by Amanda Renee
It pained Noah knowing she lived in constant fear of what he might do. And he kicked himself for not being more sympathetic to her needs sooner. “I want you to be a part of their lives.”
Hannah covered her face. “Wait until after we meet with Avery to tell me that.”
“Okay.” Noah stood. He could give her time and space to process the torrent of emotions she was experiencing. “I can wait.”
Chapter Seven
Why did I kiss him?
Hannah parked alongside Noah’s truck in front of the attorney’s office. She wrapped her arms tightly around her midriff. The kiss had set off spirals of euphoria throughout her body, awakening parts she hadn’t known existed. The tension between them had shattered. And then as soon as the kiss had ended, it reappeared with a vengeance. She chose not to ride with him to Avery’s office to give herself time to think. Abby had offered to watch the twins, giving Hannah time to absorb the information she was about to receive.
She willed herself out of her truck, flattening her palm against Noah’s hood before going inside. Ice-cold. He’d been there for a while. Foreboding gripped her heart. The paternity test had only been a formality. Without the results, Noah was powerless. In a few minutes, he’d have the ammunition necessary to change Charlotte and Cheyenne’s lives forever. At least the girls would gain a living parent out of the deal.
Noah rose as she entered. She sat next to him, wishing the chairs weren’t so close she could smell his shampoo. She refused to make eye contact, but even in her peripheral vision, he managed to look good.
Avery dialed Mark Fletcher’s office. After a round of introductions, she tore open the envelope from the lab. Noah took Hannah’s hand in his. Her instincts told her to pull away while fear screamed at her to hang on. Their fingers entwined as Avery read the results aloud.
“William Noah Knight, you are Charlotte and Cheyenne’s biological father.” Avery handed him the report and shook his hand—the one not holding Hannah’s. “Congratulations, you’re officially a father.”
Well, that was anticlimactic. Hannah’s stomach clenched tight as her mind attempted to register the significance of the results. “Congratulations.” Hannah forced herself to stand. She held out her hand, but he hugged her instead.
“Congratulations, Noah.” Mark’s voice boomed from the speakerphone. “I’ll begin working on having your name added to the birth certificates. I’ll call you tomorrow to discuss the matter further. Avery, thank you for your time this evening. Hannah, take care.”
Discuss the matter. Take care. In other words...kiss off, Hannah.
“Noah, would you mind giving me a minute with my client?” Avery asked.
Elation slid from Noah’s face. “I don’t want this to turn into a war.” He took Hannah’s face in his hands. “I want to raise my babies, with you.”
“How is that possible?” She gripped his wrists. “We live in separate worlds, two thousand miles away from one another. Our lives don’t intersect. I’ll compete once a year in Oregon and you’ll conduct a seminar or two in Texas, but that’s it. There’s nothing more.”
“There has to be.” His brows drew together.
“Hannah?” Avery’s voice was thick with concern.
Hannah edged to the door. “Avery, I’ll call you tomorrow. Noah, please give me space tonight. Tomorrow we will tell the girls, together.”
She waited until she was out of their view before she ran. She couldn’t get down the law office stairs fast enough. Christmas lights shone bright from lampposts and storefronts, bathing the street in red and green.
Christmas was less than a month away. She should be spending her time planning the best Christmas possible. This year Charlotte and Cheyenne were old enough to appreciate the day. This year they would understand who Santa and Rudolph were. This year they would miss their mom. And this year might be the last Christmas Hannah would spend with them. Her throat ached as she fought the sob that threatened to break free.
Any control she thought she had earlier had vanished. She had a legal document connecting her to the children. Noah had blood. She feared the courts would give him the advantage. She had two choices—convince him to stay in Ramblewood or scare him away from full-time parenthood. In order for either of those to happen, he needed to spend more time with her and the twins. Could she ask him to move in with them temporarily?
That came with one major downside. He was now well aware of his effect on her. She’d strengthened her guard since their kitchen incident and she’d like to think she was fully immunized against his charms. As long as he kept his hands—and mouth—to himself, she’d swallow her pride for the children’s sake. The arrangement would also give her a chance to observe his daily interactions with the children. She couldn’t imagine him saying no. Until the girls were legally taken from her, she had time.
Hannah climbed into her truck and relaxed against the seat. If he moved in, she might be able to keep her promise of raising the girls after all.
* * *
NOAH HATED THE WAY things had ended with Hannah yesterday. He’d picked up the phone to call her numerous times but hadn’t dialed. She’d asked for space and he would give it to her. Besides, he had his hands full trying to figure out how to tell Charlotte and Cheyenne he was their father. He’d rehearsed it in the mirror a hundred times since midnight. He wasn’t sure how much they understood. He didn’t want them to see him as a replacement for their mother. No one could take Lauren’s place. Hannah came close, but she’d never consider herself a replacement.
He checked his watch. It was almost seven o’clock. He’d been up since three debating what time he should head to her house. He’d spoken with his boss last night and filled him in on the latest details. While Frank was sympathetic to the situation, he also had a business to run. Helicopter-logging pilots were extremely specialized. Not many people could do what he did. They had hoped to bring in a temp from British Columbia, but that had fallen through. Noah had to fly home tonight.
