Havoc and Mayhem

by Derrick A. Bonner

  “Yes she did.”

  “Well it’s what people do after getting divorced. They move on.”

  “Don’t remind me. To this day I still don’t know what really happened between you two that you couldn’t work it out, and every time I ask, you both skirt around the topic. In my day you took your vows seriously.”

  “So, is that why you and Pop never divorced even though you’ve been apart for all these years? Til death do us part, or whoever kills the other one first?” he joked.

  “I’m not laughing.”

  “Sorry. So, did Nicky also tell you I met her boyfriend? And that he’ll be there?”

  “She did.”

  “Yeah well I bet she left out that he’s old enough to be her father.”

  “Actually, she did mention he was a little older.”

  “A little older? Ha! Dude could be the spokesman for Ben Gay.”

  “So what about your friend? Is she of a certain age too?”

  “Who Donnie? No way. She’s just the opposite. Young, vibrant, fine, successful, down to earth. Young. Did I mention she’s young? Cause she is.”

  “Then why haven’t I met this perfect young lady yet?”

  “I dunno Ma. I just wasn’t sure if she was the one, so I figured, why bring her home until I am?” Tommy said wondering who was that Tee-Tee was talking to in the background.

  “So how long have you two been seeing each other?”

  Tommy could have sworn he heard his father’s voice in the background but he wasn’t sure if it was the television. But if it was why did it also sound like his mother was trying to unsuccessfully stifle someone? “Huh? Oh, almost a year.”

  “That’s a long time not to be sure of someone. Are you bringing her to Tee-Tee’s party?”

  “No. Something came up.” Tommy said disappointedly.

  “Oh. That’s a shame. What happened?”

  “Mom,” he said in a tone he wasn’t up for explaining himself.

  “Okay. I’ll let it go.” Carla said. From the tone in her son’s voice she could tell whomever Donnie was, she was special to her son and he was hurting.

  “You still need me to get that Cabbage Patch doll for Tee-Tee?” Tommy asked.

  “No, your father already did.”

  “Pop?”

  “Can you believe it? And on the day before her birthday no less. We-I mean he had to drive all the way to New Jersey to get it.” She chuckled nervously.

  “Oh really?” Tommy said suspiciously. “It sounds like you have company. Anybody there with you?”

  “No, just me and your sister.”

  “So where is Tee-Tee?”

  “Watching television.”

  “Let me talk to her.”

  “Why do you want to talk to her?”

  “Why do I need a reason to talk to my sister?”

  “When she’s watching Annie.”

  “Again? Oh, never mind.” Tommy nodded once he realized his sister was watching her most favorite movie in the whole wide world. “So, Ma. I know you were trying to get Nicky and me back together. She told me that you asked if you could have Tee-Tee’s party there. Please stop.”

  Carla sighed. She was hoping Nicky would keep her asking to have the party at her place to herself. But it’s not like she asked her to. “You two were meant for each other. I just wanted to remind you, but then I find out that she is seeing someone and you’re seeing someone. I should have stayed out of it. Sorry, I just wanted you to be happy. And I believed Nicky was the woman to do it.”

  “You’re a Mom. It’s your job.” Tommy said forgiving her.

  “Are you going to be alright with this new guy there? It sounds like you two didn’t get off to a good start.”

  “We didn’t, but if I allowed everyone I didn’t get along with to hold me back I wouldn’t get very far. Besides, it’s Tee-Tee’s day and I can put my feelings aside for her.”

  “You’re such a good big brother.”

  “I try.”

  “Well let me go. I have to fix dinner. Love you son, bye.”

  “Love you too Ma.” Tommy hung up unsure what just happened. As long as he could remember there had never been one time his mother spoke about his father without having something bad to say.

  Chapter 12

  It was Friday. The day of Tee-Tee’s birthday party. After calling to wish his sister happy birthday and refusing to tell her what her present was, Tommy threw on some clothes and headed to the neighborhood barbershop Upper Cuts. Coming in out of the cold, Tommy was instantly greeted with a warm reception.

  “Yo Tee lemme holla at you,” A man in a cipher of young men waved Tommy over and he slapped palms with each of the local cats he knew from ‘round the way patiently waiting for a haircut.

  “Money Making Mitch. What the deal playa’?” Tommy greeted the tall man in an 8-Ball jacket.

