I buttoned my suit jacket and gave myself an uninspiring pep talk as I passed into the foyer of the Brighton mansion. I wandered the first floor of the home, exchanging a few simple greetings with my colleagues until I spotted the bar. The hosts of the party were nowhere to be found, so I was content to nurse my first beer on my own.
I sought out a quiet corner and let my eyes roam the groups of other guests throughout the large room. They were animated and gathered in even-numbered packs. I appeared to be the only person without a date and grumbled to myself upon the realization.
Thirty minutes later, I traded an empty bottle for my second beer and decided it was time to explore other parts of the house. I strolled into the living room, which was less populated than the room with the bar. The large stone fireplace on the far end caught my attention, but it was the woman sitting on the hearth who captivated me. I halted midstep when I saw her.
Kathleen was dazzling. I’d never seen her in evening wear and I was unprepared for the appearance of this goddess. The merest glimpse of her at the party was enough to make me forget my unease. Her midnight-blue dress was gorgeous against her pale skin. I couldn’t take my eyes away from her.
The soft firelight caressed her perfect face, but something wasn’t right. She held a champagne flute in her left hand, the bubbling liquid untouched. She was alone. Her eyes were distant and unblinking. Lost within her own thoughts, she was unaware of everything around her.
Her sadness pulled me to her with gravitational force. I closed half the distance between us until I reached the side of a large, brown leather sofa. She hadn’t noticed my approach, but my eyes never left her. I sat down on the arm of the couch, beer in hand and one foot set on the floor. I was prepared to move either forward or backward, just as soon as I made up my mind.
I waited for a couple of minutes, convincing myself that her foolish date must have walked away. She must have been waiting for him, waiting for someone to celebrate a toast with. Whoever the prick was, he made me furious. I was angry he would date her. I was mad he would leave her. I was livid he would make her look as sad as I felt.
Time passed and no one else appeared. I waited with anticipation for Kathleen to notice my presence and considered my options. If she was at the party with a date, even a selfish one, I would retreat. But if she was alone, like me, perhaps we could salvage the night together.
Kathleen’s beauty was undeniable. I’d noticed it from the moment we met. She’d always been attractive, but now I was free to indulge my sweltering curiosity. I allowed the idea to swirl around my brain, absorbing the permission to look at her anew. Once comfortable with the thought, my eyes moved over her body with intense deliberation.
Her long hair was pinned up in a style never worn at the office. Her neck was exposed, leaving me to wonder how many minutes I could spend brushing my lips over every inch of her creamy skin. My nomadic gaze rested on the bustline of her cocktail dress that made viewing the tops of her breasts easy. Kathleen was tall and slender with a fine figure highlighted by an attractive curve of her hips.
Her naked body would no doubt be ample and soft.
The hemline of her dress was shorter than the skirts she wore at the office, allowing me to glimpse her stunning legs to mid-thigh. She’d always been beautiful, but now I allowed myself to admit how sexy she was, too. I sat a few feet away from her, undetected, watching her sit by the fire on a lonely winter’s night.
A woman had never aroused me this much.
I began to rise from the arm of the sofa, prepared to take that next step toward her, but then my eyes returned to her face, and I was reminded of her sadness. Whatever was on her mind was profound, and I’d been mere seconds away from adding to her complications. I wasn’t a happy-go-lucky man. I was in the middle of a divorce with a young daughter who needed me. My marriage to Allison was over, but I wasn’t free to explore the possibilities with Kathleen.
The weight of reality pushed me back down on the couch, but I didn’t stay for long. Just long enough to memorize the fine details of Kathleen’s profile. Here was someone else like me in this universe. Someone battling her own set of demons, but she never blamed others for whatever ailed her. She was graceful and strong, and I yearned for an ounce of her wisdom to help me navigate my upcoming challenges. This magnificent woman had me entranced.
