“I need to talk to Payton.”
“What you need to do is leave before I call the cops.”
“Payton?” I could hear Jack calling my name but I didn’t want to respond. It felt like I was in the midst of a bad dream and all the life was being drained right out of me.
“Jack, are you listening to me? I said leave!”
“I got it, Abby,” I said. She gave me a disappointed look. I couldn’t blame her. I was disappointed in me, too, but I decided to let him speak to me anyway.
“Jack, what are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you for a minute. Can we speak in private?”
I stepped down and looked around the store while debating whether this was a good idea.
“We won’t be long, Abby.”
He followed me to the back room.
“Yell if you need me.” Abby threw a few daggers his way before returning to the front counter.
In the back I leaned against my work table and waited for him to speak. He was sweating and reeked of alcohol.
He stepped closer.
“Back up.”
“You know I wouldn’t harm you, Payton.”
“That’s not the point. I’m more comfortable with you staying back.”
He put his hands up and backed away.
“I’ll stand over here.”
We stood in silence for a while.
“What do you want?”
“You.”
I proceeded to start walking out of the room.
“Please. Payton, please don’t go. I came all this way to talk to you please.”
“The distance you traveled is your own fault. I told you the last time to leave me and my family alone.”
He glanced down at my hand.
“Is that an engagement ring on your finger?”
I looked away while twirling the ring with my finger. This whole situation was uncomfortable and making me nervous.
“The ring is irrelevant, Jack. I’m going to ask you one last time. What do you want?”
The pitiful look on his face as he stood there sniffling made me angry and sad at the same time.
“I want you to take me back. It’s been too long, Payton. I need you. Take me back.”
He stumbled forward a few steps and started crying.
“Are you drunk?”
“I’m lonely. I miss you. Nobody has ever loved me the way you did, Payton. Nobody.”
“So let me get this right. You’re drunk and nobody has ever loved you the way that I did. That’s interesting. So basically you had to run through a lot of women first to figure this out. Got it. Is there anything else you want to tell me?”
“That’s not how it happened.”
“Newsflash. I don’t care to know how it happened. I’m an engaged woman now, Jack. Now that you’re here, I get to thank you personally for freeing me up so that I could meet the love of my life.”
“I can’t believe you’re getting married. How could you, Payton?”
“What! How could I? I can’t believe you would even fix your face to ask me something like that. Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I was supposed to just sit around and wait for you to finish getting acquainted with every woman in the state of Connecticut? Let’s not forget that you divorced me, by the way. I guess you forgot that part.”
“I didn’t forget. I was stupid, I know.”
“You are stupid to think I would wait until you figured out how to keep your pants zipped up.”
He slid down the wall and sat covering his face. His cry sounded pathetic. I almost felt sorry for him.
“Do you love him?” he asked.
“I wouldn’t be marrying him if I didn’t. But this isn’t about me, Jack. It’s not even about us anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time. You need help. You’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places, and now that you’ve finally hit rock bottom, you need help!”
Abby walked in quietly but Jack didn’t even notice with his head hanging and all the crying. She mouthed the word ‘Wow’ to me and then turned around and left.
“I guess you’re right. I keep looking for someone or something to soothe my pain. But it’s not working. None of it is working. The job is threatening to put me on probation, the bank accounts are almost tapped out. I feel like I don’t have anything left to live for. It’s like I’ve lost my sense of purpose. That’s why I came here to talk to you. The last time I remember having a stable life and feeling loved was when I was with you.”
I passed him a box of tissues. There was nothing more pitiful than seeing a man who had finally hit rock bottom. Even though I was angry at him I still had a heart.
“As much as you hurt me I don’t wish this on my worse enemy.”
While remaining as distant as I possibly could I joined him on the floor.
“It’s totally fair if you viewed me as your worst enemy. I deserve it,” he said.
“That’s part of the problem.”
“What?”
“You’re still wallowing around in your own mess. It’s time to pick your head up and start living your new life. That’s what I had to learn to do.”
“What if I don’t want a new life? What if I just want to return to what was good?”
“I didn’t want to start a new life either. I was thrusted into it. We don’t always get what we want, Jack. And, I’m grateful for it. Turns out that not everything we want is what’s best for us anyway.”
“So, what’s his name?” he asked.
“No. We’re not doing this. I’m not getting into the details of my life. What good would it do you to know anyway?”
He laughed while blowing his nose.
“You were always the more mature one of the two of us. I guess some things never change.”
“I guess.” I rolled my eyes.
“Hey, Jack?”
“Yes.”
“What are you doing here in Florida and how in the world did you find my store?”
“I’m here on business and heading back to Connecticut tomorrow. I found the store by googling your name.”
“Mmm.”
