by Amelia Jade
Ten years. Ten long years she’d kept every male at bay, unwilling to let even one of them have a smidgen of power over her, lest she find herself with another Colonel Moore on her hands. Some of them had likely been good men, but Elin hadn’t allowed herself to find out. Her defenses had been ironclad, to the point that some of the men thought she was into women.
Yet all the mental fortress walls had been for nothing. Kallore had simply waltzed in and made them look full of holes. He hadn’t torn them down, not on purpose. Her mind had simply accepted him, and the fact that he was a dragon, bringing him into her life without an invitation.
Fears of what her colleagues would think of her, and how they might react were her biggest issues. Despite her shutdown of Colonel Moore, word had spread through the back channels that she’d been sleeping with him at first, but only turned on him when he wouldn’t do as she wanted. It was that reason why she’d worked so hard, putting her duty over anything else for so long, never once taking a lover in the intervening years.
If she opened herself up to Kal now, and he in turn fought on their side, she would be giving those rumors substance. It would show to her staunchest enemies that she had no qualms about using her sex to get what she wanted, which is exactly what Colonel Moore had accused her of in private. In public she’d outed him for the lecher he was, but a phony trial with a jury composed of his supporters had found him innocent.
Moore had been promoted with ease, while she’d had to struggle and bust her ass for each rank increase, doing such a good job that they had no choice but to promote her, or else make it obvious to all that she was being blacklisted.
“Why does this happen to me?” she moaned into the silence. “Why couldn’t he have been more like Kyen?”
Less hot. Less charming. Less tender. Less…everything, in her eyes at least.
“Why couldn’t who be more like Kyen?”
Elin jerked as the pacifist dragon himself walked through the doorway that Kal had left ajar as he left.
“Uh, never mind,” she said, standing up, brushing herself off and trying not to blush bright red. “Just a thought.”
Kyen frowned in her direction, obviously not buying it, but Elin was back in control now, her features slipping into neutrality. “Are we done here?”
“Of course,” the older dragon said politely, backing out the door. “Of course.”
Chapter Nine
Kallore
Elin threw her arms out wide. “You wanted to see the city, here you are. Thoughts?”
“It’s big.”
The words felt inaccurate as he tried to take in everything going on around him. Cars zoomed by relentlessly, every now and then a horn blaring at some perceived slight against the driver. A truck backed up to a nearby building, a loud beeping noise emitting from it at regular intervals. People walked by on all sides, lost in themselves, in their phones, or in the rare case a conversation with someone next to them.
Overhead a helicopter flew by, heading off on some unforeseen errand. The door to a nearby shop dinged as people headed in or out of it.
“And loud.”
Elin grinned. “This is a midsize city. Less than a million people. You should see some of the big ones. Millions of people packed into the same space. It’s crazy; I can’t handle it.”
Kallore nodded, looking around with a bit of unease. “I can understand why. That’s a lot of people in a small area. How do they not feel claustrophobic? I already feel like it’s pressing in on me from all sides.”
His head jerked around as tires squealed on pavement, the noise causing his heart to beat just a little faster. A bird called out as it flew past near his head and he whipped around, his hand snatching out to grab it.
“Wait!” Elin dashed forward, preventing him from killing the irritating creature. “Kal, let it go.”
“Why?”
“Because, we don’t kill birds on a whim.” Her adorable nose crinkled up. “Even if they are pigeons, okay?”
“Okay.” He tossed it into the air and it was gone a moment later.
“Thank you.”
He shrugged, trying to force himself to relax. “So many customs I don’t know about yet. We used to pay the homeless kids to travel around the castles and kill the useless birds, did you know that? They were much better at it than the cats. Their specialty was mice.”
Elin grimaced and he realized she had no interest in the gruesome details of day-to-day life during his growing up. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. Come on, let’s walk.” She reached out to motion him forward, but stopped short of taking his hand or arm.
It had been like that ever since he’d pressured her into talking about her past. They’d continued to interact, to work side by side as they brought him up to speed on modern civilization, but a wall had formed between them. Technically it was only one-directional, from Elin to him, but Kal respected her decision. Despite the flaming urge to take her hand, pull her close, and reveal that her troubles were at an end, he resisted. She needed time. Time to accept that they were fated to be together, and that it was a bond she couldn’t fight against for much longer.
He was so close to having his mate, there was no way he was going to lose her now. Not after he’d waited this long to finally feel her in his arms. He could wait a little longer, savoring every breath that brought him her smell, the sweet aroma of flowers glistening in the sunlight on a mountain ledge, of spring runoff making its way through the last remaining icy flows of winter. It was intoxicating, a potent mix that threatened to leave him lightheaded if he dove in too deep.
“Where are you taking me?”
“Nowhere in particular, Kallore the dragon,” she teased gently. “I can see what you see, but I want you to see things how I do.”
He frowned, wondering how she expected him to do anything with this much traffic and people surrounding them. They had to be in the exact heart of the city now.
“What do you see?”