I wanted to rise and ravish her body. Instead, I sat and allowed her goodness to fill my spirit before walking away.
She left my sight, but she never left my mind. I tried to mingle with others at the party, but I found the small talk annoying. Their proximity was stifling. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to think about Kathleen and nothing else for the few peaceful hours I had that evening. When I was sure I couldn’t fake my way through another minute of conversation, I wandered upstairs, seeking total privacy. I ducked into one of the bedrooms and discovered a door that opened to the outside.
Fresh air was a great idea, so I strolled over and unlocked the bolt. I stepped onto the upper balcony of the immense home. The upper tier was a fair distance from the ground and ran the full length of the west side of the house. It was well past sunset, so I couldn’t see the mountains, but I knew Bend well enough to distinguish I was staring in their direction.
With everyone else enjoying the party on the main floor of the house, I found some welcome solitude. The air was chilly, but not unlike other winter evenings I’d experienced throughout my lifetime. I placed my hands on the railing and let my head drop, exposing the back of my neck to the December breeze. It was too warm indoors and the brisk air felt good on my skin. I brought my thoughts back to the gorgeous, sad woman sitting by the fireplace. I started thinking about Kathleen, and this time I allowed my thoughts to wander. Within moments, they were drifting into a vivid fantasy.
I recalled the flattering bustline of her party dress. The outfit pushed her breasts together in a delightful fashion, lifting them high and forward. I found myself focusing on that image. Seeing more of her feminine shape than she’d ever allowed at the office was an exceptional thrill.
If only she were here with me now. Just the two of us.
I wanted to unzip her dress and expose her pert breasts to the night sky, right there in the middle of the party. The prospect was exciting. I wanted to place her in front of me, holding her back to my chest. From behind, I could wrap my arms around her to caress her naked skin. Given the opportunity, my touch would linger on her nipples, so I could watch them harden against the winter air. The reverie was so strong, I could almost feel her hands reach back to grip my thighs, a signal that she wanted more than just my fingertips on her breasts.
I imagined stepping out from behind her, kissing her roughly and pushing my tongue inside her mouth before backing her up against the wall of the house. I wanted to feel her naked body press against my chest. I wanted her to experience the passion trapped inside me. With the two of us enveloped in dark shadows, I would kneel in front of her, hike up her skirt and tug her lacy, black underwear to the side.
I wondered if she would be bare. I hoped that she wasn’t. I wanted to enjoy myself as I explored the hidden desires of her most intimate beauty. Tasting her. Licking her. Pressing my face in between those beautiful legs of hers would assuredly drive me into a frenzy. I’d make sure neither of us would be concerned about the guests milling inside the house. I’d make her forget everything but my tongue on her body. I’d whisper against her thigh, begging for her fingers to grasp my head, holding me tight against her. I’d vocalize my pleasure against her soft skin, and I’d ensure her legs would tremble around my face as I offered her a large orgasm.
When I’d feel her come, I’d raise my eyes to watch her. I visualized Kathleen with complete clarity, picturing her lovely face as she tilted it up to the stars. Her heated breath would be visible in the chilled nighttime air. Her bliss would only enhance her exquisiteness.
I returned from the intense fantasy, gripping the balcony railing with white knuckles. I’d b
een swept away by the moment. My heart was pounding, and I exhaled the air I’d been holding. As the indulgence of our imaginary sexual encounter consumed me, I’d developed a massive erection. I adjusted myself and paced the balcony, forced to endure my newfound desire for Kathleen without satisfaction.
When I was able to return to the party, I couldn’t stop myself. I went looking for her, determined to punish myself. I couldn’t make Kathleen mine for many reasons. Reasons that added up inside my head as I descended the main staircase inside her father’s house. But none of these reasons were enough, either on their own or collectively, to dissuade my mission. I’d been lost for months, even years, wandering in a loveless desert. Only Kathleen could quench my thirst. She was my long-sought-after oasis. Even if all I could do was sit in the same room with her and drink in the sight of her, it was more than enough.
