by Lexie Ray
“Oh, Dan,” I sobbed. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m so sorry for leaving.”
My perfect little daughter sobbed with me as I cradled her in my arms for the first time, looking at her precious blue eyes and dark hair.
“I’m sorry for everything, too,” Dan said, his voice cracking as he kissed my forehead, first, and then my daughter’s forehead. “You’re going to hate me, but as soon as you left the condo that morning, I called Jake.”
“I figured you did,” I said. “There was no reason for him to call me out of the blue like that. You told him to man up, didn’t you?”
“I wanted you to have a father for that baby, even if it wasn’t me,” Dan said. “You deserved someone to support you. I wanted my brother to do the right thing. It’s my fault if he didn’t treat you right.”
“He’s kind of a child himself,” I said, touching my baby’s face, letting her suckle on a finger, then doing what seemed the most natural. I bared my breast, guided her tiny mouth to my nipple, and gave her sustenance. It was a beautiful, beautiful moment, Dan stroking my hair as my daughter drank from me.
“What are you going to name her?” Dan asked softly.
“I’m going to name her after her mommy and her daddy,” I said. “Sandra Danielle.”
When Dan sobbed, I broke down, too. We held each other, letting little Sandra nurse. A light knock on the door made us part.
It was Jake, looking stricken. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” he said. “But would it be okay if I just—if I just saw her? Just once?”
I sniffed, holding my hand out. “I hope it’s not just once,” I said. “You can come visit her at the condo as often as you like, as long as it’s okay with Dan.”
“It’s more than okay,” Dan said, patting his brother’s shoulder as Jake approached. “You did good, little brother.”
“No, you did good,” Jake said, rubbing Sandra’s head gently. “God, she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“As beautiful as her mother,” Dan said, his eyes drinking me in.
“As beautiful as her mother,” Jake agreed.
What a strange family we made, watching that little baby, all of us together after everything, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. This was how it was supposed to be. It was as simple as that because it had to be.
Epilogue
“Oh my God, is that baby going to stop growing anytime soon?” Cocoa hollered, screaming with delighted laughter as Sandra toddled over to her, holding her chubby little arms out. Cocoa swooped downward and swept my chortling daughter into her arms, blowing a raspberry on the baby’s belly.
Dan and I laughed as we got closer, having let Sandra go ahead. Cocoa delighted Sandra.
“Baby, don’t slobber all over Aunt Cocoa,” I scolded as Sandra popped Cocoa’s dangling earring into her mouth.
“You know I love it,” Cocoa said, beaming before she planted a big kiss on my cheek. “It’s good to see you, Blue. But we’ve gotta get together more often. I’m afraid the next time I see this baby, she’s going to be dating already.”
“Oh, God,” Dan groaned. “Please don’t put that thought into my head. I can’t handle it.”
“You going to meet them at the door with a shotgun, Dan?” Liam, Cocoa’s husband, asked, pumping Dan’s hand up and down.
“Is there anything bigger than a shotgun?” Dan asked, grinning. I beamed at him. Dan was so protective of our little girl, following her everywhere throughout the house or on the playground, pushing on long after I was exhausted from doing the exact same thing. We hated even to see her fall down when she was learning how to walk.
“Here they are!” Cocoa exclaimed, pointing excitedly. The big diamond that Liam had proposed to her with glinted in the sun, catching Sandra’s big blue eyes.
“Watch it, Cocoa,” I said. “That kid has a thing for shiny stuff.”
“Every little girl should love shiny stuff,” Cocoa crooned, handing me my daughter. I hugged Sandra to me, burying my nose into her neck. Nothing smelled better than my little girl. Dan slipped his hand around my waist as we watched the other couple approach.
When I’d last seen Jazz, she was a ball of hurt, just barely holding it together at Mama’s nightclub.
Now, she was healthy, fit, and laughing on the arm of her husband, Nate.
“Look at all this,” Jazz said, her eyes shining. “Look at all these pretty girls!” She tickled Sandra’s tummy before giving me a peck on the cheek.
