by Hayden Hunt
“Frankly, Daniel, you are kind of putting a damper on the day. I’d like to enjoy my Thanksgiving.”
I nearly threw my phone at the concrete.
“Really, Mom, do you? Do you want to enjoy your Thanksgiving? Because so do I! But now I’m stranded in Greenton with no place to go and no family to see!”
“That’s not my fault, Daniel! You should have called! And you’re fully capable of getting a flight out of Greenton.”
“Great, so you know I’ll just spend tonight in a hotel and spend my Thanksgiving waiting for a damn flight!”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to find one fairly easily. Nobody flies on Thanksgiving day.”
I was seeing red. “That’s not the fucking point, Mom! The point is you don’t even bother to tell your only son that you have moved out of fucking town and now I can’t even see you. But, oh, wait, even if you had told me that you moved I wouldn’t be able to see you because you don’t give enough of a flying fuck about me to let me stay in your damned condo!”
“That is enough!” she snapped. “I will not be spoken to like this. I hope you get a fast flight home, but I am ending this conversation now. Bye, Daniel.”
She hung up the phone.
I went from seething mad to incredibly depressed. It took all I had not to crumble on the floor and start bawling right then.
It was the same vulnerability that I always felt as a kid. I hated that it was all coming back to me now. All those nights I spent crying under the covers in my room, wondering why I couldn’t get my parents to care about stuff like parent teacher night or my soccer games. Wondering why they always brushed me off and ignored my questions about their day when they came home from work.
My entire life, I’d felt like a burden to them. And I knew that I was; all kids technically are. And I fully understood that having kids was hard. But wasn’t it supposed to be, like, a burden you actually wanted to have?
It never felt like that with my parents. I always felt like an unfortunate accident that brought nothing but difficulty to their world. They loved each other—they always loved each other—but I felt undeserving of the affection they gave to each other.
I was kicking myself for wanting to even try with them. I should have known it was going to come to this once again.
Still, I never thought they would do something this shitty. To actually move states and not even mention it to me? Not even I would have ever done that to them. Not even at my worst, when I was eighteen and hated their freaking guts. I still would have always told them where I was.
Apparently, I didn’t get the same courtesy from them.
I sank down on a little metal bench that sat next to my old front door. It broke my heart, being here at my abandoned old house and being unable to go inside. How many times did I sit on this bench as a kid? It brought back all these memories that were hard to ignore.
I needed to ignore them, though, because the more I thought about my childhood the bigger the chances I would break down and cry.
I might have done that anyway. Every time I made a move to pull out my cell phone and call another taxi, I could feel a wave of nausea pulling at my stomach.
I couldn’t believe that not only did they move without telling me and saw no problem with it, but that my Mom didn’t even care that I came to see her. She didn’t care that I travelled to her; in fact, she didn’t want me to come see her and my father.
And she certainly didn’t care that I was now stranded and alone on Thanksgiving weekend. She wished me a quick flight… A flight that would take me back to my lonely New York apartment.
I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving. All I wanted to do was spend a quiet, normal Thanksgiving with my parents, but obviously that wasn’t going to happen. There was nothing else for me in this old town, so I really needed to go.
But I couldn’t force myself to move.
Not that I expected anything to change. I didn’t expect my mother to walk out the front door with a smile on her face telling me it was all one big joke. My mother didn’t joke, anyway. She was a serious and often a very difficult woman. Hence, all our issues.
This was it. This was the last time I tried with them. During the last few years when we’d maintained our distance, I’d been able to tell myself that I made our relationship out to be worse than it really was. But that just wasn’t true. They were as shitty as I always thought they were when I was little.
I mean, they wouldn’t even let me come over on Thanksgiving? Because their apartment was too small? Who the hell did that? I was their son! Most parents I knew would live in any cramped space with their kid if they only got to see them once a year.
Fuck it and fuck them. I shouldn’t have allowed them to cause me this much anguish anymore. They were completely unaffected by this and I should have been too. Besides, I’d lived my entire adult life without them. I could easily continue that now.
Still, it was frustrating that my Thanksgiving was now completely fucked. I mean, all right, so I normally didn’t do much on Thanksgiving, anyway. But it was still depressing as hell to be in an airport on Thanksgiving day.
This just wasn’t how I wanted to live my life anymore. I hated this lonely bachelor lifestyle I was living. I wanted to settle down. I wanted to make my own family.
Of course, before that came, I needed to meet someone that I'd actually want to start a family with. Which was easier said than done.
I’d dated a lot, but I’d never met anyone I really connected with. No relationship of mine ever lasted more than a few months. I couldn’t help but notice that a lot of men my age weren’t really ready to settle down yet. They were still in the hook up phase of their lives. A phase I had been over for quite a while now.
I pulled out my phone and began to google the number for a cab company. A different cab company than the one that had brought me to my house, because I couldn’t risk being picked up by the same driver that dropped me off. This day was humiliating enough without thinking about a taxi driver’s judgments.
“Daniel, is that you?” I heard a vaguely familiar voice gasp.