Pondering the question didn’t reveal to him the hidden meaning he was positive was there, so instead of delay, he answered.
“Noise. I see and hear the noise. People everywhere. Cars, trucks. The air is thick and hard to breathe. You plaster the landscape with these huge buildings, removing all but the faintest traces of anything natural and green.”
Elin smiled sadly. “And you aren’t wrong. But do you know what I see?”
He shook his head in the negative.
“I see life. Pure and unbound. Over there, that man is buying ice cream for his wife, who is pregnant. And there, a grandfather educates his granddaughter on the intricacies of chess. A family is getting on the bus, the father is blind so the son helps him navigate his way. A man and his four-legged best friend are bonding, becoming even closer as they navigate the streets together.”
Kallore turned with each point of her hand, seeing the scenes Elin pointed out, noting how what he’d classified as noise and activity could be boiled down to its innermost essence if one but took the time to look. Life. It was a beautiful thing, a powerful thing. He should know; dragons were blessed with more of it than any human. Their strength and powers were enough to give it away. But at some point he’d lost sight of the fact that humans lived too.
Not just doing the minimum to get by. They strived for more, creating more life around them as they interacted with each other. It took the edge off of all the negatives he listed, forcing him to relax and take it all in stride with each other.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered.
Her eyes glowed as she spoke, amber irises visible even across the space that now engulfed them. Without thinking Kallore stepped forward.
“It is, isn’t it,” he agreed in a whisper. But his eyes were not for the world around them, but instead focused on the one single thing in front of him. The life that mattered most in this world. The life he would protect with all his ferocity and power if anything were to challenge it.
Elin looked at him and in that moment he knew
it was time. Leaning in, he cupped the back of her head, pulling her close. Their bodies pressed together as the world sped by around them, two lovers lost in a dance as ancient as time itself. Joy filled his soul as his mate opened herself to him, joining them at last in—
His eyes flew open as she pulled away. “Elin?”
“You kissed me.”
Horror entered his mind as the gravity of what he’d just done slammed home like a meteorite. He had kissed her. His dragon had gotten the better of him, meddling his mind, making it seem like it was a good idea, that it was something she was okay with. Both of them knew that she wanted it, but Elin had made it clear, verbally and non-verbally, that she wasn’t ready for such a situation. Kallore then had just gone and ignored everything, kissing her anyway.
“Elin,” he started again. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“You didn’t mean to what?” she asked harshly, the betrayal writ all across her face, in the pain that filled her eyes and the tightening of her brow. “To kiss me? Because that was no accident, Kallore. That was purposeful action.”
“I’m sorry. I tried.” He felt defeated. All of his efforts to respect her choice and her distance even as he subtly worked to bring them closer together had been for naught. In the end he’d failed her, like he failed everyone else who’d counted on him. “I tried.”
She appeared on the verge of tears, but her stern military persona overcame her and she straightened up, shoulders back and eyes narrowing. “It’s time to return to base.” The voice of honeyed silk had unsheathed the steel it contained, using it against him for the first time.
That, perhaps, was worse than anything else he was feeling. A verbal confirmation that he was no longer “Kallore,” but instead just another soldier that she commanded. He opened his mouth to plead his case once more, but it was pointless, and the glint in her eye told him that arguing would not be winning him any points.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said dully.
Kallore had never felt more alone than during the walk back to the car. Silence reigned supreme, and neither of them was willing to do anything to break it. Black clouds circled over his soul, darker than the skin of the Outsiders, but threatening to suck the life from his just the same. He’d been astoundingly lucky to find his mate upon waking, but now his haste had ripped her away from him.
The worst part of it was that it was his own damn fault.
Chapter Ten
Elin
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Uttering something unintelligible, she rolled over and slammed her hand onto the alarm clock. It was too early for that shit. Yanking the covers up to just under her chin, she curled up into a ball and tried to go back to sleep.
“Ugh, why doesn’t the military allow for sick days?” she moaned when it became obvious her body was already waking up, just like she’d trained it to do over the years.
Throwing off the comforter in an angsty outburst that did exactly nothing to help her calm down, she got up and headed toward the shower, intending to pummel her misbehaving body with heated water. While the water was teaching her body a valuable lesson—that it would absolutely love—Elin tried to get her mind under control.
Mostly she tried to ignore the way it kept bringing back up the subject of Kallore. Which inevitably led to her memory of the way he’d kissed her. That in turn set her body ablaze and stoked the embers between her legs back to life. It had been a long, long time since she’d been kissed, and never like that, with such vigor and drive. The dragon had a way of making her feel like she was the only woman he ever wanted to kiss. Ever.
And she’d turned him down. Tall, broad-shouldered, taut-assed, muscle-lathered Kallore. He wanted her for whatever reason, and she’d turned him aside. Pre-military Elin would have found the closest hotel and done whatever he’d asked of her if a man as gorgeous as the white-blond-haired giant had shown such interest in her. What kind of blithering idiot said no to that when they knew just how good he was, how smart and wise, gentle, and kind he was? Nobody, that’s who! Unless your name was Major Elin “Idiot” Mara.
