“I’ve always loved you. I tried to stop when you married Damien, but I couldn’t. I tried to stop when I saw that you were still married to him in your heart, but I couldn’t. Loving you is as natural to me as breathing. If I were to stop, I think I’d die.”
She continued to stare at him, saying nothing. He’d ruined everything. Now she’d never even want to be friends. Sadness hit him like a weight. He’d learnt to live without her love, but how was he going to live without her friendship?
He reached around her and placed his cup on the sink. “I’ll be going now.”
Quickly he let himself out of the kitchen half-hoping that Madi would stop him. She didn’t and he kicked himself all the way home for saying anything. He should never have listened to Jaena. What an idiot! He’d messed things up for sure.
**********
Madi lay on her bed staring at the ceiling, thinking of Marcus’s words. He loved her: had loved her ever since he saw her. She dimly remembered meeting him the same day she’d met Damien, but Damien with his charm and flashy looks and his way with words had outshone every other man within sight. She’d barely paid any attention to Marcus. It wasn’t until he was the officer on duty the day Jaena had been uplifted that she had even noticed Damien’s cousin – really noticed him. After that the friendship had grown. He’d been the link between Jaena and Damien’s parents who had been appalled at their son’s behaviour and passionately in love with their granddaughter. He’d been friend and father to Jaena and a convenient escort when either Madi or Jaena had needed one. In many ways he had kept other men at bay just by his presence and by being able to fulfil those male roles – hockey coach, car mechanic, even light bulb changer – that her brothers, busy with their families, and her father busy with his church, had been unable to find the time to do.
She’d always been grateful for his friendship and had taken it for granted that he would always be there. Until this moment she’d never even considered the significance of the fact that he had never dated in all the time she’d known him. At first she had assumed that it was because he was shy around women, but now the full truth of his admission hit her.
He loved her. Marcus loved her, Madeline Hamilton. She knew it was true. Had perhaps known for a while it was true, but had been too afraid to acknowledge it to herself, even in the secret recesses of her heart. How else could she explain his willingness to be available whenever they needed him? To take Jaena out and give her the love and attention that most girls receive from their father? To teach Jaena to drive? To gently show Madi her own mistakes without judging? To sacrifice his own days off to cut firewood for her or to prune her roses or paint the outside of her house? He loved her and she had not seen it. Until now.
Other memories came back, but this time they were about her: the way she’d felt when she heard he had been shot and she was afraid he would die; the feelings of jealousy when she knew that single women in his church were filling his refrigerator with meals after his accident; the night he’d brought Jaena home and she had just wanted to find comfort in his arms and feel them around her always; looking forward to the times when he would ring or drop by and she could share her day with him and hear about his day; missing him when he hadn’t been around for a while; and her pride in his achievements. Little things, some of them, but together they revealed her own heart – a heart that she hadn’t closely examined like this since the day she had decided to leave Damien for good.
Her insides aflutter, Madi picked up the phone and quickly dialled Marcus’s number. It rang and rang before switching to voice message. She didn’t want to leave a message, but she didn’t want him thinking she didn’t care either.
“… Marcus, it’s me. Madi.” She hesitated, not sure how to put into words what was so fresh in her heart. “… You took me by surprise – that’s all. I’m not upset. I-I just didn’t know what to say. … If that offer’s still open, um … perhaps we could … could do something this weekend?”
She hung up hoping that he would ring back. But when she fell asleep later that night, he still hadn’t rung.
*********
Madi stood outside Marcus’s door admiring the landscaping and the new addition to his house. He had told her of his plans, but until this moment she’d not seen what had been done. Swallowing, she knocked again. Suddenly the door was flung open and she took a step backwards. He stood there with his shirt unbuttoned, his feet bare. Suddenly she felt self-conscious and wondered why she had come.
“Madi.” He seemed surprised. “Come in. You’ll have to wait. I’m on the phone.”
She saw him go into what she presumed was his study from what little she could see of the room as she entered the living room to wait. This room was even larger than she remembered and she realised that he’d removed a wall. Now it opened onto the kitchen and dining room and from there onto a large outside deck. Idly she looked around, marvelling at the transformation that had taken place inside what had once been a dark house of small poky rooms. She walked over to examine more closely the large stone fireplace that had been built into the outside wall and a photo caught her eye. Picking it up she recognised it as a photo of Marcus and Jaena and herself that had been taken several Christmases ago. Until now she had never realised how much like a family they looked. It was in every look, every gesture, even in the likeness between Jaena and the man she called Uncle Marcus for Marcus and Damien’s fathers had been brothers and each had inherited their grandmother’s dark eyes and hair, which had in turn been passed onto Jaena.
“Madi.” She spun around at his voice. She saw he had changed into uniform and was now buttoning his shirt.
“You’re going to work?”
“Soon. But I have a few minutes.”
“You didn’t answer my voice message.”
“When was that?” Marcus seemed distant. “I’ve been having problems with my phone. It won’t recognise my PIN number when I try to retrieve my messages. Was it urgent?”