I looked up to see my old childhood friend Ethan walking across the lawn to me.
Speaking of humiliation…
“Yeah, Ethan, hey!” I said, standing up to give him a hug.
“Oh, man, it’s so good to see you!” he said excitedly. “It’s been so long!”
It really had. Although I had him and some other old friends on social media, we never spoke much, and obviously, I hadn’t been in town for years.
Under normal circumstances, I’d have been happy to see Ethan. We were really close growing up. We were friends before we even entered grade school, being next door neighbors and everything. I spent all the time that I could at his house, since mine was lonely as hell.
And I loved being around his family just as much as I loved being around him. He had the kind of parents I always wished I had. They were so loving and nurturing, even to me. His parents always kind of knew how my parents were, though I did my best to never bring it up.
“What brings you back in town?” Ethan asked excitedly.
Oh, shit, how was I going to get out of this question? How embarrassing to say that I was trying to surprise my parents by coming home for Thanksgiving and they weren’t even here.
“Oh, you know, just in town for the holidays,” I tried to say casually.
“Wait, but I thought your parents moved?”
Oh, duh, of course he would fucking know that. He lived next door, for crying out loud!
“Right, uh, well…” I tried to come up with some cover up, but I couldn’t think of anything.
I should just be honest, I thought. There was no sense in lying to Ethan, anyway. I might have tried to hide my relationship with my family from his parents, but he used to be my best friend. I told him everything. He was even the first person I came out to when I was fourteen.
“Okay, honestly, I didn’t know they moved. And I came down to s
urprise them by coming home for Thanksgiving but then, well, here I am.”
His face sunk. “Oh my God, Daniel, that’s so awful. They… they never even told you they moved?”
“Nope.” I sighed.
“But I thought they moved, like, years ago!”
“Yeah, you’re not wrong.” I put my hand on my cheek.
“You flew out and everything? Oh God, this is so awful. I just can’t imagine. What are you going to do now?”
“I was about to call a cab to take me to a hotel, see if I can’t get a flight out tomorrow. Obviously today is out of the question, being the day before Thanksgiving and everything.”
“You can’t do that! Spend your Thanksgiving in an airport? No, that’s just too shitty.”
I shrugged. “Not much else I can do.”
His face suddenly lit up with excitement. “Wait, why don’t you stay with us for Thanksgiving?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“I mean, stay at my house! Stay with my family! Now that me and my sister have moved out, they’ve got a guest bedroom and everything!”
“Oh, no, I definitely couldn’t impose like that. Really, it’s fine, I’ll just go back home. I don’t usually do much for Thanksgiving anyway, so it’s not a huge deal.”
“No, seriously, you can’t. My parents won’t mind at all, you know they won’t! In fact, they usually have more guests for Thanksgiving but some of my out of town family won’t be able to make it. They’ll love the extra company! And they’ll love seeing you! And so will I,” he said, a twinkle in his eye.
I had to admit, this was a tempting offer. And not just because going back home alone sounded horribly depressing. But because I always liked Ethan.
Obviously I always liked him, he was my best friend, but it was more than that. I always had a bit of a crush on him, though I never ever spoke that out loud because he was my best friend and it would destroy our relationship.
Those same old crush feelings were coming back to me now, though. He'd always been a handsome guy, but in adulthood, he'd become a full blown hottie. I couldn’t believe how handsome he’d become.
And he had that same overly cheesy smile that he had when we were kids. I melted every time.
But I was still a little hesitant. “Are you sure they won’t care?” I asked.
“Are you kidding? They love you! They’re going to be so happy to see you. So you’ll stay, then?” he asked excitedly.
“Sure, if they’re fine with it and it’s really not an intrusion.”
“Yes!” he said, pulling me into a second excited hug. This time, when he pulled me close to him, I could smell the scent of cologne on his neck. It sent a shiver down my spine.
“Here, I’ll take your bag,” he said.
“Thanks, I really appreciate this. I have to admit, I was in a pretty bad mood before you walked over here.”
“Well, yeah, you were trying to do something nice for your asshole parents and then you find out they moved without so much as telling you. Were they sorry, at least?”
“What do you think?” I rolled my eyes.
“Ugh, some people just never fucking change, huh?”
“Yeah, guess not.” I shrugged. “But I mean, it’s whatever. I’ve been living my entire adult life without them. It would have been nice to work on our relationship but I guess I should know better than to ask that of them.”
“God… adult life…” he murmured. “I mean, can you believe it? Can you believe we actually grew up and we’re considered adults now?”
I laughed. “Actually, sometimes I can’t.”
“I can't wait to hear all about your life now, man. I mean, I know some things I see online, of course. But we haven’t properly caught up in ages.”
“I know, we really need to.”
There wasn’t one thing that ended our friendship. It wasn’t like we had a big fight or anything. We just kind of fell out of touch the way a lot of old friends do. We moved on with our lives and forgot about each other.
Okay, that was kind of not true. I never really forgot about him. I’d actually kept a pretty close eye on him on social media since we graduated. I guess my little crush never really faded.
