by Amanda Renee
“My mom fed the girls while we were working and I don’t want to ask her to watch them again. She’s been playing babysitter all day, every day for the past week.” There was a trace of laughter in her voice. “Sometimes toting two kids to a restaurant is more trouble than staying home and cooking. Especially if you have to continually wrestle with them through dinner.”
He stiffened. He ate out almost every night.
“Oh, looks like I hit a nerve.” She raised her eyebrows in amusement.
“I know how to cook. I just don’t. It seems pointless for one person when it’s easier to grab a beer and a bite after work with my friends.” His very single friends. “Guess I’ll be breaking out the old pots and pans.” Noah had to stop and think about when he had last boiled water. Between the microwave and pub, he didn’t need to cook.
“How do you feel about lasagna? I think I have three of them. You’re welcome to use the shower upstairs, unless you need to head to the hotel.”
“I have a change of clothes in the car.”
Noah slipped into his work boots and ducked outside. Fresh air filled his lungs. How did the atmosphere go from cozy to stifling in a matter of seconds? He removed his duffel bag from his truck. He’d traded in his rental car for a quad cab pickup earlier in the day so he could run any construction errand she might have. Besides, he’d felt a little emasculated having the only car—with the exception of Fern’s crossover SUV—in a sea of trucks lined up across the front of Hannah’s house. He drove a truck at home—he might as well drive one in Texas. His phone vibrated in his front pocket. He checked the caller ID—the attorney again.
“Hello?”
“May I please speak with William Knight?”
“Speaking. You can call me Noah. I go by my middle name.”
“Noah it is. I’m Mark Fletcher. You left a message about retaining my services for a custody dispute.”
“Hi. Mark, my boss, Frank Wallace, referred me to you.” He lowered his voice and double-checked that Hannah hadn’t come out on the porch before filling him in on the details.
“Has she retained an attorney?” Mark asked.
“Yes and I’ve met with her.” A wave of apprehension surged through him. “She prefers to resolve this out of court. That is okay, right?”
“That would be the ideal scenario. Once we have the paternity test results, we’ll have their birth certificates changed to reflect that you’re their father, assuming your name isn’t already on them.”
“I don’t see how that would be possible. She never knew my last name.” He hadn’t intended to make their night together sound cheap. He’d always preferred to remember it as a chance encounter, not a one-night stand.
“If you retain me, that’s where we’ll begin. I’ll also need the name of her attorney,” Mark continued. “Give me your email address. I’ll send you over what I’ll need and we can proceed from there.”
“Sounds good.” He hung up the phone feeling emotionally drained and somewhat deceitful. He didn’t like going behind Hannah’s back. He could head back inside and tell her about the phone call, or wait until they weren’t about to eat dinner and buy a Christmas tree together. The latter option seemed smarter.
* * *
HANNAH HADN’T EXPECTED the organic Christmas tree farm to be so busy. They still had an hour before they closed. She’d debated between getting a live tree and an artificial one, but she couldn’t fathom Christmas without the scent of a tree permeating the air.
Hannah lifted Charlotte out of the car seat and into the stroller despite her protests. Both girls had been fidgety and they hadn’t even made it past the parking lot. It had been unseasonably warm today and Hannah had probably overdressed them. She fastened Cheyenne into her side of the stroller. The little girl’s aloofness continued to concern her. Cheyenne had begun communicating less with everyone, including Charlotte. With the exception of jumping on Noah for all of maybe a minute earlier, she hadn’t played very much, either.
If she didn’t show some emotion by next week, Hannah would consult their pediatrician. She’d read that children their age grieved in their own way. Where Charlotte had become clingy, Cheyenne had withdrawn into a protective shell. Her mother had noticed it, too.
“Are the two of you hot?” She bent over the stroller and unzipped both of their sweatshirts. “There, that should help.”
Charlotte grabbed hold of Noah’s jeans. “Oh, hey there, sweetheart.” Noah crouched down in front of them. He lifted both of their hands to his lips and gave them a kiss. Charlotte giggled and squealed. Cheyenne watched without a sound.
The girls needed an established routine again. With the exception of breakfast and bedtime, they bounced back and forth between her house and her parents’. Hannah also couldn’t help but wonder if Noah’s inclusion in their lives had happened too fast. They were used to him being around the majority of the day and she wondered how they would react when he left to go back to Oregon. They probably already wondered who he was.
“I think I know the answer, but I’ll ask anyway.” Noah stood. “Why an organic tree?”
“It all goes back to my allergies. Between the fungicides, herbicides and insecticides they spray the trees with, my throat would actually begin to close. That’s when my dad started cutting down a tree from our own property. Every spring he plants a new one to replenish what he took. I feel it’s important to keep those toxins away from the girls, especially when you never know what they’ll put in their mouth next.”
“You’ve definitely given me something to think about. I’m sorry you went through all that as a child.” His voice was soothing. “Your parents must have been terrified of losing you.”
“How about we choose a precut tree and head home.” It wasn’t really a question. The evening had begun to feel too family-like, and while spending time with Noah like this was deliciously cozy, it did a number on her nerves. Especially after their borderline romantic dinner. Well, as romantic as frozen lasagna could be.
