For what seemed like forever he simply held her while she cried. When she finally began to calm, just a few sniffles remained. He stood and then lifted her into his arms. A shirt he had remembered seeing Lisa wear before, along with a letter, lay on the closet floor.
In several long strides he made it to the bed and began to lay Jana down when she said, “No. Not here. Not in Lisa’s bed.” Moisture filled her eyes. “I smell her, Nicolas.” A tear dropped, and then another. Her expression grew tight. “She’s everywhere,” Jana whispered.
“Okay, honey.” He kissed her softly as he moved out of the bedroom, carrying Jana down the hall into her own bedroom. Gently, he laid her down on the bed.
Then he crawled beside her and snuggled close.
“Sleep,” he said.
“I don’t know if I can.”
He stroked her hair, ran his palm across her back. “You should try.”
She was silent for a while, and then she said, “I hurt.” Her voice cracked.
“I know, honey.” He kissed her forehead, ran his hands along her back.
She began to cry softly. “I feel so alone.”
“But you’re not, Jana. I’m here.” Why couldn’t she see that he was here for her? He loved her.
“That’s kind of you.”
He jerked away from her and stared directly in her misty eyes. “I’m not being kind. I love you, Jana.” His tone lowered. “I’ve loved you for some time.”
She shook her head. “What?”
He cupped her face. “I love you.”
“But Lisa—”
He released an exasperated sigh. “I cared for Lisa. There’s an emptiness inside me when I think about her. But it’s you I love. You, I want to share the rest of my life with. And you I want to have babies with.” She was looking at him like he’d gone crazy. And maybe he had. Nothing made sense anymore, except that he couldn’t lose Jana.
“Let me hold you,” he whispered. “Let me take away your pain if only for a moment. Please.”
She didn’t say anything, just moved into his embrace.
Tears rolled softly from her eyes, dampening his shirt. After a while she grew quiet. And later still she finally fell off to sleep wrapped in his arms.
Chapter Twenty-Four
It was a new day, but somehow it didn’t feel like it. Nicolas threw his arm over his eyes as he lay on his back. Jana had tossed and turned and even cried out in her sleep all night long. But at least she had slept. In fact, she was still sleeping and it was late afternoon. He had gotten up several times during the morning, each time returning to be with Jana.
He didn’t want her to wake up alone.
The rustling of sheets drew his attention. She stirred, kicking off the sheet around her legs. “What time is it?” Her voice was drowsy, almost as if she were sporting a hangover.
He rolled to his side, cupping his head with the palm of his hand. “One twenty.”
Her eyes were puffy. Her dress was wrinkled and pulled up, barely covering her ass. He had thought of undressing her, making her more comfortable, but he didn’t want to disturb her slumber. He still had on the pants and now-ripped shirt he had worn to the funeral.
She blinked the sleep from her eyes, then rubbed them, releasing a sigh. “Really?”
He leaned over and brushed her hair back behind her ear. “Really. You’ve been out like a light.”
She scanned his face, as though a multitude of thoughts rushed through her head. If only he could hear them. “You didn’t have to stay with me,” she said, her tone a little nasal.
His knuckles smoothed across her cheek. “I want you to know I’m here if you need me.”
The muscles in her throat tightened as she swallowed, hard. “Thank you, but—”
He placed his finger against her lips. “Don’t shut me out, Jana.” His pulse jumped. Should he declare his love again? Tell her how much he needed her?
She closed her eyes and pressed her face to his hand. “Oh, Nicolas.” For a moment there was silence, then her eyelids rose. “I have no idea where I belong.”
His hands closed around her biceps. “Here. Right here with me. We belong together. Let me take care of you…love you.”
After all she had been through yesterday, all he could think of was branding her his, of making sure she knew how he felt before she made any decisions that would tear them apart.
“Jana, you don’t have to love me—just pretend. Pretend it’s me you want to hold. Me you want to make love to.”