Noah grabbed his jacket and headed to the ranch. Fern greeted him from the screen door.
“Stop right there,” she said before he reached the bottom step. “The paint is still tacky. You have to use the back door.”
Whew! For a second there, he thought Hannah’s mother was banning him from the house. She had the mudroom door open before he turned the corner. He spotted Hannah in the stable entrance, a shovel in her hand. He waved, receiving only a nod in response.
A loud cackling rose from the henhouse.
“Has she collected the eggs this morning?” Noah asked Fern.
The woman shook her head. “Not yet.”
“I’ll be in shortly.” Noah took a basket from the pile next to the coop, flipped open the lid of the nest boxes and collected the eggs. Twenty-seven. He figured it was the least he could do to help. He’d felt like an ass last night when he realized he hadn’t contributed a single cent to raising his children. He knew the attorneys would start hashing out a child support amount, but he felt Hannah—no, Charlotte and Cheyenne—deserved a lump sum now. He had no idea how to attach a dollar value to twenty-one months, but he owed them something.
When he finished with the eggs, he laid out fresh water and food for the chickens. It was one less chore for Hannah. He cleaned up and joined Fern in the kitchen, who somehow had managed to feed the girls without their flinging food everywhere.
“We’re all getting a late start around here today.” Fern set a heaping plate of bacon and scrambled eggs on the table. “Help yourself.”
Noah had been so nervous earlier he’d forgotten to eat. He fixed himself a plate and sat across from the twins in their high chairs. This morning he could unequivocally say they were his daughters.
He made them.
He thought he understood what that meant before. He’d known from the momen
t he saw them that they were his. But the gut feeling hadn’t compared to the unequivocal DNA proof they were his. Any sliver of doubt lurking in the background had vanished. He officially understood a parent’s love for their children. No other feeling compared. When he looked at them, his heart felt full. Truly full. That had been a foreign concept until today.
Before his smile gave him away, Noah popped a forkful of eggs into his mouth. “Oh, my. Fern...these are the best eggs I have ever had.” He closed his eyes and savored their creaminess. He never knew scrambled eggs could be this exquisite. They were light and fluffy and—
“You all right there?” Hannah stood in the doorway of the kitchen. “Do we need to give you some privacy?”
Noah’s eyes flew open. “I was just telling your mom how amazing the eggs are.”
“That’s because you’ve always eaten store-bought, overprocessed food. This is what organic farm fresh food tastes like.” Hannah washed her hands in the sink, grabbed a plate and joined them. “With the exception of the past week and a half, we eat very cleanly around here. Lauren was a big believer in clean living, too.”
“I can see why. I’ve traveled around the world and I have never experienced farm fresh anything before. I can understand why you love this ranch. I don’t know much about organic farming, but this is amazing. I’ll miss eating with you like this.”
“Why does that sound like you’re leaving?” Hannah rested her fork on the plate’s edge. “Mom, could you take the girls to the sunroom, please?”
“As long as you two promise to behave.” Fern lifted Cheyenne out of her high chair. Noah rose to help her, but she brushed him off. “I’ve been juggling these two since the day they were born. You go on ahead with your chat.”
Noah sat down and scooted his chair closer to Hannah. “I am leaving, temporarily.” He kept his voice low. “I need to fly home today.”
“I hope you don’t think you’re taking the girls with you.” Her lips thinned.
“Of course not.” Noah leaned back and rubbed his temples. “I wish you’d give me more credit. Legally I can’t take them anywhere. I’m needed at work. Hopefully it will only be for a few days. It might be longer. I’d rather stay here and work this out, but I can’t. I have two new tiny humans to support and I can’t afford to lose my job.”
“Fine.” Hannah cleared the plates from the table without taking a bite from hers. “Since you’re leaving, you can’t tell them you’re their father today.”
“Why not?” Noah shot up from his chair, almost knocking it over. “I have waited a week at your request. I refuse to wait another day.”
“Why do you want to confuse them?” she demanded. “They had a mom and she’s gone. Now here’s Dad, but he’s leaving in a few hours. You just said you don’t know when you’re coming back. Tell them when you know you’ll be around for a while. They’ve lost too much already.”
He scrubbed his hands over his face. She had a point. Telling the twins he was their father was more for his benefit than it was theirs. If they were older, he might argue his point further. “Fine, I’ll wait. I’ve waited this long. Will you let me spend what little time I have today with them?”
“Of course.”
“Please don’t hold the paternity results against me. Nothing has changed. We both knew what the results would be.”
“That’s not true. There was still doubt, however slight. Everything is changing. Again.” Hannah ran her hands up and down her thighs. “I have a proposition for you. Since it will take some time to resolve the custody issue, how would you like to stay here whenever you’re in town? I could use the extra hand with the girls, my mom could use the break, we could get to know each other, and Charlotte and Cheyenne could get to know you.”
“You want me to stay here with you?” Living with Hannah and his daughters sounded too good to be true.
“This arrangement has nothing to do with you and me. It’s strictly about our relationship with the girls. You can have Lauren’s old room. It’s still fully furnished. But touching, kissing...any of that is off-limits. Think you might be interested?”