The twins had watched Yo Gabba Gabba! on TV while she and Noah had a conversation that didn’t revolve around the girls. She’d enjoyed listening to his air force stories, envisioning him in his first lieutenant uniform. He’d told her more about his job and what it was like spending his days above the rest of the world in a helicopter. His taste for country music had surprised her. She’d pegged him for more of a hard rock type. He’d even been interested when she showed him her organic farm business plan. And when he admitted that he wanted to try his luck gathering eggs tomorrow morning, she almost fell off her chair. The more he had opened up to her tonight, the more drawn to him she became. But falling for the father of her best friend’s children wasn’t right.
“I don’t know.” Noah looked around. “I kind of wanted to cut down a tree for you and the girls the way your dad did.”
No, no, no. Don’t say something romantic!
“I didn’t grow up with that experience,” Noah continued. “We had a fake tree and store-bought decorations.”
That’s better. “Then let’s find ourselves a tree.” Hannah pushed the stroller past him until his hand covered hers, strong and firm. She took a calming deep breath and inhaled his fresh, crisp scent. Almost citrusy, but not quite. Whatever it was, it was raw and intoxicating. So much for calming. Why hadn’t she detected it in the truck? Because his chest hadn’t been pressed against the back of her shoulder.
“Allow me.” His lips were so close, her hair moved as he spoke.
She gripped the stroller tighter, for fear if she let go she’d melt into a puddle on the ground. This can’t be happening. The more they had talked over dinner, the more she saw Noah the person and not just a potential threat. Being around him heightened her senses and left her feeling protected at the same time. She didn’t need to feel like this. She could take care of herself. She could take
care of the girls herself, the same way Lauren had. But now she could picture him there beside her as she did. In her home, in their lives.
Hannah released the stroller and grabbed the bow saw from him, letting him take the lead. She followed, noticing once again the way his jeans fit his backside perfectly. She groaned.
“Did you say something?” Noah glanced over his shoulder.
“No.” She ran ahead of them and pointed to a tree. “What do you think of this one?”
“I think it looks good. What about you, girls? Do you like it?” Charlotte was too busy attempting to unfasten her seat belt while Cheyenne watched. Noah’s brows rose. “Tough crowd.” He bent down behind the stroller. “Is there a way to secure this thing?”
“The brake is right here.” Hannah slipped between him and the stroller and pressed the pedal down with her foot.
Noah looked up at her from the ground and smiled warmly. “Thank you.”
Please don’t smile. “Here.” She thrust the saw handle at him, knocking him off balance as he attempted to grab it before it tumbled to the ground. She reached out to stop him from falling and landed on top of him. His arms encircled her, one hand resting on her bare skin at the small of her back. The comfort of his embrace drew her close. A little too close.
Hannah’s heartbeat sped up in time with his. His eyes dropped to her mouth as he moved even closer. If ever she wanted a man to kiss her, it was now.
And then she heard it. The distinctive click of the stroller’s seat belt.
She pushed herself off Noah and scrambled on her knees to the front of the stroller before Charlotte’s feet hit the ground. “Oh, no, you don’t.” She swept the toddler up in her arms and rocked her, staring at Noah. “Whatever just almost happened can never happen.”
Chapter Six
They rode to the ranch in silence. Partly because the girls had fallen asleep, partly because if they spoke, they’d have to acknowledge the kiss that almost happened. Noah smiled. He hadn’t realized how badly he wanted to kiss her until she pulled away from him. He knew what he would be dreaming about tonight.
He parked the truck near the front porch and hopped out. “Why don’t we trade vehicles for the night?” Noah said. “That way we don’t have to switch the car seats again.”
She lifted Charlotte into her arms. The child stirred, then drifted back off. “You don’t like my truck much, do you?”
“It’s not that. I love old trucks.” The ’72 Dodge had long since forgotten what color it was and could stand a tune-up, but it seemed roadworthy.
“It’s bought and paid for. Despite a few unexpected backfires here and there, it runs pretty good. It’s not great at trailering horses, but I can borrow my dad’s or Clay’s trucks when I compete. It’s perfect for farming.”
Therein lay the problem. It was for farm use, not toting around two toddlers. Maybe that was why he hadn’t seen Hannah take the girls out in it since that day in the cemetery.
He carried Cheyenne into the house and followed Hannah and Charlotte upstairs to the bedroom. He’d peeked in the room earlier after he’d showered but hadn’t had a chance to look around. Painted the same yellow as the sunroom, it was cute without being too girlie. The color reminded him of a baby duckling. Two white cribs stood in the far corner. On the opposite wall, a white dresser was lined with framed photographs of Lauren. Hannah lifted Cheyenne out of his arms and settled both girls in a single crib and joined him.
“She was beautiful, wasn’t she?” Hannah asked.
Noah nodded. The woman in the photos was a distant memory compared to the past week with Hannah.
“This—” Hannah waved her hands from him to the cribs “—should have been you and Lauren putting the twins to bed.”