He was trembling.
Dammit! He couldn’t believe he’d lost control. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t slept, worried that Jana would wake and slip away into the night. Or maybe it was simply because he didn’t want to live without her by his side.
But when she reached for the buttons of his shirt and began to undo them, his heart crashed against his chest.
He placed his hand over hers. “Jana, this isn’t what I meant.” She didn’t say anything, just continued to undress him, as one after another button came loose. Then she pushed his shirt from his shoulders. “Are you sure you want this, right now?”
She swallowed, an expression of pain washed across her face. “I feel dead inside.” She trembled fighting for control. “I need you to make me feel alive. Please, make love to me.” She reached for him and began to unfasten his belt.
He grasped the hem of the black dress she wore and moved it slowly up her body. She stopped briefly to lift her arms and let him drag the gown over her head. She wore a strapless black bra, a slip and panties beneath. A faint hint of her perfume teased his nose as he revealed her breasts, tossing the bra aside.
In moments they were both naked and in each other’s arms.
Jana was lost in a river of emotions. Last night his declaration of love had taken her by surprise. The unshed tears ringing in his voice made her reach for him—to comfort him.
His touch was tender, as if he thought she might shatter into a million pieces. Yet he left no part of her body untouched, except for one place. His hands caressed and smoothed up her arms, dipping into the hollows of her shoulder blades, up her neck where he began to place light kisses in the paths of his palms. He kneaded her breasts, licked and suckled, then moved down her body slowly.
He loved her.
With slow, wet kisses he trailed a path along the inside of her thighs. She parted her legs further, but each time he drew close to the place that wept to be caressed he moved away. Then he slid his body along hers until they were eye to eye, chest to chest. Their gazes locked.
The silence broke when he murmured, “I love you.” His warm expression said he didn’t expect an answer. But she did love him. She just couldn’t say it. Not now.
With a shift of his hips he thrust his cock forward, parting her slit and filling her completely. She released a cry of fulfillment that had her arching off the bed and pushing into him, needing to take him deeper. Rocking gently, he drove in and out, in and out, until her body burned with the need to climax. Like a small fire building, he stoked her desire higher and higher. Each stroke calculated to drive her slowly out of her mind. When he shifted his hips, placing pressure on her clit, her arms clamped around him and she screamed. White-hot sensation tore through her body making her quiver until the last spasm disappeared.
Nicolas drove hard between her legs forcing her body to slide on the sleek comforter, her head bumping the headboard with a thump. He released a groan that was deep and hoarse and then he collapsed atop her.
Jana listened to his rapid breathing slow and then he moved off her. He kissed her softly on the forehead, gathering her into his arms and against his warm body. It was calming, soothing. In the afterglow of their loving she drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jana woke in the middle of the night wrapped in Nicolas’s arms. The steady beat of his heart played beneath her ear pressed to his chest. The dark, curly hair next to her nose tickled, and she rubbed it. The room was dark
, the house quiet. The comforter lay on the floor. Only a single sheet was draped over their hips. Nicolas must have awakened during the night and covered them.
She lay silently and thought about the last two days. It seemed like a dream. In less than forty-eight hours she had buried her best friend and had a man profess his love.
Nicolas loved her.
Through the tinge of insecurity that nagged somewhere deep in her head, she couldn’t help but feel the joy of knowing someone loved her—really loved her.
She wasn’t alone and it was all because of Lisa.
Jana looked about the room. Shadows of her past in Lisa’s childhood bedroom brought back memories. What she and Lisa shared. How they loved. Lisa’s last words spoken in a letter. Jana couldn’t believe she had left the letter lying on the closet floor.
Carefully, she extracted herself from Nicolas’s embrace and attempted to crawl off the bed, but still it squeaked as she moved. Nicolas groaned and turned over, but he didn’t wake.
