by Sandra Lee
“No I’m alright.” Eva was a bit surprised that Alex had noticed something was different. Her friend was wonderful but she never had been one to read person very well.
.“Oh come on! No need to bullshit me, excuse my French. Something is wrong and even I can see it… Now the only question that remains is whether you want to talk about it. You know me, I’m not the type to badger, but I’d like to be there for you if you need me.”
Eva picked at her food for a moment, suddenly, the salmon didn’t look as good as she had first thought. Did she want to talk to Alex about Jake? Alex knew the history, knew about the pain; maybe it would be a good thing to talk to someone about it.
“Alex, do you remember Jake?”
“The no good son of a …yeah of course I remember him.”
Eva smiled at her friend’s support.
“Well he moved here, in town I mean. I keep running into him and he makes me so angry. He still despises me and doesn’t hide the fact. I think I still resent him. Yet, I can’t keep him out of my mind.”
“Still as handsome as ever, is he?”
“More, if you can believe it.”
Alex laughed.
“Well, well, well. Our little Eva’s senses are awakening.” She ignored her friend’s scold as she continued.”
“You said you guys fought all the time? As in there isn’t anything going on beside fighting?” She smiled knowingly as Eva blushed.
“I thought so. Tell me does his touch make you feel the same way as when you were eighteen?”
“Alex! This isn’t funny. We can’t stand each other, but we also seem to have troubles keeping our hands off each other. The other day, I almost, we almost…well you know.”
“Well, its about friggin’ time Eva. I don’t know how you made it to twenty-six still a virgin. It’s almost inhuman and a waste of good years. You guys having sex maybe wouldn’t be such a bad thing you know.”
“Alex! Didn’t you listen to anything I have just said? We can’t get along. He still believes I played him to get Ben back. For God’s sake, how could I have sex with someone who has such low opinion of me?”
“Why not? You are both consenting adults.”
“Because! I know he wants me, but he is fighting his desire because he can’t stand the sight of me as a person. To do this could only cause more problems and hurt down the road. Plus it would be done for all the wrong reasons”
“The wrong reasons; the scratching of an eight-year old itch? Well maybe. But don’t you want him? Aren’t you just a little curious, a little anxious for the touch of a man?”
“Of course I am! Who wouldn’t be? But I never felt a need so strong with anyone else, nor can I see myself making love to someone who despises me.”
“Hmmm, I see how that could be a problem. I wish I had a solution for you, or that I could help you out with that. But I’m not a man.” She laughed.” Are you positive he doesn’t like you?”
“Oh yes, he couldn’t have made it any clearer.”
“I know” Alex said excitedly.” I will introduce you to one of Alan’s friends. He is cute, he is funny, and he has a great job. You could have fun. Try and take your mind off Jake, and hopefully have you thinking about someone else.
“Do you really think that’s the solution; a blind date? Eva asked skeptical.
“Well, maybe not the solution, but it can’t hurt. Plus the date isn’t really blind, I know the guy, and he is great! How bad can it be? Can it be worse then now? At best you could fall for him and forget all about Mr. Wrong. At worse, you could just have a great evening with a nice man, then go back to your present frustrated state.”
Eva smiled against her will, and reluctantly agreed to have the date set up.
“But let’s plan it for after the charity ball, I will be very busy until then.
“Sure, consider it done.” Alex smiled brightly and winked.” You will see, we will bring some sparkle back in your eyes, and a blush you never had on your cheeks.”