“You look great,” I said, returning the peck. “You and your writer make a handsome couple.”
“She’s the hot one in the relationship,” Nate said glumly before laughing. Cocoa had told me that he’d had cancer, but was doing much better—a miracle, the doctors had called it. He had apparently been all but certain that he wasn’t going to make it.
“We’ve got some exciting news,” Jazz said, glancing up at Nate. They were so cute together, always looking for cues from each other. As petite as she was and as tall as he was, they moved as one—in the way old, married couples do after they’d known each other through and through. I’d read the book he’d written for her. Their love belonged in a fairy tale.
“Spill it,” Cocoa said.
“The cancer’s in remission.” I thought Jazz’s smile was going to split her face in two.
“That’s great news,” Cocoa gushed, hugging them both.
We got an outdoor table, enjoying the fragile warmth of spring and the people walking by on the sidewalk. Dan bounced our daughter on his knee even as she reached out for Jazz.
“Has anyone heard anything else about the nightclub?” Cocoa asked us. The entire lurid trial had been all over television.
“I’ve heard from some of the girls,” I said, holding up my phone. “Not all of them, but maybe they’ll keep coming forward.”
“I hope everyone’s okay,” Jazz said, her face pensive as she let Sandra snag one of her fingers and squeal. Jazz grinned at my baby, making a silly face to make Sandra laugh.
“They’ll need help,” Cocoa remarked.
“And they’ll get it,” Jazz said. “Blue, send them my way. They can stay at the shelter for as long as they need to get back on their feet.”
“Done and done,” I said. “Cocoa gave me your number weeks ago.”
“So we’ve got some news, too,” Cocoa said, snagging Liam’s hand. They looked so good together, both of them dressed incredibly well. He nodded at her, encouraging her by putting his hand over her stomach.
“We’re pregnant!” Cocoa cried.
“It’s about time!” I exclaimed. “My baby needs somebody to play with!”
We continued talking about everything we’d been doing lately. I’d been hired for a permanent position at Dan’s firm. They were so good about letting me bring Sandra and everyone loved having her around. Her little giggles brightened the office and lifted everyone’s moods.
In a lull in the conversation, Cocoa leaned forward conspiratorially. “Dan? When are you going to make an honest woman out of my Blue?”
I spluttered on my champagne, laughing as I wiped my mouth. Trying to imitate me, Sandra blew bubbles into her own drink.
Dan took my hand in his. “Whenever she’ll have me, I guess,” he said, kissing me.
“I’m yours, baby,” I said, wriggling my eyebrows suggestively. It wasn’t until he let go of my hand and Sandra seized it, attracted by the glint, that I realized there was a ring on my finger.
Cocoa and Jazz hooted and hollered as Liam and Nate slapped Dan on the shoulder.
“I was waiting for the right time to ask you, but there’s no time like the present,” he said, grinning sheepishly at me. “Will you?”
“Of course I will, you idiot,” I said. “You’re the father of my child.”
We kissed to the clinking of knives against glasses. There wasn’t a more perfect day than this one.
~ END of WISER ~
SELFLESS
Chapter One
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Cream chanted, over and over again. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
I grabbed her hand and squeezed it, trying to hush her. “It’s okay,” I said under my breath, chancing a glance at her.
Cream looked beautiful. Both of us did. That’s what Jason had said. Dress beautiful. Look beautiful. And we’ll figure out something for you.
We’d spent two whole hours in his bathroom doing just that—Cream straightening her long, ash brown hair, dusting powder on her marble skin even though she didn’t need it, sweeping on the perfect eye shadow to emphasize her dark blue, almost purple eyes.
I’d curled my dark bob into a mess of gorgeous curls, added just a touch of bronzer to my olive skin, and smudged liner around my brown eyes to give them a smoky effect.
Both of us were wearing new clothes, purchased by Jason. Cream had on a sparkly green off-the-shoulder dress. I had a bedazzled camisole tucked into a micro miniskirt that emphasized my rear.