She crept into the hall and then the bedroom closet where the letter lay. She blindly felt for the light switch. When light flooded the small area, Jana blinked her eyes, trying to focus as she bent and picked up both Lisa’s shirt and the crumpled letter. Her heart ached as she read the letter again, but this time something jumped out at her.
The timing was clearly off. It didn’t make sense. The date August 29th didn’t fit.
Jana hadn’t even arrived back in Arizona until the first week of September. Lost in her thoughts, she flinched when a shadow fell over her.
“What are you doing in here?” Nicolas asked as he rubbed his watery eyes. He frowned at the light, and then squinted. “Come back to bed.” He extended her his hand, and then paused. “What do you have there?”
“Lisa’s letter.”
“Oh.” He paused as if unsure of what to do. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“It doesn’t make sense,” she said, moving toward the door. He stepped back and let her pass.
She heard the light switch snap and then it went dark again. As she walked into the hallway, she folded the letter. The bedroom was dusky as she moved toward the bed, setting the letter on the nightstand.
“What doesn’t make sense?” he asked, coming up from behind her and pressing his body against hers. He was so warm. His arms were strong and comforting as they folded around her.
“She wrote this letter a week before I even came to Arizona.” She stood in the dimly lit room and tried to make sense of what she knew.
“Lisa said she’d known about her illness for some time,” Nicolas said as he guided her toward the bed. “Get in, I want to hold you.”
Jana slipped into bed. Nicolas followed her, drawing her against his heat.
She rolled onto her back, frustrated because she couldn’t get past that nagging sensation consuming her thoughts. “Yes, but you and I hadn’t met.”
“Why does that matter?” he asked. His palm was gentle as he stroked her belly.
“She mentioned us—you and me.”
Nicolas kissed her softly on the cheek. “You must have misunderstood her.”
“No,” she said firmly.
She felt his sigh as he pushed into a sitting position. “Let me see the letter.”
Jana leaned over the bed and flipped on the nightstand lamp. Light flooded the room as she reached for Lisa’s letter and then handed it to Nicolas.
He paused as if asking permission. “Go ahead,” she said.
It took only a couple of seconds for him to read what Lisa had written. Then a smile slid over his face.
“That little devil.” There was laughter in his voice.
Now Jana was really confused. She found nothing in the letter to laugh about. “What?”
“Can’t you see what she did?” He handed the letter back to Jana. “Lisa set us up.”
Jana frowned. What the hell is he talking about?
“She played matchmaker. Baited us, and then she reeled me in hook, line and sinker. I fell for you hard.” He leaned against the headboard. “It all makes sense now. She made sure I knew everything about you before you arrived. She had me panting and drooling, before I even met you.” The way he stroked Jana with his gaze, she knew he told her the truth.
“You mean all of this, the threesome, was simply to get us together?” Jana looked at the letter in disbelief.
“Lisa and I knew we weren’t compatible. Hell, we knew it from the start. From day one I heard about you. The things you’d accomplished. Your strength. Your red hair.” He reached out and flipped a lock between his fingers. “Come here.” She went into his arms. “Have I ever told you I love your red hair?” He kissed her softly on the lips.
Her pulse jumped.
“Can’t you see? Lisa loved you so much she couldn’t bear leaving you alone. She wanted to make sure you were happy before her time ran out. I was simply the tool in Lisa’s eyes.” He pressed his lips on her forehead. “I feel so used,” he teased.
Bittersweet emotion bubbled up inside Jana. If Nicolas was right, then Lisa’s love was truly unselfish. Even when Lisa discovered she was dying, she’d thought of Jana. “My God, the elaborate schemes.”
Nicolas huffed. “Don’t kid yourself. That woman enjoyed sex. You gave her more than you will ever know. Each time she looked at you with love in her eyes I grew envious at not being in your circle. She was happy, Jana. Happy with both of us.”
It was too much for Jana to comprehend. Lisa had known about her feelings for Nicolas when she was just a teenager. It was unbelievable that Lisa would go through such an elaborate scheme to see Jana’s dreams come true. And then that blanket of warmth she had felt once before in the closet surrounded her.
