind you. Again, she forced the thoughts of him out of her mind, deliberately ignoring the little voices chanting to her that she had indeed fallen in love with him again, or maybe that she had never actually fallen out of love. Why else would he have the power to hurt her so much? Why else would she care so much how he was and whether he was hurt? Why else would she have come out at night and walked miles just to see him? Talking about walking at night, she looked around in the hopes of detecting prospective criminals if they were in the area. She felt so vulnerable. Her eyes darted right and left, left and right. She decided to walk in the middle of the street, this way she could keep an eye on everything around her and she wouldn’t be so close to the bushes lining the street. She walked faster; hoping her bout of insanity would not cause her any additional troubles. She was starting to calm down and feel safer when she heard footsteps behind her; she tried not to panic, told herself to keep her head clear. Even as she thought so, she realized she couldn’t. Who in their right mind would be found walking the streets at this undue time of the night, or very early morning, whichever? She started running, she knew that at the end of the street was a twenty-four hour convenient store, if she could just reach it, she would be safe. However, the high heel boots she was wearing, were no match against the muffled sound of the running shoes catching up to fast.
“Eva, for God’s sake stop running.”
She stopped, she knew that voice, and to her it was almost scarier then any knife or gun any criminal could have pointed at her. She almost started running again, but knew that despite his alcohol abuse, she would never be able to outrun him.
“Jake? Why are you following me? Shouldn’t you be passed out by now?”
“I would rather be passed out then out here running after you in the small hours of the morning, that’s for sure! But as it happens, I had no choice in the matter, not had I? My foggy mind just realized you hadn’t driven to my house, which could only mean you were stupid enough to walk across town in the middle of the night. I didn’t see you stop in my living room to call a taxi. Against my better judgment, I decided to walk you home safe.”
“Oh sure, now you worry about my well-being. Thank you, but I can manage just fine.” she answered, too proud to admit that she had been out of her mind with fright just a minute earlier. Although, now that she thought about it, better to face any criminals, then Jake. She would have better chances to come out of the encounter unhurt.
“Don’t thank me, I am not doing it for you, I am doing it for me. I don’t want to be held responsible if something happens to you. So you see, this is entirely selfish. Don’t go on thinking I care what happens; as long as it happens and I can’t suffer any guilt from it, I don’t give a damn. Walk in dark alleys, get yourself killed or raped all you want, and like everyone else, I shall say what a shame, but will go on the next day as if nothing had ever happened.”
Speechless, she gasped at his harsh words. She shouldn’t have been surprised, that’s the kind of things she should expect from him. His words were still painful though. Frustrated and hurt, she lengthened her stride, trying to distance herself from the insufferable man that seemed set on following her.
“Don’t you worry yourself about me Jake, at the corner store over there, I will call a cab, and save you the trouble of worrying about your peace of mind.” She said through clenched teeth.
“Nah, you see, I rather not take the chance. I just watched the movie “The bone collector”, and well with my luck, you’d end up steamed. Plus, walking will do me good, I need to sober up.”
The walk back was silent, neither of them willing to say anything, ignoring each other, yet being very aware of the every step taken by the other. Eva could sense Jake more then she could see him, but it was as unsettling if not more.
“Well, here I am. This is where I live. Thank you, I guess.”
“Mmm yes, ok... so…err how do I get back to my place?”
“Damn Jake, couldn’t you pay attention?” Eva asked exasperated.
“Honey, nor you or me could pay attention on that long walk back here. I’m afraid we were a bit too aware of each other, of what almost happened. I’m not saying, I’m happy about the fact I was thinking about it, nor am I saying I wanted to think about it. All I’m saying is that right now, I am too weak to fight it. So please, just tell me how to get home.” He sounded so weary. Eva felt her hatred and anger at him diminish. She couldn’t let him walk all the way back home, he would probably pass out somewhere on the way. She tried to rationalize, saying to herself that the reason why she was going to offer her couch to him was because that despite his harsh and cruel attitude and his obvious disdain of her, he still had walked her back and ensured she was safe. She should return the favor. She figured she owed him a place to sleep for the rest of the night.
“You can have my couch for tonight.” She said matter of factly.
“I won’t say no” was Jake’s only response to the offer.
The short hours remaining till sunrise seemed endless. Eva kept tossing and turning, replaying the entire night in her head. She could still feel his hands on her…his lips on hers, on her body. She punched her pillow frustrated. Not only was she completely awake, but also to add insult to injury, she could hear Jake’s snoring. He had passed out right away on the sofa, as if he had no problems with the world, as if nothing had affected him. Once again, her pillow took the blunt of her frustration. Why? Why did she always seem to screw up when it came to him? Realizing what she had just thought, she laughed humorlessly. Once again, she was putting the blame on her, rather then where it rightfully belonged. She had made a small mistake eight years ago, but she had been young. She wasn’t guilty of anything anymore, except maybe, caring too much for a man who didn’t deserve it. How dare he presume he knew her, and who in hell was he to judge her? She tossed again, wishing for sleep to come, wishing she could forget the way he had made her feel, wishing he didn’t hate her so much. Finally, at dawn, she fell in an exhausted sleep; almost forgetting Jake was a mere twenty feet away from her.
Chapter seven
The first thing he felt when he first woke up was a pounding headache; the first thing he saw was a vision in a white flowing satin robe. He covered his eyes with his right hand, trying to block the blinding rays of the morning sun, and to erase the vision he saw. Hallucinating was never good, although it was a pretty hallucination. He tossed and rolled on his side, falling off the too narrow couch.
“What the hell?” his angry voice startled Eva.
She rushed back inside from the balcony where she had gone to clear her thoughts; her attempts had been a complete failure. She hadn’t calmed down, hadn’t forgotten last night and was as wound up as she was when went for coffee and realized who was sleeping on her couch. The memories had come rushing back, and no matter how she turned them in her mind or try to analyze them, she still felt the burning blush of embarrassment. She thought about running out and just leaving him the number of a taxicab company, but she shook the idea out of her head. Running away was not her style, although right at this moment, she sure wished she were a coward.
“Good morning.” She said tentatively.
His head jerk up and she almost winced as she met his thunderous look.
“Err…are you ok?”
“Beside the hammer pounding in my brain, the blinding light in my eyes and the fact that I have just fallen off the couch of the last person I ever want to wake up to? Oh beside that, everything is just peachy.”
He swore under his breath as he took in Eva’s stricken look. He truly was an asshole. Damn, but he did hate to hurt her. Not that he didn’t mean what he had said, but darn, sometimes he wished he knew how to just shut up. He also wished he wasn’t so vulnerable to her that he had to erect 20 feet barriers between them. Even so, maybe he should ease up on her a little. After all, he was in her living room. Even after everything he had done and said to her, she still had the decency to let him stay at her place. He wasn’t any better then her really. However, she didn’t give him time to take back his words or apologize. Her eyes flashing with hostility, she pointed the door to him.