“Now you’re making me nervous,” Becca said, taking a seat.
“I’ve been thinking a lot,” Alison said. With Rhea gone, Alison had all the time in the world to think and reflect.
“Thinking is never healthy,” Becca’s chuckle was timid, not her usual tumbling laugh.
“I’ve made a decision,” Alison said.
“About what?” Becca asked, her voice quivering.
“I’m going back to school.”
“That’s wonderful.” Becca took her hand. “I thought you were ready, but I didn’t want to push. When will you start?”
Becca’s skin felt smooth, her nails painted a bright teal shade. “January, after break.”
“So soon,” Becca said. “That’s wonderful. You were convinced you’d never teach again, and now look at you. I’m so happy for you.”
“I’m still in shock. I never expected to be where I am now.”
“You spoke with Priscilla? Bounced the idea off her?” Becca smiled at her use of Priscilla’s favorite word.
“Yester … yesterday.” Priscilla had been true to her word, calling to discuss a plan for Alison to return to work. She’d been unsure at first, but the more Priscilla talked about modified schedules and adding another aide to her classroom, the more Alison warmed up to the idea. By the end of the call, they’d ironed out most of the details, except for one. Priscilla wouldn’t give Alison a straight answer about Becca, about whether she would remain at school or be out of a job. “Priscilla said she’d call you,” Alison said.
“Oh, I’ll look forward to that,” Becca said sarcastically. “So, I guess we may not be working together anymore.”
“I’m not sure.” Alison looked out at the now empty beach, the trees along the edge of the pond partly bare, crimson and yellow leaves scattered on the sand. As a cloud passed over the late afternoon sun, a chilly breeze came in off the water, lifting some of the leaves into the air. “I don’t know how to say this,” Alison said, her voice shaky.
Becca pulled her hand back, her eyes unsure. “What is it? Now you’re making me nervous.”
“I want to return with a clean slate.” Alison’s pulse quickened. She was sure this was the right move, both for her and for Becca, but it didn’t make this conversation any easier. “I need to be on my own now.”
“Where did this come from?” Becca said, her eyes shiny with tears. “Everything is going so well.”
“It’s too much. With the divorce and my family and therapy—”
“But I can help you through all of that,” Becca said. “That’s what partners are supposed to do.”
“There’s more,” Alison said. “After Nate’s play, I felt weird. It’s just too much.”
“We can slow things down.” A tear ran down Becca’s cheek and dripped onto her jacket. “I know we can make this work.”
“I’m not ready,” Alison said. “I need to love myself again before I can give my heart to someone else.”
“But we’re so good together. There has to be a way.”
“No,” Alison said firmly. “For now, I need to be on my own.”
Alison looked back out at the pond. An orange leaf tumbled in the breeze before coming to rest on the surface of the black water.
CHAPTER FORTY - FOUR
Grant
May 4, 2019
GRANT STRETCHED HIS LEGS onto the soft grass, the wood of the Adirondack chair firm against his back. A white sailboat glided across the bay, the sun glinting off the dark water. Thick-needled pines lined the rocky coast along the water’s edge. Grant looked forward to the hour after lunch, a much needed respite from the busy schedule. Today, Cynthia and Sadie were slated to visit sometime before afternoon group, so his break would be cut short.
Grant saw Finn, his group leader, standing by the water on his cell phone. After he finished his call, Grant waved him over.
“Hey, Grant.” Finn took a seat. “Ready to fly the coop? Monday’s the day, right?”
“Are you saying I’m a chicken?” Grant smiled. Finn had grown on him. He was certainly one of the reasons Grant had come as far as he had.
“Never,” Finn said. “You’re one of the bravest people I know. You’ve been working really hard and it shows.”
“Do you think I’m ready?”
“I do. But, when you’re home, you’ll certainly encounter triggers you don’t have here.”
“I’m starting to get nervous about that.”