“Payton, it may not mean much to you, but I’m really sorry for hurting you and breaking up our marriage. You were the perfect wife back then and I know you will be going forward.”
“Thank you, Jack. But what about you? The idea that your life is over couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t care what you have to do. Find a therapist to talk to if you need someone to lean on. Whatever you do, don’t lose your job and keep chasing after things that leave you feeling empty inside.”
I don’t know how I was able to find it in my heart to actually care. But I did. After all that Jack had done to me, I didn’t have a mean bone in my body, and didn’t wish him any harm. I guess that’s what happens when you finally start to heal from your brokenness.
“I created quite a mess for myself back home. All the drinking, and gambling, and the women. It felt like one day I woke up in a complete fog, not knowing where I was or how I had gotten there.”
“I’m surprised things spiraled so far out of control. You weren’t like this when we first met. What happened?”
“If I’m honest, by the time we were engaged the signs were already there. I just did a good job at hiding it from you and your family.”
“Hiding what?”
“Let’s just say I made a lot of dumb choices to climb my way up the corporate ladder and fit in with the old boy’s club. I went to all the parties, started tossing around money I didn’t have to look impressive, gambled, drank.”
He held his head down in shame.
“And, even slept around just to prove that I was one of them.”
I closed my eyes but I wasn’t shocked. If anything he was confirming a lot of my suspicions.
“Did it work?”
“What do you mean did it work?”
“Did you get what you wanted?”
“Initially. But in the long run, no. What do I have to show
for it? No wife, no assets, and I’m about to lose my job if I don’t get my act together. To make matters worse, my two best friends Whiskey and Rum are all I have to lean on. How’s that for getting what I wanted?”
“Wow.”
It looked like I had dodged a huge bullet.
“You know, Jack. For a moment you almost had me feeling sorry for you. But, the more I sit here and think about it, you’re still just as selfish as ever.”
“Gee, thanks. Kick me when I’m already feeling low.”
“You have to quit with all the whoa is me nonsense. You came here for yourself, not for me. You’re chasing after something or someone that will make you feel better, help you keep your job, or return back to a so called normal life. And, you woke up this morning with this bright idea that finding me was the solution. But you’re wrong. I can’t do anything to help you even if I wanted to, Jack. You have to want to make better choices for yourself. When I asked you ‘did it work?’ Your response to me was ‘initially, but in the long run, no.’ That’s the problem… that’s your enemy right there. You actually believe that it worked at some point. The lifestyle you chose never worked. You were just deceiving yourself. Even when it felt good and seemed glamorous, you were still a train wreck waiting to happen.”
Jack leaned back against the wall.
“I’m no expert, but I can only imagine how much better off you’d be if you stop being so self-centered. You’re always trying to get something rather than give.”
“You’re probably right.”
I stood up and dusted my pants off. He reached out his hand for me to assist him with getting up.
“I’m ten times lighter than you, Jack Saunders. Here, grab on to this chair.”
“Ha, you always were a tiny little thing.”
While standing upright he looked into my eyes.
“Tiny, blond, and as beautiful as the day I met you. Some things never change.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what? Pay you a compliment? Tell you the truth? Show you that I was a fool for letting you go? I’d be a fool not to try, Payton.”
“You’re a part of my past, Jack… a piece of history that I no longer want to relive. Part of me wants to give you a piece of my mind and tell you right where you can go.”
“Like you did that time I showed up at your parents’ house?”
“Exactly.”
“Please don’t. Hear me out this time. I know I’m a mess right now, but hear my heart. It’s crying out to you, Payton. It has been for a long time now.”
I turned away and looked at the cork board filled with tasks for the week.
“I don’t wish you any ill will but …”
Cole’s voice echoed abruptly from the other side of the room.
“It’s time for you to leave,” he said.
I turned around to see Cole standing at the door with Abby a few feet behind him. Her eyes were wide open watching every bit of the scene as it unfolded. I felt nauseous.
“Don’t you think that’s up to Payton to decide?” Jack said.
“It’s my understanding she made her decision clear to you a long time ago. Your visit today is unwelcome.”
Everyone looked at me.
“You can’t keep doing this, Jack. I moved on and now it’s time that you do the same.”
“Payton, you were softening up to me before he walked into the room. Admit it. You know you were.”
Before I could answer good, Cole walked over to Jack with his slight limp.
“I’m giving you one last chance to leave out of here with some dignity. If you don’t, I will personally remove you out of here myself.”
Jack glanced over at me.
“Leave, Jack.”
He brushed past Cole and Abby and stormed his way out of the room. As soon as he left, every emotion and all the tears that I didn’t know I had left resurfaced. Cole came closer to console me.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.”
I wiped away the tears as quickly as possible.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying.”
He held me close.
“You two were married. I would imagine it’s normal to still have a sore spot. When somebody hurts you the way he did that kind of healing doesn’t take place overnight.”
