“What? No, I—” David let out a quick breath. Fuck. “I’m kind of fucked up,” he said in a quieter voice.
No one argued. He supposed that was fair.
“Look,” Reese said, sighing. “I’m going to guess something, or somethings, happened to you in the past, and all this is a symptom of that.”
“You mean PTSD. And yes,” David said, cheeks burning.
“Whatever it was—and you don’t have to tell us—seems to have done a number on your sleep.”
“There’s an understatement.”
“Right. So, we can’t fix that,” Reese said.
David’s heart hurt. Not that Reese wasn’t perfectly correct. But some part of David had always hoped someone, someday, would be able to fix it. He was aware of how foolish that was.
“But we can try to make it better, if you tell us how—and provided the answer isn’t that any of us end up on the couch.”
“You have made it better,” David admitted.
“Good,” Reese said, climbing to his feet and pulling them with him. “Let’s get back into bed. You can tell us how we help, and we can do it some more.”
David let himself be guided into the bed. He was barely settled before Mati rolled into him, her nose pressed to the divot at the base of his throat. The lights went out, and Reese curled up against his back, his knees nestled behind David’s, his mouth tickling the nape of David’s neck, leaving soft kisses there.
The knot in David’s chest loosened a little more.
He sighed, burrowing under the warm and heavy covers. Strong arms wrapped around him.
“I shot a friend. I killed him.”
No one moved. No one breathed.
David had no fucking idea what had made those words come out of his mouth.
Mati cuddled closer, her grip ferocious around his ribs.
“I’m sorry,” Reese said quietly.
He waited for them to ask for the details. Or to question if that was something David should have done. Their confidence in him both flattered and alarmed him.
“I was on SWAT,” he explained, because he needed them to know. “I’m a good shot. There’s a few of us who were good enough to be on sniper duty. That day was my turn.” He could remember being proud when he’d gotten his marksmanship certification. He’d been a kid. A dumb, fucking hopeful kid. “We didn’t know where we were going until we got there. We pulled up, and I realized I’d been there before. Poker night. The Super Bowl. I’d worked with Cronin for years. We all thought he was a good guy. Been on the force for a decade before I showed up. We didn’t work together often, but he’d had my back a time or two.”
He stopped to take a deep breath, his entire world narrowed down to the gentle brush of Reese’s nose through the short hairs along his nape, and the puffs of Mati’s breath on his collarbone.
“I guess he wasn’t such a good guy at home. By the time we showed up, he had his family at gunpoint. In the living room. I could see them from the roof across the street, right through the window. He had to know that. He never looked at me, but he didn’t close the fucking curtain. He wasn’t…he wasn’t dumb. He had to know…but he kept threatening them. Then himself. Back and forth. Sweaty and red-faced and shaking. I could see all the signs. Our negotiator couldn’t get him to stand down. His wife was begging him to put down the gun. To let the kids go. They were crying and clinging to their mother. I couldn’t hear words, but you could tell. By the noises, you know?”
David’s voice cracked and he took a shaky breath. They held on tighter.
“His partner, a guy I know pretty well, went in to talk to him. Cronin shot him. He didn’t even hesitate. Didn’t listen to a word he said. He just dropped him. It was a leg wound, and he survived, thank god, but we didn’t know that. We didn’t know anything. All I could hear was the screaming from all the way across the street—over the shouting in my earpiece, over the swearing from the guy on the roof with me, watching my back. My supervisor didn’t have any choice. He made the call. I took the shot.”
He could hear it now. That single, sharp report. The ringing in his ear because he hadn’t had any noise protection. He could still see Cronin’s body drop to the floor like his strings had been cut. Because they had. Because David had cut them.
He could feel Mati’s tears on his neck and the tremble in Reese’s arm around them. But they didn’t move away.
At some point, David had started clinging to Mati. He didn’t remember doing that. Or when his breathing had synched up with Reese’s. Or when he’d begun to cry.
“That’s what I dream about,” he added uselessly. “There were others. Other call-outs. Other shots. They sometimes make appearances, but that’s the one…”
He swallowed hard and focused on timing his breaths with Reese’s while his chest was too tight to speak. He petted Mati’s tangled braid when he wanted to curl his hands into fists and smash something.
He wasn’t mad he’d taken that shot. It had taken him a long time to figure that out. He was pissed because he couldn’t get it out of his head. The final straw that had forced him out of the BPD.
Mati nodded. “Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to sleep for shit after that either.”
David blinked down at Mati, because…was she joking?
She looked back, her smile sad and sympathetic. She wasn’t joking.
No one had ever admitted that to him before. Or said anything like it.
“You don’t know that,” he said, not sure why he was arguing. “You’re pretty tough.”
Mati touched his cheek. “As are you.”
David sighed. He’d always thought so, but over the last couple years, he’d gotten used to hiding how fragile he felt a lot of the time.
He knew the truth.
Reese pressed his nose against the back of David’s neck and drew in a deep breath. The scent of David’s shampoo, the lingering traces of his cologne, and a hint of Mati’s hand cream, all mixed beneath the covers, trapped with their warm bodies. It was centering. Reassuring. Almost enough to make what Reese was about to say less terrifying.