  “Maxing and relaxing. Yo Tee do me a solid and help a brother out. I need you to settle a debate between me and this cat Vaughn regarding boxing.” he pleaded.

  “Ok,” Tommy nodded.

  “And what makes him an expert on the subject? I mean no disrespect.” Vaughn cut in to which Tommy replied with an unbothered ‘none taken’ shrug.

  “Cause fool not only is boxing in his DNA. I’ve personally seen him put in serious work over at Gleason’s gym.” Mitch said then turned back to Tommy. “Now Tee, I say Mike Tyson is the toughest and hardest fighter to ever enter the ring. He intimidates his opponents in a way no other fighter does. True he has the height and reach disadvantage but uses it as an advantage and functions like a machine, KO’ing fools in seconds. No other fighter in the history of boxing can go more than five rounds with him. But Vaughn here says he’s overrated.” the animated overzealous fight fan explained then directed the conversation towards his friend seated across from him.

  “Look I agree, Mike Tyson is a very talented and skilled boxer. I just think that there are a lot of other boxers in the heavyweight division who can be considered better than him in the history of the sport. Like Ali. The greatest of all time.” Vaughn explained rationally.

  “Man, you straight tripping.” Mitch argued then spun on Tommy. “Settle this Tee. Who’s the greatest heavyweight ever?”

  “I mean if we’re debating who’s the best at the glove game then I’m rolling with Brooklyn’s son. Without a doubt Mike’s untouchable and unbeatable. His defense is impregnable and his power is unmatched by any boxer past and present. A lot of people think Mike’s slow and dances around his opponents with that peek-a-boo style that’s the same speed as a middleweight. But in my opinion, there’s no point in comparing him to any boxer because he’d win.” Tommy rationalized like a fight commentator.

  “Even Ali in his prime?” Vaughn countered and Mitch rolled his eyes sighing.

  “Hell, Ali said it himself. You can’t hit what you can’t see. Power punchers like Jack Dempsey were much slower than Mike and almost every heavyweight lacks his explosive power, his iron chin and his unbreakable will… In the ring. Not his personal life mind you, cause if he marries that actress Robin Givens, her new name will be Robbing Tyson.” Tommy said getting chuckles. “But if for no other reason the fact alone he holds the record as the youngest boxer to win the heavyweight title at only twenty years old plus he’s the first heavyweight boxer to hold and successfully unify the WBC, WBA and IBF makes him the undisputed world heavyweight champion ever.”

  “I guess when you put it like that.” Vaughn said back peddling.

  “See told ya! Tommy knows what he’s talking about.” Mitch said rubbing it in his doubting friend’s face. “Yo Tee we gotta hangout sometime man.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Tommy nodded and kept it moving.

  Upper Cuts was long and narrow with eight barber’s chairs lined up and in use. In the back the older men hung out playing chess and passing around bottles of Thunderbird and Malt Duck as they reminisced about the good ol’ days w
hen they were, young, dumb and full of cum. The ghettotastic wall of fame was covered with posters of the latest and popular hair styles like the Gumby, Caesar and Hi-top fade. In addition, there were Polaroid flicks of local heroes and two handwritten signs. The first read, ‘No hair too kinky. No tip too Big!’ and the second reminded people to, ‘Be careful of the toes you step on today, because they might be connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.’

  “Have a seat Tee.” the shop’s owner Mister Randy said to Tommy as he brushed lose hair from his chair then snapped his cape clean. He was thin and tan with a beard and head full of scraggly gray hair that had him looking like Grady from Sanford and Son. “So what’ll you have?”

  “The usual. An Isaac Hayes and tighten up my goatee.” Tommy said removing and hanging his coat, scarf and hat then settling into the barber’s chair. He reclined back and closed his eyes as Mister Randy covered him with his cape then went to work.

  After lathering Tommy’s face and dome then pruning his facial hair to topiary standards, Mister Randy’s straight edge razor stopped just short of scalping him and he shook his head. “I don’t get you man. Here you got some of the best hair I’ve ever seen on a black man’s head and you go and shave it all off. Meanwhile these boys be putting all types of chemicals and what-not in their hair so it can look half-way good as yours does without even trying.”

  “You know me Mister Randy. I ain’t hardly trying to be no pretty-boy Floyd.” Before Tommy became a Trouble Consultant, he used to wear his hair in a curly fade, like Al B. Sure but he lopped it off because he doubted anyone would take an R&B looking brother seriously in the streets.