“Which strategies do you think you’ll use?”
Grant reached into his pocket, palming the painted rock Sadie had sent in the mail. When Finn told them to find an object to serve as a touchstone, Grant knew it had to be connected to Sadie in some way. It was time to find his way back to her, to become a proper father again.
“Definitely visualization,” Grant said, stroking his thumb over the stone. “When I get the urge, I’ll picture myself in a relaxing place. Maybe right here, looking out at the water.”
“Where doesn’t matter, just as long as it centers you.”
“Right.” Grant couldn’t believe the thirty-day program was nearly over. There had certainly been challenging moments—tough questions in group, intense sessions with his psychiatrist, sudden overwhelming urges—but overall, the month had gone by in a flash. “Also, I’m going to practice self-care.” Before this month, Grant never would have imagined using this woo-hoo phrase, more apropos for Buddhists or yogis than for a world-class neurosurgeon.
“Exactly,” Finn said. “And what does that mean for you?”
“Eating healthy, no more vending machine lunches. And avoiding the morning shakes for sure.”
“Yes, that could definitely set you off.”
“I’ve been thinking about a hobby, too,” Grant said. “When you first suggested it, I pictured knitting or scrapbooking and that was a no-go. But how about fitness? Working out qualifies as both self-care and a hobby, right?”
“Leave it to a surgeon to prioritize efficiency.” Finn smiled.
“There’s something else I’m worried about,” Grant said. “Something I didn’t fully address in the program.”
“I thought we really got into your motivations,” Finn said. “We’ve done a lot of good work this month.”
“Yes, but there’s something I didn’t share. I think I was afraid of opening a can of worms.” Grant went on to tell Finn about Alison, about how he’d taken on her case against his better judgment, finishing with her surgery and the subsequent complications.
“Wow, that’s a lot to deal with,” Finn said.
“I know,” Grant said. “And when I go home, I’ll have to face up to what happened.”
“You will,” Finn said, “and I’m confident that you can.”
“Seriously, thank you for everything, Finn. I couldn’t have gotten through this without you.”
Finn clapped Grant on the back. “You’ve got this.”
“He’s over here, Mom.” Sadie’s voice travelled across the manicured lawn. Sadie looked more mature every time he saw her, the shape of her face and set of her mouth that of an adult rather than a child. Grant’s stomach rolled with shame as he thought back to the group discussion about that topic. His addiction had put so many people at risk, but endangering Sadie was one of his biggest regrets. He shuddered to think about the stolen pills and what else could have happened because of them. A father is supposed to protect his child and Grant had done the exact opposite.
When they reached him, Grant stood up to kiss Sadie’s cheek and give Cynthia a hug. Finn introduced himself before going back to work.
“How was the drive up?” Grant asked, as they all sat down.
“Long,” Cynthia said. “It’s so easy to forget how far away this place is. It’s a really a long state.” Something looked different about Cynthia, too. Her haircut was shorter and it seemed like she’d lost a few pounds.
“We did listen to a good podcast,” Sadie said. “It’s about a psychiatrist who takes advantage of
his patients, starts controlling their lives and shit.”
The old Grant would have reprimanded her for her language, but he held back. He had to earn back her trust before she would respect his authority.
“It was disturbing,” Cynthia said. “But it passed the time.”
“How’s your summer program going?” he asked. “Mom said you’ve signed up for some interesting courses.”
“It’s okay.” Sadie turned her body to face the bay. “I’d rather be at camp.” After the business with Piper and the pills, they hadn’t felt comfortable sending her back to Camp Wanaka this summer. Sadie was still holding a grudge.
“We’ve been through this already,” Cynthia said.
Sadie stood up and stormed to the water’s edge. She picked up a handful of rocks and started pelting them into the water.
“This is what I’m dealing with. One minute we’re listening to podcasts and the next she hates me.” Cynthia rolled her eyes in Sadie’s direction. “I think she’s afraid you won’t get better.”
