“I’ll never forgive myself for this.”
“That is the last thing I want you to feel,” Madeline replied, her voice low, as the crunch of gravel underfoot alerted her that someone was approaching.
She spun around, to see Dean walking towards them. “I saw you from the windows.” He held a coat out. “You have a terrible habit of heading out in the weather without enough layers, Mads.”
Madeline took it from his fingers, a small smile of thanks on her lips.
“Hi. I’m Dean Howard,” he said with his trademark confidence, extending his hand to Diana.
She took it, her pale face scanning Dean’s thoughtfully. “So you are. I’ve seen you on television.”
“Then you have the advantage.”
Madeline put a hand through Dean’s arm out of habit. “This is my… this is a friend. Diana.”
“Diana Samson,” she qualified, and was pleased to see the flash of awareness in Dean’s handsome face. So, he knew who her son was. Did he know that his wife was still madly in love with him? Because Diana knew. Madeline was the same devoted, love-sick girl she’d been eight years ago. And she, Diana, had to set things to right. Somehow.
“Ah yes. Now I see it. The same smile as Ivy,” he commented with a grin.
“We met Harrison and Ivy at the diner the other night,” Madeline explained. “Ivy has been charming me since I arrived in town.”
“Yes, she’s quite a character.”
“Very confident little thing,” Dean said approvingly. “Darling, your absence is being noticed,” he said to his wife, looking up towards the house.
Madeline’s expression was pained. “Do I have to go back?”
Dean shook his head. “No. Not if you don’t want to. I have the jet fuelled and waiting. We can take off. Go somewhere warm. Nevada? Hawaii? Want to get away for a while? I’m your guy.”
“I can’t do that,” Madeline responded. “No matter how tempted I am.” She grimaced to Diana. “I’d better get back in. Just remember what I said, okay?”
Diana nodded. “I’m sorry, Madeline.”
They watched Diana go, her head held high, her shoulders squared, as she moved down the drive and out the gates of the property. Harrison was watching. Madeline allowed herself to look at him for a full ten seconds, before she forced a smile of readiness to her face and turned to Dean. “Let’s go face the music.”
“It’s not so bad now. Several people have left. But Mitchell Harrison saw you and Diana talking. I thought I should come and conclude the conversation.”
“Shit.” She rubbed a hand over her eyes. “This is just going from bad to worse.”
“Mads, have I ever told you that you worry too much?”
She gnawed on her lower lip, forgetting for a moment that she was expected to be serene and confident at all times. “No,” she shook her head. “I’m worried just the right amount. If Diana gets in trouble now, it will all have been for nothing.”
“You have no control over Mitchell, or Diana. Trying to control people’s actions is where your father came unstuck. The deck’s already been shuffled, now you just have to play the hand you’re holding.”
She nodded. He was right.
Hours later, when the last mourners had been farewelled, and Arielle had been settled into bed with the help of a sleeping pill, Madeline excused herself. Dean was busy catching up with KB and Emily, and Madeline needed to be away from all of them. As much as she loved them, her head was crowded by other people and their needs and wants. And her own desires were banging at the door, desperate to be heard.
She pushed outside and then made an exasperated sound, before snaking her hand back into the house and grabbing a coat. It was Dean’s. It smelled of him. She pulled it around her shoulders and stalked over the lawn. The grass was wet underfoot. She didn’t care. Her camel boots might be ruined, but it was a price she was willing to pay, for the temporary freedom and solitude it afforded.
The tree house hadn’t been used for years. She jumped up into the air, reaching for the rope ladder, pulling it down on the third attempt. Gingerly, she placed her foot on the bottom rung. It held. So far so good. She climbed higher and higher, until her hands gripped the familiar edge of the structure. She set her phone onto the flashlight setting and leaned it in a corner, giving the small, timber structure a gentle glow. It was enough to make sure no racoons had set up shop in her favourite spot. A shape in the corner caught her attention, and she moved to it curiously.