Noah didn’t need to think. It was the perfect solution. “You have yourself a roommate.”
* * *
LATER THAT DAY, Hannah hung up the phone. Noah had called after he arrived home in Oregon. They hadn’t had a lengthy conversation, but she’d detected sadness in his voice. What would happen once the girls knew he was their father? Their relationship with him would grow, but they’d be more upset every time he left. They’d been heartbroken when Lauren had gone to Boston for a few days to interview at the pharmaceutical company. Cheyenne had refused to eat and Charlotte had developed a new habit of throwing everything within her reach.
Hannah had allowed the girls to sleep in this morning. For the first time in over a week, their lives weren’t revolving around the construction crews’ schedule. The girls had needed the extra rest. Cheyenne had even become more sociable with Noah today. It would be interesting to see her reaction tomorrow when he wasn’t around.
Thanks to her brother’s help with the ranch that afternoon, she found time for a long soak in the tub. Afterward, she collapsed on the living room couch. It had been quiet when Lauren moved to Boston, but Hannah had had projects to keep her constantly busy. Now the house was silent. Too silent.
Hannah didn’t want to hear the word project for a long while. Burnt out was a phrase she’d just become acquainted with. She flipped through the television channels. Nothing piqued her interest. Her eyes were too heavy for reading, but she wasn’t tired enough to fall asleep. One thought repeatedly churned in her head. Noah was two thousand miles away.
“I think I miss him.”
She felt guilty for it, too. She’d spent a week with Noah. Some days they were together from sunup to sundown. Lauren hadn’t even spent a whole day with him. That was reality. The logical side of her brain told her it was okay to want more of a relationship...to be more than just roommates. She’d had a taste of the passion they shared, and if he hadn’t stopped, she wouldn’t have, either. She remembered his hands on her body. He made her feel alive, and after losing Lauren, feeling alive and living meant more than it ever had. Everyone says life is short, but unless you’ve lost someone too soon, you have no idea. She hadn’t understood until now.
Hannah picked up her phone and redialed her last incoming call.
“This is unexpected.” His voice exuded warmth, cocooning her in a blanket of instant comfort. It had been only a couple of hours since they’d spoken, but it felt more like days. “Is everything okay?”
I’m lonely and I miss you. “Everything’s fine.” Hannah allowed herself the goofy grin plastered across her face, since no one else could see it. “I had an idea, though.”
“Should I be worried?”
She detected a hint of mischief in his question. “I hope not.” She giggled...actually giggled. She wasn’t a giggle girl. “Do you have video chat on your phone?”
Noah’s deep sensuous laugh traveled through the airwaves and straight to her core. “What do you have in mind?”
“Get your mind out of the gutter.” Hannah cautioned herself not to buy into the inflections in his voice, or the way they reverberated in her ear as if he were standing beside her. Damn! “I thought maybe you could video chat Charlotte and Cheyenne tomorrow when you got off work.”
“That’s a great idea.”
Hannah didn’t need to see his face to know he was smiling. “Wonderful! I think it will help them accept you in their lives if they can see you every day.”
“Do you want to try it now?”
Yes! “Sure, but the girls are already asleep.”
“I know they are. You told me when I called you earlier. I want to see you.”
Hannah ran a hand over her hair. She wasn’t exactly glammed up,
but the man had already seen her at her worst. So why was she so nervous? It was a conversation, nothing more. Despite her weak attempt at logic, her hand trembled as she activated the phone’s camera.
“There’s your beautiful face. Not that I could ever forget what you look like.”
Noah’s chiseled features filled the small screen. His blue eyes were darker, more mysterious than they’d been in the warm Texas sun.
“I look like a million other girls out there.” Hannah was acutely aware he was studying her as closely as she studied him. “Don’t blow smoke.”
“I’m not.” His expression stilled. “If I say any more, you’ll argue with me and I think we’ve done enough of that.”
“I think so, too.” Okay, video chatting with Noah was kind of awkward. She’d done it a million times with her friends and family, but tonight she wasn’t sure if she should sit or stand or what to do with her other hand. Staring at his face the entire time made her body uncomfortably warm. He had a great face—an amazingly kissable face. She groaned. This isn’t working.
“What’s wrong?” Concern etched his features.
“Truth?” She might as well put it out there.
“That would be nice.” There was that irresistibly devastating smile again.
“I—” Hannah cleared her throat. “I’m trying to figure out how to do this—whatever this is—with you. I’d like to explore it further.”
“Ah, our kitchen tryst.” His eyes widened at the memory.
“Hardly a tryst, Noah. It was a kiss. A damn good one.” She felt the heat rush to her cheeks. Hopefully the room was dark enough to hide the embarrassing assault. “That is, if you’re still interested?”
“Sweetheart, I’m very interested.” Noah’s eyes smoldered with intensity as he stared at her through the screen. “I don’t know what the future holds or how all of this will work out, but I don’t think either of us will regret trying.”
“Noah.” A passionate shiver of desire surged through her. She wanted to feel his arms around her, his mouth against hers. She wanted the one man she shouldn’t. The only man who’d made her body tremble in anticipation of their next meeting.