by Ivy Jordan
In the kitchen, I opened the window, letting the cool fall air cleanse the mustiness from the room. The wooden table where I used to share meals with my parents looked small, so small that I couldn’t even imagine the three of us sitting there.
I pulled out one of the chairs, took a seat, and tried to remember my last family meal. It all seemed so long ago, so surreal.
As the eeriness of the dark, empty home took hold of me, my phone rang, startling me from my daze. I reached into my pocket, quickly pulling out the buzzing phone, and stared at the screen. Xander. I hadn’t heard from him in months.
“Hey, buddy,” I said cheerfully, disguising the sadness I felt.
“I heard you’re a big politician now,” he joked.
“Hardly,” I laughed.
I hated politics. I’d had enough experience with the government in the SEALs to know that most of it was corrupt. The long list of reasons why I didn’t want this job should have been more than enough for me to turn it down, but Senator Kline was a great man, and to me, seemed to be one of the last honest politicians. I told myself I was doing something good, something monumental, but honestly, I just wanted to come home.
“How are things going?” I questioned my old friend.
“Living the dream,” he sighed.
I couldn’t tell if it was a content sigh or one of discontent. I knew he’d been struggling with therapy, trying to work himself out of the solitude he lived in so he could share his life with Bailey. From what I’d heard, it was going well.
“You still in therapy?” I questioned.
“Oh yeah. It’s going well, real well,” his tone perked up.
“You had me worried there for a minute. I was afraid you took back off to the mountains,” I admitted.
There was a long silence over the phone while I waited for him to respond. Another sigh, this one more elated than the first.
“There’s no chance of that. I’m a family man now, and it’s growing fast,” he hinted.
My heart raced as I realized what he was saying. “Are you saying what I think you're saying?” I asked, pushing the chair back quickly so it squeaked against the tile floor and standing to the news.
“Yes, sir. Bailey’s expecting,” he announced proudly.
“That is great. I’m so happy for you,” I gushed, trying to picture Xander as a father. It was hard enough to picture him as a husband, but he’d done that surprisingly well.
“How are ya settling in there?” he asked, changing the subject back to my life.
“It’s a little strange. Just got to the house,” I sighed.
I walked through the house with the phone to my ear, explaining to Xander how it looked, as if I were giving him a tour of the old place. He laughed as I told him about the high school photos on the walls and teased me about having old wrestling trophies still on my dresser in my old room. It was the first time I’d walked in there. Having Xander on the phone with me kept me from feeling so alone as I entered the old room.
The twin bed was made, the curtains pulled tightly to hide the sunlight, and a poster of a Sports Illustrated bikini model was hanging on the back of my door where I’d left it.
“I’m gonna have to make it out there for a visit,” I announced, sitting on the edge of my bed.
The mattress was stiff, and the springs could be felt through the thin lining. How did I sleep on this thing?
“I’d like that. I’ll let you get settled in. If you need anything, just call,” Xander offered before we hung up.
It was good to hear his voice. I hated to hang up and face the loneliness of the house once again.
I walked to the window, pushing open the curtains, slapped them like a whip to release the settled dust, and then left my room to venture through the rest of the house. My parents’ room: the room that I never entered, even as a child. It was their sanctuary and off limits to me. I stood in the doorway, as if the rule of ‘do not enter’ still applied. The king-sized bed looked soft and plush, much more inviting than my small twin. Everything was perfectly placed, decorated with floral prints and stripes, and matching curtains shut it off from the outside world.
I stepped inside. A chill ran down my spine as I could almost hear my father’s voice telling me to stay out of his room.
The large walk-in closet was empty, with the exception of a few wire hangers. I’d given Bill, the neighbor, instructions to give their clothes to charity, but now, with them all gone, it felt sad. I missed the chance to touch the sleeve of my dad’s corduroy jacket, to smell my mother’s perfume on her favorite red dress.
I shook off the feeling of sadness running through me and shook out the dusty curtains before spreading them open to reveal the sunlight from outside the glass. My eyes caught a glimpse of something, a shadow, something small, running along the fence line near the house. My heart raced as I stretched to make out what had just fled from my backyard into the street. A girl, young, with long blonde hair, ran down the sidewalk towards the corner. I rushed from the room and out the front door, trying to get a better look and possibly to catch any other kids that might have been with her, but the yard and the sidewalk were empty.
“I see ya met her,” my head turned towards Bill’s voice.
The old man looked as if he’d aged thirty years since I’d seen him last. He walked towards me, stopping to lean against the fence.
“Met who?” I questioned.
“Our Holly,” he replied with a strange smirk.
Our?
“I’m sorry, but I’m just a little confused,” I admitted.
His smirk slid sideways up the left side of his face, and he chuckled with a quick shake of the head. “I’m sorry about the flower beds. I’d kept them up until the last year or so. My back’s been pretty bad, so I had to slow down,” he changed the subject.
“No, don’t worry about that. I appreciate everything you’ve done,” I responded.