It was a book. She lifted it and blew the dust from the cover in the same movement. Little Women, one of her teenage favourites. She clutched it in her hands and sat down in the middle of the floor, staring out at the glowing ranch in the distance, and the twinkling night sky. A little way off, she could hear the roaring ocean, as the waves pounded against the shore.
What was she going to do?
She knew she loved Harrison.
That she’d always loved him.
But he’d never accept her back without knowing why she’d left him in the first place. He was too damned inquisitive. Too proud. His resentment would always sit between them. Unless he knew the truth about her and Dean. Would he then be able to accept that at least she hadn’t ever moved on from him?
She shook her head. No. Not even that would do it. He would still want to know why she’d left him. At best, he thought her a snob. Someone who craved prestige and wealth over true love and a meaningfully connection. At worst, he believed her to be weak minded, and easily influenced by a foolish father.
The ladder made a loud crunching noise, and then another. Madeline craned forward, peering down from the tree house. His frame was unmistakable.
“Harrison?” She asked, her voice just a husk.
“Still your favourite place, huh?” He asked, looking up with an ambivalent furrow of his brows.
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “How did you find me?”
“I saw the light.” He thumbed his hand towards the cell phone.
“Oh.” She nodded jerkily. “It’s the only place I can get some privacy around here today.”
He climbed higher, so that his torso was level with hers. “Do you want me to go? To leave you in privacy?”
Wordlessly, she shook her head, and moved further inside the tree house by way of invitation.
He climbed up, as he had done many times in the distant past.
“God, it feels small now,” he laughed deeply.
She nodded again. “What are you doing here?”
“Just wrapping things up with the secret service.” Even in the pale light afforded by her cell, his eyes were like brilliant gemstones.
“I can’t believe the media felt there was something newsworthy in the events of today.”
Harrison looked at her for a full minute, his expression sceptical. “Can’t you? You come from a very well known family, Madeline. You’ve married into another one. Of course there’s public interest.” He reached across and took the book from her. “I would have thought you’d be used to the press, anyway.”
“They tend to leave me alone, most of the time. In DC, there are far more interesting people to follow around.”
“Not more beautiful, though,” he responded quietly, transfixed by the way the silver beams of the moonlight were making her skin appear to luminesce.
“Harrison…”
He shook his head. “I’m glad you spoke to Diana today. She was worried about you.”
“That was… kind of her,” Madeline said, her breath strained. She scanned his face, trying to see if Diana had broken her promise and revealed her secret to Harrison. But he didn’t seem to have any deeper knowledge of the situation than he had possessed the last time they’d met.
“I’ve been worried about you,” he grudgingly admitted.
“Have you?” Her mouth felt filled with sawdust. She darted her tongue out and licked her top lip nervously.
“Does that make me kind, too?” He demanded, flicking his ey
es away, and staring down at the book. A small smile hit his lips as he realised it was Little Women. He opened the cover, and read the inscription. “You don’t need scores of suitors. You need only one… if he’s the right one.”
It was a quote from the book. He’d read the whole thing to try to understand just what she loved about it so much. “I guess I wasn’t the right one, in the end.”
He passed it back to her, his smile heavy with emotion.
Madeline opened her mouth to say something but he shook his head and lifted a finger to her lips. “Let me say this, Maddie. Let me get it out while I still have the ability. I’ve spent the last eight years thinking that I hate you. And I realised today that that isn’t true. I hate what you did. And I hate that I still seem to want you like some kind of hormonal, out of control kid,” he said with a small laugh. “But I want you to be happy. And as loathe as I am to admit this, Dean seems to make you happy. So I want to say goodbye. Properly. No anger. No aggression. Just goodbye.”
Tears sparked in her eyes. “I don’t want to say goodbye,” she said honestly. Her eyes sought his.