We’d painted our nails earlier. Our mile-high stilettos waited for our feet. Jason had bought everything. Everything.
“What is this for?” we should’ve screamed. “Where are you taking us?”
But we didn’t. We didn’t because we had no way of knowing what would happen. Neither of us had stopped to ask what the “something” might be that Jason promised to figure out for us.
We’d taken a cab to a part of the city I’d never been before. Gorgeous buildings glittered on every side of us. This was a finer area than either of us had ever dreamed of venturing into, given our humble backgrounds.
And the life we’d just come from.
“Jason, you’re a lifesaver,” Cream gushed, her face pressed up against one of the cab’s windows. Mine was pressed up against the other, while Jason sat up front with the driver.
“Anything for you,” he said, grinning. “And for Pumpkin, of course.”
“Thank you, Jason,” I said shyly. He had been Cream’s customer, not mine, and I felt lucky just to be in the car, wearing nice clothes and looking good, too.
“Can you imagine living in one of those big buildings?” Cream asked. “Can you just imagine it?”
I was, just as she was saying it. I’d live on the top floor. I’d no less than three maids to wait on me—clean up after me, do my laundry, give me backrubs, cook for me, whatever I desired. I’d have a gorgeous view of Central Park just off my balcony, and I’d sit up there and drink cocktails no matter what time of the day it was.
“Here we are,” Jason said, as the cab pulled up to one of the very buildings we’d been ogling. He got out first and helped us out of the back of the cab as if we were coming out of a limo. There might have been a red carpet for how gallant it all was. I could imagine all the flashing cameras on either side of me, capturing my image as I strutted toward this event, that world premiere.
I was so lucky to be with Cream, so lucky that she was able to get in touch with Jason after everything.
Maybe I should’ve started asking questions, then, as Jason walked us into the building, me on his left arm, Cream on his right. We were dressed for a club, not a fine dinner. Our five-inch pumps clicked across a marble floor. No one gave us more than a second glance, even though there were women there wearing pearls that probably cost more money than I’d ever seen.
For the first time, I didn’t feel quite as beautiful as I thought I looked. Men were in tuxedoes and the women on their arms wore little black dresses that hit them just at the knee. Their asses were in no danger of tumbling out from beneath the hem, as mine was.
A single pair of their shoes alone—demure, black, but with racy red paint on the underside—probably cost more than mine and Cream’s outfits combined.
I was shy by nature, only bold and sexy in my own imagination. I got the acute feeling that people were staring at us, but being blasé about it in that famed, nonchalant way that New York City had. Biting my lip, I looked over at Cream, but she was busy fawning over Jason.
Jason was making it happen for us—whatever “it” may have been.
When we got into the elevator, the doors sliding shut behind us, I should’ve asked when Jason asked the attendant to press the basement level button, slipping the uniformed man a strange-looking card with a twenty dollar bill wrapped around it. “Why tip a man twenty bucks to push a button to the basement?” I should’ve demanded. “Where are you taking us?”
But I never did. My brain kept making up explanations for everything. Maybe it was New York’s newest, most exclusive nightclub. They’d call it Basement, or Subterranean, or the New York Underground. That’s where Jason was taking us—to get us jobs taking care of the city’s elite.
Maybe, just maybe, when the elevator doors rolled open to show not a nightclub but a meat market—a raised platform running down the middle of the room, bare fluorescent bulbs hanging low over it, bathing the women standing on it in harsh, unforgiving light but keeping the men sitting around the stage in anonymous darkness—maybe I should’ve asked then.
“What is this place?” I should’ve said, wrenching my arm from Jason’s and dragging Cream to me. “Who the hell are you?”
But I just kept walking. Kept my eyes at my shoes when we approached a man at a table. Barely looking up when Jason said he had two more girls “for sale.” Didn’t even hesitate when Jason led us to the edge of the platform, which had a couple of stairs to help us get up into the light.
