After discovering Alex wasn’t by her side in the big bed this morning, she’d gone looking for him, sure that they’d be back to straighten things up long before Carmen did her daily rounds. Catching sight of the freshly made bed had Meghan’s eyes frantically searching the room for her corset when she spied it neatly folded along with her thigh high stockings and shoes on an ottoman in the dressing room. The boudoir cuffs and blindfold sat nearby along with Alex’s black silk pajama bottoms. Oh shit, it really couldn’t get any worse than that.
In the dressing room, she looked at all the sexy silk and lace in the drawers and felt her heart clutch. Every bit of it was meant for Alex’s eyes only, a thought that brought an onslaught of hot tears.
She couldn’t stay in his bed, in his room, without him being there. It didn’t feel right. Nor did keeping any of the gifts he’d been lavishing on her for weeks. He was gone, by his own choosing, and knowing that changed everything. Maybe it was a good thing that she hadn’t divulged how she felt. Admitting she was falling in love with him only for Alex to leave and not look back would have been more terrible than words could convey.
Swiftly gathering the few items of clothing she’d brought and her stash of toiletries from the bathroom, Meghan cleared her presence from his room then stopped and gave the space one last look. She surmised from pieces of her earlier conversation with Cameron and Draegyn that Alex going off the rails today of all days had most likely been the result of him being distracted by their affair. She hated calling what they’d been doing by that trashy term but if it had been more, he wouldn’t have reacted so badly.
In the end though, she understood. All of it and that was why she saw no good in trying to fight it. Hell. Surrounded as she’d been her entire life by good, honest, caring men who put their welfare second to the needs of others, she had a special understanding of the heavy burden that a man like Alex would carry. Honor, duty, sacrifice; even remorse for those times when circumstances went horribly wrong – these were things she knew well. He’d just never be able to accept a lesser version of himself. Now, while their relationship was new and exciting, it was one thing but later on, he’d come to resent her for taking him so far from his sense of center.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” she sighed into the empty room. The solid wall of silence answering the lament pretty much summed up her predicament. Closing the door firmly behind her, Meghan walked with leaden feet back to the guest room and made mental preparations for the departure she knew wasn’t that far off.
By the time Alex drove down the long drive to his home the next day, he was fighting a lump of dread settled in his gut. Time to face the piper, he thought while parking his truck near the front door and dragging his unwilling body into the house.
The first thing he noticed was the eerie quiet. He’d gotten so used to Meghan’s boisterous presence and the way people flocked to her that finding his surroundings hung with the unpleasant silence of a mausoleum gave him pause. Shit. This was going to be harder than he imagined.
Dropping his keys on the front table and grabbing a stack of mail Carmen had left for him, he made his way slowly up the wide staircase with feet weighed down by regret and something that was starting to feel like heartache.
Pausing outside the door to his room, Alex prayed to a God he wasn’t sure was listening that Meghan wouldn’t be waiting for him on the other side. He doubted his resolve to make a clean break if he found himself alone with her. Knowing that was the only course open to him, for her sake he had to do the honorable thing and act like a man.
A coward’s relief coursed through him when he noted that the bed hadn’t been slept in and found he was alone in the big room. Alex tried to pretend that pulling away from her was the best thing for everyone involved only to stumble on his own foolish thoughts when he spied the sexy lingerie she’d worn that last night they’d been together folded neatly in the dressing room.
Warning bells started clanging in his head, knowing how Meghan was about keeping their bedroom activities private. She would never leave those cuffs or the blindfold laying out for Carmen to see. A tic started twitching near his eye as he hurried into the bathroom, instantly noting that all evidence of Meghan having been there was gone. Returning to the dressing room, Alex began yanking open drawers only to find them overflowing with the endless wardrobe of lingerie and sleepwear he’d given her. A quick glance in the near empty closet told him she’d taken only what she came with. His chest tightened and a bitter taste rushed into his mouth at what it meant.