“I’m doing the best I can,” Grant said.
“You’re looking much healthier. I’m glad to see that. We should talk about plans.” The sun slipped behind a cloud.
“I can’t believe I’m coming home.”
“About that …” Cynthia paused, pushing her sunglasses up onto her head, “there’s something you should know.”
Grant didn’t like the serious look on her face.
“I got a call from Vik. He wanted to visit you here, but I told him only immediate family was allowed.”
“Okay … I’m not sure I want to hear this.”
“He said they’re extending your suspension through November.”
“Fuck them.” Grant stood up and started pacing back and forth. He looked to see if Sadie heard him yelling, but she wasn’t standing by the water anymore. “I’m busting my ass to get better and this is the thanks I get?”
“He said they’re assigning you to the medical school. Something about teaching neuroanatomy. It sounded like a fair compromise to me.”
“Oh yeah? Well it sounds like a crock of shit to me.”
“We should look at the bright side.” Cynthia reached out to touch his arm, but he pulled away. “Isn’t that what they teach you here? Maybe you’ll learn some new skills.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“Also, I almost hate to bring this up, but I’m not sure coming home is the best idea.”
“What are you saying?”
“It’s better for you to be on your own, to focus on your recovery. And I could use the space to figure things out, too.”
“Are you divorcing me?” Grant asked. “I can’t believe this.”
“No, nothing like that,” Cynthia said. “It’s just a break. I’ve signed a lease on a nice apartment in Newton Centre. Very close to home, so you can be near Sadie.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Grant said. “This is really the icing on the cake.”
“It’s not only about you,” Cynthia said. “I’ve got a lot to sort through as well. Being apart will allow us to regroup.”
“What’s going on?” Sadie appeared behind them, three cans of soda in her hands. “You’re kicking Dad out?” She narrowed her eyes at Cynthia.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be very close by.” Grant sat down again. The last thing Grant wanted was to make Sadie more anxious than she already was about his recovery. As angry as he was at Cynthia, he needed to smooth things over for Sadie’s sake. “We’ll see each other every day.”
“Why?” Sadie dropped into her chair, letting the soda cans fall to the ground. “Why does it have to be this way? I don’t know how …” Her voice trailed off as she began to cry.
“This isn’t easy for any of us,” Cynthia said, her eyes filling with tears, too. “But we’ll figure it out as we go along.”
Grant stood up and went over to sit on the arm of Sadie’s chair. He pulled her towards him and stroked her soft hair with his hand. “It’s going to be okay. Your mom and I will both be there for you.”
Sadie wiped tears from under her eyes with her fingertips. “Did Mom tell you about her news?” she asked.
Grant hadn’t even thought to ask Cynthia how she was doing. Looking at her again, he was now sure she’d lost weight, and she looked happier, more self-assured.
“You’re not going to believe this.” Cynthia said, a grin spreading across her face. “I got a job. I went on one of those legal job boards on a whim, and before I knew it, I got hired. It’s all a bit surreal.”
“I didn’t know you wanted to work,” Grant said. He wondered if she really wanted to go back or if she was doing it to cover for him. Another wave of shame washed over him at the thought of not being able to provide for his family.
“I didn’t either, but I’m excited for the challenge.”
“Lots of changes in the Kaplan household.” Sadie picked up the sodas and handed one to each of them.
“Here’s to good changes.” Cynthia raised her soda in the air.
Grant cracked his open and took a generous gulp. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a soda. It tasted surprisingly sweet and refreshing. Being punished with med student duty was annoying and demoralizing, but the board had thrown down the gauntlet and Grant had no choice but to accept. And Grant hadn’t expected Cynthia to evict him from his own house. Living on his own was going to feel strange, but he’d do whatever it took to mend the rift in his family and earn his way back into the operating room.