He pressed a finger under her chin, angling her face to his. “We talked about this already. You want it all. But no way can I share you, Madeline, and I don’t think Dean would either.”
She lifted her brows. He was completely wrong there. “I don’t want it all,” she said finally. “I just want you. I want you as much as I did eight years ago.”
His eyes showed his surprise. “No, Madeline. It’s not possible. What we shared is gone. There’s too much that’s happened between us now. We can never have that back.”
Her stomach hurt like she’d been punched. “Why not? You still want me. I want you. This connection… it’s there.”
“You’re married,” he said with a barely controlled anger. “The guy’s had his hands all over you today. Do you know what it felt like? Seeing that? Seeing you with him? Knowing he was comforting you and helping you, and that I had to stay on the Goddamned sidelines?” He shook his head, visibly trying to rein his temper in. “I wanted to talk to you so much it hurt, and he was there. He’s always there. He’s the one you chose.”
“We’re getting divorced,” she said quietly, not sure if telling him was right or wrong. But she knew she had to try to fix things.
Harrison went perfectly still. His whole body seemed to be flooded with a kind of charge that made him freeze. “Since when?”
“Since I signed the papers tonight. I guess you could say I’m technically as good as divorced now.”
His face blanched visibly. “Because of us? Because you cheated on him?”
“No, Harrison. My divorce has nothing to do with you and me.”
He closed his eyes. “Then why?”
“Does it matter? Did you hear what I said? My husband and I are no longer married. We are parting on excellent terms. Dean’s my best friend, and I’m always going to love him, but our marriage no longer serves its purpose.”
“Its purpose? What purpose?”
“I… can’t discuss that.” She squeezed her eyes closed, and felt the wall of his frustration. She knew she had to give him something. “Partly, it was to keep Kenneth off my back,” she said quietly. “He approved of Dean. Saw him as a man cut from the same cloth. He isn’t, of course, as you probably know. Dean is nothing like Kenneth was.”
“No.”
“I mean, Dean’s… so thoughtful and kind. He’s sweet natured and gentle, and completely driven by what is right and what is good.”
Harrison held his hands up, palms facing her. “Do you mind if we skip this part? I get it. Your husband’s the best guy in the world.”
“Soon to be ex-husband. And I didn’t say that.”
“So why are you leaving him?”
“We’re leaving each other.”
“Right. Why?”
“We both love other people,” she said simply.
Harrison was very still. “You’re saying you love me?”
“Of course I love you, Harrison. As much as I always have.”
It was so quiet. Only the sound of the rumbling ocean punctuated the tree house.
“Harrison? Did you hear me?” Her laugh was a husk. “You’re making me freak out here.”
He was crouching down beside her, his face impossible to read in the dim light of the tree house. “You love me as much as you always have?” He repeated with quiet disbelief. His voice had a strange quality to it. A far away-ness that she didn’t comprehend.
Madeline’s stomach churned with anxiety. “Yes.”
“But that’s never been enough, Maddie.” His eyes were locked to hers, willing her to understand. “I’m not the guy for you. No matter how much I wish it were different, I’m just not the guy.”
For the briefest flash of seconds, Madeline had thought she was going to be able to hold onto this. To finally set things right, and clutch Harrison close to her, and never let him go. For the smallest pulse beat of a second, she’d actually breathed the hope of a woman in love, whose love would be returned.
But it was slipping through her fingers, like trying to hold water with a sieve. She couldn’t do it. There were too many problems to overcome. She bit back a sob. “You are the only man I’ve ever loved.”
“That just makes it worse,” he snapped, his anger growing. “God, Madeline, I loved you, and you broke my heart. I’ve changed since then. Do you think I’d be stupid enough to give you that power over me again?”
She flinched at his harsh words. “I don’t want to hurt you, Harrison.”
“You hurt me by being here.” He groaned fiercely. With a shake of his head, he moved towards the opening in the tree house. “I mean it, Madeline. You and I have fallen into a trap of thinking that just because our past was… or seemed to be, at the time… incredible, that there’s still something between us. And there isn’t.”