I returned to the living room, ready for anything. Prepared for everything, except for what I found—an abandoned champagne flute, the bubbly still untouched.
NOT LONG after Kathleen disappeared from the holiday party, I sought out Robert. He was holding court with a small crowd, so I waited my turn. I rehearsed my greeting in my head and when the time came, I stuck to the script word for word. I thanked him for his hospitality and wished him a happy holiday. We engaged in small talk for a few moments, and it took everything I had not to ask for the whereabouts of his daughter.
Kathleen’s abrupt departure had rattled me, and my unease compounded when it became clear that her father was undisturbed. He was in a festive mood with no cares in the world. When Robert clapped me on the shoulder and broke away to speak with another colleague, I made my quiet exit from the Brighton mansion. As I waited for my car, I searched the visible grounds of the property in vain. It was foolish to think she would be standing anywhere outside the house, but I looked for her just the same.
When I pulled into my driveway, it wasn’t even ten o’clock on a Friday. I had the night to myself, and it was the first time I’d been alone in the house since moving to Bend. Although I hadn’t made any elaborate plans beyond attending the company party, it was disappointing to be back home so early on my night off from parenting. I shook my head and grinned as I emptied the contents of my pockets onto the coffee table, wondering what had happened to the days when I’d stay out until dawn. Even so, I was glad to have some time to myself.
Kitty Hawk greeted me with a happy chirp and followed me to the bedroom when I called her name. She ran past me, leaping up to take her usual spot on the corner of the bed. Now that winter was here, she always chose the spot of the bed closest to the wall heater. She was getting older and slept better with an extra bit of nearby warmth. She stretched out all four legs on the mattress and settled in for what was probably her tenth nap of the day. I gave her a quick scratch underneath her chin before undressing for bed.
With Allison’s persistence over the years, I’d grown accustomed to sleeping in my boxer briefs. Now, as the only parent Heide could rely on in the middle of the night, I accepted the responsibility of doing so without a grudge. But this evening, the gesture wasn’t a necessity. Seeking to claim some wildness in my resurrected life as a single man, I stripped away my underwear, turned down the lights and slid underneath the covers.
My body temperature was running warm, and the cool sheets felt good against my skin. I settled on my back and pulled one leg out from underneath the blankets. My eyes closed as I allowed my mind to wander. Within seconds, all thoughts returned to Kathleen. As I pictured her lovely face, every part of my body tingled with anticipation. I didn’t want to stop thinking about her and the effect she was having on me, which was a good thing because I simply couldn’t stop myself.
Although my arousal lingered from my earlier fantasy, I was also concerned. Our working relationship had started out warm. But in the weeks since Allison had left me, Kathleen had also become moody and guarded. I wasn’t arrogant enough to believe the turmoil of my personal life was now harming hers, but I found the alignment of our individual turbulences a fascinating coincidence.
My observations of her at the party bothered me. I didn’t have to know her well to see she was intensely sad. I’d seen many of her moods in the short time I’d known her, but this was different. Something must have happened, but whatever it is was unique to her. It hadn’t touched her father. Or upset anyone else at the party other than me.
I was worried. I wanted to seek her out, but I didn’t know where she lived. I wanted to look into her eyes, hear her voice and look for any clues about her emotional state. I wanted to tell her I would listen to anything she wanted to share. I wanted to offer words of comfort and be someone she could count on for support.
I rolled onto my side with a sigh and found myself facing the empty side of my large bed. I imagined Kathleen lying next to me. I was naked and wasn’t ashamed to be. But I pictured her wearing one of my Orioles jerseys. The black one with orange lettering would be an alluring contrast against her pale skin. I wanted her clothed in this fantasy, and my favorite piece of Baltimore would look fantastic on her.