“I hardly left the house for a year. And barely went any farther than that for a long time. Trust me when I say you’re plenty tough.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and waited. It wasn’t anything Mati didn’t already know. Hell, she’d lived through a good chunk of it with him. Had gone with him on some of his first trips off Nova Scotia—she and Hodges his unwitting security blanket.
Nerves fluttered, his stomach clenching with them when David rolled over to face him. Mati peered at Reese over David’s shoulder, tucked in close behind him.
She looked pleased, which surprised Reese.
“I, umm…” David began, pausing to lick his lips. “I knew that?”
Reese sighed. “Chance?”
“Kieran. But don’t be mad at him. He told me at the same time he promised to bury my body where no one would find it if I hurt you.”
Reese was touched. He made a mental note to do the Morrison thing and hug Kieran the next time he saw him.
“My point,” Reese continued, “is that we all have things that set us back. Getting run off the road was not something I handled well. Having everyone think it was because I was drunk made it worse.”
His breath caught when David kissed him. “What was that for?”
“I wanted to.”
Something tight and sweet welled up in Reese’s chest. An unbearable affection. He kissed David back.
Mati looked at David from over his shoulder. “You’re not fucked up.”
“I am,” David said flatly.
“Okay,” Reese amended. “You’re not any more fucked up than most of us.”
David almost smiled. “That might be true.”
“And you’re incredibly tough,” Mati added.
David made a face as if he didn’t believe that.
Reese couldn’t understand how David didn’t see it. It wasn’t about how big David was, or how capable with a gun
or in a fight. It was about how much he still cared. How hard he worked to protect people he barely knew, let alone the lengths he went to once he did know them.
“You’re getting through it,” Mati said.
“Barely.”
“Still counts,” Reese said. “Trust me.”
Mati poked at David’s shoulder. “You’re working. You’re sleeping. You’re having phenomenal sex. You’re doing a good job.”
David huffed out a laugh. “Reese is still tougher.”
Reese jerked back. “Are you serious?”
“You had a problem, and you got over it. You can’t tell me it was easy.”
“It wasn’t,” Reese agreed.
“I watched him do it,” Mati said. “You’ve never seen anyone work so hard at anything.”
David nodded, as if that was what he’d expected. “See, wicked fucking tough.”
Reese laughed, kind of helplessly. “Thank you. That…means a lot. From both of you.”
Mati kissed his cheek, practically crawling over David to do it. David didn’t seem to mind. “What do you say we get some sleep, have slow, lazy sex in the morning, and then do that driving lesson tomorrow?”
Anxiety clutched at Reese’s chest, but he recognized it as the knee-jerk reaction it was and forced it aside. “Yes, sounds great.”
David’s eyes narrowed on his face. “You sure?”
“About morning sex? Never surer of anything in my life.”
David smirked. “I mean about the driving.”
Reese nodded. “Yes. It’s time. I want to be able to do my part if it’s needed.”
David placed his big palm on Reese’s chest, right over his heart. “See? As tough a bastard as I’ve ever met.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Mati stretched out in the back seat of Reese’s car, the afternoon sun streaming in through the window warming her face, content to rest her eyes for a bit. They’d been driving for a couple of hours, and Reese was doing fine—which was no surprise.
She texted Hodges a picture of the back of Reese’s head with the Boston traffic out the windshield beyond, hoping Hodges wouldn’t notice the giant hickey above Reese’s collar.
The immediate response was, Excellent!
They’d started in a deserted parking lot with Reese reacquainting himself with the clutch. From there, they’d ventured onto increasingly busy streets until they’d ended up here, a few blocks from their old hotel in the heart of the city. Boston was not an easy city to drive, given many of its streets had started out as winding cart paths and its citizens weren’t known for their patience behind the wheel. Reese seemed unbothered, though. The few times he’d gotten tense—as anyone reasonably would—David had put his hand on his leg and talked him through it.
Mati only had one worry now. “David, if you keep moving that hand up his thigh, Reese is going to drive right into that truck.”
“I will not,” Reese said, indignant.
David laughed. “I’m making sure he’s good at driving with distractions.”
“More like driving with erections,” Reese muttered.
“That, too,” David said with a toothy smile.
Mati laughed and looked longingly out the window at the city she’d been in for over a week and still hadn’t seen. When this was all over, she wanted to come back. She wanted to explore and eat and walk and see everything.
Including David. More and more, the idea of leaving here, leaving him, felt wrong.
She jumped when her phone rang. She’d been without it for so long that it felt weird to be able to answer it. Chance and David had agreed it was safe to pick up their phones when they retrieved Reese’s car from the hotel, giving them time to catch up on calls and texts. They’d shut off the location services, but once they were done with their outing, they would turn it back on and leave them at the hotel again.
“Who is it?” David asked.
“My brother. Mikey.”
“Do you mind answering it on speakerphone?” David asked.
“I don’t mind, but you don’t think my brothers have anything to do with all this, do you?”
“No, I don’t. But they now employ someone I’m very interested in hearing about.”
