“It’s great. Truthfully, doll, I’m amazed by you. You totally stepped out of your comfort zone. Never in a million years would I have pictured you doing this.”
I could tell he was pleased at my praise, even though he tried to play it casual. “Well. Thanks.”
He shut up, so I chattered on to fill the silence. “You know, Walter, I think you should dance with me the next time we’re both at Cap’n Otto’s.”
“Huh?”
“Remember that time we snuck into some wedding reception at the Hampshire House? I guess it was one of my parents’ friends, and we thought we could get some free booze.”
“Oh, man, I’d forgotten all about that. You could talk me into anything.”
“I know, right? And I talked you into getting on the dance floor with me. So much fun!” It had been, too. Walter had turned out to be quite a decent dancer once he got out there.
He groaned and put his face in his hand for a moment. Then he raised it. “Will you tell me more about this foundation you started?”
“The Pellegrini-Vallen Foundation? Well, Jonathan and Marco really started it, but Sophia and I are on the board. It’s for queer youth, like junior high and high school-aged. And also disadvantaged kids. It’s got a shelter for homeless teens, and after-school programs. I do art classes with the kids.”
“That sounds great.”
“It is. We also have a scholarship program to help kids go to college who otherwise wouldn’t be able to. And lots of other stuff. We’ve got social workers who run groups and cool stuff like psychodrama and dance therapy and writers’ workshops. And a youth chorus. It’s all for these kids to have a home and a place where they can belong and thrive.” I felt my passion rise with every word, I was so frigging proud of the foundation and what we were doing. I’d even been daydreaming about getting a graduate counseling degree so I could make my classes into bona fide art therapy.
“That’s outstanding. I—”
“Walter!”
We swiveled our heads in the direction of a child’s voice. Melissa was hurrying in our direction, accompanied by two other tots, a boy and a girl. They all had huge smiles on their faces at seeing their friend Walter, and his smile matched theirs. Oh my God, when Walter actually smiled, it was devastating. I almost swooned.
“Hey there, Melissa. Hi, Bobby, Keisha. How’re you doing?”
“Good!” They swarmed him, leaning against him like he was their pet Walter, and he put his arms out so they could get even closer. Be still, my heart!
“When are we going in the boat?” Melissa asked. That girl knew how to stick to a goal.
“Yeah, Walter, yeah! I wanna steer the boat!” Bobby made motorboat sounds as he turned an imaginary steering wheel. “Outta my way, bozos!”
“Bobby! Who’re you calling bozos?” Walter admonished, but it was gentle and with a chuckle.
“Whoever gets in my way. Just like Mommy does when she’s driving!”
I glanced over to the coffee-klatch table of moms and dads, but luckily none of them seemed to have heard Bobby spilling the dirt on his mother. When I met Walter’s eyes, sparkling behind his glasses, I couldn’t help but snort out a laugh.
“I’ll be taking your class on the boat next week,” Walter assured them.
“Yay!” chorused Melissa and Bobby.
“Can I see your picture?” the other girl, Keisha, asked me shyly. She was a little cutie with curly hair and an adorable pink-and-purple striped sundress.
“Oh, this? Sure! Come on over.”
“Anthony’s a great artist,” Walter announced to the kids.
“Oh, please,” I protested but couldn’t help grinning at the kudos.
Keisha detached herself from Walter and came to my side of the table. We studied my sketch of the fisherman, and then I opened my sketchbook to show her more drawings and answered her many questions. She rested her little head against my arm as we talked, and… my, it felt cozy. Jonathan and Marco were already talking about children, whereas I’d never thought I wanted to be a dad. Maybe I’d have to rethink that.
As Keisha eagerly paged through the sketchbook, I caught Walter staring at me, Bobby and Melissa still hanging on him as they chattered. Me and Walter with kids snuggled up to us, gazing at each other—warmth filled me. We were having A Moment right there in the Daily Grind!