A heaviness settled in his chest. “Is that how you picture it? Lauren and I together, living happily ever after? Because I don’t and I don’t believe she did, either. If she had held out hope, her will would have mentioned me and her wishes if I happened to come into the children’s lives one day. You said it yourself. She left because she was embarrassed. Sleeping with a stranger wasn’t her style. I was a mistake with very real consequences. I’m glad she tried to find me, and one day she may very well have succeeded. But it wouldn’t have had a fairy-tale ending, Hannah.”
“Why don’t you ever ask me about her?”
“Because I don’t want to play the what-if game. I do that enough when it comes to the girls, I don’t want to do it with Lauren, too.” His voice broke. “I have to keep reminding myself not to live in the past. I can’t regain the twenty-one months I’ve lost. Besides, you have filled me in on quite a few things about Lauren. I’d rather learn more about her through her daughters.”
“Do you think you would’ve dated her if she’d given you her phone number that night?” A look of sorrow crossed Hannah’s features.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Noah carefully chose his words. “I don’t care much for long-distance relationships. I’m also not big on one-night stands. Granted, the night began with a few too many drinks, but I would’ve liked to have seen where it went.” Noah shifted from one foot to the other, realizing he’d forgotten to take off his boots when he entered the house. “I thought we had a strong connection when we met.” He hesitated, measuring her reaction. “But it wasn’t strong enough for her to trust me with her phone number. She didn’t feel the same way.”
Noah crossed the room to the girls’ crib. They were so small and fragile. He’d do anything in the world to protect them. Hannah had been wrong the other day when she said he wasn’t a father yet. He was...100 percent.
“I don’t know what’s happening between you and me, but whatever it is, it’s completely different from my brief time with Lauren. I enjoy getting to know you, even though we don’t always agree,” he whispered. He walked out of the room and waited for her to join him in the hallway.
She turned on the baby monitor and closed the door before angrily shooing him down the stairs. He waited for her in the foyer. “Why are you upset with me? I’m trying to be honest about my feelings for you.”
“You’re not allowed to feel anything about me or for me.” She attempted to walk past him, but he reached for her waist and tugged her to him.
“Why not?” He smoothed her hair back from her face, grazing her soft skin with the back of his hand.
“Because Lauren was my best friend.” Grief and longing reflected in her eyes. “She was my sister at heart and I could never betray her that way.”
“If there was something special between me and Lauren, it ended that morning.” Noah felt her body stiffen against his. “We spent eight hours at the most together and we spent the majority of that in bed.” Hannah twisted out of his arms before he could stop her. “I don’t mean to sound crude or callous, and I certainly don’t want to disparage Lauren in any way. I’ve asked myself repeatedly—as I’m sure she did—how much of that connection was sexual.” Noah hated admitting any of this to Hannah. “Come on, you know what I mean. Lust and love can be hard to separate or distinguish when you first meet someone.”
“No, I don’t know. I’ve never been in love.” Hannah’s cheeks stained a dark red. “I was always too busy with the rodeo and school. I never found the one I wanted to commit my life to. I don’t believe in falling in love with multiple people. When the right man comes along, I’ll know.”
Noah sat on the bottom step. “I’m not going to pretend I don’t feel something between you and me. Maybe it does have something to do with our situation. I’d like to explore it, though. And I respect that my being the father of Lauren’s children affects your feelings toward me. Those eight hours I spent with her changed all of our lives. There’s no time limit on grief. You may never look at me the way I look at you, and that’s fine. It won’t change the way I feel about Charlotte and Cheyenne. Just know I’m he
re for all of you.”
Hannah leaned against the doorway of the dining room, arms folded, averting her eyes.
“I’ll go get the tree.” As Noah stepped outside, he fully expected her to lock him out, but she left the door open.
He pulled his flannel shirt tightly across his T-shirted chest. A crisp breeze had replaced the heavier warm air. He strode over to the truck bed and removed the Christmas tree. The organic tree farm’s operation had surprised him. They’d had a mechanical tree shaker to ensure all the critters were out and a net baler to wrap the tree for transport. He wouldn’t mind owning that business if it ever became available. Especially now that he was learning the importance of a chemical-free environment for his daughters and Hannah. It was still logging, in a roundabout way.
What was he thinking? He had no intention of moving to Texas. None. Right? It would be different if they had heli-loggers in the heart of Hill Country. He’d be a fool to give up his salary for any reason.
His hesitation scared him. He’d known Hannah and the girls for six days and he was already wrestling with emotions he hadn’t experienced before. This wasn’t a good sign. Or was it a great sign? He was in constant tumult in their presence, especially Hannah’s. He was in Ramblewood to establish paternity and...and what? The plan kept changing and he desperately needed to settle on one before he lost the best thing that ever happened to him.
* * *
HANNAH WATCHED NOAH from the entryway. Reeling with confusion, she didn’t want to face him, yet she was unable to walk away. She had no business feeling anything for the man, but tonight had been one continuous battle with herself. She had a glimpse of what a future with Noah and the children would be like—together as a happy, idyllic family. He felt it, too. But was it really hers to have?
Everything Noah had told her about him and Lauren replayed in her mind. Lauren had been the one to walk away. How much of a connection could there have been when she’d made a point of disappearing? Lauren had regretted her decision only after she found out she was pregnant.