Mati had been trying not to think about that. She answered the phone, on speaker.
“Hey, Mikey. Everything okay?”
“Where the fuck are you?”
Mati jerked, almost dropping her phone.
David turned to Reese and quietly said, “Pull over.”
Mati’s blood boiled. “What’s wrong with you, Mike?” she snapped. “Don’t yell at me like that, or next time I won’t answer.”
“You haven’t answered the last ten times I’ve called.”
She rolled her eyes as Reese pulled into a spot alongside one of the parks. “I called after you showed up at Reese’s house, and Stephen said it was nothing. Actually, he said you were out training Frankie for his new job. I was pretty much done talking after that.”
“The whole world doesn’t revolve around you, Tilly,” Mikey said.
Reese spun in his seat to glare at the phone. David’s mouth fell open.
A familiar humiliation washed over her, followed by an equally familiar rage. She locked it all down.
She needed this call to be over. “What do you want?” she asked evenly.
“When are you coming home?”
“I don’t know. Are Mom and Dad okay?”
“What do you care? You ditched them.”
She rubbed her forehead. “You, and Stephen, and your wives—who are always offering to do more—are all there, Mikey. You can make sure they’re okay for a couple of weeks now and then.”
“You’re their daughter.” Translation: It’s your job.
“Is this really why you called?” she asked, her voice flat.
“Yes. No. I need to talk to you.”
“So talk.”
“In person.”
She couldn’t imagine why. “Is something wrong?”
“Maybe. I just…you’ve been saving for retirement, right?”
Mati blinked and looked at Reese, who appeared equally baffled. He shook his head once, slowly. She understood his advice and agreed.
“You want to talk to me in person about my personal investment strategy?” she asked, deflecting.
“What? No. You know what? If you don’t want to tell me, don’t. Be a bitch. Family never comes first with you.”
Gee, I wonder why?
Also, that was total bullshit, since she was constantly doing shit for her family.
“Mike, I don’t know what you want. I’m away. On business. I can’t have this kind of call unless you want to get to the point.”
“Oh, please. You’re just a fucking secretary. When are you going to get real?”
Her cheeks burned and her shoulders slumped with defeat. Arguing would be pointless. Nothing she said would make a difference, which was why she hadn’t bothered to explain anything to her brothers before now.
Mati hung up without saying another word.
Reese gently took her phone from her hand, turned it off, and tossed it on the dashboard.
“Your family…” he began, trailing off.
“Yeah. I know.”
Mati didn’t know what to think when David got out of the car without saying anything, quietly shutting the door behind him. He stood on the sidewalk, took a deep breath, and shook himself as he let it out. Then he climbed into the back seat, undid her seatbelt, and hauled her into his lap.
Mati sighed and snuggled closer. God, this helped. Not just because he held her, but because neither he nor Reese offered any defense or excuse for her family. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her face against his neck, soaking up the unconditional comfort he offered.
“Do you think you can get us to the hotel from here?” David asked Reese.
Reese squeezed Mati’s knee and pulled neatly into the flow of traffic.
Reese
had somehow forgotten how much he enjoyed driving, a fact he clung to while navigating the last few blocks to their hotel. Otherwise, he’d think about how Mati’s family continued to treat her like a second-class citizen. Like a drudge whose sole occupation should be to care for her parents. He knew from Mati’s rants in the past that this was not only constant, but had gotten worse when she’d hit thirty without getting married.
Thanks to David, Mati seemed settled by the time they pulled up in front of their hotel. Reese, however, was in a slow-boiling homicidal rage. Their flirtatious friend in the valet stand took one look at Reese’s face and passed off their ticket to his colleague to deliver.
They waited until Marcus wandered past the car before they climbed out. He hadn’t been required to follow them all day, but David had kept Chance and Marcus abreast of their whereabouts, and this was the plan upon their return.
Reese tossed his keys to the not-the-least-bit-flirtatious valet. “Room 1237.”
Mati and David smiled, maybe a little proudly. Reese felt pretty proud of himself. He’d conquered driving again. Now he wanted to go home and conquer these two.
They’d barely made it ten paces into the lobby when a familiar voice rose above the murmur of the crowd.
“Reese! Oh, my goodness, what a surprise!”
Reese froze, Mati and David stuttering to a stop on either side of him.
No fucking way.
They turned slowly, in unison, toward the voice.
Reese immediately noted the subtle but distinct shitstorm brewing around them in the lobby. Marcus stood from his lounge chair and moved to the door. Another man Reese didn’t recognize stood and dialed his phone, not bothering to disguise that he was watching them closely.
Nothing freaked him out more, though, than when David slid one hand behind his back.
Reese’s nerves coiled so tight his fingertips tingled.
“Chaz?” he asked incredulously.
“Hey! Hi!” Chaz jogged across the lobby, his hand out.
“Wow, I can’t believe you’re here,” Reese strangled out. “That we bumped into each other.” And that wasn’t hyperbole. He actually could not believe it.
“Yeah, this is great. What a coincidence,” Chaz said as they shook hands. He looked at David expectantly.
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