This was what Lisa had wanted, for Nicolas and Jana to be together. She could feel it deep inside.
“I have an idea.” Nicolas stroked her belly once again. “We can name our first daughter Lisa.”
“What?” Jana’s voice squeaked.
“Uh…I forgot the condom, again.” His sheepish expression made her shake her head.
“What am I going to do with you?” she asked.
“Take me to bed and never let me go,” he responded as he laid her down and pressed his length against hers. “Love me, Jana. You’ll never regret it. I’ll make sure you don’t.”
Jana moved into his arms. “I do love you,” she said. And with all her heart she meant it.
And at that moment Jana understood. Lisa’s gift was her unselfish love and Nicolas.
About the Author
A taste of the erotic, a measure of daring and a hint of laughter describe Mackenzie McKade's novels. She sizzles the pages with scorching sex, fantasy and deep emotion that will touch you and keep you immersed until the end. Whether her stories are contemporaries, futuristics or fantasies, this Arizona native thrives on giving you the ultimate erotic adventure.
When not traveling through her vivid imagination, she's spending time with three beautiful daughters, two devilishly handsome grandsons, and the man of her dreams. She loves to write, enjoys reading, and can't wait 'til summer. Boating and jet skiing are top on her list of activities. Add to that laughter and if mischief is in order—Mackenzie's your gal!
To learn more about Mackenzie McKade, please visit www.mackenziemckade.com. Send an email to Mackenzie at [email protected] or sign onto her Yahoo! group to join in the fun with other readers and authors as well as Mackenzie! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wicked_writers/
Look for these titles
Now Available:
Six Feet Under
Fallon’s Revenge
Beginnings: A Warrior’s Witch
Bound for the Holidays
Coming Soon:
Take Me
Lost But Not Forgotten
Second Chance Christmas
There’s nowhere to run and no place to hide from old wounds and demons for the vulnerable woman behind the bawdy attitude.
Tamara’s Spiri
t
© 2007 Nicole Austin
How ironic to be captured by an Indian when not one of the Shooting Star Ranch cowboys is available to race to her rescue.
City girl Tamara Dobbs lives on the ranch to be close to her friends and even closer to her gorgeous cowboys, but still she feels discontent, fragmented. From the minute she runs into the new guy—sexy, unflappable equestrian, Dakota Blackhawk—she runs from the intense emotions he evokes.
On first sight, Dakota knows nothing will stop him from claiming the brazen little princess as his own—heart, body, and spirit. He’ll accept nothing less. While he would gladly take on the fight for her, she must face her own battle to become whole. Taking her out of her element is the only way he can help the sexy, stubborn woman.
Tamara may survive the emotional roller coaster ride, but she still must conquer the ultimate challenge…forgetting what others want her to be and becoming true to herself.
Enjoy the following excerpt for Tamara’s Spirit:
With a deep sigh he moved behind her, boxing her between the fence and the steel bands of his arms as his hands held a firm grasp on the top rung. The warmth of his big body enveloped her. Tamara felt a heated flush rise from her breasts and over her neck to settle high on her cheeks. It took every ounce of willpower she possessed to keep from leaning back against him, luxuriating in his presence surrounding her.
His breath created a hot caress against her ear as he leaned forward and began speaking. The sexy, raspy baritone slid over her skin like heated molasses, slow and sensual. “Watch them, princess.”
The firm caress of his lips brushing against the shell of her ear made her breasts feel heavy, achy, her cunt warm and wet. The whisper of his breath over her neck made her body shudder.
Fucking need to get laid. And soon!
“You can tell the female is ready to be mounted. Her cunt is swollen. See how her hot juices slide from her vagina in anticipation of taking the stallion’s big shaft. She wants him. Every muscle is tensed as she waits for him to come to her, to fill her up.”
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