  “Well I will say this in your defense. At least you have the right kind of head for a baldy. Perfectly round and smooth. Not like some of these brothers who shave it off knowing good and well they got dents, lumps, bumps and craters. And then there are the ones with necks that look like a pack of franks,”

  “I guess you aren’t a fan of the sudden dreadlocks craze either?”

  “Man please. Them ain’t nothing but naps that grew up.” Mister Randy sucked his teeth.

  Tommy’s father and Mister Randy went way back like car seats, the two sometimes hustled together as kids. One dreamed of owning his own bar, the other a barbershop. Both proved that what the mind conceives, the body can achieve.

  When it was time for his very first haircut, Smitty took his son to his oldest and closest friend and he was the only one who’s cut it ever since. Over the years Mister Randy watched Tommy grow from a spoiled little momma’s boy who had his first sip of beer in the back of his shop, into a strong black man literally and figuratively whose name rang bells on the streets of Brooklyn. And like his father, Mister Randy wished he would choose a safer profession.

  “But funny you should say that. Your dad and I were just laughing at all the Jafakins suddenly popping up everywhere.” He said shaving Tommy’s head.

  “Word, my father came by?” Tommy asked.

  “He was my first customer today. You should’ve seen him, he was all excited about your sister’s party.”

  Tommy grinned. “Yeah it’s later on today. Will you be there?”

  “With bells on.”

  “Good cause my father made a big ol’ jug of pot liquor for you guys.” Tommy reported causing Mister Randy to smack his lips practically tasting the strong concoction of collard green juice and other down south secret ingredients that went into the homemade alcohol. “Hey how is Cleveland doing?”

  “You know my son. I told that boy, don’t go and marry the first woman to give you a piece of tail. Experience life before settling down. You’re only twenty-one. Travel, see the world! But nooo, he’s gonna tell me he’s in love, and I don’t know what I’m talking about. Now two kids later, my son wants to go out and chase poo-tang all over Brooklyn like he don’t have any responsibilities. And just last night his wife caught him coming out of the short-stay over on Macon Street with another woman. The boy don’t think! I mean how in the hell is you gonna cheat on your wife and park your car directly outside of the Goddamn hotel a few blocks from where you live?” Mister Randy asked the room.

  “Maybe he wanted to get caught.” A barber two seats over reasoned.

  “Bullshit! I love my son but he ain’t the brightest color in the crayon box. But I gotta give props where props is due. Maggie wasn’t having it. She rolled up on my boy like an angry God on judgment day that caught him raping an angel and whooped both they asses! Had that fool running like he was Lionel Richie getting chased by Brenda!” Mister Randy said causing the entire barbershop to erupt with laughter. “So he begged her not to leave him and now they’re gonna spend the weekend in the Poconos and try and rekindle what they had that brought them together in the first place. For his sake I hope it works cause he can’t move back home with his momma and me. We like walking ‘round the house buck ass naked.” he said receiving more laughs.

  “It’ll work Mister Randy. That’s why Mister Smitty’s doing it.” A barber named Gabby said grinning.

  “What’s that my father’s doing?” Tommy asked opening his eyes.

  Mister Randy glared at Gabby. “Dammit boy, I swear you got the perfect name, Gabby! Cause you always flapping them big ass soup-coolers! Didn’t the man say if his son came by the shop to keep this on the humble?” He asked. Gabby hunched his shoulders and stared at the floor.

  “Keep what on the humble? What’s going on with my father?” Tommy asked them both. Gabby returned to cutting his customer’s hair and began whistling. “Oh, so now you’re gonna clam up huh?”

  Mister Randy turned to Tommy. “Simmer down, it ain’t nothing to get your dander up over. Your Dad came in earlier all worked up cause he’s planning on surprising your mom with a trip to New Orleans next week. Obviously, he wanted to tell you himself.” He said and cut his eyes over at Gabby.

  “Yeah. Obviously.” Tommy said looking dazed.

  Gabby came over looking pitiful with his big chapped lips all poked out. “Yo Tommy man my bad. It slipped out. Do me a favor and don’t let tell Mister Smitty that I told you.”

  “Don’t sweat it Gabby.” Tommy said smiling to himself. ‘Well I’ll be damned. It was him in the background.’