I held on to the image, waiting for awkwardness to overtake me while my eyes adjusted to the darkness. Thinking about Kathleen Brighton in my bed was dangerous for multiple reasons, but it didn’t feel that way. On the contrary, the idea wasn’t just appealing, it was inspired. The more I enhanced my vision, the happier and calmer I became.
Soft and intimate words danced though my imagination, but no matter how hard I tried to figure out why she was so upset, or how much I offered my advice, our conversation was limited to the few things I knew about her. The imaginary discussion stalled, but I wasn’t ready to let the moment go. Instead, I changed tactics and pictured myself reaching out to move my fingers through her bangs, smoothing them away from her forehead. How nice it would be to touch her hair, her skin, and not have her question my reasons for doing so. I basked in the warmth of that promise.
As my own mood improved, I pictured her bashful smile replacing her despair earlier that evening. I saw that lovely grin of hers and couldn’t stop my own from answering. It had been quite a while since I’d seen that smile at the office, and I wanted it to return.
Earlier in the evening, I’d thought about Kathleen with an insatiable lust. Hours later, I was still aroused—erect once more and alone. I could reach down and satisfy my physical urges without the possibility of interruption. I wouldn’t have to lock myself away or rush. I could just lie there, thinking of Kathleen clad only in my baseball jersey, and take as much time as I wanted. The thought was tempting, but then my concern for her returned to the forefront of my thoughts. I yearned to offer her emotional pleasure, and just like that my sexual gratification became secondary.
What could I do for Kathleen that would make a difference?
When she had communicated her offense at Robert’s decision to have me co-lead one of her signature projects, I’d experienced my own knee-jerk reaction. Stunned by her resentment and later withdrawal, I’d since reacted in a similar manner, convincing myself that I had enough going on in my life without taking on her issues.
I sat up, drawing my knees to my chest and running my hand through my hair. I glanced at the other side of the bed, unsurprised to see Kathleen’s mirage had faded away. I’d allowed my blossoming friendship with her to wilt just like I’d neglected my relationship with Allison. It was premature in more ways than not to compare the two, but at the same time I could see that I was falling back into old habits. The realization was disturbing.
I’d offered words to Kathleen that day in the break room, assuring her of my support on the upcoming event, but I hadn’t done much to back up that statement. I couldn’t articulate it at the time, but I needed things to be different. Going forward, I needed to be more respectful. I wanted this for myself as well as for my daughter. I didn’t know what the future held for me, but it began by making sure I followed through on this first promise.
It wouldn’t be easy though. I woul
d have to move forward with care, considering my actions in advance. I didn’t have the luxury of acting on impulse. My attraction to Kathleen Brighton could easily be unrequited, but I had to accept that I was past the point of no return. I needed to be careful with her, but that didn’t mean I shouldn’t offer my absolute support.
I would do what I could to alleviate her misery. I never wanted to see that look of sadness on her face again.
I ARRIVED at work and hastily dropped my belongings on my desk. My first task was to make sure Kathleen was all right. I strode to her office but stopped short of barging in when I saw her door open and the light on.
This had become a habit starting with the Monday after the holiday party. I’d made a point to check on Kathleen each weekday. I abhorred the idea that Kathleen, Robert or anyone else might find my actions creepy. I always moved ahead with extreme care. I didn’t need to spy on her. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop on her conversations or interfere with her life. I just needed the reassurance that she wasn’t in harm’s way.
I slowed my pace when I noticed papers spread over her desk. She was deep in thought, scribbling on a legal pad at a furious pace. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or troubled.
I knew better than to interrupt anyone’s creative flow. I took one last look around her surroundings, spotting a coffee cup with a windmill and a plate of apple slices on the back corner of her desk. Everything was good enough for now. Her basic needs were met, so I moved on with my day.
Later in the morning, Kathleen arrived at my office door unannounced.
“Do you have a minute?” she asked.
I stared back in complete surprise.
Chaos (Constellation Book 2) Page 14