“This is how this works,” Jason said, withdrawing his arms from us and stepping back. Cream’s lips were pursed into a question, her brow furrowed. She should’ve been asking, too, this whole time, but Jason was her client. He’d take care of us, she said. He had been our last hope when our lives had been upended.
“This is a market,” he said, “and you are for sale. When you are purchased by the highest bidder, you will belong to him. You will belong to him, and you will do whatever he wishes.”
Jason smiled, his white teeth very bright in the dimness outside those damning bulbs. “I told you that you’d be taken care of, didn’t I?” he asked. “There’s a room full of men who want to take care of you. You just have to be good girls, both of you, and get the highest bids possible. You look beautiful. Now then, Cream, you first.”
I found my voice immediately, the one I should’ve been using from the beginning.
“No,” I said. “We go together, wherever we go.”
Jason stared at me, surprised. “There’ll be higher bids if you’re separate,” he said. “Maybe a man doesn’t want two girls. Maybe a man likes her better than you, or vice versa.”
“Maybe I don’t care about how high the bids are,” I shot back. “We’ll go together or not at all.”
“You don’t have a choice, now,” Jason said. “Once you’re down here, you’re down here. There’s no getting out.”
His words gave me a chill, but I stood firm. Cream laid her arm on her former customer’s arm.
“We’re going together, Jason,” she said, her eyes wide and frightened, her voice shaking, her face as pale as the grave. “We’re all we have left.”
Jason had been Cream’s former customer. I hadn’t known him. From what I knew now, I realized he wasn’t a good person. I needed to learn how to sniff out the bad ones, I realized. I needed to figure out who they were from the start. Jason had been so nice, so accommodating, letting us lay low in his beautiful condo until the heat died down.
He’d let us eat his food, bought us the basic necessities that we were lacking, and asked us what our plans were.
“Stay here as long as you’d like, don’t get the wrong idea,” he said, his smile so bright. “But I want to help you get your lives back.”
“I don’t even know where to start,” Cream said. “We had so much, and now we had nothing.”
“I think I can help,” he said. “I know of something. We’ll have to go shopping, though, to get you two some new clothes. You’ll have to dress beautiful. Lo
ok beautiful. And we’ll figure something out for you.”
I’d listened to the sounds of Cream and Jason having sex that night, the night after he bought us our gorgeous clothes. I didn’t know if Cream had genuinely liked the man or if she was just trying to express our gratitude. I wondered if it’d be my turn to “say thanks” next. I was just as good at it as Cream was, but I never gave it up for free. My body had been my business, though Cream had often thrown herself at guys she’d liked for no cost but their hearts.
She’d broken many a heart in her tenure—most often her own.
Jason hadn’t had to take us in. In fact, he’d put himself at risk by doing so. He was good-looking, I supposed, but not necessarily my tastes. Jason was always wearing designer clothes, a thick gold chain around his neck, his head shaved and oiled to a burnished gleam. He looked like a rapper or something, and had the digs to support the lifestyle. His condo was in a nice part of town, and he had a projection television that turned an entire wall into a screen.
I should’ve asked how he got his money. What he did for a living. What he had in mind for us.
“Fine,” Jason said quickly, pushing us up the stairs to the platform. With our tall shoes, I could hear the buzz of the fluorescent bulbs most of all. They sounded like angry insects, drowning out the chatter of the men sitting around the platform.
Cream and I huddled together up there, staring down at Jason uncertainly.
“Walk around,” he hissed, flicking his hand forward. “Sell it!”
I didn’t know what we were supposed to be selling. Our bodies? Our souls? Cream and I walked to the middle of the platform. The eyes on us made my skin crawl.
“Next up, a package deal,” Jason said, projecting his voice around the room. The men sitting around the platform quieted to hear what was being offered.
“Two former sex workers from one of our favorite places around town,” Jason continued. I flinched. Saying it like that was so raw. Truthful, but raw. Sex workers. I guessed that was what we had been before everything had gone down.