Chapter nine
Eva’s laughter echoed through the busy kitchen. James’ antics could have made a dead man wake up and chuckle. His clowning around was a welcome respite from the stress they were all under. The ball was tonight, and after a full week of hard work, she could finally see the end results and it made all worth it. After many arguments with James, they had finally agreed that the guests would have a choice of two entrées. There was the simple, yet loved grapefruit risotto with roasted chicken breast, and for those who didn’t eat meat or preferred fish there was the grilled trout with lemon caper cream sauce, served with the delightful mini potatoes with herb butter stuffing. James was a master at making these potatoes; he made them so they melted in a burst of flavor. The guests would also have the option to substitute the potatoes with sautéed asparagus if they found the potatoes to be too heavy for them. The desert trays were filled with mini cheesecake, crème brulées, as well as a sinful collection of all that is chocolate. The aromas filled the kitchen and created a heady atmosphere sure to make you hungry. Although the heat was almost unbearable, none of them complained. Eva, although laughing and smiling with the others, was anxious for the evening to get started; yet she was also scared that something would go wrong. Tonight was the night that would determine whether she would remain the co-owner of a struggling business or of a successful one. She was scared to fail.” A Bite of Paradise” was the one thing she had done that made her proud. She had opened her business and kept it going with hard work and perseverance and no one could ever take that away from her, but they could take away her business. She was good at what she did, and she wasn’t afraid to admit it, yet so many things could happen, could go wrong. She hated that she couldn’t control it all, felt that her future and happiness were completely out of her hand. Frustrated, she blew on a strand of hair that had come out of her French braid. She couldn’t think of failure now, she had cooking to see to.
Eva looked happily around; everything seemed to go well. The fears from the morning had mostly dissipated. The evening was a success. The hours of work, the stress and the sweat, all of it had paid of. Quite a few people had come around earlier to ask her for her business card, she smiled. For the first time in the evening, she was able to take a few seconds to appreciate it all. She took in the glittering gowns, the man in their tuxedos. She always liked to see men dressed up. She listened to peals of laughter erupting here and there in the ballroom, and gently swayed to the waltz being played by the live band. She almost wished she was here as a guest, so she could properly enjoy what was offered; the food, although she did sneak some of that, the music, the décor of blues and gold, the large velvet drapes, the candlelit lighting, the crystal, everything was so beautiful. She imagined herself being led on the dance floor by a tall dark, handsome man and smiled. Her eyes kept wandering the room until they rested on the dark handsome man of her thoughts, the same hair, the same height, and the same posture. She stopped puzzled. She knew that man. She almost laughed; of course Jake would be here, he was everywhere, or so it seemed. She wondered whether she should go and say hi to him later on, whether she could ask him for a dance to fulfill part of her fantasy. She could almost feel his strong arms around her waist, his chin resting on her head, her face hidden against his chest…She had to stop. Frowning slightly, she tried shaking the images out of her mind, until finally she had to admit defeat. Her longing for him was too strong. She had never really gotten over him she realized, she still wanted him, all of him; his mind, his soul, his love, and oh yes, his body.
The realization had the effect of a cold shower, wakes you up but keeps you shivering. She was in for a broken heart, again. He didn’t care for her any more, if he ever really did, and he made it clear he really didn’t want to want her either. She blocked the depressing thoughts from her mind; nothing was going to ruin her night. Nothing was…Oh no! Please not her. Standing beautiful in a black fitted gown, Shelley Harrison was being led to the dance floor by Jake. His hand was at the
small of her back and he was smiling down at her. She knew that they had been seeing each other; the gossip mill in the town was large and busy. She just hadn’t known he was still seeing her, or that they would be here together tonight. Dejectedly she looked down at herself and sighed. She was wearing a dressier outfit then her usual catering attire, but it still was nothing compared to the second skin Shelley was wearing. Suddenly she hated her new slim black skirt, and wished she had word something sexier then the conservative silk white top she had on. She looked with envy as Shelley, in her high heels, glided across the floor gracefully, the long slit from the floor-length dress showing glimpse of a perfectly tan leg…and a large expense of thigh as well. Her long blonde hair was swept up and fell over her neck in loose curls…Eva grinded her teeth and forced herself to look away. She didn’t want to see them anymore, already the thought of them together was painful, to actually see them, to see him holding her close, to see him dancing with Shelley the way she wanted him to dance with her, she couldn’t handle it. But it was stronger then her, she had to look; like the people staring at the scene of an accident couldn’t help but stare, neither could she. She had no trouble locating the tallest man on the dance floor, his hair was shining and his broad shoulders were well straining against the well-cut tuxedo. She looked at his strong hands and pictured them on her, pictured them sliding down her waist and up to cup her breasts…she blinked and blushed. When she looked up again she saw him looking at her as if he knew exactly what she had been thinking. She closed her eyes quickly and re-opened them slowly to find him still staring at her. His eyes held hers; she was unable to look away. The intensity in his eyes made her wish they were alone, and not looking at each other from across a crowded room.