Bill gave me another curious smile and then walked away. He mumbled something about getting settled in as he walked away. I was still wondering who Holly was and why he acted as though I should know.
“Has this whole town gone nuts?”
I walked into the house, calling Aiden as I shut the front door.
“What’s up,” his voice was friendly and normal.
“I wish I knew,” I chucked.
A silence left me with that uneasy feeling I was growing accustomed to since returning to this town.
“Something is just really weird here,” I admitted.
“You want to meet for coffee?” Aiden offered.
His tone was serious, as if he was trying to tell me something. Maybe I wasn’t imagining it; maybe there was a reason everyone looked at me the way they did, acted the way they did…
“Yeah, I could use a cup,” I responded.
We made plans to meet at the diner in an hour, and I was left with a strange feeling that Aiden knew why everyone was acting so strange and could only hope that he’d enlighten me.
Chapter Four
Alyssa
My hands wrinkled from the warm water as I rinsed the last dish. I stared out the window, watching Holly as she ran through the backyard, and then heard the slam of the back door. Like a tornado, she rushed into the house and into the kitchen where I finished cleaning dinner dishes.
Her hands rose to her hips, stern and stout as her lips pursed together with an accusing look. What now?
“Where have you been?” I questioned as my eyes gave her a once over.
“Down the street,” Holly smirked, something odd about her behavior.
“You know I don’t like you taking off like that,” I scorned.
My tone didn’t change Holly’s expression of seriousness. I sighed at the sight of my eleven-year-old daughter, far too grown for her own good, and an attitude already matching most teenagers.
“When were you gonna tell me, or weren’t you?” she snapped, her hands tightening around her hips.
My heartbea
t fastened, and my wrinkled hands began to tremble.
“Is that where you were?” I gasped, suddenly fearing that she’d met the man who had no idea he was her father.
“Yes,” she snapped.
“Holly, you can’t just show up there. Did you see him?” I questioned.
“Tina told me he was back. I wanted to see for myself,” she insisted.
Tina was her best friend, and the nosiest little ten-year-old I’d ever met. Why did she have to stick her nose into everything—into this?
I leaned against the counter, mainly to brace myself against the weakness in my knees. I’d never kept Liam a secret from Holly, telling her the truth about our relationship and the fact he knew nothing about her. Why would she go there?
“He didn’t see me,” she said softly, her eyes shifting to her feet.
I watched as her hands fell from her hips, and her entire demeanor changed to the more familiar, sweet little girl I knew and loved. I hated this for her. I hated that she didn’t have her father in her life, but I hated more that he was here now, and he knew nothing about her.
“But you saw him?” I inquired.
Her head nodded, and it was obvious she was holding back tears.
“I didn’t think he’d ever come back, but he did,” she beamed.
The hope in her eyes made my heart ache. I had no plans on telling Liam about her—none.
“Holly, you know he has no idea you’re his daughter,” I scolded.
“He will. One look at me, and he’ll know,” she insisted.
I knew those words were ones she’d heard time and time again from her grandmother. Mom didn’t know how to keep her mouth shut.
“It’s not that simple,” I explained.
“What’s not that simple?” my mother’s voice questioned.
I looked up, past Holly and saw Maria standing in the doorway. She held a brown bag from the diner in one hand and a wind chime in the other.
“I want to meet my dad,” Holly quickly piped up to answer.
Maria’s arm wrapped around Holly’s shoulder as she placed the items in her hands onto the table. Holly was almost as tall as her grandmother, and as I looked at her it was clear that she was right. One look and he’d know.
“I think she should get to know her dad,” Maria agreed.
I was shocked. She hated Liam. Why would she want him in her granddaughter’s life, in her life, in mine?
“She went over there without asking,” I informed my mother.
“The girl is curious; wouldn’t you be?” Maria argued.
I would. I couldn’t deny that.
“That doesn’t mean she can defy me, break the rules, and try to handle things on her own,” I demanded.
“You should’ve told me he was here,” Holly persuaded.
“Holly, your mother was going to tell you,” Maria came to my rescue, her eyes heavily on mine to ensure she wasn’t lying to her granddaughter.
I was going to tell her. I think. Maybe. Probably.
“I was. We don’t even know if he’s staying,” I protested.
“He said he was,” Maria quickly jumped ship to my daughter’s side.
My eyes narrowed as they peered towards my mother. I hated that she wasn’t backing me up the way I thought she would have.
“He’s staying?” Holly exclaimed excitedly.
She’d asked so many questions about her father over the years, and I’d done my best to answer each one honestly. She’d begged and pleaded with me to let her contact him, to tell him she existed, but each time I found an excuse not to. Now, I had no excuse, no good reason, and with him just around the corner, no real way to avoid it at all.
“I think it would be a good thing for Holly to have her dad in her life,” Maria suggested.
My mother started unpacking the food from the brown bag she’d carried in and set on the table as if the conversation were an ordinary one. I watched her as she pulled out the paper plates, placing them in front of each seat, and then opened containers of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and biscuits.