Why did the situation have to be so complicated? It should be easy. Kiss him back, hold his hand, go on a date, and see where things go. He wasn’t a member of the military, and even though her superiors wished to consider him as such, he wasn’t even their property. He was a contractor. A mercenary. Paid to fight for their side. Elin wasn’t even his commanding officer; she was simply the liaison tasked with bringing him up to speed.
None of her mental gymnastics were justification for sleeping with him though. Everyone would say the same thing to her now as they would if he were a member of her command. She would lose her post and be tossed out of the army.
Once again she considered that course, trying to decide if it was worthwhile or not. Perhaps she should just quit. It would simplify so many decisions on her part. She could finally pursue a civilian career, with holidays and regular hours. Her sex life—as barren as it was—would become nobody’s business but her own. She could sleep in!
All it would require her to do was to admit that she wasn’t strong enough to keep going. That after ten years of pushback, she’d finally had more than she could take. It had been a valiant fight, an effort of heroic proportion, but in the end, was there any shame in bowing out? In saying, “You know what, I’ve had enough. I’m going to lead my life the way I want now”? Elin could do it. It would be so easy. There would be no pushback on their end, no hesitation, no extraneous paperwork that got lost. It would probably be effective by the end of the day. So why was she hesitating?
It wasn’t the pay. It certainly wasn’t an affinity for danger. No, the reason was twofold. First and foremost, fuck them—she wasn’t a quitter. At anything. The second reason was just as important to her, however, and it was the one that made her keep coming back, no matter how many times she cried herself to sleep in her private chambers at the idea of doing it for just another day.
Her fellow citizens were in danger.
That was why she’d signed up in the first place, enlisting as a soldier. To protect those who could not protect themselves. To put herself in harm’s way, to be the shield that weathered the storm of danger when it came near. Although she’d never seen a battlefield herself—something which she had mixed emotions over—Elin had done her part to be the best soldier she could be. Every little bit she was better, gave the troops doing the fighting a better shot. Now she had in her hands a sword that might strike the blow that her own soldiers would pay dearly to achieve.
Kallore was only there because of her. She’d never acknowledged that, but it was obvious. He fought for his money, and he stuck around because of her. If Elin quit now, if she walked away from it all like she so desperately wanted to, then he would leave as well, and the whole program would fall apart.
Her fist slammed out, killing the water. Flicking her head back she stood up, feeling fresh and invigorated as anger seethed throughout her, burning away any last traces of doubt. She wasn’t going to quit. Not yet. Not while those weaker than her still needed her help. Kallore and his kind could turn a slaughter into a victory, and she was the only person who could make that happen.
Once it was over, then she could give in to the desire she kept locked away, letting the solid dragon shifter whisk her away to his castle and make endless love to her. Until then, she would have to fight it, to keep herself righteous and in line. She had the strength…all she had to do was use it.
Putting on the last button of her uniform, she stared at her reflection in the mirror, searching for any weakness and excising it. There was no time to waste. They might have years before the portal was accessible again, but then again, right now they also only had Kallore. He was untested and unproven.
She had a lot of work to do.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Whirling, she looked at her door.
“Yes?” she called, peering through the little hole in the metal hatch.
“Ma’
am, your presence is requested in the command center immediately.”
She frowned. That wasn’t Linny, her assistant. It was a male voice, and not one she recognized.
“Soldier, who are you?” she asked cautiously, reaching for her personal sidearm. The door itself was locked, but it wasn’t strong enough to survive a determined assault.
“Lieutenant Snider, ma’am.”
“I see.” She finished strapping the holster on and cleared the weapon for use. Elin doubted she would need it, but the presence of unknown soldiers on her base was a cause for alarm. Reaching in to her pocket, she withdrew her cellphone and sent a quick message.
“Yes ma’am. I’m here under orders from Colonel Cutprice.”
She frowned. The name sounded familiar, but she couldn’t place it.
“What are your orders, soldier?”
“To escort you to the command center, ma’am.”
There was the sound of more footsteps outside. Elin peered through the door again and nodded in satisfaction at what she saw. She undid the lock and slid it open, stepping swiftly into the hallway.
“Kyen, thank you for coming.”
He was her second choice, but she had an inkling that involving Kallore in whatever was going on would be a bad move for all parties involved. Still, she didn’t want to walk into whatever was coming unarmed. Kyen may be a pacifist, but he was still a dragon.
“It is my pleasure, Major Mara. To what do I owe the pleasure?” The dragon studiously ignored the soldier.
“I wish I could tell you.” She turned to the lieutenant. “Care to enlighten us?”
He looked nervously over at Kyen. Obviously word of what he was had gotten around.
“Uh, I’m just here as an escort.”
“Am I under arrest then?”
The lieutenant shook his head swiftly. “No, ma’am. Not to my knowledge. All I’m aware of is that Colonel Cutprice is here on scene.”
“Ah.”
Kyen looked at her. “Ah?”
She dipped her head. “Take us to the colonel.”