by Kristi Gold
While Karen had been upstairs surveying the rooms, Ash had received a call from an overseas investor requesting his services. Though Ash would have preferred not to leave, he had been forced to agree to a planning meeting in Europe or lose the lucrative deal. On a positive note, distance might aid him in his cause with his reluctant wife. And he was probably a fool to think that Karen might miss his company.
When they pulled up at the curb several feet from Baronessa, he put up the convertible’s top to allow more privacy and shifted in the seat to face Karen. “I need to speak to you about tonight,” he said. “I’m afraid that I have been called away on business. I must leave immediately.”
She looked somewhat displeased. “Today?”
“This evening.”
“Then we won’t be able to…” She flailed her hands about for a moment before clasping them in her lap. “You know.”
“Make love? I am afraid not. This cannot wait.”
“Neither can I. I mean…I only have a couple of fertile days left.”
“If we have not yet achieved conception, our attempts will have to be postponed until next month.” And he would be insane between now and that time if he could not touch her.
“You’ll be gone a month?” The disappointment in her tone pleased Ash.
“I foresee no more than two weeks.”
More silence ensued until she finally said, “What time does your plane leave?”
“At 6:00 p.m.”
“I won’t be off work until seven.”
Ash reached across the console and patted her stocking-covered thigh, letting his hand linger there. “I suppose duty calls.”
“Yes, I guess you’re right.”
She toyed with the top button of her blouse and the simple gesture made Ash’s blood boil, his body come to life. He wanted her now. He wanted her to want him. Perhaps he could convince her to take the afternoon off, to take the opportunity to spend their last moments together engaged in some pleasurable activities. However, he would not try to convince her with words.
He drew a slow path from her knee to immediately beneath the hem of her skirt, wishing he had bought a sedan with a bench seat to give him better access. “It seems we are at cross-purposes due to our responsibilities.”
She kept her eyes fixed on the dashboard. “Yes, we are.”
He drew circles on her thigh with a slow fingertip. “It is a shame, not having the time or opportunity to spend our evening together.”
“Yes. A real shame.”
“Of course, I suppose we could consider returning to the hotel for an hour or so, but then I do have to pack.”
“And I really need to get back to work.”
He inched his hand higher. “Are you certain?”
She still refused to look at him. “No… Yes. I’m sure Mimi’s wondering where I am.”
With his free hand, he cupped her jaw and drew her face around to give her a kiss. She responded with an ardor that matched his own, with the soft play of her tongue against his leaving no doubt in Ash’s mind that she wanted him, too.
After breaking the kiss, he said, “Come to the hotel with me.”
Ash saw a trace of indecision in her eyes then a determined look that he did not care for. “I have to go to work now, and you have to get ready for your trip.”
He stroked his thumb along the inside of her thigh. “Are you certain you would not like more memories to keep while I’m away? We would not have to return to the hotel.”
Her shallow breathing told Ash she most certainly might. “In a car in broad daylight, where anyone could see us?”
“Would anyone blame me for bringing my wife pleasure?”
She closed her legs tightly, trapping his hand, halting his upward progress. “We can’t do it here. We’ll be arrested. Besides, there’s not enough room.”
He bent his lips to her ear and whispered, “There are many ways to make love, Karen, regardless of the location. I am willing to show you.”
She pulled his hand away and placed it in his lap. “I think we both need to remember the terms. We don’t make love after I’m pregnant. Otherwise, it will only complicate things.”
“Then we will not make love unless you make the request.” Determination to break down her resistance, as she had so easily broken his, hurtled through Ash on the heels of his anger and his insatiable need for this woman. “And you will ask me, Karen. You most definitely will.”
Karen hadn’t asked Ash to make love to her. Of course, he’d been out of town for fifteen days, ten hours and twenty minutes, give or take a few. Even though she’d occupied her time with her work at Baronessa and supervising the house’s remodeling, she still thought of him throughout the day and well into the night. Thought often of his kisses, his touch, his lovemaking—when she wasn’t considering what to do about the sleeping arrangements when he returned.
As of two days ago, she had vacated the apartment after moving the few belongings she’d brought from Montana into the house. The workers had put the finishing touches on the master suite—an elegant rose-patterned paper on one wall of the bedroom, new Italian tile in the bath, newly restored hardwood floors—before starting renovations on the kitchen. The first go-round of furniture had been delivered yesterday, including the king-size four-poster bed, the only bed she had ordered so far. And just thinking about occupying it tonight, alone, magnified Karen’s loneliness, a loneliness that had haunted her since Ash’s departure. The same loneliness she had intimately known before she’d come to Boston.
Several times she had talked with Maria, thankful that her cousin sounded much less heavy-hearted, but even those conversations hadn’t filled the empty space in Karen’s soul. Neither had Ash’s occasional calls, most made while she was at Baronessa. He hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary, only basic inquiries about the house and her job, yet Karen was more aware of what he hadn’t said—that he missed her.