He’d seen her SUV in the driveway so he knew she was still at the Villa. After his appalling behavior she must have sensed what was coming and taken the initiative to start putting up a wall between them. Was for the best, he thought although why his chest hurt he wasn’t sure. Maybe it was because he could still smell her. It was as if her scent clung to everything.
Glancing at the bed pictures flashed of him and Meghan in every corner of the room. His mind was filled with visions of her face, the way her voice softened when she called him baby. How she looked spread out on his bed, writhing and screaming in ecstasy. Fuck. His hands were shaking and a sense of loneliness hammered in his gut.
Alex dropped into a chair and closed his eyes. How could he stand being in the room without her? Spending night after night in the very place where so many intimate memories drenched the air was expecting too much.
“Thanks for listening to my complaining,” Brody told Meghan with a wry half-grin. Rolling a shoulder, he studied the floor for a second in that way guys did when they accidentally wandered into the unfamiliar waters of emotional sharing. “I just figured that another teacher would understand my dilemma.”
Wincing, she offered a self-conscious eye roll. “Yeah, well…teachers united, right? With so many people taking shots at the profession these days, it gets harder and harder to keep sight of what drew us to the field in the first place.”
Brody chuckled. “Students more interested in challenging authority than learning.”
“Amen to that,” she agreed with a snort and a headshake.
“Do you miss it? The kids, I mean. Not all that school district tug-of-war bullshit.”
“God, Brody. I don’t know how to answer that,” she admitted. “There was so much about being a teacher that I loved and wouldn’t trade the experiences I had or the challenges faced for anything.” Meghan threw the brooding veteran a hard glance. “But the politics and the atmosphere of confrontation and aggression from the kids, parents, colleagues, and especially the MFers that controlled the money…..well, it leeches the joy right away. You know?” Her reply was a statement more than an actual question.
Brody huffed, his exhale all sneer and nothing else. “Yeah. I hear that. Me?” he spat. “I had enough of that tired shit in the Marines. No way could I teach full-time like you did. This suits me better.”
Meghan enjoyed talking to the surprisingly bookish loner with the familiar East Coast twang. The entire Justice Family was interesting. Everything about their dynamic fascinated her. But Brody was the odd piece. The entire puzzle didn’t come together quite right without him, but somehow he was always a smidge askew. Getting to know him wasn’t easy. He was about as closed off as a person could get. Learning he had a whole other life far from here as a teacher had surprised her.
“That’s why the community college gig is so perfect. It’s a job share with another instructor who can’t commit to full-time. Teaching one semester lets me keep my hand in but still gives me the freedom to, well…” he said with a mocking smile and a half-shrug.
She smiled and nudged him jokingly with her shoulder. “Oh you boys! I see what goes on around here and know perfectly well what the attraction is!” Chuckling with glee she poked him good-naturedly in the ribs. “This place reeks of testosterone, admit it! It’s like summer camp for mercenaries, spies, and geeks.”
They laughed together, big whoops of lighthearted high spirits. When her giggles died down, Meghan released
a mournful sigh. I’ll miss this, she thought. All of the people she’d met during her stay in Arizona had touched her in one way or another. Feeling her time here coming to an end, unhappiness must have flashed in her expression.
In one of those horrifying moments where timing was everything, Brody frowned at her glum face and reached out to comfort her with a friendly hug. Did it go on a few seconds too long? Maybe. All she knew was a sound brought them quickly to attention and in that moment Meghan knew her fate was sealed. Standing in the doorway was her tortured lover, in all his stern, forbidding Major glory. The hard expression on his face, and the bitter look in his eye, as he took in the sight of Brody and her in mid-hug, sucked all the air from the room.
Happy to see he was back and in one piece, it was reflex and habit that propelled her instantly in his direction but he stopped her with a terse greeting that felt more like a slap than a kiss hello.