And then it was over. The kids left, having been called away by their parents, but that wasn’t what killed the glow. I was chatting about random stuff, and when I mentioned I’d decided to join the others the next day in the second scuba dive after all, Walter reverted to his most enraging persona.
Eyebrows knitted, he crumpled his empty coffee cup in his hand. “Why?”
“Why what, doll?”
“I thought you weren’t going to dive again. Isn’t that what you said?”
“Yes, but a boy gets to change his mind, doesn’t he? It’s Jonny and Marco’s last day, and they really want me to spend it with them. And I have to admit, the reef is amazing. I want to see more of it. It pleases my artist’s eye.” I surveyed his scowling face. “I mean, I thought you’d be happy! You’re the one who loves diving, and now I… well, I can’t say that I love it yet, but I want to give it another try. That’s how good a teacher you are!” I was about to add that maybe someday we could dive together, but he seemed furious. “What now?”
“I just…. It’s dangerous, Anthony. I don’t think you should—”
“Oh my God, Walter. Do not even go there! What is this insane need you have to protect me? It’s out of all proportion, and I do not appreciate it.” I hadn’t meant to go off on him, but it made me crazy that he kept wanting to protect me now, when twelve years ago he’d dumped me on my ass.
He pushed back from the table and rose, refusing to meet my eyes. “I’m sorry for caring.”
Wow. That was the most passive-aggressive thing I’d ever heard Walter say. And it finally pushed me over the edge.
“Well, I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that you disappeared on me after I almost died and I still don’t know why.” He flinched, but I was just getting started. “I’m sorry I would’ve never even known you care if the universe hadn’t decided to throw us back together. I’m sorry that despite us being back in each other’s lives against all odds, you still won’t open up and tell me what’s really going on with you. Maybe I’m stupid to believe in second chances and that there’s a reason we’re back together.” I took a deep breath. “But one thing I know for sure—unless you apologize and account for why you cut me out of your life, nothing else is going to happen.”
Walter stood frozen, face averted, fists clenched. After a long pause, he nodded. “Message received,” he muttered. “I’ve got to go now.”
He turned and walked rapidly away, leaving me with my mouth open and my chest heaving. I stared at the table, blinking away angry tears, already regretting what I’d said, even though it was the truth. I tried to give myself a little pep talk. Okay, I told myself, time to stop beating your head against the wall about Walter. The ball’s in his court. Don’t you dare open yourself up and give him your heart, because odds are he’s going to stomp all over it. I opened my sketchbook, trying to ignore the other little voice that had piped up and said, Too late, bozo. Your heart’s already his.
Chapter ELEVEN
SOPHIA PUSHED open the door to Back Bay Dive and Sail and held it for the rest of us, a happy grin wreathing her face. “That was so fantastic! Anthony, I meant to say it earlier, but I can’t believe how great you were out there. You’ve turned out to be a natural!”
“He really has,” Miles agreed, eyes shining with approval as we dripped on the floor and started shedding our wetsuits.
“Oh, pooh!”
But despite shrugging off their praise, I did feel pretty proud of myself for how effortless the second dive had turned out to be. To my complete shock, I’d enjoyed every minute of it. I could see why people got addicted to scuba diving. What a vibrant yet ethereal world
lived under the water. Absolutely stunning. My hands itched to get hold of my sketchbook.
Marco’s voice pulled me out of the picture I was visualizing. “I always had every confidence in Antonio. He just needed confidence in himself.” Marco gave a satisfied nod as if he’d planned the whole thing.
“Sometimes all you need is a second chance to get things right.” Jonathan said this with a completely straight face, but he cut his eyes to someone standing behind me. I knew who it was without looking, and I froze. I’d been avoiding Walter since that scene in the Daily Grind yesterday morning. For our bar crawl last night, I’d suggested that we go to the famous Green Parrot. When in Key West, do like the Key West tourists do, right? Although truth be told, I liked Walter’s bar better.
That someone cleared his throat, and then Walter’s voice sounded. “I’m glad it went well.”
Miles gave an emphatic nod. “Don’t act so surprised. It went fabulously, and Tony was the star of the show. Now will you quit worrying so much?”