Madi shook her head, suddenly afraid. Perhaps he regretted opening up his heart to her and no longer wanted a relationship with her. She began to feel foolish.
“I like what you’ve done to the house. It looks fabulous. And I love this stone fireplace. Does it heat the whole house?”
Marcus nodded. “I’m glad you like it.”
For a few moments they stood in silence.
“This is a lovely photo.” She held up the one she’d been looking at.
“It’s a favourite of mine.”
“We look like a family.”
“Madi, why did you come?” He sounded sad and Madi realised that he had no idea that she cared. He probably thought she’d come to say she no longer thought they could be friends. He had no idea that when she had finally comprehended that he did indeed love her that she had also been forced to acknowledge that she loved him too.
She turned around. “About last week –”
He held up his hand. “It doesn’t matter.”
“But it does.” She took a few steps towards him. “It does. Because – well, because – what I’m trying to say is: I care about you too.”
“Don’t.”
Hurt, she looked at him.
“Don’t spare my feelings. I’m not a child. You don’t have to be like my mother who thinks that every child at the birthday party should get a gift so that no one feels left out. I can take it. Just don’t try to make it better.”
“What if I want to?”
He looked at her before he turned away and picked up his belt lying on the hall table. He began to thread it through the belt loops of his trousers. “You sacrificed your life for Damien. I won’t let you do it for me just because you feel sorry for me. I’ll be okay.”
“You don’t understand. I’m not doing it because I feel sorry for you, but because it’s true. I love you.”
“Madi.” The word was a whisper.
Gaining courage, Madi moved closer and put her arms around his neck. “I don’t know when it bega
n, but after what you told me, I realised – I realised that I love you, too.”
He raised his head and looked into her eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to realise, but it is true. I love you.”
“You’re not just saying that?”
She smiled. “Of course not. We’ve always been honest with each other, right? Well, I’m being honest right now.”
“I want you to be sure.”
Her arms tightened around his neck. “I am sure.”
Lowering his head he gently kissed her. “Madi, Madi, your timing is awful. I want to stay here and hold you like I’ve dreamed of doing for twenty years, but I’m afraid I have to leave and go to work.”
She laughed softly. “You know what they say: better late than never.”
He laughed in response. “Have we got a date for this weekend? Say, seven o’clock Saturday?”
She lifted her head and smiled. “Sounds good.”
Quickly he kissed her again. “Have a look around if you like and let yourself out. Here." He went to a large dresser and opened a drawer and removed a key which he held out to her. “This is a spare. You’ll need it to lock up. And you’ll need to set the alarm. It’s easy – just push the ‘set’ button.”
She took the key and turned it over in her hand. Marcus picked up his bag and keys and gave her a quick smile before exiting the front door. Madi waited until she heard his car pull out of the drive before she moved. It had all happened so suddenly, but she knew immediately that this was right. She and Marcus were meant to be together.
Feeling a little guilty – as if she was trespassing – Madi made her way upstairs. At the top of the stairs was a small landing that had been furnished with a television and a small sofa. On the floor she noticed a week-old newspaper and a half-drunk cup of coffee. She smiled, remembering the number of times she’d made Marcus coffee and he had rarely drunk it all. From the landing window she looked out over the back garden and realised that Marcus has been at work building an arbour and a pergola and covering both with climbing roses. Even though the roses looked as if they had been recently pruned it didn’t take a lot of imagination to realise just how magnificent they must look when flowering. Around the perimeter of the garden were more roses interspersed with lavender. At the back of the garden she spied what she guessed to be fruit trees and possibly a vegetable garden. He had certainly been busy and she wondered when he found the time.
Four doors opened off the landing. She discovered a large master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms and a bathroom. All the bedrooms were beautifully furnished and immaculate. Only the bathroom looked as if it had been used recently.
Returning to the downstairs area she discovered that Marcus had turned a room into a study and small library. It was very masculine in appearance, but she liked what he’d done. Tucked behind that was a small laundry and a second bathroom. Gone were the bright floral wallpapers and glaring carpets the house had originally boasted. The kitchen, which she’d been able to see from the living room, had obviously been recently redecorated and Marcus had spared no cost: a stove that looked to be a commercial model; a double refrigerator; a coffee maker; and enough room to swing a cat. Madi marvelled not only at all the thought that had gone into the design of the kitchen, but also that he had felt the need to go to such lengths for one occupant.
But perhaps what surprised her most of all was that the house and garden were exactly as she would have designed them herself. She shrugged then smiled. Marcus had always liked to do things thoroughly and she could just imagine him saying that he had to consider resale value and not just his own needs. But his attention to details that she would appreciate confirmed once more that he did indeed love her and had done so for a very long time. In fact, he knew her almost as well as she knew herself. Whether consciously or not, Marcus had catered to her preferences in the design of his home. It was a house that she would enjoy living in and the thought made her smile.
Still smiling, she let herself out of the house and drove home.