“Good afternoon, Meghan. I’m delighted to see you found a way to amuse yourself while I was away.” Ignoring her the next second, he turned what actually looked like a friendly eye on Brody, his tone lightened when he addressed the other man. “Jensen. Glad I ran into you. Thought I’d stop by the barn later and look in on the kennel. Time to evaluate those shepherds so we can start pairing them with potential owners.”
Brody, for his part, looked shell-shocked. Meghan wasn’t ignorant of the territorial vibe Alex had put out where she was concerned. To see him now, acting as if she was a tourist passing through, around a man he had specifically snarled away was uncomfortable and confusing. Looking anxiously between Meghan and Alex, poor Brody had the air of someone who desperately wanted to be anywhere but here.
“That’s great, Alex,” he answered flatly. The teacher in her envisioned him in a Swiss t-shirt as he valiantly tried to stay neutral. “I gave Betty some files that she promised to get over to you about a couple of the pups. We should definitely talk.”
Oh, this was ridiculous, Meghan fumed inwardly. Men are so stupid. So the big, bad Major wanted to play the ignore card. He probably figured she’d cry and cling and get all dramatic on his sorry ass. And Brody. Good lord. He was acting like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It was a damn hug for Pete’s sake. Whatever. She knew the score and none of this was a surprise. She was a complication so Alex was simply going to emotionally withdraw. Fuck. He wasn’t even original. She sighed, disappointed and hurt.
Reverting to type, Meghan startled everyone by clapping her hands once, then rubbed them together like she would to get the attention of classroom full of boisterous students. “Well, I’m outta here,” she chirped with a mocking smile and two raised brows into their shocked faces. “You boys have fun.” The sarcasm dripping from her voice could in no way be misunderstood or taken the wrong way. Score one for the teacher.
And with that she pirouetted gracefully, did a complete one eighty, and swept from the room.
Alex was pretty sure Meghan’s parting shot, the implied fuck you, would be her final word for the day. But he discovered that wouldn’t be the case, not that he’d be that lucky, when she appeared at the dinner table with that traitor Zeus at her side once again.
Matter of fact, the entire cast of Family Justice, except for Brody who he’d already fucked with, had starring roles. Cam and Lacey were on hand as were Drae and Tori along with their rambunctious pup Raven who was making Zeus crazy. Betty appeared with Gus who was actively sharking around Carmen, and eventually Ben showed up with Ria in tow. Oh joy, he thought. The gang was all here.
For the first time in his life, Alex Marquez felt like the odd man out. The point was driven home with cruel precision when he appeared in the arched doorway and everyone turned and looked at him. The entire crew, his entire crew, was gathered around Meghan. She was like the sun, and they were planets, swirling in her gravitational pull. Alex was churning internally. He needed everything to be the way it had always been. It was the only way he could cling to his illusion of power and remain in control. From the moment she appeared on his doorstep, he had been slowly losing the carefully maintained checks and balances he relied on.
The meal had been a miserable farce. He presided over a table divided, and it was killing him. Alex felt damned. In a rare moment, he let his guard down and said the first thing dumb-ass thought that came to his mind, regardless of how callous and mean-spirited his words sounded. He didn’t doubt for a second that he was going to hell for his rude behavior. Fuck. If his mother or sisters had been there, he’d really have been in deep shit.
Settling back in his chair, he propped his feet out straight beneath the table and appeared to all the world, relaxed. Looking round the table he met everyone’s gaze then turned to Meghan last and said, “So, Meghan. What’s left on the bucket list? Is there anything else you’d like to check off before you go on your way?”
Until then, he’d never really considered what that expression, hearing crickets, meant. He knew now. The room became silent and the air so heavy that he swore everything downshifted into slow motion. Drae and Cam looked at him with faces frozen in absolute astonishment at the unforgivable lack of decorum he’d just subjected them to. In his mind’s eye, he envisioned the ceremonial passing of the ass hat award to him from both men.