“What do you call the other night then?” She demanded huskily, her cheeks flushing beneath her pale skin, as she reminded him of the evening they’d made love.
“Two people who wanted to get laid,” he said with a burst of dismissive frustration.
“It was more than that. At least for me. And for you, too.”
His laugh was a bark of cruel derision. “I hadn’t had sex in a really long time, and you turned up at my house. What was I to do?”
Madeline recoiled in pained surprise. “Don’t say that, Harrison. Don’t turn it into that.”
He ignored the jab of compunction. So he was upsetting her. Big deal. She’d done her fair share of upsetting him over the years. And she still was. With Madeline, he always had the sense that he was dangling on the edge of a thread, being pulled at her will. It was imperative for his own sanity that he kept her away from him. “It was great sex. If you ever want to walk down memory lane with no strings attached, let me know.”
She couldn’t hold the next sob back. It wracked her body. She dipped her head lower, onto her knees, trying to work out what was going on. How could Harrison, beautiful, kind Harrison, be so cruel?
When she lifted her head, to ask him that very question, she saw only the twinkling stars.
Harrison had gone.
CHAPTER NINE
The spate of petty thefts was unusual at that time of year, Harrison thought to himself, as he flicked through the report his deputy had just handed up. Tourist season was months behind them, and that usually saw the rate of small crimes drop in proportion to the amount of out of towners. Then again, the Bartlett family’s recent events had seen an influx of guests – from visitors to mourners to staff to press. More than likely it was a blip on the horizon. Nonetheless, he began making a list of the most at-risk areas and looking at the roster to see how he could increase patrols. He took his job to keep the residents of Whitegate safe seriously, and he wasn’t going to let even petty theft go unchecked. Crime was crime, and all crimes mattered.
“Boss?”
Harrison pressed a finger into the repor
t, to keep his place, and looked toward the door.
Rhonda Jones, the district administrator, was peering around the door. “You’ve got a visitor.”
Harrison’s heart banged to a heavy stop in his chest and then resumed with a faster beat. It had been two weeks since he’d seen Madeline. And her pained sobs had tormented him ever since. Torn between anger and sadness, anger always won out. But only just. He couldn’t go to her. There was no point. He didn’t even know if she was still in town. She hadn’t been to see him, either. His harsh words had got through to her. And he was glad. Or at least, he told himself he was.
“I’ve only got a minute,” he said, closing the cover on his papers and standing. He circled the desk and pulled the door wider.
“Dean?” He exclaimed in genuine surprise, when his blue eyes skidded past Rhonda’s robust frame.
Madeline’s husband, or ex-husband, whatever the hell he was, wore an expression of professional politeness. But Harrison was an expert at reading people. From the way Dean’s hands were clenched by his side, to the way his eyes didn’t quite meet Harrison’s, Harrison was left with the impression that Dean was not in a good temper.
“Can I help you?”
Dean’s smile didn’t drop by a fraction, but his words were heavy with accusation. “I’d like a word, thanks.”
“Of course. Come on in.” Harrison stepped into his office, allowing the man Madeline had married to enter.
Harrison closed the door, leaving the two of them toe to toe. It sat heavily on his chest; being in the same room as the man who had loved his Madeline. Who had made love to her. Who had held her and adored her and made her happy.
“You need to speak to me?” He asked, his tone showing his unwillingness to have any conversation with Dean.
“Damn right. I’m on way back to DC.”
“I see.” Harrison’s voice was intentionally devoid of reaction.
“Mads told you about our divorce?”
Harrison nodded as he walked past Dean, to sit in his chair. He gestured to the other seat, opposite him, but Dean ignored it. Instead, he moved to the window, and flicked the blinds apart with his fingers, so that he could see the street beyond.
A Second Chance at Love: A Hometown Hero Series Novel Page 10