*********
“Uncle Marc! Wow!” Jaena had been trying to do some last-minute homework in front of the television when Marcus entered their tiny living room.
“I take it you approve?” He turned slowly so that she could pronounce her verdict on his attire.
“Ab-so-lute-ly.” Suddenly she put a hand to her mouth. “We didn’t have a date, did we? Because if we did, I forgot. I’ve made other plans. But I can change them.”
“No, we didn’t have a date.”
“Then why are you –”
Marcus wasn’t looking at her, but down the hall. Jaena spun around. Instead of the faded jeans and tee shirt and messy bun that constituted her regular Saturday night attire, Madi wore a dress and her long hair was loose. “Mum!” Then she turned back to Marcus. “Have you got a work function to go to?”
“No.”
“What then?”
“I’m taking your mother out on a date.”
“No way!”
Jaena spun around again and stared at her mother. “Is it true?”
Madi smiled then gave Jaena a kiss on the head. “Don’t forget to finish the dishes and don’t be up too late tonight. I’m not sure what time we’ll be back.”
“What are you two up to?”
“Just taking you up on your little suggestion of a few weeks ago.”
Jaena rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”
“’Bye, Jaena. And remember, don’t stay up too late.”
“I don’t think I’m the one that you need to worry about,” Jaena sung out as the door closed behind her mother and Marcus.
*********
In the restaurant, Madi was so nervous that she was afraid her legs would give way before she even made it to their table. This is ridiculous, she chided herself sternly. It’s only Marcus. Marcus! He had been her best friend for almost fifteen years. She didn’t have to try to impress him. He knew her and she knew him. And more importantly, they loved each other and now they both knew it.
Marcus spoke little until their food arrived and she realised that he was probably feeling a little unsure too. Perhaps moving from friendship to romance was going to be more difficult than they’d expected. She was not to know that he had another reason to be nervous: convinced that this was all a dream, he was determined to pursue all his dreams before he was awakened to reality.
“I spoke with your father today.”
“Daddy?” Her father was now mostly retired, but he still held his position as prison chaplain. Madi knew that Marcus often saw her father in that role and that there was nothing out of the ordinary about the two of them talking. In fact, she was grateful for the relationship that Daddy and Marcus shared. “How is he? I should go and see him. We don’t get out there as often as we’d like to nowadays.”
“He seemed fine. In fact, he seemed very happy.”
“Happy?” There was something in the way Marcus said the word that made her curious. She put down her knife and fork and tried to make out the expression on his face.
Marcus reached into his pocket and took something out. Taking Madi’s hand he held out a ring. “I asked his permission to marry you.”
Madi glanced down at the ring. “I gather he said ‘yes’.” She was smiling.
“I wouldn’t be offering you this ring otherwise.” And Madi knew that was true. Marcus would not hurt her parents for anything. “May I put it on?”
“Yes,” breathed Madi and then held her breath as he slipped it onto the fourth finger on her left hand. She held her hand out in front and gazed at the sight of the ring encircling her finger. Tears blurred her eyes as she realised the significance: this ring was a promise from the man she loved and who loved her in return. “It’s beautiful.”
“It belonged to my grandmother.”
She glanced at him curiously. “How is it that you came by it then?”
“When she died she left all her jewellery to m
y mother and sister. They divided it up between them, but they both agreed that this ring – my grandmother’s engagement ring – was to be for my bride if and when I married. I have a feeling that neither of them had any inkling how much it was worth because if they had, they probably would’ve chosen another one for me.” He laughed softly and Madi smiled because she knew he was good-naturedly having a go at his mother who could at times be so frugal, but who also understood the worth of an object. “If you don’t like it we could choose something else. Or have it reset.”
“Ssh.” She put her finger to his lips. “I love it. How long have you had this?”
“Ten years.”
“Ten years!”
He smiled. “I’ve loved you for years. Even when I thought you could never be mine, I still loved you. I’ve kept this ring all these years, waiting and hoping, but never really expecting to ever have the opportunity of offering it to you. I had even thought of giving the ring to Jaena for her twenty-first birthday. A gift from her great-grandmother.” He shrugged. “I never really expected you to wear it. I’ve had dreams and hopes for so many years that I thought would never come true, but you can’t blame me for dreaming.”
“I think it’s sweet.”
“Sweet!” He pretended to be offended. “So …” he smiled into her eyes, “you’re wearing the ring – I guess I’m to take that to mean you’ll marry me?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Madi twirled her hand around enjoying the effect when the light reflected off the gems. “It’s a pretty ring and it would be such a shame to have to give it up.” Then she became serious. “Yes, I’ll marry you. Surely you didn’t think I’d say no? But it wasn’t fair of you to entice me with such a gorgeous ring. How could a girl say no to that?”
“Very easily, I would’ve thought. Rings are easy to come by.”
“But a man who loves the Lord and who will live by the vows he makes, he is not so easy to come by.”
There were tears in Marcus’s eyes as he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I will do my best to make you happy.”
She stroked his cheek. “I know you will. I know.”
The Scent of Rain Page 13