For her part, Meghan sat completely still with no outward show of emotion or reaction of any sort whatsoever to the obvious dismissal he’d so boldly thrown at her in public. There wasn’t a person present who wasn’t gaping at him with expressions that ranged from fury to shock to disappointment.
Just when the deafening silence threatened to get ugly, she spoke. “At least I have a bucket list,” she began, a warning tenor in her voice. “Pity the fool who has no dreams and only focuses on the past.” The look she gave him was dripping with false sympathy. The same look you’d give someone who was too fucking stupid for words.
“As for your intentionally insensitive question, don’t you worry about little old me, Major. I know when my welcome’s up. You didn’t need to embarrass your friends like this.”
Shame washed through Alex. She’d totally put him in his place by challenging his unseemly behavior. He’d been a coward. Afraid to face her privately for fear of losing his strictly imposed self-restraint, he’d clung to his master of control delusions and acted like a dick. He was shaken when she stood up and threw her napkin on to the table near his plate. The expression on her face let him know she was going to have her say in front of everyone, and he’d have to sit there and take it ‘cause this hellish situation was of his own making. It didn’t help that in his mind, as she geared up to lay into him, she looked like some fiery Celtic goddess with blazing emerald eyes and the type of breathtaking beauty that robs men of their sense.
“You know, Major, what you’re doing here is so predictable. I expected better from you. At least something original. Not the oldest dude fallback in the book.” Her contemptuous expression hit him square between the eyes.
Glancing at the women gathered who collectively looked like they were plotting his imminent demise she went for the gold. “C’mon ladies, you know what I’m talking about, right? The one where Mr. Macho gets spooked when actual feelings for a woman bite him on the ass so he acts like a dick as though sleeping with her had been an optional activity at summer camp.” Alex felt every single person at the table squirm at her blunt honesty.
“I get that my being here upset your perfectly managed little apple cart but why is that such a bad thing? Is it because shit was so great for you, before? Pfft. Honestly, you’re pathetic. By shutting me out you’re throwing away something that won’t ever come around again. Good job. Now you and your superior intellect can live happily ever after – alone. Hope that works out for you, asshole.” Her green eyes were shooting sparks of scorn that Alex swore singed his skin.
He watched her walk away from him, felt a constriction in his chest and chalked it up as the inevitable. She would have left eventually, he tried to convince himself. Better now than later. Later
when it would have killed him outright, instead of now when it was just gutting him.
The solid, impenetrable wall of stillness that descended around him was the only thing that kept Alex from shattering into a million pieces as every single person left behind after her bull’s eye performance glared at him in disbelief.
Later, isolated and alone in his room, he’d had to endure the sound of one person after another stomping past his door all evening on their way to the guest room, no doubt to say their good-byes to the woman he’d rather dramatically pushed away.
In full martyr mode he’d gathered whatever she’d left behind from their time together, all the lingerie, jewelry and gifts, and had them taken to her room by a scowling Carmen. He imagined that by removing all reminders of their time together he’d have his space back without her presence oozing from every nook and cranny.
She left the next morning. Early. Carmen went out of her way to twist the knife by tersely informing him his guest had left behind anything and everything that he had given her. Even the parasol. Ignoring the statement she was making he focused instead on being petulant about her dismissal of what had been gifts.
Now that she was gone he was going to press the reset button, re-boot his life, and slide back into familiar routines. He’d get used to being alone again. It might take some doing, but he’d find a way to wipe her from his memory. He’d have to if he had any hope of surviving.
There was no joy left in her extended road trip so Meghan didn’t even try to pretend otherwise. After driving away from the Villa de Valleja-Marquez, she let an hour or so eat up the road under her tires and then pulled over. She’d been in such a hurry to get away from the hacienda that all she did was load her crap into the back of her SUV and head out. No route in mind. No destination set.
Redeeming Justice Page 26