“Probably not. That’s my mission in life.”
Humor was the last thing I expected after the way I’d confronted him. I whirled around to see Walter’s expression, but his head was down as he filled out a form on the counter.
“Well.” I huffed in fake impatience. “My mission is to make sure everyone has a good time, so who’s for heading to Cap’n Otto’s? We need to have some drinks before dinner.”
Jonathan shook his head. “Count us out. Marco got us on an earlier flight, so we need to change and get to the airport.”
“So soon?” Sophia put on a sad face, and Marco patted her head.
“You’ll be okay, sorellina. Anthony will take good care of you. So will the fine staff of Back Bay Dive and Sail.” His eyes sparkled, and he tilted his head toward the dock where Patricia was finishing stuff with the boat.
Walter looked up. “The rest of you might want to reconsider and leave too. There’s a hurricane heading our way, but the Caymans should be safe.” His eyes fell on me briefly, but I couldn’t read his expression.
Marco pulled out his iPad and frowned down at the screen. “Hmm, it’s not anywhere near here yet. Are you sure?”
“No, not positive. But the probability is high.”
Miles laughed. “That’s Walter for you. He’s been predicting hurricanes for years, so I’m told. And most of them have never shown up.”
“Still, better safe than sorry.” Marco lifted his head. “Sophia, you and Antonio should come with us to the Caymans. We can do more diving and be out of the way of the hurricane, if it comes. I can check about tickets.”
“Oh, but….” Sophia sounded conflicted, and matters weren’t helped by the back door opening and Patricia coming through. “I don’t know. I always wanted to experience a hurricane.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you’d lived through one.” Walter slapped closed his roster. “I’d advise you to do what your brother says and go with him.”
God, could he be any more like a disapproving parent? And he was trying to get rid of me too—the better not to have to ever make things right between us. That made me more determined to stay and be a fricking thorn in his fricking side. I pasted on a bland expression and sauntered over to check out some equipment on the wall, but turned when Patricia joined us.
“You talking about a hurricane?” She seemed supremely unconcerned. “Walter’s been worried about them for years. Mostly they blow over and everyone gets all excited for nothing.”
“Yes,” I said when Walter failed to answer. “What do you think we should do, Patricia?” Tell us to stay, tell us to stay.
“Hmm. We’re stuck here unless there’s mandatory evacuations.” She gave Sophia an alluring smile. “Hurricane parties are pretty fun, though. Candlelight and lots of booze.”
“That’s true,” Miles said. “As long as we don’t get blown away. Which is unlikely.”
Walter made a disgusted noise and started sorting through a pile of gear.
Okay. Reminding myself I was over caring what Walter thought, I decided to take the bull by the horns and move this party along. “Jonny, you and Marco should go to the Caymans and let us stay here. I’m sure we’ll survive just fine, and you two deserve your own time away.”
Marco’s eyebrows could have written a book with all their different meanings. This time they were telegraphing concern and a hint of disapproval. They loosened right up, though, when Jonathan whispered something to Marco that made him smile.
“Anyway,” I said loudly enough to stop the lovebirds from going down their usual kissy-kissy path, “let’s meet at Cap’n Otto’s later after these two leave for the airport. I need a celebratory mudslide.”
“Sounds good to me.” Miles gave a butt wiggle and danced a few steps closer. “I’m ready to dance!”
“You’re bartending tonight.” Walter was still gazing at the counter, but he set his shoulders as if anticipating a fight—which Miles gave him immediately.
“What? When did that happen? I wasn’t on the schedule.”
“Darren called in sick.”
“Okay, but what about Bootsie? Or you?”
“What about you do what the boss tells you to do?”
As Miles and Walter stared each other down, I decided to show how unaffected I was by getting my flirt on. “You do make the best mudslides, Walter. There’s no end to your talents, I’m afraid.”
Walter jerked his head around and transferred his stare to me. “What?”
“Come on.” I gave him a coaxing smile. “Maybe you and Miles can trade off. You need to party with us and be the best bartender too.”