“Please, mom. I want to meet him,” Holly pleaded, her big blue eyes batting in my direction.
How could I refuse?
“Let’s eat,” I said, taking my seat at the table.
Holly’s eyes were piercing into me as she sat across from me, and my mother’s were filled with sympathy as she stared in my direction.
“Please, mom,” Holly begged once more.
I placed a drumstick on her plate and then scooped out a heaping pile of mashed potatoes next to it. I knew this wasn’t going to be over until I agreed.
“I’ll contact him,” I smiled.
My heart fluttered in my chest, with anxiety filling me quickly at the thought of actually seeing Liam, let alone speaking to him about Holly. What would he think of me not telling him for all these years?
Holly’s grin widened, and she bounced in her chair before getting up and wrapping her arms around my neck. She gave me a tight squeeze, kissed me on the cheek, and thanked me over and over.
“I can’t guarantee he’ll be onboard to meet you,” I warned.
“Nonsense. He’ll be ecstatic to find out he has a beautiful daughter,” my mother proclaimed.
I wasn’t so sure. I was heartbroken when he left, and things didn’t end smoothly. The last thing I remember saying to him before he left was that I hated him, and I hoped he never came back. I didn’t mean it, of course. I spent months during my pregnancy hoping and praying for his safe return. When he didn’t come back, but others did, such as Aiden, it broke my heart all over again.
Well, he was here now. But now I wasn’t certain I wanted him here.
“Bruce is gonna flip,” I sighed, placing my head in my hands.
I didn’t have to look up to know my mother’s face was scrunched up in disgust. This may have been one of her reasons for agreeing to tell Liam, to get rid of Bruce once and for all.
“Bruce knows Liam is Holly’s father,” Maria stated firmly.
“Yes, but he didn’t think he’d ever have to deal with him,” I chuckled.
Holly smiled, more of a smirk really. She wasn’t a fan of Bruce, so I knew she was content with him disappearing from our lives.
“When can we see him?” Holly asked eagerly.
“I’ll contact him soon. But, until then, you stay away from his house—and from him,” I insisted.
Holly looked disappointed at my orders, but I knew she’d obey them. She was a good kid, curious, but good.
We finished eating, and thankfully, Maria changed the topic to the upcoming church event. They were still determined to have a bake sale, but she mentioned that the idea for the fall carnival was now being entertained. Holly was excited, spouting out ideas for booths, prizes, and games. When she cleared her plate from the table, she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and then her grandmother a hug before disappearing into her room.
“Do you think Aiden’s told him?” Maria whispered as she peered through the kitchen entry to ensure Holly had closed her door.
“I don’t think so. He promised,” I replied.
“They were best friends,” Maria warned.
“I know,” I sighed.
“When are you going to do it?” Maria pushed.
I wasn’t sure. My stomach twisted and gurgled with stress.
“I guess sooner than later, especially if there’s a chance Aiden might tell him,” I assessed.
“Here,” Maria said, pushing a piece of paper she’d pulled from her thick denims towards my hand.
My eyebrows pushed downward as I stared at the paper. Numbers were scribbled on the torn order slip from the diner.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Liam’s number,” she smiled.
“How did you…”
“I ran into Aiden at the diner. He was waiting for Liam to get there. He looked serious, like maybe he was planning on telling him tonight,” Maria warned.
I shoved the ph
one number into my pocket. “I’ll call him after Holly goes to bed,” I promised.
Chapter Five
Liam
My phone rang as I rushed out the door to meet Liam. It was a local number, but not one I recognized.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Liam?” a familiar female voice spoke softly on the other end of the phone.
I knew who it was. I’d never forget that sweet voice.
“Alyssa?” I asked, surprised by her call.
“I don’t want to bother you,” she started.
“No, you’re not bothering me at all. It’s great to hear your voice,” I admitted.
“I-uh. I just wanted to know if we could meet,” she stammered.
Meet? She wanted to see me? I was more than a little surprised.
“Yes,” I answered quickly.
“Great. I’ve got something I need to talk to you about. How is tomorrow morning, my house?” she suggested.
Wow. I was shocked by her invitation, but confused by her tone and her words. What could she want to talk to me about? It had been nearly twelve years.
“Sure. I’ll come by around eight,” I responded.
“Great. See ya then,” she said sweetly and then hung up.
I held the phone in my hand, still positioned near my ear while I thought about how things had ended between us. I hated that I left the way I did, but I didn’t know how else to do it. I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting Alyssa, then or now.
I drove to the diner in a haze, thinking about the past, the present, and the future.
“Hey,” Aiden greeted me with a wave towards his table.
“Hey, man, things just got weirder,” I sat down across from him.
The chunky blonde waitress with a stained uniform brought the coffee pot to our table, offering to pour me a cup with a half-hearted smile. I pushed the cup towards her and waited for her to fill it and then walk away before I continued my conversation.
“How do you mean?” Aiden asked.