CHAPTER FORTY - FIVE
Sadie
May 10, 2019
SADIE CARRIED HER LUNCH TRAY out to the courtyard, following Emma to a table. Nearly two months since the accident, Emma was off crutches and her right ankle was only slightly stiffer than the other. Sadie had been doing everything she could to rebuild their friendship. She went with Emma to physical therapy, brought her takeout food from The Grape Leaf and Jake’s Falafel, and watched countless, sappy Gilmore Girls episodes. They still danced around certain topics—Sadie knew not to talk about skating practice, and Emma avoided getting on Sadie’s case about Piper—but things were definitely moving in the right direction.
“This looks extra gross today.” Emma pushed the Sloppy Joe meat around her plate.
“Mystery meat at its finest,” Sadie said. “Only the best for the students of Newton North.”
“I don’t think I can do it.” Emma dropped her fork.
Sadie gave up, too, opening her chocolate pudding cup instead. On the other side of the courtyard, Piper shared a table with Kylie Miller, her replacement sidekick, and some new girl whose name was Mia or Mara, Sadie thought.
“How’s your dad doing?”
“Okay, I guess,” Sadie said. “He’s not living with us right now.”
“What do you mean?”
“My mom got him an apartment. She said it’s better for us to have some space or something like that.”
“That must be weird.”
“Yeah, but I guess I have to deal with it.”
“Holy crap.” Emma picked up her phone. “I forgot to show you something. You’re not going to believe this.”
“What? Newton North decides to revamp menu and serve edible food? Details at eleven—”
“You have to see this for yourself.” Emma held up her phone. It was a newspaper headline someone had posted to Instagram.
NEWTON WOMAN, GENA MORRIS, SENTENCED TO 8 YEARS IN PRISON FOR SECOND DEGREE ATTEMPTED MURDER
“Who’s that?” Sadie asked. “Do you know her?”
“That’s Piper’s mom, dummy.”
“Let me see that.” Sadie grabbed Emma’s phone and clicked on the link in the bio.
Gena Morris, 47, of Newton was sentenced on Tuesday May 7th in Newton Superior Court to eight years in federal prison for second degree attempted murder of her ex-husband, Timothy Morris. She will serve her time at the Northeast Correctional Center.
“No way,” Sadie said. She c
ouldn’t believe she’d been so naive. “I’m so stupid. I fell for her act.”
Sadie looked back over at Piper. She was holding court, probably feeding the other girls the same exact lies she’d told her. Enough was enough. Sadie wasn’t going to be taken advantage of anymore. The chaotic events of the last several months played back through her mind, like a movie on fast forward: Emma working her butt off at physical therapy, Aunt Alison struggling with her disabilities, and her dad battling to overcome his addiction. If they could all be so brave and strong up against these incredible obstacles, then so could Sadie. Holding Emma’s phone, she stood up and started walking toward Piper’s table.
“Clearly, she’s had it rough,” Emma said, following a few steps behind. “Maybe now’s not the time.”
“It’s long overdue. I should have done this a long time ago.” Sadie’s heart pounded in her chest as she reached Piper’s table.
“Well, look who’s here.” Piper looked up. “I thought you were both done with me. You and Little Miss Perfect.”
“I am.” Sadie held the phone up so Piper could see the headline. “You lied to me. Our whole friendship was one big lie.”
“Old news.” Piper rolled her eyes at her new underlings. “Took you a while to catch on.”
“You’re right. It did, but now that I have, I’m through. I don’t want your tickets or your charity and I certainly don’t want to hear about your mother. I don’t want anything to do with you.”
“Boo-hoo,” Piper said. “I’m devastated, can’t you tell?”
“No matter what you have going on, you can’t treat people like they don’t matter.” Sadie knew Piper couldn’t care less what she thought about anything, but it still felt good to speak her mind. She may have made some bad choices, but she was still a good person and deserved to be treated with respect.
“That’s fine,” Piper said. “I have my real friends right here.”
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