My temples were throbbing but it felt good to close my eyes and rest on his shoulders.
“Are you having any doubts or second thoughts?”
“About what?”
“Us.”
“Oh, God, no. I’m very certain about us. He came by here unannounced. He said he was here on business. Please don’t ever doubt my feelings for you for one second. I love you, Cole.”
“I love you, too. I don’t doubt that you love me. It’s just that he mentioned something about you softening up to him, so I didn’t know.”
“I admit that I felt sorry for him, but not so sorry that I would ever want him back. He has drinking problems, money problems, and even problems at work. It just blows my mind how much he’s changed, that’s all.
“You deserve better, my love. You deserve much, much better. I plan to spend the rest of my life giving you all that you deserve and more.”
Abby knocked at the entrance of the break room to let us know she was still standing there.
“Okay you two. Break up the love fest for now. Would somebody mind filling me in on what happened?”
Cole and I looked at each other and laughed.
“It’s not funny. One minute sloppy Jack shows up and wants to talk, then I come to check on you, Payton, and he’s on the floor crying, then next thing I know here comes Cole to the rescue.”
Now that Abby mentioned it I wondered what brought Cole into the store during the middle of the morning.
“Why did you stop by, babe?”
“What’s the matter? You don’t like when I surprise you anymore?” He teased.
“No, that’s not it. I was just wondering if there was anything in particular that you needed.”
“Honestly, I just came back from giving an estimate and wanted to stop in and say hello. I had no idea what I was walking in to.”
“Well, your timing couldn’t be more perfect, Cole. I was hoping you would give him a knuckle sandwich, just to show him who’s boss.” Abby held both fists in the air like a boxer.
“Ha! I’ll have to keep that in mind for next time.”
“Next time? Hopefully there won’t be a next time,” I said.
“If it were me I wouldn’t sit around hoping. I’d get a restraining order just to let him know that I mean business. I know you’re too nice for that Payton, but it’s just a thought.”
“Abby, a restraining order? Really? It’s just Jack. He’s hasn’t been around in all this time.”
“I know! And then poof, out of nowhere he shows up. What if you were here by yourself? Maybe you should get yourself a weapon to hide in here just in case.”
“That’s not a bad idea, Payton.” Cole agreed.
“Look you guys. I already have a headache. Let’s get back out front and talk about all this later.”
The remainder of the day I was distracted with images of Jack crying on the floor and begging me to take him back. I had to repeatedly remind myself that what he was going through wasn’t my fault. My best days laid ahead in my future with Cole and that’s where my focus belonged.
Payton
I loved it when the ladies got together to play catch up. It had been so long since we kept up with any of our regular gatherings. Perhaps that was life’s way of showing us that things were changing. However, if only for a few hours, we were looking forward to being together.
“Listen to that beautiful sound. I could literally fall asleep out here.” I helped set up the canopy before stretching out on my beach chair.
The waves gently crashed on the shore. Without a cloud in sight and nothing but the sound of the ocean water it was absolutely heavenly.
“Helen, how is Will doing? I haven’t seen him in a while,” Alice asked.
“He’s okay. Sadly, he spends most of his days inside. It’s almost as if the dementia has caused him to retreat from the outside world. He’s comfortable within the confines of his home and doesn’t really socialize as much. That part breaks my heart.”
“Mom, I’ve been thinking about dad’s health as it pertains to the wedding. Do you think he’ll still be comfortable with walking me down the aisle?”
“Your father wouldn’t have it any other way, Payton.”
Rebecca and Abby approached the canopy dragging a large cooler from the house.
“Dad wouldn’t have what any other way?” Rebecca asked.
“We were talking about whether or not he would be feeling up to walking Payton down the aisle.”
“Oh, I don’t see why not. Dad walked me down the aisle just a few months ago. Even though our ceremony was on a much smaller scale. Much… much… smaller.”
“Gosh, don’t downplay it, Rebecca. It was still a beautiful celebration of your union with Ethan. And, how special was it to have all of your immediate family members there?” Abby said.
“It just felt like we had to hurry up and get hitched before I gave birth. Don’t get me wrong. I loved how everyone showed their support. The celebration at the restaurant afterward was very sweet. But let’s be real. If I wasn’t pregnant at the time, you know I would’ve done things totally different.”
“Okay, so when you’re ready the two of you can have a do over of some sort. Go all out and invite the whole town.”
“We were actually talking about it recently.”
I laughed. Leave it to Rebecca to already be planning her second wedding.
Mom leaned over and spoke to Alice in a loud enough voice where we could all still hear.
“Alice, are you sure you want to join forces with the Matthews? We can be kind of crazy, you know.”
A Pelican Beach Affair (Pelican Beach Book 3) Page 6