“Eva?”
“Hmmm?”
“I’m sorry.” She looked at James questioningly, why was he sorry.” You fell for him didn’t you?” He added sadly
“Oh? Fallen?” She wasn’t truly paying attention to what he was saying.
“Yes, fallen. For God’s sake Eva, stop looking at him as if you next breathe depended on him.”
“Oh my God!” She whispered.” Was I being that obvious? Please tell me I wasn’t that obvious.”
Sighing, James squeezed her shoulder.
“No darlin’. You are only obvious to me because I know you so well, but if anyone else bothered to look hard enough, they would see something was up. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Oh James, what am I going to do?” Her voice cracking slightly with repressed tears.” I was stupid enough to fall for him when I was eighteen; I think I have done it again. But this time it’s worse. There are no reasons for me to want or love him, he has been odious to me since we met again, but somehow, I can’t see myself with anyone else. I compared all my dates to him, since I was eighteen, and no one ever measured up. I don’t know what to do, he doesn’t like me, he used to despise me and I’m not sure he has stopped. I never thought I would be one of those girls looking for punishment you know. Never thought I’d fall for a guy that gives me nothing but grief, as arrogant as he is handsome. I thought I was smarter then that. But every time I look at him, I see him the way he was when I first met him, I see the softness in his eyes, and the hidden pain. I see the kind, gentle man, not the cold person he is today. I don’t want to love him, how do I stop?”
“You cant sweetie. You have to wait it out. You are a strong woman; you will live through it. If he can’t see you for who you are, if he can’t see how truly wonderful you are, if he prefers that blonde bimbo to you, then he is not worthy of you. I saw the way he was looking at you, and there was so much in that look. He is not indifferent to you, not by a long shot. Maybe, it is only attraction; maybe it’s more then that. Have you thought of doing something about the attraction bit? Remember Eva, love and hate are strangely close. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t hate you so much.”
“Thanks James but I know nothing of seduction. Plus even if he wanted me, he doesn’t want to want me. He thinks the worst of me, he believes I cheat, play and use men in my everyday life. Seducing him would mean for him to discover that I am still…err well you know, and then he would know he was wrong about me, that I was none of those things. But I don’t want him to find out like that. I want him to like, trust and love me because he knows me, and that the things about me aren’t true because of the person I am, not because he was forced to reevaluate his beliefs because of the state my hymen is in. I also don’t want him to read too much into me giving him my innocence. I am not ready for that.”
Fortunately, at that moment someone required her help and she kept busy until the end of the evening. She had no choice but to put her worries in the back of her mind. She could always deal with everything later, much later.
Jake couldn’t help but notice how beautiful and natural Eva looked. When their eyes met, it had the effect of a punch in its stomach. His groin tightened, to his date’s pleasure he was sure. The heat he saw in her eyes equaled his, and he had to restrain himself from leaving Shelley on the dance floor and go kiss Eva until they both couldn’t breathe. He was about to let temptation get the best of him when he saw her friend, the man from the wedding the other day, massage her shoulder and whisper softly to her. He saw her shake her head, and the sorrow he saw on her face, although fleeting, was not missed by his intent scrutiny and it almost undid him. He felt a pang of jealousy, he should be the one with her, should be the one to try to make her smile, to massage her shoulders, to appease her worries. To…
“Jake darling, you aren’t very talkative tonight.” Shelley purred.” You seem to be paying a little too much attention to the buffet table.”
“Sorry Shelley, I am just a little distracted.”