Miles seemed to be giving Walter a particularly significant look. “Yeah, Walter. Come on. Tony wants you there.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say it quite like that—”
“Fine.” Walter slapped the mask back onto the counter. “See you there.”
THAT NIGHT at Cap’n Otto’s will remain etched in my memories. It started out the usual way, me and Miles and Sophia dancing while Patricia watched, all of us drinking mudslides that Walter turned out with his usual precision. He never did ask Miles to bartend, but halfway through the evening, another employee showed up to take over. That’s when things got surreal.
Sophia and I were boogieing to Daft Punk, minus Miles, who’d gone to the head. Someone stepped up behind me and put their hands on my hips. Assuming Miles had returned, or that it was any of the randos who were occupying the dance floor, I leaned back and collided with a solid chest that felt oddly familiar.
One glance at the large hands that gripped me, coupled with Sophia’s saucer-like eyes, and the realization swept me that Walter had inexplicably and uncharacteristically joined me on the dance floor. Yes, we’d had that short conversation in the coffee shop about him dancing—but I hadn’t meant like this, pulling me against him as he ground into my butt. Mind: blown. I could feel a stiff rod poking me, and my own stiffened in answer. Jeez. Nothing from this man in twelve years, and now he’s dry humping me in front of everyone in his bar?
This went beyond weird. I didn’t usually have a problem getting down in public, especially in dark clubs. I’d been known to give and receive a hand job on the dance floor, and a few skips and a jump could bring me to fucking in a bathroom stall with no compunction. But I couldn’t do it when my emotions were involved. While I wasn’t a fragile flower in most situations, I was quite the retiring violet in this one. I didn’t want to be doing anything lewd with Walter in full view of God and everyone. I just didn’t. Especially not when I was still waiting for him to apologize and explain himself to me.
As I was struggling with these frilly feelings, Miles complicated things by stepping in front of me with a smirk and making me into the filling of a Walter-Miles sandwich. Oh. My. Lord. I was usually totally up for being in the middle of two hot, grinding men, but please God, not the particular two I was trapped inside of.
I pushed Miles off me and then tried to step away from Walter, bu
t his large hands trapped my hips in a vise. Fear and anger rose.
“Let me go,” I hissed.
He did, thank the stars. Even in the midst of my freak-out, my heart went out to him because I knew he was trying to make a connection in his own bizarre, ham-handed way. I turned around and grabbed his arms. “Come on. Let’s go outside.”
He nodded, his face a study in abashment. I led him past the dancers, yelling partiers, my friends, and Miles, who actually smiled and nodded at me like he was cheering me on. I didn’t understand any of it, but I knew I needed to be alone with Walter. I needed Walter to talk to me. I needed… I didn’t know what I needed, but I was damned well going to find out.
Outside, I tugged Walter’s hand and nodded in the direction of my condo. It was a fancy-schmancy one with its own “private beach”—a few square feet of imported sand—right on the water, and I thought we could at least sit there and talk. We traversed the couple of blocks in silence.
At the condo I unlocked the beach gate. The setting was certainly right for a romantic encounter—the night was clear, and the half-full moon shone on the waves as the sea crashed and ebbed under the twinkling stars. We were still holding hands, but Walter’s arm was tense, and he walked stiffly, like he was afraid to put a foot wrong.
I shook his arm lightly. “Loosen up. I don’t bite.”
He sighed, and his shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to do this.”
“You’re doing fine. We need to talk, is all.”
“But you… you and Miles?”
I laughed as my eyes traveled the waves and then back to his stricken face. “There is no me and Miles. He’s…. Miles is a wonderful person. But we’re not doing anything but hanging out. Walter….” I stopped and turned to face him, and found my hands resting on his broad chest. “I never thought I’d see you again, and I was fine with that. Or so I thought.”
He was breathing fast, and he swallowed. “It… I couldn’t believe it when you walked into my bar. Anthony. The one guy I never got over.”
In Over Our Heads Page 12