Which was just because we were so close. I always caught myself fantasizing and playing the what-if game.
What if he was gay? What if he wanted to be with me? What if the intimacy we experienced as good friends trickled into romantic territory? How good of a relationship could we have?
That was the problem. Even with all the men I dated, I never felt the emotional intimacy with them that I felt with Ethan. I was never as close to anyone as I was with Ethan. And I’d never been able to forget that.
Which begs the question, why didn’t I reach out? Why didn’t I try to catch up with him? I guess because it was just so hard to see him and not be with him. Even in high school when he dated girls, my heart ached seeing him with other people.
Thankfully in adulthood, he seemed to keep his relationships pretty private. I’d never seen him talking about a girlfriend online. And it couldn’t possibly be that he hadn’t dated anyone since high school, that would make no sense. The man was built like a damn Greek god. There were always girls all over him in high school and he’d only gotten more good looking since.
Plus, he worked in finance. I knew he made good money as an accountant and obviously, he knew how to invest his money well, being in that field. A handsome guy with money—it was a wonder he wasn’t married already.
I was hoping I’d run into him while visiting my parents. I wasn’t going to go out of my way to see him or anything, but if he was also home for Thanksgiving I knew we’d run into each other when leaving the house and stuff. He was literally straight across the street. Though I was a little afraid that he’d bring a girlfriend home or something and I’d be forced to see him kissing up on some beautiful woman, which would sting.
Oh, shit, that could still happen! Fuck, what if I walked into his parents’ house and found he had a pretty little thing sitting on his couch, making small talk with his parents.
I hadn’t even considered that. Shit, and I already agreed to stay for the whole Thanksgiving weekend! If he was dating someone and he brought her here, that was going to make this whole weekend torturous for me. Damn it, I didn’t want that. My heart was pounding as we approached his door.
“Yeah, speaking of catching up, what’s going on in your world?” I asked, trying to subtly work my way into finding out if he was dating someone.
“Oh, you know, same old same old. I work a lot, and that’s about all I do.” He laughed.
“Yeah? You don’t have, like, a girlfriend or anything?”
Okay, that was the exact opposite of subtle. I could feel myself starting to blush.
“Oh, nah, not dating anyone. I guess I’ve become pretty picky in my adulthood, just haven’t found anyone that meets my standards.”
“You know what? Me either,” I agreed.
“Really? So you don’t have some cute young guy you’re seeing back home? In the big city, it’s hard to believe you can’t find a decent guy!”
“Trust me, I’ve tried. But I don't know. It’s not that there aren’t any cute guys or anything, it’s just that they don’t ever seem to want the same things I want.”
“Yeah? And what do you want?” he asked boldly.
I gave an awkward laugh. “We’re getting a little deep here, huh?” I asked, thrown off by how quickly our small talk conversation had taken a turn.
“Yeah, why not? That’s how it’s always been between us, right?”
I didn’t get a chance to answer, because he had opened the front door and I was hit with a chorus of gasps. Evidently his entire family was sitting in the living room, so he didn't even have time to warn them that I was coming in.
Which made me feel a lot more awkward, because now I felt like even if they didn’t want me here, they weren’t in a position to be able to say that. They were too polite.
Though they did genuinely seem happy to see me. His mom was the first to speak.
“Oh my goodness, is that little Daniel?” she gasped, getting up to hug me.
“Hi, Mrs. Taylor.” I laughed as I hugged her back.
“Oh, honey, it’s so good to see you! I can’t believe how grown up you are! John, can you believe it?” she said, beckoning her husband.
“I absolutely can’t,” he answered with a smile, giving me a hug too.
“It’s really great to see you both,” I told them.
“Mom, Dad, would you mind if Daniel maybe spent Thanksgiving with us?” Ethan asked.
“I mean, you don’t have to feel obligated at all!” I added quickly. “I don’t want to impose.”
“Impose? Are you kidding? We’ll be thrilled to have you! I was just telling Ashley how sad I was that more people wouldn’t be here this year. I mean, we have more family coming into town tomorrow, but usually, our house is filled with guests the entire weekend. It’ll be great that you’re here!”
I looked over at Ashley, who was still sitting on the couch but smiling politely at me. “Nice to see you, Daniel.”
I smiled back at her and gave an awkward wave. Me and Ashley had never been particularly close, so it would’ve been a little weird for her to jump in and hug me.
Not that I had a problem with her; she had always been a sweet girl. But she and Ethan had a regular sibling rivalry where they tried to avoid hanging out as much as possible. So the three of us only spent a minimal amount of time together growing up. She always had other neighborhood girls over at the house too, and she spent most of her time with her friends.
To be honest, I was always jealous of the both of them. Being an only child, I couldn’t help thinking how nice it would be to have somebody around all the time, even if we did spend the majority of that time arguing about stupid shit.
Ethan’s mom didn’t even bother asking why I was here needing a place to stay on Thanksgiving, and I couldn’t have been more grateful for it. Not that I would have had a problem telling her; I used to confide in her a lot growing up. She acted more like a mother to me than my own mother.