All for the best, Karen told herself repeatedly. She already had too many confusing emotions running around in her head. She would be better off keeping the relationship with Ash on a platonic level—unless she wasn’t pregnant. And in a matter of moments, she would find out.
Karen was only three days late but the test guaranteed that was enough time to see the results. While she readied for work, she made a point not to look at the white stick sitting on the jade-colored marble vanity before the allotted time had passed, even though the temptation was overwhelming.
Standing before the mirror, Karen braided her unruly hair as the seconds turned into minutes. She brushed her teeth, resisting another urge to sneak a peek. She applied her lipstick and sent a coral smudge down her chin at the sound of her watch’s alarm, signaling the moment of truth had arrived.
After fumbling for the button to cut off the annoying shrill, Karen couldn’t seem to force her feet to move. Funny, she had been so eager to end the suspense and now she was almost afraid—afraid of being disappointed. Maybe even a little afraid of the reality of bringing a child into the world with a man she found so very hard to resist. A man very in control of his world.
Karen swiped the lipstick smudge away from her chin with a tissue and only then did she approach the test. Her hand trembled as she reached out to take it, her pulse thrummed in her ears, her heart pummeled her chest.
She lifted the stick and studied the results for a split second, looked away, looked back, then looked away again. The answer to her question, to her dreams, finally registered.
Positive.
She was pregnant. Pregnant and stunned, happy and scared, crying in celebration of the miracle. And in the silence of the bathroom, in a deserted house, she had no one with whom to share the news. Not even the man who had made this possible, the father of her baby.
Karen supposed she could call Ash although she wasn’t sure about his schedule, and she also wasn’t sure this kind of news should be delivered by phone. He had told her he might be coming back to Boston tomorrow, but then he had to
ld her he would only be gone for two weeks.
Maybe she should have waited until his return to take the test, but somehow Karen hadn’t really expected it to be positive. Besides, the sooner she learned the results, the better. Now she could begin to prepare, make appointments, change her eating habits, lay off the caffeine. Now she could rest assured that her goal had been met, the conception completed and she had no reason to make love with Ash.
She might not have a reason, but that didn’t make her want him any less.
Karen moved through her day at Baronessa in a euphoric haze, smiling often yet experiencing a bout of wistfulness when she waited on one family with two charming little girls. Her heart felt heavy as she witnessed the love and affection in the doting parents’ expressions as they looked at each other, looked on patiently as the girls’ exuberance came out in boisterous behavior over an outing that involved ice cream.
She found herself imagining what it would be like to have that closeness in her life, to have a man whose love for her was obvious even to an ordinary bystander. To have a child look at her with a different yet no less important love.
At least she would have her baby. At least she wouldn’t be completely alone.
By the time Karen returned to the house that evening, her feet ached, her mind swam and she couldn’t seem to shake the subtle yearning. After having a light supper in the form of a heart-healthy TV dinner, she took to the shower and stayed until the water turned cold, touching her belly every now and then as if that might make it real. But it still wasn’t real to her. Maybe when she told Ash the news it might sink in. If she ever saw him again.
On her way out of the bathroom, Karen checked the test again, irrationally believing that the results had changed, only to find they remained the same. She was still pregnant, thrilled to be pregnant, and still lonely.
Karen retrieved her gown from the end of the bed but hesitated before slipping it on. Instead, she studied the two closets across the room, both seeming to sum up her relationship with Ash. Two people cohabitating in the same bedroom, two people from two different worlds practically living two separate lives.
She opened the door to the closet containing Ash’s clothing that he’d had moved to the house after he took ownership. Several times she had surveyed his belongings but she’d never touched a thing. Tonight she gave into an urge she didn’t understand and ran a hand along the row of suits and shirts. She came upon one hanger that held a long white linen robe with metallic gold trim interspersed with burgundy. An official-looking Arabian robe. She’d never seen him wear it, yet she could imagine it on Ash, imagine him looking regal and stately and incredibly handsome.
Like some lonely wife dressing in her absent husband’s oxford shirt, Karen took the robe from its hanger, dropped the towel secured around her and slipped it on over her naked body. The fabric felt somewhat scratchy against her skin and it was much too long in the sleeve and hem. Still, she had no desire to remove the garment or to take away the lingering scent that was so unique to Ash. Wearing it made her feel closer to him somehow even though miles separated them, both physically and emotionally.
“Do you find my djellabah satisfactory?”
Caught. It was Karen’s only thought when she heard the compelling voice coming from behind her.
She was still caught—caught between wanting to slink underneath the hanging clothes to hide out with the shoes, and needing to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.
She chose the latter and turned to find Ash standing in the open bedroom door, looking dark and intense and beautiful. But he wasn’t smiling. In fact, he looked almost angry. Then she noticed a box in his hand—the packaging for the pregnancy test she had so carelessly discarded atop the vanity instead of in the trash where it belonged.
Her gaze zipped from the box to his intense eyes full of questions. “I didn’t know you’d come in.”
“I am most definitely here and have been since early this afternoon.”
“Where were you?”
“On the second floor in a room that I have set up as an office. The equipment was delivered today while you were at work.”