“Oh? Distracted by what, or should I say whom, that girl by the buffet? Eva is her name if I remember correctly.” She laughed a little too loudly.“ You know, I once stole her boyfriend, I think his name was Ben…or something like that. It was too easy. I dumped him soon afterwards though; he was too immature, too much of a boy, not enough of a man. Know what I mean?” she caressed his arm seductively, but when he didn’t respond as she had hoped she continued talking.” I remember her making a scene at our Christmas formal senior year. “She wrinkled her nose in distaste.” I am not sure what it was about, but her last semester must have been lonely. She always walked around and looked pitiful as if her best friend had been killed or something. It really was pathetic…” She stopped talking when she felt him tense. Clueless she asked “Jake, is something wrong?”
“Nothing.” But in his head he could tell everything that was wrong with her. She was cold, she had no compassion for others, and all she cared about was herself and herself some more. Sure she was beautiful, for a moment, until she started speaking. He didn’t want to be here with her. Why had he agreed to accompany her? Again he looked in Eva’s direction and saw her shake her head again, she looked so sad. Had he come here in the hopes of seeing her? He raked his fingers through his hair and sighed. “Shelley, I think it’s time we leave.” He had to get her out of his mind, and maybe if he lost himself in Shelley, Eva would remain naught but a distant memory.
Eva saw Jake leave the ball early…with Shelley. It broke her heart to see them go together. But it also strengthened her resolve to get over her feelings for him once and for all.
He walked Shelley to the car, silent. She was beside him, oblivious to his change of mood. Not that he was surprised; she was unaware of anything that didn’t relate to or involve her. He half-listened to her incessant chatter, he knew what she was expecting and somehow he couldn’t blame her for expecting it. They had been “dating” for a few weeks now, and besides a few kisses, he had not tried to get more intimate. She seemed puzzled by his actions as if no one she had wanted had ever resisted her. He understood the men who had fallen prey to her wiles; she was a sexy woman if you didn’t care at all about her personality. At one point in his life he would have been more then happy to get he
r in bed. There was no danger to ever get attached to a person like her. But since he had moved and had bumped into Eva, he hadn’t been able to get interested. He had to tonight though. Sex maybe the only way to get a certain girl out of his mind. He didn’t want to think about and want Eva all the time anymore. He thought that maybe, it was sexual frustration that had him all in knots and unable to properly function. That made him crass to want to use Shelley that way, but she never had to know, and she would get what she wanted. This way, everybody was a winner
Once at the car, he opened the passenger door for Shelley, She pouted prettily at him and offered her lips for a kiss. He quickly bent to give her a peck; somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to kiss her so close to Eva. She didn’t see it that way though, she pulled him down by the neck to deepen the kiss and make sure it wouldn’t be quick and uninvolved. He stood still, trying hard not to retreat as he felt her tongue on his lips. He closed his eyes, and tried to get excited by the beautiful woman in his arms. She must have felt his reticence because her kisses grew more insistent. Why couldn’t he feel a response to her, when he was with Eva, he couldn’t keep his hands off her. He remembered the way she had looked on his bed, so soft, so beautiful. He felt himself get hard at the thought. Shelley must have noticed it because she glued herself even closer and he could have sworn she smiled. He gently took her by the shoulders and unstuck himself from her.
“Maybe I should take you home.”
She smiled triumphantly at him.
“Yes, I think we should” she said breathily. She looked sure he was now hers for the taking.
He almost smiled at the thought of what her face would look like if he told her that his body reaction was not because of her but because of another woman. He didn’t think it would make her very happy, especially since she had previously been so proud of the fact she had stolen her boyfriend so easily before. Maybe he should tell her, after all wasn’t she in part responsible for Eva’s action eight years ago? Maybe he should wait to tell her, until they were well into the night’s…err… entertainment. Or maybe he should be a man and just go home and cuddle with a bottle of some sort of alcohol. The thing was, he didn’t want to go home and feel sorry for himself, so he drove Shelley home and when she invited him up for coffee, yeah right, he accepted.