She had prepared her dinner and taken a shower totally clueless. And he hadn’t even bothered to make his presence known. “Did you not hear me come in?”
“I was aware of your arrival.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
He raised the all but forgotten box. “Is there something you perhaps would like to tell me?”
Karen hugged her arms around her waist, suddenly chilled. “The rabbit kicked the bucket.”
“The rabbit?”
She couldn’t suppress her joy that came out in a smile. “I’m pregnant.”
Karen waited for his reaction, waited for a grin, for a hug, for him to speak. He only stood there, silent and sullen.
“Aren’t you going to say something?” Karen asked, unable to wait any longer to know what he was thinking.
“I’m pleased.”
Pleased? He was simply pleased? Her smile disappeared. “Great. I’m thrilled. In fact, this is the most wonderful day of my life.” Until he showed up with his lukewarm response to a life-altering occurrence.
For a moment he looked as though he might step forward, maybe even to hold her, something she desperately wanted at that moment. Instead, he said, “I have some business to attend to. I’ll be upstairs.”
He turned and walked away, leaving Karen alone wearing his robe and feeling as if she had just been dealt a severe blow to her heart. She told herself that his apathy was probably due to shock. Or maybe he was even a little afraid, same as her.
But Karen seriously doubted that anything would ever frighten Sheikh Ashraf ibn-Saalem.
Seven
Ash could not comprehend the fear that had almost consumed him over learning of Karen’s pregnancy. He should be holding his wife, celebrating the impending birth of his child but instead he had escaped to the confines of his office.
Years ago he had learned that at certain times, detachment was required to remain focused. Tonight he could not begin to concentrate on work. He could only see Karen, the joy in her face when she’d announced the pregnancy. He could only consider how he had wanted to scoop her into his arms, kiss her into oblivion and take her to the bed in celebration.
Instead he had run from the worry that now that they had created a child, she might leave him much sooner despite the terms of their agreement. He had once been deserted by a woman whom he had loved with every thread of his being, only to face the sting of her betrayal when she had taken the money his own father had offered and left him without a glance.
Though he had survived, he had vowed to avoid repeating that mistake, pledged not to give in to those detrimental emotions, and for years he’d been successful. Until Karen.
What was it about her that had him doubting himself as a man? Regardless, he must consider his new wife. He must somehow convince her that what they had found together could lead to a solid future, if not a relationship formed by love. In order to do that, she deserved his utmost care and attention.
Ash shut down the computer and tossed aside the file folder to go in search of his bride. He found her in the master bedroom sitting on the edge of the mattress, a modest cotton nightgown covering her from neck to knees, a weathered and faded black book in her lap.
When she gazed up at him, Ash immediately noticed the tears. A strong surge of remorse, of protectiveness sent him forward, sent him to her side to wrap his arm around her delicate shoulder. “I am very sorry, Karen. You have obviously suffered from my disregard.”
She swiped at her face with trembling fingers. “It’s not only your reaction to the baby.” She nodded toward the book. “It’s this. My grandmother’s journal. I was reading the part where she talks about bringing my father home after she stole him from the hospital, how she knew it was wrong.”
Ash had heard the story from Daniel, had been told about the deaths of Karen’s parents the year bef
ore, yet it had had little impact on him until now. “And she chose to keep a child that was not rightfully hers.”
“Yes, but obviously she had a lot of guilt over that choice. That doesn’t make it right, but I’ve forgiven her for it. I only wish I could have told her so before she died.”
He brushed a lock of her hair away from her cheek, now dampened with tears. “You loved her greatly.”
“With all of my heart.”
“Ílli faat maat,” he said.
“What does that mean?”
“The past is dead. Let bygones be bygones.” Such sage words coming from someone who had been unable to follow his own advice. He had never forgiven his father. Most likely he never would.
Karen drew in a ragged breath then released it slowly. “I had two wonderful grandparents and I couldn’t have asked for a better mother or father. Now they’re all gone and I can’t even tell them about the baby.”
Ash held her tighter, experiencing more regret over how he had treated her earlier. “I am here for you, Karen. I will be here for you and our child.”
She gave him a pleading look. “Could you hold me for a little while?”
“I would most gladly do that.”
When Karen tossed back the covers and beckoned him into the bed, Ash realized that he would soon undergo a definitive test of strength. He removed only his shirt and shoes, believing that to be the best in this circumstance. They settled into the bed, her back to his chest with his arms securely around her. He fought his body’s demands, the urge to strip out of his slacks and briefs, the need to cup her breasts in his palms, to peel the gown from her body and set a course over her naked flesh with his hands and mouth. Yet he recognized that she needed only solace.
Her breathing soon sounded steady and her body relaxed against his. His desire was still present, and so were the emotions threatening to surface from a place he had successfully kept shielded for many, many years.
Assured she now slept, Ash lowered his hand to Karen’s soft belly that held their unborn child. She had given him the promise of new life and the hope that his legacy would live on. She had given him more than he’d ever thought possible.